I went to Wal-Mart this week.

Now, I believe I have my readers conditioned to expect that this is going somewhere. Whenever I go to Wal-Mart, I always come home with a juicy tale for my anxious husband. It’s always somethin’. Now, I am saving my previous “experiences” for another day, as I have a pile of ironing to do this morning. Actually, I just want to relate something positive that happened at the Giant Mammoth.

My four children and I were walking along with our two carts, when, (gasp!), someone stopped me to comment about my family size. Now, I don’t think four children is a lot (unless you’re gracefully following your husband on an extended business trip and living in a microscopic apartment, but we won’t go there again…). Nonetheless, I believe the public’s concern about my prolific reproduction stems from the fact that I appear to have many fertile years ahead of me. I won’t go into all the usual comments I receive; I just want to talk about the two I heard today.

My! Elmer, look at all those children. A train of beautiful children! Wow, Miss [I am a "Mrs.", just so you know…], you sure have a nice looking family.

To which I replied with sincerest gratitude. And waited.

It never came.

Understand, faithful readers, that I hear this comment a lot, but it is usually followed by, “Don’t you know what causes that?!” I always wonder (under my breath, of course) that if they’re so delightful and beautiful, why they send me their condolences. Nevertheless, as if one positive comment wasn’t enough, I was flabbergasted by another one.

Wow, ma’am, you sure do have a lot of helpers. You are lucky to have that much help.

Now this is a first. Since when are children looked upon as anything less than something you have to control and prevent?? I figured I had to make a break for it, before the good will of fellow Wal-Mart shoppers ran dry. So, I headed quickly to the check-out. The cashier scanned me through, and asked me just as I was leaving,

How many of those are you going to HAVE?! I have one, and that’s enough!

Oh well, I almost made it out. Next time, I’ll try the self check-out.

I have the happiest baby in the world. This morning I observed with satisfaction as my husband put Baby’s feet on his cheeks and nuzzled her tummy. She squealed and laughed, which caused me to ask, “How can we get a dozen more of these kind?”

Rebekah is nothing short of pure delight.

Now, instead of just basking in the moment, I have to hyper-analyze it. How did we get such a happy baby? Here are my theories:

Theory #1: She is still suffering “side effects.” Now I agree with all the Natural Childbirth hoop-la, but I’m just not cut out for it. After 20 hours of active labor, I give in to the Happy Drugs every time. Nevertheless, I have to put this theory to rest because my dose of the stuff barely lasted 20 minutes; I doubt it’s lasting seven months on her.

Theory #2: She has plenty of entertainment. Rebekah’s older brother and sisters are absolutely in love with her. Happy Cakes is often the source of many squabbles about who gets to play with her, hold her, tickle her, smile at her, and “baby sit” her. Now, I’m inclined to lean toward this theory until I consider the downside of this attention: Rebekah is –shall we say—a little bumped and manhandled. Yet, she takes it all in and just smiles. Ahh, it has to be something more…

Theory #3: Mama is happy. There it is. It’s hard to put into words what I’m describing, but something changed in me when we welcomed Baby #4. Instead of grumbling about the amount of work that it is my lot, I shifted my focus to our gracious God, who has seen fit to pour generously His blessing upon our family. And, you know, when Mama’s happy, well, everyone else is too.

But, alas, there’s one more thought–

Theory #4: God may have just made her that way.

From Psalm 139:

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

Yes, Lord, my soul is learning this well.

It is only 9 a.m. and already I’ve played several rounds of Chutes and Ladders, chess, and keep-the-game-pieces-out-of-the-baby’s-mouth. As if Chutes and Ladders isn’t torturous enough (you know how I feel about games of chance from an earlier blog), playing chess with a three-year-old is even worse. Now, my five- and six-year-olds are pretty good at chess, but my three-year-old just doesn’t get it yet (which is exactly what my husband thinks when he plays against me). All her white pieces make a “Z” motion across the board and land miraculously on my black pieces, to which she shouts, “You’re dead!”

