The easiest years
I’ve learned that there are a few things in life that you should handle with care, like glass in a china shop or a postpartum woman who has run out of chocolate. Delicate is the word that comes to mind.
That’s why I always purpose to handle my words carefully as well. Will you sit a spell and let me tell you about a time I —for lack of a better way to put this — spoke without knowing what I was speaking? Understanding comes, but sometimes it only comes in time.
Things will get easier when the kids get older. That’s what I told myself when every single baby of mine woke before the sun. I was ready for a nap (but they were just getting revved up) by 9 a.m. I fell asleep waiting for that nap.
It will get easier, I told myself in order to resist taking up the babysitter on “call me anytime” to mean that a 7-day cruise would be just fine after my morning trip to the doctor. Yes, when they get older, it’ll all be better. It’ll get easier.
I’ll be sane again.
When my son took it upon himself to bury the dead cat last week (with ceremonial grave clothes, courtesy of a Wal-Mart shopping bag) in the rocky Kentuckian soil, I thought, yes, my friends, I am at the next stage in life. He didn’t even throw up. My boy is becoming a man and I’m ready to cash in.
That’s precisely when they pulled out the science projects on me.
Seriously? I just potty-trained the little rascals and now I’ve got to do a science project?! How about a little time out, an intermission?
We all know these projects are not done by the kids. Please. What good is having a dad who launches rockets for a living if you can’t kick butt at the science fair? This is a chance for parents to work through their issues on tri-fold poster board, proving to the other fifth grade parents ….what, I don’t know. I dropped out of therapy 20 years ago.
Next stop? The dentist. While in the waiting room sifting through 101 Science Fair Ideas — none of which will do since there is not an explosion, and friends, there must be an explosion — the smiley dentist approaches me. They need braces.
Heavens-to-Betsy. We have six kids. That’s a lot of fluoride and retainers. Please don’t talk to me about weddings and college and car insurance. …..I’m not listening to you…. I am taking this one cavity at a time.
Now for some reason, it didn’t occur to me that it was possible for a human being to sit down at the table and eat an entire box of cereal in one sitting. But it happens.
So to curb the spending, I tried to talk my son into wearing a few special hand-me-downs. When your children are little, people send all kinds of cute little outfits by the Hefty bag load. When they get to be—oh, about four or five-years-old—the clothes stop coming. That’s why I tried to talk my 11-year-old son into trying on my skinny jeans. (You know, the jeans I wore when I was ….nevermind.) He insisted that they were “girl jeans” and that “no, thank you” he wouldn’t be interested. The nerve! Jeans are jeans, no?
So you see how this could get expensive, especially if they are going to get all picky on me.
Humph. Wait. That was them, not me! They also, on rare occasion, humph at me. And you can’t let that slide, oh noooo. And you can’t fix it now with a spanking, redirection, or by singing the “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere” song. This gets tricky, you know?
[God, give me grace, because I sure need it. I need You, more than I need to appear perfect, more than I need to raise perfect-looking kids, more than I need to put on airs about how well we’re doing. How well do we love You? How well do we love one another?]
So, is it a little easier now, just a little bit? I can’t say for sure. I might’ve been a bit optimistic on the elementary years. The visions of sleeping in on Saturdays while my kids made pancakes for themselves while whispering was left to my dreams. I’m OK with the she-bumped-me-on-purpose stuff, but COULD YOU PLEASE ARGUE IN A STINKING WHISPER?!
We’re not exactly on Easy Street, but it could be because I haven’t slept much this week. (I still have a baby and a sick preschooler, after all.) But I do know one thing. It’s this. The teen years are going to be the easiest yet. Just you wait!
It’s gonna be good….
November 14th, 2009 at 1:19 am
After raising what are now 24 & 22 yrs. and still having a 16 yrs, 14 yrs, 11yrs & 6yrs, I somewhat agree, it does indeed get easier! We have thoroughly enjoyed our grown children & the ones still at home. Teens still require a lot of time, but you don’t have to change their diaper, feed them, etc… A lot of listening, talking, visiting, dreaming and such takes time and they always want to do this at 2:00 a.m.! Be prepared!
