Coffee break
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Vacation Imagination just called. I won a free vacation. I told them that I’d have to get back to them after checking for any conflicts with my stint on Extreme Home-whatever. But the recording just hung-up on me.
I’m not afraid to say it: doing this mothering thing is a little tricky sometimes. I listened to the whole vacation recording.
I have little ones underfoot all day long, which sometimes causes me to lose perspective. I get excited when crayon boxes are 2 for 1. I hoard Chick-fil-A coupons. And sometimes I need extra grace from everyone around me.
So, my husband let me out of the house the other day. Alone. I went to an overpriced coffee shop and ordered a bowl of potato soup and a cup of water. They don’t even sell kid’s meals there. Waiting in line to fill my cup with water, I spied pretty female execs in dry-cleaned suits waiting in the same long line while their manicured hands cradled overpriced mochas. When my turn finally arrived, I hit the ice machine, poured the water, and moved over to the bowl of lemons.
I proceeded to squeeze a parade of lemons into the trash with my right hand while holding the water with my left hand. I have no idea why I did that. Everyone just waited. I need a mocha.
I hereby apologize to all the happy homemakers who happen to wear Payless sandals and jean skirts. I don’t mean to be a bad example. Recovering quickly, I turned around and mumbled to my impatient fellow line-standers, “Um, those lemons had a lot of seeds in them. Uh, kind of.”
I stumbled to my seat carrying only one tray. (I think I was just off-balance without the diaper bag on my shoulder.) I indulged in a sort of mini-vacation imagination and ate my soup slowwwwly. This gave me 14 minutes to remember and reflect upon why I do what I do.
Simply, I am thrilled to serve God by serving my husband and children. Joy is found in the promise that whatever I do for “the least of these,” I am really doing for Him. When I explain place value, change a diaper, and sweep the kitchen, it is an offering to Him. Even when the schedule goes awry and unforeseen interruptions prevail, they are really divine opportunities disguised as the ordinary. And it is in the ordinary that Jesus has called me to serve Him: day in, day out, without apparent or immediate gratification.
Except if you count homemade “You’re the best Mom ever” cards.
So I finished my bowl of soup, bowed my head, and thanked Him for my calling.
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Thank you for this entry. My lovely soon to be 18 yo dd and I had supper with a group of young mothers this evening. We both came home feeling like being a mom must be the worst job in the world to some of these young women. I felt saddened that they had such a jaded attitude, but then I was blessed by my daughter who said…”those women don’t know what wonderful kids they have!” (smile) So at least I end my evening encouraged by my daughter and your blog. Thank you.
Comment by Kris (May 25, 2005 @ 1:39 am )
Boy, I’ve been there. Well, not THERE exactly, but there. You know.
Comment by Mel (May 25, 2005 @ 2:24 am )
Such a vivid imagination and your husband let you out? Alone?
Comment by Tim (May 25, 2005 @ 8:49 am )
Now I remember why, when dh does say to me–what would you like to do for a break–I just stare. I’m sure I don’t know how to act in public without a bunch of kids on my heels! Its just been too long! lol
Comment by Lyn (May 25, 2005 @ 12:03 pm )
I’m with you, Lyn. I feel so strange when I’m out without kids. And quite out of place in one of those preppy coffee shops. Does my appearance draw undue attention?
My husband sometimes imagines going on a vacation w/o the kids — I just haven’t been able to get into the idea. An evening? Maybe. Yes. But a whole weekend without my kids getting in on some of the fun? Not Really. And a vacation isn’t really a vacation when you still have to keep track of everything w/o the advantage of home-court.
I do sometimes think about begging dh to let me go alone to Florida or somewhere for a week to visit with a friend (oh, you know, for encouragement and housekeeping ideas…). But! How could I leave my babies for that long?! Bring ‘em? Sure! But then we’d have to be on the road for a WHOLE lot of hours. (Can’t afford to put them all on an airplane.) Then I’d want dh with me (there goes his quiet time). Then there’s taking off work … including driving time … etc.