All of this is to say, I wasn’t exactly disappointed when Baby-Happy-Cakes-Rebekah scooted over and landed a belly-flop right on our playing field.

Aw, shucks.

Sometimes I struggle on how to best manage my time as a wife, mother, and most importantly, a follower of Christ. So many things compete for my attention. For example, if Jesus were here, would he be playing board games? Would He sit through a two hour puppet show or would He get on with the business of making dinner? Actually, my guess is that he’d probably be causing a ruckus among modern-day peddlers of the gospel, but that’s a rant for another day.

For now, though, I see that Uno is just getting started…

(Notice her wrist…)

Nominations for the 1st Annual Evangelical Blog Awards are now closed at world-famous Evangelical Underground. The top five finalists from each category are now posted.

Now obviously, if I’d been cut from the list, I’d be blogging about modern day peddlers of the gospel this morning. However, since I made it to the finals, I’m more than happy to save my sermon for another day and, instead, point out this fine bit of trivia to you.

Naturally, I’ve already staked out the competition and done all I can to hack into their sites (which isn’t much, seeing how I can’t even get my sidebars formatted…). Let’s just say, ahem, that nobody is worried about me.

Another Man’s Meat employs Fiddler on the Roof quite effectively to encourage the enjoyment and examination of our beloved traditions. Alpha Omega Ministries has a bookstore and thoughtful commentary by a scholarly scholar. The guy over at Proverbs Daily has a pretty neat gig: he blogs on social issues based on a Proverb (hence the name). Good idea, but I guess it’s too late to steal that one. Finally, I told Pastor Brad at 21st Century Reformation that I had a hard time wishing for his demise as he is a fellow Piper and Edwards reader after all.

Being the only woman nominee in the category, I’m thinking that they will all honor their manly roles and forfeit to a weaker vessel.

Congratulations to my four fellow nominees and may the best (wo)man win.

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I’ll post voting information when it becomes available.

I came across this job description of a housewife. It’s a good beginning list, but I suspect there are more “jobs” that we could add to it (and some we could delete; i.e. I don’t do cars). Send your ideas on the comment link below (think: Mrs. P 31), and I’ll compile the list for a future post. Try to ignore the tone of the original letter writer; let’s think of this as a reminder of our importance as homemakers instead of a gripe session.

I’m a wife, mother, friend, confidant, personal advisor, lover, referee, peacemaker, housekeeper, laundress, chauffeur, interior decorator, gardener, painter, wall paperer, dog groomer, veterinarian, manicurist, barber, seamstress, appointment manager, financial planner, bookkeeper, money manager, personal secretary, teacher, disciplinarian, entertainer, psychoanalyst, nurse, diagnostician, public relations expert, dietitian and nutritionist, baker, chef, fashion coordinator and letter writer for both sides of the family. I am also a travel agent, speech therapist, plumber and automobile maintenance and repair expert. . . .

From the studies done, it would cost more than $75,000 a year to replace me. I took time out of my busy day to write this letter, Ann, because there are still ignorant people who believe a housewife is nothing more than a baby sitter who sits on her behind all day and looks at soap operas.

(Ann Landers, May, 1988, quoted in Mom, You’re Incredible, by Linda Weber, Focus on the Family, 1994, pp. 23-24).

The “Revelation” part:
I’m working on a vegetable growing primer to post this week. Also, you’ll have a chance to win an autographed copy of The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul as well as a hardcover copy of The Reformation Study Bible (ESV). Lots of good food-for-thought to be dished up this week. Tune in!

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The Reward:
A special award goes to Eryn B. for being the very first real-live “friends and family” to leave a comment on my site. Now, I don’t discount the verbal feedback I receive in the real world, but I’m inclined to think that you’d be more gracious and less sarcastic if you typed your message instead. There is still time for second and third place positions.

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The Request for Prayer:
Finally, on a serious note, I want to share two current items with you so that you can petition God on behalf of a few of the “least of these.” Matthew 18:10 reads, See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.