November 14th, 2009 at 7:10 am
I agree with Darlene. Keep tying those heart strings!!
November 14th, 2009 at 7:51 am
It will get easier in all the ways that you’re thinking they will. I don’t think I’m not bursting your bubble by telling you that all the things you didn’t think of are what will make it harder:)
November 14th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Agreeing here with Darleen, too. I’m enjoying my kids so much (ages 22, 16, and 15) and many things are easier than they were “back then.” But they do require so much time and a different type of energy. I still feel sleep-deprived. Oh yes – and the after-midnight talks. Whew!
When my guys were little, a wise woman told me – “Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems.” The hardest part I’ve found is that I can no longer fix all their problems for them. A hug from mom no longer makes everything all better. But I’m still hugging anyway! :)
November 14th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Humph…I’ve been getting that a lot lately…from a certain 12 year old boy I know. Humph…
November 14th, 2009 at 8:23 am
Yes I drift off into this fantasy often since my oldest is just 4. Maybe the physical labor will be lighter, but the emotional and spiritual work seems to get really intense! I try to remind myself… at least they can’t drive… at least they aren’t dating. It doesn’t really make the diapers, fevers and tantrums seem easier, but maybe simpler at least. I just want to be thankful for every moment.
November 14th, 2009 at 8:32 am
“It will get easier”
Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha.
Sorry.
But you will survive.:)
November 14th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Okay, now that I have stopped laughing, I can type. PLEASE enjoy the early years! It is physically exhausting while they are young, BUT THEN come the teen and early adult years! Oh, my! Nothing prepared me for this – except my faith and total dependence on God! I have 8 children ages 22 down to 7. When I get so overwhelmed with the emotional “stuff” with my older ones, I go get a couple of my little ones and we crawl up in a chair and read library books. I find that taking care of my little ones is pure and enjoyable and life-saving therapy! :-)
November 14th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Awesome post. I am glad I am not the only one with totally unrealistic ideals about my kids growing up. He he! I just want them to depend on Jesus for everything and love their neighbor and I think we might be alright.
November 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am
You are fast becoming my favorite blogger! You’re so funny! I hope you put all your humorous material into a book some day.
Mine are all having birthdays these next several weeks and will be 1, 3, 6, 8. I’ve had circles under my eyes for 8.5 years. In the last month I’ve wiped more snot than my own nose could have produced in my entire 43 years. But I sense that these nursing and cuddling years will be my favorites. Hopefully, I’ll do a good enough job that they’ll all be ready to handle marriage young. And I’ll be able to love on grandchildren soon!
Thank you for the laughs! I’ll be praying for you as you get ready for your temporary move.
November 14th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I am six years post-partum and I still need to be treated delicately when I am out of chocolate…
November 14th, 2009 at 11:36 am
You are quickly becoming my favorite blogger! I hope you compile all your humorous material into a book some day.
Mine are all having birthdays soon and will be 1, 3, 6, 8. I’ve wiped more snot these last four weeks than my own nose could have produced in my entire 43 years. And I’ve had circles under my eyes for 8.5 years. But, I think these nursing and cuddling years will be my favorites. I hope to do a good enough job that they’ll be ready for marriage young, and I’ll be able to love on some grandchildren soon!
Thank you for the humor and for being real! Praying for you as you work out the details for your temporary move!
November 14th, 2009 at 11:57 am
My kids are 21, 18, and 12. It does get easier. Physical exhaustion (in the younger years) gives way to mental breakdowns (in the teen years) periodically, but it’s an awesome time to be a parent. I love the teen years!
November 14th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Enjoy each stage of life as it is.I remember when my daughter hit about 11 and she cried like a toddler.My son waited until he was 13 to cry again and start sleeping all of the time.
Now I have an 18 year older who is about to start community college and a boy who towers over me.
By the way the economy is not getting better.My husband is unemployed AGAIN!
