Feminism, scheminism

Tuesday, Apr 5, 2005

32 Comments

1. I was just thinking about this very thing as I was crusing around today…how much the world had failed me in teaching me to be what I need to be as a woman - a mother and wife…but the good news is…well, Jesus, and it’s never too late to look at it God’s way.

   Comment by Sal (April 5, 2005 @ 2:56 pm )

2. I totally agree. So well-put! (I asked T the other day if he minded me freaking out about centipedes, because ordinarily I’m much, um, less high-maintenance than that, being a bulky sort of person who doesn’t mind getting my hands dirty and likes to think logically and get in political debates. He said, no, he liked it. So I asked HIM to pick up the board that I was just SURE would be hiding five or six of those demonic little beasts underneath, and he was more than glad to oblige. Because he knew there was no chance it would also be hiding a tarantula.)

   Comment by Rachel (April 5, 2005 @ 3:17 pm )

3. Couldn’t agree with you more here Amy, feminism has gotten us into a place in society now whereby some good has gone out of it like men taking our view seriously but other stuff isn’t, I won’t go into examples here - so that a debate doesn’t start but what I will say is that whether people like it or not women are the physically weaker partners whether they like it or not and I personally enjoy being a feminine woman.

   Comment by Aimz (April 5, 2005 @ 3:20 pm )

4. Not BULKY, Rachel…WILLOWY. I told you.

   All I have to say to this whole post is AMEN. I’ve got to agree with Sal; the world’s teaching failed me in every conceivable way in knowing anything about being a godly woman, but I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning, and I have a fresh start.

   And I vote “Yes” to Phillips’ innovative idea. Too bad it wasn’t plain common sense.

   Comment by Kristen (April 5, 2005 @ 4:31 pm )

5. I am the same height as my husband. His chest is bigger than mine, though (what a muscular hunk *drool*).

   *grin*

   Walking around faking wimpiness is just as bad as trying to be “tough”, in my opinion. Sometimes in the “anti-feminist” circles, you hear that jazz about really working-up the whole, “Ooooh, I’m just a tender little woman–can you open that jar for me, big boy?” I think that’s just as bad as the feminist GI Jane bull, personally.

   Just being real is good enough for me. Because…I really CAN’T open the darn pickle jar. And I really DO like it that my husband goes out and shovels the snow out of my way (and I make sure to let him know it, too!). And being pregnant really DOES make me weaker than normal (and slower, and bulkier)…

   Now, that’s no excuse for me to go acting wimpier than I already am in some silly attempt to be “feminine” (I think Jeff’s got enough on his plate to deal with–he doesn’t need another CHILD around), but at the same time, being what I already am IS being feminine! And so being treated with care and concern like the “weaker vessel” is a beautiful thing.

   Comment by Molly (April 5, 2005 @ 7:05 pm )

6. Great post, Amy. I was just pondering all the lies I’d been told by feminists (even in the church) regarding womanhood. I had no examples of biblical femininity until recently, and they are mostly from books and blogs.

   If you have daughters who are in their teen years, I highly recommend the CD entitled “Victory for Daughters.” Vision Forum sells it. Kelly Brown and the 3 Zes sisters (all in their 20’s) share a beautiful picture of the STRENGTH and virtue that accompany the noble call of womanhood. I listened to it yesterday in the car, and it brought me to tears.

   It was the opposite of everything the world conditions you to believe. It was beautiful to hear these sharp, attractive women articulate their love for God and their family, and their desire to live a life that honors God. They have more courage and determination than any G.I. Jane.

   The quote from Howard Phillips’ website was entirely from Ann Coulter’s column. Here’s the link to the whole thing for your reader’s enjoyment: http://www.anncoulter.com/cgi-local/article.cgi?article=46 (I have no idea how to make a short linky thing for you to click on, someone please enlighten me.) Ann’s column on Terri was a zinger as well.

   Amy, your new site is great, and the content is still wonderful too. Keep up the good work. You make my day.

   Comment by Jo (April 5, 2005 @ 9:06 pm )

7. Molly,

   Is moosekilling considered feminine in Alaska??

   Those of us in the lower 48 need to know.

   Thanks!

   Comment by Greg (April 6, 2005 @ 1:15 am )

8. This is a good article, and all, but really I’m just testing comments, so feel free to ignore me.

   Comment by Tim (April 6, 2005 @ 6:07 am )

9. Interesting…not long ago, Michael of the “Conservative Christian” blogged about how men want to be the hero and save the day for their women. Several female commenters really ripped him to shreds for that post, a la, “I’m an independent woman, I don’t need a man to save me,” etc. I was one of the few who came to his defense. Although I am all for being a smart, capable woman, I know there are some truths about men and women that we would do well to understand and deal with.