The first link is a story about a “homeschooling” couple in FL who tortured and starved their foster children. (I can’t wait to see how that gets spun; if there were only more homeschool legislation in place we could’ve prevented evil monsters from being evil…) From the article:

…they are accused of using a cattle prod or some sort of stun gun to shock the children, securing them to spots in the house with chains, striking their feet with hammers and pulling out the children’s toenails with pliers.

The second link is also an item regarding a foster child (but with a much different set of parents). Jimmy was born blind and deaf. A couple, who believes what God says about children is true, adopted this precious lamb, knowing his time on loan is short. Jimmy, at the tender age of two and a half, is in process of going Home to the Father, where there will be no more pain, no more darkness and silence. Though he now receives soothing from an earthly mother, there in heaven he will enjoy ultimate comforting from the God of All Comfort. Yes, Jimmy, those who know you will weep because they miss you so, but not because there is no hope. Press on, little one, and may He send you a foretaste of Heaven even now.

The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be. (said by Titus 2 older woman, Elisabeth Elliot)

The church is attempting a reformation. The first reformation was regarding our theology. We need to hold tight to this foundation of biblical authority and Gospel doctrine, BUT this current reformation is about OUR CHRISTIAN PRACTICE. There is a great deal at stake. The emergent thinkers are asking great questions, but the answers need to come from the whole body of Christ and need to respect BOTH recent and ancient history. The questions are attempting to give answers as to why the current moral distinction of the church is so pitiful. We do not make disciples well. The church in general has monumental problems that greatly effect our witness. Bloggers need to get engaged in the discussion.

We have dabbled with this new media and learned how to make links and how to make “friends”, but we as GodBloggers have not learned how to make a difference. (from my fellow nominee for Best New Blog, 21st Century Reformation)

God has called me to be a woman—all woman, completely woman—and as Elliot said in my opening quote, that makes me a different kind of woman. To the end of encouraging this current reformation of Christian Practice so that God will be glorified and enjoyed, this is my contribution. Whether I’m walking through Wal-Mart, training my children, or deciding what clothes to wear, these are my observations in chasing after God’s glory in daily life. I want to communicate how reformed thinking translates into reformed living. I only hope that I may live well so that I may blog well, and in doing so, truly make a difference.

Nominations for the 1st Annual Evangelical Blog Awards are now closed at world-famous Evangelical Underground. The top five finalists from each category are now posted.

Now obviously, if I’d been cut from the list, I’d be blogging about modern day peddlers of the gospel this morning. However, since I made it to the finals, I’m more than happy to save my sermon for another day and, instead, point out this fine bit of trivia to you.

Naturally, I’ve already staked out the competition and done all I can to hack into their sites (which isn’t much, seeing how I can’t even get my sidebars formatted…). Let’s just say, ahem, that nobody is worried about me.

Another Man’s Meat employs Fiddler on the Roof quite effectively to encourage the enjoyment and examination of our beloved traditions. Alpha Omega Ministries has a bookstore and thoughtful commentary by a scholarly scholar. The guy over at Proverbs Daily has a pretty neat gig: he blogs on social issues based on a Proverb (hence the name). Good idea, but I guess it’s too late to steal that one. Finally, I told Pastor Brad at 21st Century Reformation that I had a hard time wishing for his demise as he is a fellow Piper and Edwards reader after all.

Being the only woman nominee in the category, I’m thinking that they will all honor their manly roles and forfeit to a weaker vessel.

Congratulations to my four fellow nominees and may the best (wo)man win.

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I’ll post voting information when it becomes available.

Yesterday, I had the privilege to engage in a leisurely chat with “Eric, the Preacher” from Evangelical Underground. Today, I’m linking you to our conversation. Eric asked me questions about my blog, my family, what Christian mothers should fear, and a few other things, including: What is your opinion about today’s in your face techniques of winning new converts to Christ? In other words, do you feel the fire and brimstone approach is best, or do you subscribe to the Osteen’s “Your Best Life Now” approach? OK, dear readers, try to predict how I’ll answer that one. How well do you know me?