November 14th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
When my three kids were little, I used to ask myself, “When are they going to grow up?” Low and behold, all of a sudden they were grown!! And now they have blessed us with 8 grandchildren. So, though it may be difficult to enjoy each stage as it comes, try to do it and rejoice in the years that you have them at home. Before you know it you and Greg will be empty nesters and wonder where the time went! Love you, Amy!
November 14th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Oh my word, this is too funny!! My husband and I literally just got home from an all day Parenting Seminar with our church. Granted our kids are only 2 & 1 years old. But we stayed for all the sessions – wanting to glean what we can, trying to get a heads up, doing it before we’re faced with – AHHHH! situations. One thing is certain (I am on brain overload with all the good information) without Christ, His WORD, our great church family and the knowledge that we are in community in regards to parenting…uhhh, I would be begging, “Get me off this train” on a much more regular basis. I don’t even want to know (about), what’s coming.
We need lots of chocolate. Everyday!!! Delicate Chocolate…even, to say the least.
November 14th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I remember always wanting to feel a kinship with those parents with older children who always seemed to have it all together-to have all the answers. Then, as the years went by, I realized they didn’t either; all of a sudden, I was the older parent! People were looking up to me!! I wanted to tell them-don’t do it-big mistake:)I was the one telling my kids as they got out of the car to walk into Church Sun morning-”SMILE you’re going into Church-you can pout later!” Or whispering (hissing) to the teenager asleep in Church to wake up!
By God’s grace, we all stumble and fall and still get to watch own unique miracle of a family grow and survive. We get to be the ones they throw up on and then all of a sudden they’re grown up. And if we’re lucky (blessed) we get to start over with their children:)
Amy, I read your blog all the time and enjoy your honest heart. You are a wonderful mom bringing much glory to your Lord and your children will rise up to call you blessed! You will survive and it sounds like you’ll at least spend this winter in a warmer place! Till then, laugh at the “hmphs” – the older they get the more adventures you’ll have-enjoy as many as you can and make some brownies!
Ps possible science fair idea: make homemade dye/stain using organic materials ie. beets, tea bags, blueberries,red clay etc
Good luck!
November 14th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
As of a couple of weeks ago, I am officially the mom of 3 teenage boys…18, 16, and 13. While I do get to sleep in on Saturday mornings, I also get to fret and worry when they leave for a Friday night movie or football game. I can’t sleep until I hear their truck pull into the driveway. Feeding them is useless. They are ALWAYS hungry. My oldest broke up with his first girlfriend this summer and I felt the intense pain of watching him hurt. It was so much easier when a cool Sponge Bob Squarepants bandaid took away all the hurt.
I’ve experienced numerous emergency room trips…. motorcycle wrecks, cut fingers, broken bones. At least when they were little, I was in control (at least it felt that way). I knew where they were, who they were with, and what they were doing. Now, I’m realizing as they grow and spread their wings, I can’t really control the direction they take. So I spend a lot of time praying over them. Praying that they will choose paths and futures that are centered around God’s will. Praying that they will listen to His voice. It is scary. We all laugh about them leaving the nest someday. Then someday comes and you wish you could roll back time for just a little while.
November 14th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
This is Darleen again from comment #1. Btw, I forgot to mention that when things just start to get easier, you become an in-law, then a grandparent! We have 5 grands with 2 more on the way! Life has changed way too fast! Hang on to the Lord and to each other!
Enjoyed all the other comments!
November 14th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
I’ve found that to be true–little kids/little problems; big kids/big problems. How about divorce and unemployment versus spilled paint or snide attitudes? Can’t fix their problems anymore–sure wish we could! (I’ve rediscovered your blog–wonderful writing!)
November 14th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
“motorcycle wrecks”
Great. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water. My nerves can’t take it!
November 14th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Oh, it will be good. It will be SO good! Just you wait and see. :-)
(Spoken by a mom with three teenagers and three to go… it only gets better and easier!)
