Finally saying it…
Monday, Apr 25, 2005
I have this amazing ability, which my husband admires, and that is that I can peg people pretty accurately. (I’m a pessimist, so that helps a little.) If your theology leans a little toward a charismatic view of Scripture, you might say that I have the gift of discernment. For all you cessationists, let’s just say that I’ve got your number.
However, upon strolling through a few other sites, I’ve noticed that there are a few of you who have the same ability. In other words, you’ve got my number too. I enjoy perusing other people’s blogrolls because what they read tells me a lot about who they are. Often site owners will categorize their lists, and I’ve found myself under a few interesting categories (unless someone else creatively named their site Amy’s Humble Musings). However, the thing that amazes me the most is that I often find this site categorized under “Reformed” and/or “Homeschooling.”
I’ve never used the terms “homeschooling” or “reformed” to describe our family.
Now, we do homeschool and our theology is reformed in nature; I’ll say it. I have avoided mentioning it because I hoped that they were questions that did not need to be asked. When I write a post on my interactions with my children, I hope it leads one to conclude that what we are teaching our children all day long cannot possibly be occurring in a public institution. You already know that I’m passionate and a radical, so I assume that leads you to conclude that we’ve jumped off the mainstream. Humor me here.
When I praise Charlotte for her faith in allowing the Lord to send her twins (recently God chose to take one back) when she already has 11 children, this means that I trust and hope in the sovereignty of God: that He is using our covenant children to build His kingdom and that His provision not only applies to our salvation but extends to our practical needs as well. Not only is He faithful in eternity, but He is steadfast in the daily as well.
I believe the labels, “homeschooling” and “reformed”, might loosely apply to the convictions that we hold firm; they are just natural terms to describe what we are doing and believing. I like to cut to the chase. At the same time, I tend to avoid the use of labels for three reasons:
1. Labels don’t always encompass what you’re labeling, and they often include things that don’t belong with what you’re labeling. For instance, we “homeschool,” but we don’t do school at home. That is, we do not replicate the institutional model that comes to mind when one says the word “school.” Most education passes on to the learner by means of conversation. This has been the most effective model for centuries, and more importantly, the Bible uses this method in Deuteronomy 6 when it instructs parents on what it is that we are to teach our children (to borrow a paraphrase): who God is, what God has done, and what God requires of us. Notice that algebra is missing from this list.
We teach our children academics, but we pass along quadratic equations in the context of a Biblical worldview. Perhaps a better label of what my husband and I are doing would be “discipling.”
2. Another reason that I avoid the use of labels is that sometimes people have a misunderstanding of what the label means, and therefore, they peg you wrongly.
3. Probably the biggest reason that I avoid the use of labels is because I do not want to offend. If I offend, I try to let it be God’s Word that offends and not a misused, misconstrued label attached to my sleeve. I have enough problems keeping myself out of trouble as it is. But again, I definitely sympathize with the shorthand.
So, when I met a woman this week at a playground off an I-95 exit somewhere in South Carolina, she approached me and declared, “My, what a fat baby!” (Baby Energizer’s sole purpose in life right now is to help me strike up conversations everywhere with everyone.) I conceded that Baby Energizer sure does like her chicken-pot-pie. Then she quickly cut to the chase and inquired, “Are you a homeschooler?”
Gee, how’d she know?
I pointed out that I wasn’t wearing a denim jumper, and I pointed out that she, too, is a homeschooler, as she has a baby and toddler underfoot. (Hint: learning doesn’t begin at age six.) Then, she asked me if I was religious. (That was a good one.) Now, not only do we talk the part, but we “look” it as well. (I’m thinking it was the Von Trapp family line-up that we do when we call our kids?)
We believe wholeheartedly in both our responsibility as parents in raising godly children as well as the sovereignty of God as it relates to all of life. And we, as a family, also embrace enthusiastically those who come to different conclusions on the matter. Yet in a nutshell: yes, we homeschool, and yes, we are reformed.
But I guess you already knew that.
28 Comments
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI
Leave a comment

Amy - Great post! You’re so right about the labels. We’re just too quick to stick people in the little box we have all prepared for them as opposed to taking the time to get to know them. Of course we can’t get to know everyone, but I try to at least start with the assumption that I don’t know all there is to know about a person. Difficult for me because God’s given me the same gift you mentioned so my assumptions are sometimes pretty good.
Comment by Shannon Miller (April 25, 2005 @ 11:39 pm )
Excellent post. My wife and I have seen the prejudices that are sometimes directed at homeschoolers. It’s interesting the conclusions that people jump to when they see you have chosen this path. When they ask, “What about your children’s socialization,” as if a child can only be socialized in school, I love to answer, “Their socialization is precisely what what I would be worried about in sending them to a public school.”