Oh. Well. Some. Day.
Comment by Valerie BBG (May 25, 2005 @ 1:16 pm )
Been there done that and I don’t like it very much. I start looking at those manicured hands and longing for those pristine white french manicures…then BAM! reality hits and I remind myself how many groceries those fingernails would buy. I get bored, start missing my husband and kids and end up going home, happy to be there. God is so good.
Comment by Michelle (May 25, 2005 @ 1:52 pm )
Your post reminded me of bygone days. When I had all mine at home I would run away to the local Dairy Queen just to get a few minutes alone. I would order a diet coke and read the paper. My days are quieter now but I would not trade those busy days for anything.
Lynn
Comment by lynn (May 25, 2005 @ 2:25 pm )
And from the other side of the fence, I get a real kick out of those times my wife takes some time for herself and leaves me with the little ones. Of course when she gets home…well, I’m sure all of you ladies have been there. No, we don’t do the job as well as you, but we (or at least I) am happy to give you a break. Michelle (who replied above), if you go back and read the comments, you may use this as a coupon for 4 hours away. Summer’s here and you’re going to need it!
Comment by TheMadMonk (May 25, 2005 @ 2:32 pm )
I completely understand, Amy.
A few years ago, between children #3 and #4 (7 years apart), I would occasionally have the opportunity to have lunch alone, after running errands alone (!) while my mother watched the children. I went to a non-fast-food restaurant, ordered potato soup (and water, too, I think), and sit and enjoy the relative quiet and peace for a few minutes. The waitress even called me “Honey” every week that I was able to go! I felt so pampered, and that few minutes really revived me. And then, as now, I know that there is no greater blessing that is bestowed upon a married couple that knows Christ than the incredible blessing of children.
And like Kris, I’m saddened by friends and acquaintances who don’t look at their children as such, but dread snow days, when their children will be home, disrupting their “normal” schedules, etc. Don’t they realize what they have?
Mary Susan
Comment by Mary Susan (May 25, 2005 @ 2:39 pm )
I watch for the BOGO sign at Payless, but it is too hot in Texas for blue jean skirts at this point. Chambray, maybe … blue jean … unlikely.
You are so right though - there is so much to DO in the calling of motherhood that I have to MAKE myself stop and soak it all in. To pretend I’m a ballerina, to dance in circles wearing silly scarves tied around my wrist (flying), to help load up a dump truck for the 15th time and laugh at my son laughing when we dump it out, to prepare dinner for the 125,643,984,126th time, and to fall into bed beside the sexiest God fearing man I know.
Thank you Lord. Thank you so very much.
Comment by Heather L. Sanders (May 25, 2005 @ 3:05 pm )
Thanks for this reminder! It is easy to embrace servitude when you are rocking a sweet baby, harder to adopt when the same baby is throwing up into your cupped hands at 2am. The odd thing is that it is never a burden having the servant attitude because at those stinky/dark/unbecoming/bodily moments God helps us persevere.
It is hard to remember, though, when I let myself fall into the trap of wondering “well, who is serving ME?” Thankfully, my hubby makes sure I get time out alone or with girlfriends. I am definately blessed.
Oh, and I wear the “uniform” too—Payless’ BOGO makes me giddy.
Comment by mopsy (May 25, 2005 @ 3:59 pm )
First, I want to thank you for turning me on to Alice’s blog. What stimulating conversation there is to be had there.
Second, I want to advice those who have not taken a vacation w/o the kids to consider doing it. For our 10th year of marriage, DH and I finally spent an entire night (actually, 3 nights and 4 days) w/o the kids. We only had 3 but we divided them up at friend’s houses where they had a blast. Then, we hopped on a plane and took care of a vacation and a medical proceedure all at once. Hey, couldn’t justify the money for a vacation only–only for us. We had a blast and, honestly, DH was the one who brought up the kids.
I love my kids, check out my post which I wrote before I read this, but I never leave them anywhere where they aren’t well cared for and or where they are unwanted (which means I don’t get away a lot) and that leaves me to have fun when I do get out w/ DH.