It’s that time of year again: seed catalogs begin arriving in the mail, Home Depot gears up its gardening department for the onslaught, and women everywhere begin fantasizing about turning their desolate flowerbeds into Better Homes and Gardens spread material. I know this because I entertain this dream every year.

But two years ago, it was different. I was over my friend’s house and noticed her quaint and tidy vegetable garden in the corner of her yard. As soon as I spied it, the wheels in my head began spinning and plotting. Why don’t I get one of those? That’s a pretty good idea… All these years I’ve toiled and cared for a flower garden, which is food for the soul, but I’d never considered a vegetable garden, which could be hearty food for the stomach. Yes, it was time to get practical.

I had visions of being the neighborhood hero, promptly arriving on doorsteps armed with a bushel of tomatoes precisely when the local supermarket price hit 2.99/lb. Yes, I’d redeem myself for all the years we were the only one on the street without Christmas lights. Ahhh, this could be my new ministry as well as my redemption… (Cue angel music.)

Now, if you know me, I don’t do anything halfway. It wasn’t long before I was scouring the yellow pages to request that a super-size Mac-daddy truckload of dirt be delivered. (CUT angel music.) Observation #1: When the guy on the phone asks you if you want clean dirt, do not make snorting noises and laugh at him like he’s making a joke. There really is such a thing as clean dirt and dirty dirt. Honest, I am not making this up. You will look silly, and trust me, that will be just a foretaste of things to come.

By now, every gardening book in our county library was sitting on our family room floor racking up fines. I scoured and digested every book and magazine on the subject before making Observation #2: There is a reason that Florida Gardening is in a different section than General Gardening. I don’t care if those little zone numbers in the catalog say that it grows in your zone; if it ain’t growing in your neighbor’s yard, it won’t miraculously grow in yours. Not even with daily applications of Miracle Grow. No, friend, you’re going to need the brand of miracles that come from above…

So, for my first vegetable garden, I planted 800 square feet of strawberries, tomatoes, squash, blackberries, blueberries, green onions, carrots, squash, corn, lettuce, and other stuff that escapes my mind probably because I never saw it. (grumble, mumble) Since this was one of my latest ploys to save money, of course, I began all these plantings by seeds or bare-root plants.

Luckily, during the “greenhouse” time, my “Zone 4″ seeds were duped into thinking they were in their hometown. That is, until I shocked them with the transplant into a “Zone 9″ backyard. Miraculously, they all survived the transplant due to my daily babying, patting, and rigging. Things were looking good. I knew these suckers would grow. You see, they just needed someone with a green thumb to help them succeed.

And someone with a heavy dose of ignorance. Roger that…

Time went on, and I noticed things weren’t looking like they do in the magazines. Not willing to admit defeat, I rightly diagnosed that my soil needed a little amending. So, I visited a horse farm and shoveled up trashcans of manure to lush up my garden. Observation #3: A big bag of fertilizer does a better job for your time, money, results, and self-esteem. Save yourself the embarrassment and just buy the fertilizer.

Still determined to fix my soil since the manure didn’t help much, I decided that worms would do the trick. (I don’t give up easy, OK?) A dear elder from church heard about my plight and showed up with 15 gallons of worms from his worm farm (which my fire ants promptly devoured). Now it’s time for Observation #4: If there ain’t any worms in your soil now, putting worms in there won’t fix the problem. Face it: your soil is so bad that it’s even repulsive to worms.

If you are feeling bad for me regarding my soil issues, well, I haven’t even addressed my pestilence and disease issues. I’ll save that for another day. Here’s the thing: No matter what you do and how hard you try, the only thing that grows without turmoil or any effort on your part are weeds (and your tax bill). This life is hard. Long for heaven, my friends. The dirt’s much better there.