Of course, if you’ve seen my blog, the case could be made that we should be concerned about their socialization under my tutelage. Thank the Lord for my wife!
Comment by Res Ipsa (April 26, 2005 @ 12:08 am )
Amy, I pinky swear I didn’t see this post until after I’d written mine tonight. Can you hum the “Twilight Zone” theme song?
Of course, I’m not as “label-averse” as you, but I get your drift. I think people will determinedly stick labels on you whether you want them to or not. I finally decided to grab the label out of their hands and change the definitions to fit more comfortably. Whether I’ve been successful depends on whom you ask :-).
Comment by Carmon (April 26, 2005 @ 2:56 am )
Amy, I pinky swear I didn’t see this post until after I’d written mine tonight. Can you hum the “Twilight Zone” theme song?
Of course, I’m not as “label-averse” as you, but I get your drift. I think people will determinedly stick labels on you whether you want them to or not. I finally decided to grab the label out of their hands and change the definitions to fit more comfortably. Whether I’ve been successful depends on whom you ask :-).
Comment by Carmon (April 26, 2005 @ 2:56 am )
hey Amy just letting you know my new blog domain is up and running - click my name to check it out.
Comment by Aimz (April 26, 2005 @ 4:46 am )
Okay, I admit it, I like labels..they help to identify, I guess that it is only natural that no one perfectly fits any particular label…it is just a starting place.
You know about being identifiable. Our church had a ladies get together at a local restaraunt. Many ladies were really looking forward to getting out and had dressed nicely for the evening. Now there are several “dresses only” ladies, but not all, or even half of them. We are all homeschoolers (either parents or young ladies). When one mother and two daughters showed up late, the lady at the podium immediately identified them with us. “Are you with the church group?” I am still wondering if we looked that strange. We were wearing makeup, had stylish if modest clothes on…it still makes me wonder. The mother said, “Oh, do we have THE LOOK?” and the lady said, “Not that there is anything wrong with it, you are just all wearing dresses.” Were there no other ladies in that restaraunt wearing dresses? Is it really that unusual?
Anyway, I wonder about HOW people are able to peg us. I don’t usually wear a denim jumper, either (my husband calls them a homeschool uniform). I would be interested in anyone else’s opinion on how we get so easily pegged.
A faithful reader…
Comment by Margaret in VA (April 26, 2005 @ 8:36 am )
Hi Amy! I enjoy your blog. I think I found it thru a link from someone else’s blog.
Comment by Kelli (April 26, 2005 @ 8:44 am )
I don’t think one would know right away, when coming to my blog, that we are reformed. I am out now! My focus there isn’t on my belief system as much as it is our family. Although, faith is a part of who you are and has a way of coming out. I certainly am not hiding anything.
I don’t prefer labels either. One has to dig a bit to come up with the idea that we homeschool. Again, not a term I like to use. Nor am I an “unschooler”. I like your description. That is exactly how I feel when it comes to my children’s learning.
I had you pegged ; ). Glad I was right. Amy, you are just one open book, I mean blog! LOL!
Comment by jasmine (April 26, 2005 @ 8:44 am )
Dear Faithful Reader (Margaret
),
I like labels, as I use them all the time, too: “Hey, honey, that guy’s a (label); trust me.”
I’m not trying to get meticulous; I don’t mind the terms. But in a society where we wonder what the meaning of “is” is, sometimes it’s helpful to use very specific labels, as opposed to the more general: right-winger, evangelical, conservative. I mean, if I said that, everyone would immediately assume I hate gays. And I don’t.
Now, I wouldn’t balk if someone called me a “covenant loving, disciple making Prairie Muffin who loves God.” It pretty much fits. I hope.
Comment by Amy's Humble Musings (April 26, 2005 @ 9:03 am )
Amy, Does each kid in your family have a special Von Trapp style whistle that they answer to?
Here’s how I’m able to recognize (so I can then label) other folks who don’t send their kids to school. They seem to enjoy their children and have relationships with them. This enjoyment often leads to them having more than 1.8 kids, and taking those kids with them everywhere to experience life in the real world.
I also notice that homeschool moms seem to have a more contented look about them. They aren’t frantic and exhausted from running back and forth to endless activities while managing a home without help from the kids who are too busy with their two hours of homework since seven hours of school didn’t get the job done.
And yes, I love labels! How could you evaluate, judge, and condemn others without ‘em?
About baby energizer…….. is she breastfed, bottle-fed, or steroid-fed? She is adorable!! My 9 month old got three teeth last week. My resultant nervous twitch is almost gone….
I enjoy your blog immensely.
