On Taming the Shrew
Thursday, Jun 9, 2005
Being a passionate sort of person, there are more than just a few times in my life that I’ve longed to have a “delete” key for some one-liners I’ve uttered. Furthermore, since I am not only passionate but somewhat reckless as well, there are times that I’ve longed for an entire box of old-fashioned chalkboard erasers for lengthy paragraphs that were better left unsaid. This used to be my lot in life, but thanks be to God, with age I am learning to temper myself.
This is not to say that I’m always successful. My husband can attest to this fact as far back reaching as…today.
The problem with my character (which overflows out of my mouth) is not that what I speak isn’t the truth, but that my heart is evil. And so, the message is skewed by the messenger. That is, there is a way to say it, and there is a way not to say it. I usually choose the latter.
This week I was sitting at the piano practicing a rather difficult piece. In fact, I will probably never play the piece competently. So, after months of enduring the painful noise coming from the keys, my preschooler turns to me and says, “Mommy, that’s not good.” She was accurate, and being the type of person I am, I enjoyed the assessment. I happen to prefer straight-shooters.
However, since I’ve moved beyond preschool age, speaking the obvious isn’t so cute anymore. I want people to “give it to me like it is”, and in turn, I assume that others might enjoy this approach as well. However, it is not enough that the message be true if it is not tempered with love. Even with the best of intentions, one must always take extraordinary care that the desire to encourage others to think biblically is not motivated selfishly. Anything whose means is not charity and end is not God’s glory is sounding brass and clanging cymbal.
It is a delicate balance, one requiring God-given wisdom, to make sure that it is the preaching of the cross that offends and not the preacher. The way of the cross is hard, narrow, and the Bible says that few find it. Not many choose to put off the old self and exchange fleeting pleasures for holiness. Let us always be careful that if we find others straying from the narrow way, that it is because they are rejecting the path, and not because they don’t want to walk next to us.
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REALLY good points. Definitely another thing to examine within ourselves.
“I happen to prefer straight-shooters.” Me too.
Another facet to your discussion above, I think, is that we should try to keep our own hearts soft and teachable to the Holy Spirit: willing, even eager, to have the truth plainly told to us.
I agree that “truth-telling” should be done in love (otherwise, it’s going to sound strangely like a gong). But we must ask the Lord to form our ears as listeners, to put down our pride and really benefit from instruction, wisdom, guidance and correction.
Thanks for yet another thought-provoking post, sister.
Comment by Kristen (June 9, 2005 @ 11:53 am )
Growing up an only child I despised a straight-shooter. I wanted everything handed over sugar-coated. Then, I met my husband. He is all about going straight from A to B and repeatedly asks me questions with the words, “…and tell me without all the fluff.”
WHAT? No fluff?
Now that the Holy Spirit and God’s Word have taught me a few things about accepting constructive criticism I have become a straight-shooter as well. And to say that I went from one extreme to the other is certainly the understatement.
I could stand a bit of temperance. I’ve realized anytime I have to start a sentence with, “Don’t take this personally…” or “Understand that I say this in love …” well… likely I should just hold off until I’m certain I’m being LED to say it.
Good post.
Comment by heather (June 9, 2005 @ 2:14 pm )
oh, does this sound like me. i need a big piece of duct tape over my mouth on occasion. thank the Lord I’m forgiven time and time again.
Comment by Monika (June 9, 2005 @ 2:41 pm )
It is a delicate balance, one requiring God-given wisdom, to make sure that it is the preaching of the cross that offends and not the preacher.
There’s the sentence of the week. I’ll be stealing it.
Comment by rev-ed (June 9, 2005 @ 4:34 pm )
Awww, Dang it, Amy. I enjoy my “zingers” and my “one liners.” Did ya have to go and preach?
Good points.
Comment by Holly (June 9, 2005 @ 5:35 pm )
This post reminded me of myself when I first became a Christian. I memorized a lot of Proverbs back then, especially 10:19 which says, “Where there are many words, sin is not absent.” Ouch.
Hey, we need to get together and play some music. I used to play clarinet professionally but I still keep my “chops” up. Did you get a music degree? I love hearing about your musical adventures.
blessings.
Comment by Meredith B. (June 9, 2005 @ 5:58 pm )
Yes, I understand your point and I somewhat agree. However, I’m afraid that too many worry so much about personal offences that they fall short of preaching the cross. Rest assured that a wicked heart will blame you for it’s discomfort before it owns up to it’s own sin regardless of the pains you take to be “Christian” in your “straight shooting”.
Comment by Anonymous (June 9, 2005 @ 11:00 pm )
I want to grow and change and be more like my Savior, from glory to glory…Others can either point me to Him (bring on the construction!), or breed contentment by their well-meaning words. I love encouragement, but I prefer the former:-)
Thanks for the post…I love what you said.
Comment by Danielle Tippy (June 10, 2005 @ 8:39 am )
Danielle,
You said, “I want to grow and change and be more like my Savior…” and you echo my heart exactly. I want that so much, and sometimes I wish others could see past my pride and defensiveness to know that it is the cry of my heart: to know Christ, to make Him known, and to do that by being like Him. I want that!
Meredith, Hey–I saw a long time ago that you mentioned that you play. And no, I do not have a degree in music. Any establishment that afforded one to me would have to close up shop due to such weak standards.
My B.S. degree is in education and more worthless to me at the moment than today’s junk mail. Saying why would be a whole ‘nuther post. 
Comment by Amy (June 10, 2005 @ 12:35 pm )
I noticed that you have done a blogroll…wow!!! I’m impressed.
Comment by Sal (June 10, 2005 @ 1:37 pm )
Well-said!
Comment by Julana (June 10, 2005 @ 3:25 pm )
This is a great message, Amy. I also am a straight-shooter. One thing people need to understand about us is that we are not hypocrites; we actually prefer receiving the same direct communication from others. We have to make a conscious effort to work hard at tempering the message to make sure it can be received. Even then, it usually is not :/
God has a role for us to play, though, I’m confident of that. And Amy, that last paragraph is really terrific! I am grateful God has rewarded your faithfulness as a wife and mother by giving you this way to speak up and be heard!
Comment by barbaracurtis (June 11, 2005 @ 4:18 pm )
Amy, I love your posts, and I’m dying to hear one about why your college degree is so worthless… I think the Christian church (even in Reformed circles) needs to be re-awakened to traditional, Biblical, roles of unmarried young women. Too many times I have had well-meaning, Christian brothers and sisters try to persuade me to go to college (a particular Christian college that shall remain nameless), on the grounds that it is the “only way” to- believe it or not (and at least they’re honest!!)- get a husband.
Can’t the Lord bring me a husband without me raking up debt for something I don’t plan on using once I have a husband??? Okay okay, I’m done. I just don’t get it… But I’d still love to hear about your worthless degree. (Please)
Comment by Jessie (June 17, 2005 @ 11:46 pm )
Jessie,
The reason I said that my college degree was worthless is because I spent a lot of money, got a degree in education, but I still don’t have an education. It was a lot of money to learn “how to be multicultural” and how not to teach a child to read (whole language).
I think my time would’ve been better spent reading good books.
Amy
Comment by Amy (June 21, 2005 @ 12:12 pm )