   I agree with your post too, Amy, but I wonder if a man had written it if he would have gotten the positive response you have.

   Comment by Cindy Swanson (April 6, 2005 @ 9:01 am )

10. I’m in Atlanta, in fact my husband works just down the street from where the courthouse shootings took place. There has been some cautious mention of the fact that a 51 year old grandmother might not have been the wisest choice of gaurd for the former football player on the local news.

    I think Molly has hit it on the head though. Nothing grates on me like the empty headed giggiling of a girl pretending helplessness or inability to do something that she’s perfectly capable of doing. I’m athletic and capable. I can throw a ball well and I can crush a volleyball. I can change a tire and check my own oil. Pretending that I can’t dosen’t make me more feminine. It makes me dishonest. Just because I’m a capable woman dosen’t mean I don’t need my husband.

    Biblical feminity isn’t about cooing “ohh you’re such a strong man” and batting our eyelashes at every oppertunity. It’s about embracing the roles that God created us for and realizing that those roles are diffrent.

    Comment by Kristy (April 6, 2005 @ 10:33 am )

11. Kristy: “Biblical feminity isn’t about cooing ‘ohh you’re such a strong man’ and batting our eyelashes at every oppertunity. It’s about embracing the roles that God created us for and realizing that those roles are diffrent.”

    That reminds me of a couple of books that were big in the 70’s…”The Total Woman” and “Fascinating Womanhood.”

    “Fascinating Womanhood” was the most gag-inducing. The author believed men want women to be as little-girl-like as possible (which I find a little creepy!) She advocated being what she called “Angela Human”–part angel, part human.

    Both women had some good points. (”The Total Woman” author suggested meeting your hubby at the door wrapped only in cellophane…which could be a little hard to do if you’ve got youngsters running around! :))

    However, I don’t think trying to become something you aren’t is the way to go. Most of our husbands married us because they fell in love with the person we are. Sure, everyone can learn and improve, but maintaining the “Angela Human” facade gets old quick.

    I guess what I’m advocating is balance. Enjoy and celebrate your femininity, but don’t feel bad if you don’t need help with the pickle jar!

    Comment by Cindy Swanson (April 6, 2005 @ 11:47 am )

12. Amy,
    I love your blog!!! I first found it from an LAF link some time ago and thought it was time I let you how much I appreciated the time you put into it. Thank you for telling it like it is.
    I’m one of those girls who’s younger brothers are now bigger (and stronger!) than her. I’m so blessed to have them to open my jars and get stuff from high places!

    Thanks again!

    Comment by Miss Sarah (April 6, 2005 @ 11:47 am )

13. My husband tends to get irked at statements that begin with “Men prefer…” Maybe that’s because he isn’t the typical man. When he married me, I was weak—the proverbial 103 pound weakling, made all the weaker by a neuromuscular disaease. We were thrilled beyond words when God chose to heal me of said disease at some point during my first pregnancy.

    More babies came, six in all. I was no longer skinny, no longer as weak, but no one would have ever called me strong.

    My husband was constantly having to open jars and do anything remotely physcially difficult. He didn’t mind, but it didn’t seem to stroke his ego like it does some men.

    Around the time that our youngest was 2 years old, I underwent a complete renovation of my health and fitness habits. Along the way, I lost some weight and gained muscle. One day, my husband asked me to help him move his mother’s new and overwhelmingly sized TV into the house. “Just help stabilize it,” he said. Instead, I helped him carry the thing.

    “Wow,” he gushed, “you’re strong”. He was so impressed. His ego was not threatened. He looked at me with new admiration. “I knew you were stronger than before, but I had no idea how strong!”

    He’s still physically stronger than I am, but he likes to brag about some physical capabilities that I have that he doesn’t—even though these capabilities aren’t what others might consider “feminine”.

    My sister-in-law is unusually strong for a woman. I believe that God, in His providence, gifted her with that strength so that she could care for my dying brother, literally lifting him from bed to wheel chair.

    Not all men prefer weak women.

    But, if I need a bodyguard, I want someone strong and skilled and capable. Gender doesn’t matter that much to me…as long as said person can do the job.

    You won’t find me guarding dangerous criminals in a courthouse, especially now that I’m old enough to be a grandma. LOL!

    Comment by Rebecca (April 6, 2005 @ 1:18 pm )

14. My woman is not weak and she does not pretend to be, ever. She is all woman and for that I am very glad. Her feminine strength is one of the big reasons why I married her.

    I Love you, Humble Muser!