Comment by Jo (PM wannabe) (April 26, 2005 @ 10:36 am )
Amy,
Like you, I am quick to peg people (and typically with great accuracy) into their theological camp and other such distinctions, but I hate being labelled myself. Because even within a label, we have our distinctions, and being so well acquainted with ourselves, we know the ways that we are unique even within our labels. We’re reformed and presbyterian, but our most beloved church is more liturgical than 99% of its denomination and feels downright Episcopalian or Lutheran liturgically. To say that I am reformed feels like it downplays my great love of liturgy.
All this to say, I’ve got a love-hate relationship with labels.
Comment by kristen (April 26, 2005 @ 10:41 am )
We all peg people in one way or another. I try very hard to not wear denim jumpers and tennis shoes because I believe that Christians can dress modestly and appropriately without being frumpy - not that all denim jumpers with tennis shoes look frumpy, but they look that way on me. I believe most people are able to tell that we are homeschoolers by looking into our faces and seeing contentment and a lack of worldly hardness in our eyes. People discover we are reformed when we open our mouths or look at the books we are reading.
I believe that most folks are putting you under homeschool or reformed in their blogrolls because they found your blogspot through other homeschool or reformed blogs like I did. 
Comment by Ruthie a.k.a. Calla Lilly (April 26, 2005 @ 10:43 am )
Not to be ignorant but I guess I must be …what is reformed??
Comment by becky (April 26, 2005 @ 11:25 am )
To answer Margaret in VA:
Yes, Peggi, you have The Look;0). You *always* look nice, you just don’t look like so many fashion-hungry women women out there trying to look like perpetual twenty-somethings. The dresses that are ‘in’ now aren’t exactly the epitome of Biblical femininity. Wear something modest and people assume you must go to church, or something.
Comment by Cathy in NOLA (April 26, 2005 @ 11:45 am )
Just time for a fly-by today
I did want to point you to a funny exchange at Amy’s Humble Musings. Amy was pondering why people seem to automatically know that she is a homeschooler. She describes a chat she had with a woman while their kids were playing at a playground:
Trackback by Notes in the Key of Life (April 26, 2005 @ 12:56 pm )
Okay sis, I gotcha!
I like the points about being contented (I wish that were always the case on the inside) and enjoying the kids…
I know that when I see a lady out with her denim or otherwise skirted little ladies at the commissary or wherever in the middle of the day placidly shopping, I not only label them as one of me (atleast the homeschooling label)…but here is where my prejudice comes in…probably boring and too perfect, because, of course, I and those I personally know are the only exceptions to the labeled norm, how mean! Maybe I oughta write an apology not to Pastor Sandlin…naw!
I like your label for yourself,Amy, I will take it for myself, too, but I know that we will be different within the labels.
You’re right, it does chafe when someone else labels me, especially if my impression of that label is different than theirs (perfect example is the above referred to Pastor).
Well, enough getting myself in trouble…I’m definitely labeled as a troublemaker…:-)
Comment by Margaret in VA (April 26, 2005 @ 1:10 pm )
Jo,
The Von Trapp whistle goes like this (since I can’t whistle), “Scott kids…Attention!” and they all come running, line up in birth order, and stand tall with their chests puffed up. They love it. I don’t know if they’ll think it’s so great when they’re 16, but we’ll see how it goes… They might just still want to humor me.
Becky, Dr. Richard Pratt describes the Reformed distinctives here as it relates to his particular church and most reformed churches as well. I believe all Presbyterian churches are reformed (at least in doctrine, maybe not in living) and some particular Baptist churches allow for this distinction, if that helps put a face on it.
From the article: Reformed Theology includes many items affirmed by all evangelicals. Nevertheless, we also have some
distinctive doctrinal emphases. For instance, at the heart of Reformed Theology is belief in divine sovereignty
and human dependence. Put simply, we believe the Scriptures teach that God is in complete and absolute control
of his creation.
I hope that helps a little.
Amy
Comment by Amy's Humble Musings (April 26, 2005 @ 2:23 pm )
Amy, When you use the word “covenant” alot and give away R.C. Sproul study Bibles…the reformed part is easy to figure out. (Actually, your old masthead used to say, “Thoroughly Reformed, or trying to be” or something like that…so that, too, gave it away.
I don’t mind labels, myself. But if someone is going to label me, I would rather them be specifically correct.
As Rush says, “Words mean things.” Blessings, dear one!
Comment by Holly (April 26, 2005 @ 5:12 pm )
Came all the way back here just to say that it really doesn’t matter to me what your label is…I think you are wonderful.
I would also like your secrets on Baby Energizer. I have scrawny, underweight babies.
Do tell us. 