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Postscript: If you don’t already long for heaven, email me so that I can share with you how you can have eternal life.

Whenever my husband gets ready for a business trip, I begin my own preparations by buying tons of milk, refreshing our library book stockpile, and making sure the laundry is under control. I do my best to make sure at least the first week alone will go smoothly; by the second week, usually, all bets are off. All the busyness is a ploy to divert my attention from self-pity due to the loneliness and work that is upon my doorstep. And, believe me, it’s on my doorstep right now.

That’s why I was happy to find this poem today by Carmon, mother of 10, on Molly’s site:

The Day of Small Things
By Carmon Friederich
Dedicated to all the young mothers whose weariness and frustrations I understand…Zechariah 4:10

Fretful wailing pierced the night;
I wearily switched on the light.
Calming babies, soothing fears,
Shedding bitter, angry tears.
Must my strength be all poured out?
So, discontent, I start to doubt.

Seeing others free to roam,
With pretty clothes and spotless homes,
While little ones to my legs cling.
Dirty laundry and apron strings
Seem to be my lot in life—
Grumpy mommy, weary wife.

Packed away in mothballs now,
Diplomas, ribbons, awards show how
The world once gave me accolades
As all my talents I displayed.
So many dishes now crowd the sink,
My overflowing brain can’t think.

As I grumble, baby sleeps—
Quietness over my spirit creeps.
My joy comes not from flimsy stuff:
His strength in weakness is enough.
It’s wrong to think I’m in a cell;
Wide’s the space God gives to dwell.

How could I forget that when
I willingly submit, it’s then
My joy is full, I’m made complete,
Prostrate and worshipful at God’s feet?
Small things and trials I mustn’t despise,
But see them, trusting, through His eyes.

There used to be the Jews and the Gentiles. Then, there were the Aryans and the non-Aryans. Not too long ago, it was a black and white thing. Nowadays, there are two groups of humans: the wanted and the unwanted. In case you’ve missed the groundbreaking story, a judge declared that a couple has the right to file a wrongful death suit against a fertility clinic for throwing their embryo in the garbage by mistake.

Cook County Judge Jeffrey Lawrence said “a pre-embryo is a ‘human being’ … whether or not it is implanted in its mother’s womb.” But we already knew that. Some Pro-Death people even concede that point.

But now that you murder this “blob of cells” that I want, get out of the way… Let’s get this straight: if I want the embryo, it’s now a baby, and I can sue for pretty much anything on her behalf. However, if I don’t want the baby, I can murder her and just get on with my life.

Doesn’t anyone see where this is going?

This means that the argument has crossed over gestational lines because it is no longer about viability but completely about sheer want. If I want you, dear six-year-old son, then you are safe. If I am having a bad day and decide I don’t want you and you are inconvenient and you are getting on my nerves, then I have the right to get rid of you. Wanted. Unwanted. Might makes right, and the defenseless are left without a defender.

May God have mercy on us all.

Last week Cal Thomas wrote an article, Shedding Light in Dark Places, with the basic premise being that Christians should spend less time criticizing the culture, and instead, use their energies to start infiltrating it.

Culture is starving because too many with a worldview that differs from the prevailing one have withdrawn their nurturing influence. It doesn’t help when such people are persuaded it is better to criticize institutions and their products, rather than going them one better.

How are academia, law, filmmaking or journalism improved when not enough believers in God become professors, lawyers, filmmakers or journalists? “Hollywood” does not suddenly begin making better movies when it is criticized for making bad ones.

In response, Dappled Things asked, How do we go about “shedding light in dark places”?

With respect to Cal Thomas, Bet from Dappled Things, and most Christians reading my commentary now, the questions you are asking are all wrong. The reason that our country is marching happily down the Wide Way to hell is not because Christians have withdrawn their influence from popular culture, but precisely because Christians are engaged in popular culture and there is no difference.