Now, DD is 13, and DH and I can go out for 2 hr and leave the other kids w/ her. Thanks to her home schooling upbringing, she is mature for her age in all the good ways and I can trust her completely. (This would not be possible w/o cell phones–wonderful invention–that vibrate so they don’t ring in while we are out.)
Your blog is challenging me, though, in several ways to serve God better where I’m called.
Comment by Khyraen (May 26, 2005 @ 4:55 am )
I get out….to go to work….but everyday on the way there I think I should just turn my car around, get my son from daycare, and go back home… One day…..
I only have the one, but I too feel awkward when I go out without him. He is my companion when I’m out…besides, I get strange looks when I’m by myself and keeping up the constant dialogue I am used too even when he is not there.
If I see men in white coats coming after me, I make a run for it!!!!
Comment by eryn (May 26, 2005 @ 10:48 pm )
Hey Amy, loved the coffee shop story…and subsequent reminder of God’s great gifts and our privileged place in His larger plan.
I get out once in a while too and occasionally find myself participating in bizarre behavior resulting from, well, being with just me. I always feel like I’m forgetting something when I don’t have those little munchkins in tow. Weird.
Anyway, it seems we’ve got some things in common. The name of course, but I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone else married to a rocket scientist. Actually, my husband is a rocket scientist turned pastor. (My theory: He’s trying to get to heaven any way he knows how.:))
Comment by Amy Andrews (May 26, 2005 @ 11:21 pm )
Thanks, everyone, for the feedback and thoughts.
Amy Andrews,
Since you said that your husband is a rocket scientist turned pastor, I had to track you down since my husband is a (youth) pastor turned rocket scientist. Similar, eh? So, I thought I’d see how much we really have in common. I copied your list of things about yourself from your site and included our similarities. Friday night fun.
I was born in 1975. In Africa. –1976, in Florida
I don’t like seafood. I wish I did. –Hate seafood, too, except shrimp.
I want a dog. –only to clean up underneath the table after dinner
I’m a small business owner. Miniscule is a more appropriate term. –I mind my own business; does that count?
I had a brother who died of SIDS when I was three. For years I thought it was my fault. –My husband had a sister who died of SIDS before he was born.
I drive fast. I’m working on that. Sort of. –Not anymore.
I love the ocean. –I live a couple miles away but could care less.
I played the flute for 8 years. –Piano, since I was 5 and still do.
I skipped Kindergarten. Too smart. –I had a smart mouth back then.
I studied abroad in Israel. Came home after one too many close calls with terrorist bombings. –Studied in the public schools; does that count?
I’m the mother of two. The wife of one. — 4/1
I love a good hymn. “How Great Thou Art” and “It is Well with My Soul” are my favorites. — “Take My Life and Let It Be”
I’ve lived in 5 different countries. –5 different houses?
I’ve attempted to learn 5 different languages. I only remember one. English. –English, Spanish, French, German, and Pig Latin
I had very bad acne for 4 years. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. –Mercifully spared a bad case, but I still occasionally have a little.
I think public school teachers are the biggest unsung heroes in America. My sister is one of them. –My sister-in-law is one, but I’m going to have to go for Mamas as the biggest unsung heros, and not just because I am one.
I used to bite my nails. Now I only bite the skin around them. –Never.
I gained 40 pounds when I was pregnant. Both times. –35 pounds times 4.
I run, but not because I like it (see above). –I ran 3 miles a day for almost two years after the birth of #3 to get in shape. I hated every second of every step, but I did it to prove that I could do it. And I liked how I felt AFTERWARD.
I am moved to tears whenever I hear the pipe organ. –I’m moved to tears too, but it’s usually because the organist isn’t very good. It’s hard to find a well-trained organist nowadays.
I have a B.A. in Sociology and half a M.S. in Marriage and Family Therapy. –B.S. in Elem. Ed. and Practicum in Marriage and Family Therapy.
I’ve decided not to finish my M.S. Too many other things I want to do. –Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.