Comment by Holly (April 26, 2005 @ 5:34 pm )
Thanks, Holly. To produce a Baby Energizer, make sure she’s your smallest baby, nurse her every hour, then give her an 8 oz. bottle to top her off, a turkey dinner as a snack, and some Espresso every time she fusses. Baby Energizers do not like to sleep because they’re afraid they’ll miss a feeding; be sure to feed them avacados and chocolate cake everytime they wake up on the hour during the night. This is the formula to put 14 rolls on your baby’s thigh and stop traffic.
Oh, and last time I checked, the Bible is chock full of the word “covenant.” LOL! Just tryin’ to be Biblical.
As for posting contests that give away Reformation Study Bibles, I figured everyone would KNOW that I’d enter a contest for the whole Left Behind series just for a chance at winning. I’m that competitive.
But you knew that part.
Comment by Amy's Humble Musings (April 26, 2005 @ 6:37 pm )
Yes, you are right on the word Covenant.
It is just that some theological persuasions use the word more than others. I like the word, a lot.
Thanks for the tips. That’s my problem. I always eat the chocolate cake, myself.
Comment by Holly (April 26, 2005 @ 6:52 pm )
I wrote a similar post on labels a while back.
It’s funny, because although on paper we’d look so different theologically, the truth is that the things we believe about God and the way we live our lives (as you pointed out when we met in Santa Barbara) are so similar. Labels have uses at times, but boy howdy, at other times they are just not very helpful.
Comment by Kristen (April 26, 2005 @ 11:02 pm )
I am a homeschool mom of two living kids with no more on the way, and I don’t even own a denim jumper. However, we get pegged as homeschoolers all the time, and I can also recognize other homeschooling families pretty easily. I think it’s partly, as another commenter noted, the way the parents and kids interact, but there’s also just something a shade different about kids who don’t pick up their mannerisms and phraseology from the other 500 kids they spend so many hours with, but from their parents and other adults instead. And their/our clothes tend to be less trendy as well. All this is fine and good, I’m certainly not complaining.
I found it a little amusing (again, purely amusing, not meant to have any negative connotation at all) that in a post about labeling, you said the following:
Now, I’m guessing that I’d be what you’d call a cessationist, since I am not charismatic (ha ha! in more ways than one! tee hee) — that is, I don’t believe that the “sign gifts” are for today. I do, however, believe that the other spiritual gifts mentioned in scripture are alive and well in God’s people today, including the gift of discernment, which my husband possesses to a nearly uncanny degree.
Comment by Rachel (April 27, 2005 @ 3:02 pm )
Oh, and I’m glad to see we’re not the only family who uses the position of attention to call the kids to order in public places. We occasionally get funny looks for it, but hey, IT WORKS.
Comment by Rachel (April 27, 2005 @ 3:03 pm )
I just put you under “Family Focus” - since that’s your new topic du jour”
In fact, I made up that blogroll category just for you.
Of course, my blogroll is seriously crazy-sized now. But, hey - you inspired a category, at least…
Comment by Amy (April 29, 2005 @ 9:38 am )
Who are you? My email adress was used for you…
Comment by Amy (April 29, 2005 @ 9:40 am )
Oh I don’t know… I tend to recognize homeschoolers - and it’s not for their clothes or anything superficial. Perhaps subconsciously I’m picking up on a general attitude of enjoyment of their children. Just as we often can recognize other Christians just through “discernment” (I think of it as picking up a family resemblance) perhaps we know homeschoolers when we see them too.
Comment by blestwithsons (April 29, 2005 @ 12:46 pm )
OK, since I was one of the ones who labeled you as being a homeschooler and Reformes, I’ll have to return the dubious favor and label myself…as a hyprocrite! I’ve been known to balk at labels, to refuse them for myself, to protest them, to argue against them, etc., etc., and then here I go willy-nilly slapping them on others.
Shame on me!
I liked your post. Liked all the comments too. My favorite odd exchange and being labeled went like, this, years ago:
Unknown woman (whom I immediately labeled as being an ultra-conservative quiver-full type due to her ultra-modest garb, headcovering, and many children): Hi. What a cute baby!
Me (wearing a dress and with my baby in a sling): Thank you.
She: You must subscribe to “Gentle Spirit”.
Me: Huh? (The eerie thing was that I had just subscribed and gotten my first issue.)
She: So you homeschool and garden?
Me: I homeschool, but I haven’t had a garden in a few years.
She: But you do subscribe to GS, right? Because you look like someone who would read that magazine. I subscribe also.
I thought to myself, but I don’t look like her. There is no headcovering on my head. My clothes are modest, but not THAT modest. Plus, I wasn’t wearing crew socks and tennies.
Wonder if I’ll run into anyone today who will say, “You must subscribe to _____.” (Fill in the blank with any one of the oddest assortment of magazines you could think of…)
Comment by Rebecca (April 29, 2005 @ 4:24 pm )