We should not be asking how we can best shed light; instead, we should be inquiring more fundamentally, why are our lights are so dim? Christians, on the whole, have digested the same worldview our public institutions have fed us. And we are licking our lips. We swallow the lie that academia and such are morally neutral and, therefore, can be separated from faith.

We Christians believe humanistic teachers when they say, “Plants need light and water to grow.” We God-professors gleefully sit under a Godless professor who declares, “1 + 2 = 3”, nodding our heads and patting ourselves on the back because the government finally got it right. No! The reason that a plant grows is because God ordained that plant to grow and sustains its very life, every atom and molecule, in order to bring Himself glory. He just happens to use light and water as a tool to accomplish that end. Furthermore, it is Jesus’ one, and Jesus’ two, that makes Jesus’ three. All of life, academia, media, art, science is under the domain of a great God, and to separate God from any of it is to commit cosmic treason.

So, going back to the article, Christians do not need to get off their comfy couches and “get out there and make a difference.” It would be nice if it were that easy. No, in order to begin making a difference, Christians must begin the process by being different. And that requires a lot more than just getting off the couch.

Set stage:
I learned something about myself when an old friend called last night to offer her (belated) congratulations on the hoopla surrounding the Best New Evangelical Blog. As I extended my gratitude to her for actually reading the thing, she remarked, “I don’t know how you have time to write…”

I replied that I composed my last post in about 20 minutes (10 minutes to write, 10 minutes to spell check and try to get those linkies to work) while the baby was finishing her nap and the older three were building a fort out of couch pillows, so what was so hard about that? And then it hit me. I do not spend an extraordinary amount of time writing, but rather a dizzying amount of time reading. I read constantly: books, journals, magazines, catalogs, websites, the fine print on coupon advertisements, and cereal boxes. Now that I think of it, when I played Life with my three oldest yesterday, I was too busy reading the rules on the underside of the box to actively enjoy and participate in the game of Life. (Try not to miss the nuances there…)

Outtake #1:
Actually, it probably took me about 10 minutes longer than mentioned to write the last post because I had trouble thinking up my plant growing illustration. The math one was easy because I just ripped that off Sproul Jr., and the cosmic treason comment was stolen from Sproul Sr. Then in the comments, I mentioned a “God entranced view of all things” which is highjacked from Piper, and of course, the whole basis of the post was taken from Cal Thomas….

So, not only am I an addict (to reading), but I’m a thief as well. Hello. My name is Amy, and…

Moving on, here are the people who confess to blogging about my post compiled in one spot:

Credits (in order of appearance):
–Bet, from Dappled Things has 1, 2, 3 posts on the subject
–Sandra, from Everyday Grace has one post and a take-off post on Bono
–Kristen, from Walking Circumspectly has one post and a take-off rant on Bono
–Amber Lynn, from Desperate Vision
–Milton Stanley, from Transforming Sermons
–John, from lucid moments
–John, from Blogotional
–Molly, from My Three Pennies
–Razor’s Kiss, weighing in with his study on Francis Schaeffer’s The Great Evangelical Disaster

[Update: People are still writing; here's more:]
–Salt and Light comments
–Kristen, from WC wants to tie Bet and also have a third post

Stage Help:
These people didn’t write their own blogs about this, but they deserve recognition anyway for sending me emails that go something like this, “Hey, Amy. Your sidebar looks pretty bad. You know, if you just paste in the code I’m giving you…” They’ve given up on teaching me anything, and just send me the codes I need, though I’m sure they wouldn’t want to be held responsible for the miserable state of my site. Anyway, they deserve your patronage:

Todd, from Five Children
Curt, a.k.a. The Happy Husband

Fine Print:
I hope in the making of this scene that no cyber feelings were injured. Please inform the stage manager if the unfortunate has occurred.

Outtake #2:
Now, regarding yesterday’s comments, I appreciate everyone who took the time to write. Pondering such things is a worthwhile pursuit, and I hope the dialogue continues around your dinner table tonight. In the meantime, I have a game of Life to go play.

Exiting stage left, er, make that right…