Being uncomfortable isn’t the problem; my sin is
The wind is blowing outside my bedroom window. It turns: snapping, whipping, clapping. School was cancelled, even, but there is no rain. Just the cold wind is here, rattling the little white house with its gusts.
We processed the last few dozen turkeys and chickens on Monday, but the egg-laying chickens still survive. They look beaten down. The chickens stoop in the wind, and the dogs lick their chops at their vulnerability. The rooster lost his feathers; another proud one taken down in time. He looks ridiculous.
Change happens whether you want it to or not. I understand this more than I used to. One day you eat dinner with a friend, and the next day she is in heaven. It snaps and whips before you know what happened.
I like things to stay the same because there is comfort in familiarity, even if that reality is imperfect. Summer, with both its heat and its glory, ends even if I do not want it to. And I hate that.
Just now that I’m comfortable in my own space, in the new life we’ve created in the hills where we live, it is time to pack some of our things. We leave next Friday. It is temporary, of course, like everything, but I bristle against the change just because. Because everything is OK and now I have to trade that for the unknown.
Change is uncomfortable. Greg confronted me with something that I need to change in order to make our marriage better, and I’m going to do that. God will help me do that—to refuse the comfort of my sin. Why do we love wallowing in our sin when there is glory on the other side? Change is not the enemy; sin is. How can I call Him “Lord” if I do not say, “Yes”?
I thank God for the discomfort, because He loves me so much that He will not leave me in my sin or my complacency. The wind is for my good and for His glory. I can fight it or I can let it carry me to the other side.
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. Romans 6:1-4
December 9th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
“…walk in the newness of life.”
Needed those verses more than I realized.
Thank you, Amy, for this post.
December 9th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
I’m saying a prayer for you!
I’m sure God appreciates your humble heart regarding the marriage issue. He will bless.
December 9th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Just what I needed to hear. Thank you for your transparency.
December 9th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
These words mean a lot to me: “We need winds and tempests to exercise our faith, to tear off the rotten branches of self-reliance, and to root us more firmly in Christ.” -Charles Spurgeon
December 9th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
“another proud one, taken down in time. He looks ridiculous.” That is powerfully good writing. Thank you for the reminder to actively refuse the comfort of my sin.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:28 am
ditto-how is it that God confronts (through husbands no less) two sisters about “something I need to change”. Humbling enough on my own. . .
December 10th, 2009 at 8:42 am
I understand the uncomfortableness(is that a word) of change. God has been working on me and my unwillingness to step out of my comfort zone in order to make an impact on him. I know I have been much like Jonah in that I do not want to do and I would rather run, but I’m thinking the belly of the fish would be even more uncomfortable.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Change is hard.But neccessary. I always tell myself that the one thing that stays the same is that it will not stay the same. Mind games. But it works. =)
I know you are hating the temporary move. But just trust Him.
By the way, thank you for your sweet comment on my blog.
Love to you—
December 10th, 2009 at 9:35 am
I am a creature of habit, of comfort. The wind is blowing here. At first I remained inside, closed myself off to the inevitable change the wind brings. With God’s help and gentle reminders, such as yours, I find myself leaning into the wind, accepting the change and growing. My marriage is better for it.
Thinking of you.
December 10th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Thanks so much for this post! I think it’s just what a lot of us needed to hear. God bless you as you strive to honor Him!
December 10th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Yesterday I confessed to my husband something heavy on my heart. I swear I didn’t want to tell him -but every time I looked at him it was like his eyes was telling me that he knew. He says that I am too good a person to keep things from him. He likes me like that. Still, I shared with him my struggles and he turns around and embraces me. Somedays I wonder how God felt I deserved such a wonderful gift of a man. I love it when God uses our husbands in so many different ways.
It is amazing how God uses you with your writing too. I’m going to miss reading your words Amy!
December 10th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
sooo well written, Amy. You have such a gift with words and use them to point us to our Lord. Thank you and may God bless as you scramble to pack and still be mom and wife and let God change you through it all. May your venture into the unknown be an adventure into His daily mercies.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Well said.
Well lived.
Love how honest you are while being able to share in a way that changes the way we view change (and sin), too.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Beautifully said. Thank you for your transparency, Amy. Our family has been going through some changes lately too… I needed to hear this. ~Kristy
December 11th, 2009 at 12:09 am
Awesome post. Well-thought and well-put, Amy.
December 11th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Excellent! Kind of goes along with Oswald Chambers’ reading for the last couple of days…he’s talking about individuality, which tends toward comfort. “God is not actively involved with our natural life as long as we continue to pamper and gratify it. But once we are willing to put it out in the desert and are determined to keep it under control, God will be with it. He will then provide wells and oases and fulfill all His promises for the natural. (Gen. 21:15-19)”
December 12th, 2009 at 11:56 am
I guess it mus have been tough for your husband to confront you and for you to listen.
I am glad that there is great help to deal with our sins now rather than just having our sin with no help before our conversion…