    Comment by Greg (April 6, 2005 @ 3:18 pm )

15. I think you raise some validi points, here. I would however, be very cautions in communicating to my boys (I have two of them) that their strength on the physical side means they are internally strong. My husband was not athletic. He was a book worm and a small one at that. He is not a big man, and actually it doesn’t give him any thrill to do something for me like lifting of construction. What does give him a lot of pleasure, and makes him feel like he’s being the caregiver is when I come to him with my heart, share my burdens, and look for spiritual counsel. I think every man is different. I have an older brother who loves to be asked to do things around the house, but I have two others who don’t. I wouldn’t want my boys to believe that if their wives don’t look to them for that kind of help it means something is wrong with the relationship.

    I hope my boys will physically care for their wives, and I hope my daughter’s husband will, too, but I’m also as concerned about emotional support.

    Compliments to your new site!

    Comment by Kim in ON (April 6, 2005 @ 3:56 pm )

16. Kim in ON,

    Good point–not all men are Braveheart types. But, we can agree that men like to be admired for the strong masculine traits they do possess, and strong spiritual counsel is one of them. Thanks for the comment!

    Comment by Amy's Humble Musings (April 6, 2005 @ 4:25 pm )

17. My husband moved 10 cubic yards of dirt for me last week. Oh, I helped — it was for my gardening project after all. I shoveled a few shovelfuls and pushed a few wheelbarrows. But he got the whole mountainous pile moved within 24 hours of the dump truck’s arrival, and I know if I’d had to do it myself the job would have taken about 3 weeks… even without the nursing toddler. Nothing quite like seeing that much dirt moved that fast to make you feel like the “weaker vessel.”

    Comment by Sora (April 6, 2005 @ 5:24 pm )

18. Feminism is about the recognition that women have equal minds - not about pretending that women have equal physical strength. I have read this physical strength red herring more than a few times, and it is an unfair characterization of feminism.

    Comment by NC (April 6, 2005 @ 10:37 pm )

19. Yeah! Finally my comment posted! Love your new site Amy. I forgot to say above that I think Ann Coulter is C-R-A-Z-Y.

    Comment by NC (April 6, 2005 @ 10:40 pm )

20. I don’t think a woman’s mind is equal to a man’s. They are basically different. Obviously I’m speaking in generalities, but the two genders are made differently physically and mentally. In many areas a woman’s mind is superior to a man’s. In other areas it’s the other way around. To me that doesn’t constitute equal any more than it would constitute inferior or superior. But I understand what NC is saying. I just prefer a different word.

    Comment by rev-ed (April 6, 2005 @ 10:47 pm )

21. NC,

    I’m promoting complementary roles. Feminism is not about equality; it’s about independence, from God and man:

    “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”
    Gloria Steinem

    I’m curious what you think about Coulter’s conclusion. And I’m glad your post finally went through! You’re always welcome here, NC!

    Comment by Amy (April 6, 2005 @ 10:51 pm )

22. Just another comment: I really appreciated Kim’s comments about raising sons emotionally supportive husbands. It reminds me that we need to be careful not to stereotype men. Some people equate physical strength with masculinity and assume that all men take pride in their physical strength. That’s simply not true. There are some men whose physical strength is not impressive in the least, or whose physical strength matters little to them.

    Further, while some would argue that being “emotionally supportive” is a feminine trait, rather than masculine, I would argue that it is a godly trait that we should cultivate in our relationships.

    I have five very different boys who will grow up into five very different men. I hope their wives will grow to appreciate and respect them for their own distinctive talents, abilities, and strengths, rather than trying to get them to live up to some sort of gender stereotype.

    Sora’s comment brought a chuckle to me. When we’ve had to move dirt, rocks, gravel piles, or dig out a pond, it’s almost always been left up to the children and me. My husband simply doesn’t have the time. Plus, he has allergies.

    If I was looking to build up my husband’s ego by commenting on his physical prowess or his physique, he’d think I was insane or being bitterly sarcastic. LOL!

    Comment by Rebecca (April 7, 2005 @ 10:16 am )

23. If I set the sun beside the moon,
    And if I set the land beside the sea,
    And if I set the town beside the country,
    And if I set the man beside the woman,
    I suppose some fool would talk about one being better.

    G.K. Chesterton

    I guess it doesn’t ultimately matter whether the man does the heavy work or receives compliments about his muscles. He is ordained to be a leader ~ the head of his household. He must be prepared to make wise decisions and not abdicate his responsibility. He can do this if he is a 200-plus pound weightlifter or a 140- pound computer geek. And in either case, his wife has MUCH to do with how he carries out his responsibility. Her obedience to God (in being submissive AND respectful) is just as important as his. However, I do think that respecting your husband includes admiring his abilities ~ whether it be physical strength, or intellectual prowess, or godly decision-making.

    And, once again, rev-ed’s comments were right on target.