November 14th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Oh mercy woman! I have 4 aged 5 and under and another on the way and my girlfriend has 6 aged 5, 4, 20 months and six days (yes, the last three were triplets – all six of them are girls). We make it through the bad days fantasizing about the whispers and pancakes!! On the really bad gastro-has-hit-and-we-just-started-replastering-the-renovations-and-I-am-due-to-have-another-baby-in-a-week I even imagine them taking over laundry and cooking! Don’t disillusion me please! :P
November 14th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
It is much, much easier when they get older. Today my 18 year old son cleaned and organized the game closet in the basement, thoroughly. He threw a bunch of stuff away (“Don’t look, Mom. Just don’t look. You’ll never miss it, and you’ll LOVE the closet!”). I’m not even sure if heaven can top the way I felt about that! My daughter is studying biochem in her room, listening to classical Russian composers on Pandora and wondering why her peers would party when they could be using the weekend to get ahead like she does. My youngest finished the dregs of “spring mix and baby spinach” just because there was too little left to put away, and he loves that stuff.
I thought I loved babies before I had kids, but I found out that I really love older kids. I mean, I totally enjoy them. They are great. Expensive, but great. I mean, there are days, but in general it is wonderful, a blessing from God.
My daughters make me cookies when I have a chocolate craving and my sons help with the leaves in the backyard, and life is just SO MUCH BETTER than when they were little. Not even kidding. And sleep? They sleep. Oh yes, they sleep!!!! There is great hope. Just wait until your second daughter is 12. Your life will be so different, you won’t know what happened.
November 14th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Oh my!!!! This is hilarious. I needed a good laugh at the challenges that accompany motherhood. I read the post about Charles first. I suppose we could conclude it doesn’t get easier, it gets different and colorful. Variety is good. Your sense of humor will carry you through the challenging moments. Course, goes without saying Christ will too. Very inspiring and humorous.
Blessings,
Christina
November 14th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Yawn.
Mother of 3 teenagers, 1 preteen, and 1 little here.
It is a rollercoaster ride, for sure. God is good and faithful and will not give any of us more than we can handle. I do, however, need some dramamine.
I am reading a great book called “Gospel Powered Parenting” by William Farley. It has driven me to pray (even more)for my children, especially my teenagers.
November 15th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
I have no wisdom to share ref. older children, so I will depart from the regular commenters and tell you how impressed I am that you tried to get your son to wear your old jeans. That’s very savy. And to think you were once as thin as an 11 year old boy? Awesome. I have tried to get my daughter to wear my older sons old jeans, but she is having none of it. Oh well. And the science fair? Just defer to the rocket scientist.
I also think it’s great that you’ll be wintering and springing in FL. Will you attend the FPEA?
November 15th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Will you attend the FPEA?
Probably not. I pretty much settled on enrolling my oldest in Memoria Press’ online classical academy for 7th grade, and the little ones will be at Kentucky Christian. I’m not really a “homeschool consumer/shopper” anymore.
November 15th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
How about divorce and unemployment versus spilled paint or snide attitudes?
John, I get that. Sometimes my deflective humor is just a way to make my own fun when life sucks.
November 19th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
LALALALALALA! I’m not listening! It WILL get easier! It WILL get easier!
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:00 am
Oh, Amy… After 4 in 4 years and then 5 in 7 years, and finally 6 in 12 years… I thought very similarly. Now I have a 14 and a 12 and two 10s (and a 7 year old and toddler.) Some things are easier. I don’t have to call a sitter to go to the doc. NEVER do I take 6 kids in Wal-Mart! No more pushing a double stroller for 3 yr. old twins while wearing the baby just to get across the street to the park. Instead… gavel club speeches (I think similar to science fair projects, hormones, hormones, hormones (two of my girls are “officially” women), hormones…) The energy I used to spend on toddlers is spent in mentoring, counseling and telling them not to “humph” at me. However, I love it and sometimes see a glimpse of the ladies they are becomining. Trying to cherish these moments too!
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:33 am
I agree with 1-4….and our six are 30 down to 17…all I can say is, it does get easier, but some things are harder…but, I am loving it all….and especially since the grandbabies have started arriving!
And it’s true, you spend much time counseling and mentoring…usually after 10:30…when I just want to crawl in bed!!!