I went to Wal-Mart this week.

Now, I believe I have my readers conditioned to expect that this is going somewhere. Whenever I go to Wal-Mart, I always come home with a juicy tale for my anxious husband. It’s always somethin’. Now, I am saving my previous “experiences” for another day, as I have a pile of ironing to do this morning. Actually, I just want to relate something positive that happened at the Giant Mammoth.

My four children and I were walking along with our two carts, when, (gasp!), someone stopped me to comment about my family size. Now, I don’t think four children is a lot (unless you’re gracefully following your husband on an extended business trip and living in a microscopic apartment, but we won’t go there again…). Nonetheless, I believe the public’s concern about my prolific reproduction stems from the fact that I appear to have many fertile years ahead of me. I won’t go into all the usual comments I receive; I just want to talk about the two I heard today.

My! Elmer, look at all those children. A train of beautiful children! Wow, Miss [I am a "Mrs.", just so you know…], you sure have a nice looking family.

To which I replied with sincerest gratitude. And waited.

It never came.

Understand, faithful readers, that I hear this comment a lot, but it is usually followed by, “Don’t you know what causes that?!” I always wonder (under my breath, of course) that if they’re so delightful and beautiful, why they send me their condolences. Nevertheless, as if one positive comment wasn’t enough, I was flabbergasted by another one.

Wow, ma’am, you sure do have a lot of helpers. You are lucky to have that much help.

Now this is a first. Since when are children looked upon as anything less than something you have to control and prevent?? I figured I had to make a break for it, before the good will of fellow Wal-Mart shoppers ran dry. So, I headed quickly to the check-out. The cashier scanned me through, and asked me just as I was leaving,

How many of those are you going to HAVE?! I have one, and that’s enough!

Oh well, I almost made it out. Next time, I’ll try the self check-out.