    Comment by Linda (April 7, 2005 @ 10:38 am )

24. Linda,

    “And if I set the town beside the country…” LOL! I posted just that very thing at the same time you posted this comment! (See today’s post.) It was said tongue-in-cheek, of course, but whenever I do that…

    Comment by Amy (April 7, 2005 @ 10:42 am )

25. Amy, I assume you are referring to the conclusion: “But there are also advantages to not pretending women are as strong as men, such as fewer dead people. Even a female math professor at Harvard should be able to run the numbers on this one.” Yeah, I would agree with that - it was incredibly stupid for the police to have a physically inferior escort for the prisoner, especially after he had been previously discovered carrying a weapon in his shoe. Regarding Harvard, one of my friends from high school is a professor at Harvard, and on the the Committee for Women there - she had a meeting with Harvard President Summers after his comments. She was not happy with him and I can understand why after reading the actual transcript - what have been deemed as off-the-cuff remarks in the press were in fact not off-the-cuff; he seems to have thought quite deeply about his hypothesis that women are not as intellectually gifted as men - try telling that to a Harvard professor! As a woman in the sciences, I can tell you from experience that women with equal brains have to work twice as hard to get half the respect in the old boy’s club. I’m a feminist and proud of it. Thanks for letting me comment on here Amy.

    Comment by NC (April 7, 2005 @ 11:10 am )

26. test

    Comment by NC (April 7, 2005 @ 11:57 am )

27. Amy,
    Well, as far as the country being “better” than the town…I certainly don’t want to be the fool who says that!! Some people PREFER one over the other, but that is not to say that one is BETTER than the other. Our family lives in the city limits of Chattanooga on 9 acres. We have racoons, herons, snakes, and all those good country critters, but we are only a few minutes from (gasp!) the local Walmart Supercenter! Couldn’t ask for more!

    Comment by Linda (April 7, 2005 @ 3:11 pm )

28. I don’t agree that women are equal to men mentally. I believe both are brilliant. But they are not equal nor the same. Women think VERY differently than men. Women and men have the same worth. They are equally important. They have wonderful gifts - but different gifts. Therefore I don’t believe we should be calling for equality in the work force. I believe people should be assessed for their individual strengths and gifts and hired on that basis alone. Not on gender. Having gender quotas in hiring only belittles men and women.

    Comment by Grace (April 8, 2005 @ 11:36 am )

29. Amy, this was the first post of yours I have ever read, and I gotta say I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think it is wonderful that you are striving to be the woman that God wants you to be. May the Father bless you for it.

    Comment by Rick Beckman (April 18, 2005 @ 10:19 pm )

30. Ahh, but I still can’t help but root for Stephanie on Survivor. It is kind of neat to see her physical stamina and competitiveness; perhaps she’s the first female Survivor contestant who is a threat on the physical side since most of the challenges involve stamina, swimming, running, etc. and not really upper body strength. But I definitely agree about the security guards.

    Comment by barlow (April 28, 2005 @ 10:50 am )

31. Hmm..still tho’ I like a big strong man who will push the lawnmower and clean out the gutters. I’ll cook and clean as long as I don’t have to crank up that torturous lawnmower. and my sweet son carries out the trash for me so I don’t have to smell the garage. LOL. It is looking at the freshly manicured lawn that makes me sigh with pleasure and say ‘it is good to be a woman’. Plus I am not sure my hubby, strong tho’ he may be, would cope real well with labor and delivery. So, I definitely think us women have some strengths, after all, we give birth and that in and of itself takes some WORK.
    Ah me, been reading for about two months now and just now commenting. Back to reality.
    ~Rebecca

    Comment by Beccablue (May 1, 2005 @ 10:42 am )

32. Huh. Interesting. I was a (pregnant!) female security guard, and I found that I could use my brains instead of my brawn to get me through most sticky situations.

    In some situations, I think I handled confrontations better than my male cohorts. I could deescalate situations where a male security guard might have enflamed them with macho posturing. I was very good at staying calm. Also, a very-pregnant security guard with a scolding-mommy attitude can work wonders on surly teenagers who might otherwise be aggressive verbally or physically. And, when I was asked by a tenant to carry a heavy load (tenant assumed a huge male security guard would show up and hoist said load on his massive shoulders), I’d show up with a shopping cart. Why be silly and hurt my back?

    I was never hit (or even touched!) by anyone I confronted on the job. Part of this was my demeanor, I’m sure, and part of it was knowing when someone was simply too violent for me to handle alone — duh, call the cops! After all, I wasn’t an ARMED security guard!

    In closing, there’s lots of ways to skin a cat. A woman can often employ different skills doing the same job as a man and yield similar results.

    Unless, of course, you need someone to escort a giant criminal….then — again, duh! — you should match physical strength to physical strength.

    Comment by kate (May 5, 2005 @ 4:32 am )

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