I love tulips. I’m mad they only last about a week. –I love tulips, and I’m mad that they don’t grow in Florida.
Potatoes are my favorite food. Especially french fries and mashed. –Only with a good steak.
I’ve moved 27 times in my life. Literally. –Can’t compete.
I’ve only prayed with one person to receive salvation. I don’t know how many I’ve led to Christ. –I have four little ones underfoot who are stepping heavenward.
I’m 6′2″. My inseam is 37″. — I’m 5′ 2″.
I played basketball. I also played volleyball, tennis & softball and I ran track. — Uh, no.
I graduated high school in a class of 19. In Africa. –I graduated from homeschool in sunny, hot Florida.
I had a horse when I was 14. She was my friend. Her name was Flicka. For real.–I fell off a galloping horse when I was 18.
I almost hit a giraffe while learning to drive. In Africa. –I almost hit a cat. In Florida.
My favorite color is blue. –Red.
I got claustrophobic while crawling through an Egyptian pyramid. –I got claustrophobic trapped in an old elevator with 50 people in China.
I usually order a chicken sandwich when I go out to eat. –Chicken, without the sandwich.
I pluck my eyebrows regularly. –I floss.
I’m picky. –I’m impatient.
My parents are missionaries. –I know some missionaries.
I have peanut butter and jelly on toast almost every morning for breakfast. –I make a few throughout the day, but never for myself. I don’t even eat breakfast.
I’ve ridden a camel twice. It was uncomfortable both times. –I’ve seen a picture of a camel.
I married an African American. He’s a rocket scientist. He rocks. –Ditto all but the African part.
I like candy. –Twix.
I can’t sing. –I can carry a tune… most times.
I’m competitive. –Do you read this site?
I sometimes use the TV as a babysitter. I admit it. –I won’t.
I don’t have a favorite movie. –Gone with the Wind
I used to have panic attacks. I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy. –Do kidney stones count for “wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy” status?
I take lots of fish oil capsules each day to fight anxiety (see above). Much to my surprise, I really think they work.–Sometimes I remember a vitamin.
I have expensive taste. Unfortunately, I usually can’t act on it. –I find a way around the price tag.
I love IKEA. And thank goodness for it. –Pottery Barn
I was in counseling for a year and a half. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done. –Haven’t done that.
My favorite book of the Bible is James. –Heh, heh, heh…
I got saved when I was nine. –I don’t know exactly.
I’m good at starting things. –Me too.
I’m horrible at finishing things. –I finish, but I usually have a diversion in between.
I love ice cream. –Chips and Don Pablo’s salsa.
I’m not a very good cook. –I wouldn’t need to lose a few pounds if I was too bad.
I get exceptionally crabby when I’m tired. –100% there.
I don’t like to exercise. –1000% there.
I worry way too much about what other people think. –0% there.
I like to eat. –Whew. We’re back on track.
I love the sun. My skin doesn’t. –I tan easily.
Well, Amy, looks like we have a few things in common.
Nice getting to know you!
Another Amy
Comment by Amy (May 27, 2005 @ 10:06 pm )
LOL…I needed a good commiserative laugh tonight and you provided it, thanks! It’s so comforting to hear other mothers speak of that “other-worldly” feeling when out in public by themselves…I thought it only happened to me! Not that I feel “lost” without my family, but I don’t like to be away for very long — my family is definitely the place where I belong
Comment by Bonnie (May 28, 2005 @ 12:47 am )
And I thought I was the only Mom who felt naked without their child. I just have one daughter that the Lord has blessed me with. She keeps my on my toes but when I do get that ocasional break I am still checking to make sure I didn’t leave her in the car or forget her at the library or something. I love just going to the library and sitting in a comfy chair and reading!
Thanks for the reminder that after our breaks; Moms come back revived and happy to be a Mom! We really do miss them!
Comment by Rachel (June 1, 2005 @ 10:30 am )
Thank you for the humorous pespective on the greatest calling that God has for me- to be a great wife and mom.
Comment by Victoria Carrington (June 2, 2005 @ 9:21 am )