Mothers should love God
Monday, Aug 15, 2005
I want to take a minute to add a “P.S.” to the last post about thriftiness. While I extol thrift as a virtue and while industry is a prominent characteristic of Mrs. P 31, there must be a P.S. after the mention of it. Industriousness is not the ultimate virtue; loving God is the supreme thing.
Oftentimes, I find myself extolling or analyzing some idea, virtue, or method. It’s a pasttime I need to curtail. Sometimes I’m correct in my assessment, but more often than not, I need to rethink my thinking. While I admire thrift and those who practice it, it must be said that I also adore, admire, and seek the friendship of those who don’t think it’s worthwhile. There are seasons in life wherein we will do better with this particular virtue—thrift—than others.
I’d also like to mention that I’m not The Thrift Police and will not retrieve clean containers from your garbage if I’m at your house.
I remember having three babies aged three and under. (In the latest issue of Above Rubies, a mother of 11 mentions that it was much harder with three under four years old than it is with her current 11 children.) After our third child was born, I sold my cloth diapers on Ebay and hit the store for disposables. And I picked up my first frozen dinner while I was at it.
The moral of the story, I think, is that we should do all we can with what we have in each season in life, and then give thanks for it. Loving God with your whole heart will bring you freedom in your mothering; it is the main thing. Don’t get bogged down if you haven’t learned to make your own biscuits yet. You should try, but you should also embrace the season you’re in.
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Amy - Thank you for this. I am a mom of 4 and my oldest just turned 4, so for 5 months I had 4 under 4. While I’m not complaining, I feel very blessed, I do often feel like I *should* be able to do more than keeping up on the regular daily things like playing with my children, keeping the house tidy, doing laundry and getting everyone fed at reasonable times. I do have free time in the afternoon, but I typically use it to do something that will encourage or uplift me - keep me going so to speak. I sometimes wonder if I *should* be using that time to make my dd a closet full of dresses or baking a weeks worth of bread, making my own yogurt - things along these lines. Anyway, thanks it’s good to remember the seasons of life also mean it’s okay to pop in the occassional frozen lasagna.
Comment by Jamie (August 15, 2005 @ 1:30 pm )
Ditto, Jamie!
Emily
momy to four under five and lover to all things microwaveable
Comment by emily (August 15, 2005 @ 3:49 pm )
I have 4 beautiful miracles of God from the age of 2 all the way to 11. 2 boys and 2 girls. Jamie, you shouldn’t let those feelings of should I do more get to you. We all know that even stay at home moms have about 35 to 40 full time jobs that noone else could fill. Any free time should be savored as a reward for “jobs” well done. Indulge yourself- it makes us even better parents
Comment by Jeannie (August 15, 2005 @ 6:21 pm )
Not to cause a stir, but I’d like to respectfully disagree with Jeannie. I think that modern humanistic thinking has invaded the Christians way of thinking way too often. And thanks to our new vocabulary, “me time” otherwise known as being selfishness, can really only lead to dissatisfaction. The more time you spend away, the more time you want for yourself to do other things. We’re really supposed to be focused on our home and loving our husbands and children. Not ourselves! I think I took Jamie’s idea of something to refuel and assumed she meant reading the bible, studying, or something along those lines. I, of course, don’t always assume right. “Indugling ourselves” is what the world says, and while I think there is time for private prayer and/or a quiet time, we really need to be careful not to feel we have earned rewards for “jobs well done.” This is more inline with Oprah’s way of thinking than God’s who tells us that our works are like filthy rags. WE are to serve God first, others second, then trust Him to take care of our needs.
I hope not to offend here, just to clarify my position and hopefully open eyes to another point of view. God bless!
Emily momy to four under five
Comment by emily (August 15, 2005 @ 7:01 pm )
Not being a mother I’ll be breif. Bethlehem Baptist Church (think John Piper) has an article titled Joyful Mothering. My wife enjoyed it and it made sense for me as a dad. http://bbcmpls.org/childsministries/documents/JCM.pdf.pdf
Comment by Tony Kummer (August 16, 2005 @ 1:22 am )
Thanks for pursuing the great balancing act, Amy, while still treading the narrow way. That was wonderful.
Comment by Karen (August 16, 2005 @ 4:04 am )
The biscuits would definitely be worth a little more effort.
Comment by Tim (August 16, 2005 @ 5:42 am )
I am thinking “indulge yourself” means taking time to put up your feet with a bag of Mint Milanos in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. Or going on a walk around a lake without having to push a stroller or uttering the word “duckie” once in awhile.
And I respectfully disagree that “the more time you spend away, the more time you want for yourself to do other things”. I am going to the Women of Faith conference this weekend for a little refreshment, recharging, and perspective-tuning. I will come home all the more equiped to care for my husband and my five children.
My female friends from MOPS and church go out to dinner from time to time and it is amazing what we learn from each other. We hold each other up, pray for each other, and laugh our heads off. We also know that while it would be fun to do that once a week, we limit ourselves to once a month. I highly recommend these “indulgences”.
It is also a blessing to have a husband who recognizes I am an individual who needs to be recharged and cared for too. He encourages my “Mom’s Night Out” because he sees what a big impact it makes on me. I believe that God provides awesome, Godly women and The Cheesecake Factory for just such purposes.
Comment by mopsy (August 16, 2005 @ 9:34 am )
I have to agree with Mopsy. I am not a mummy, but I have many beloved friends who are, and some of them are so focused on ensuring that their children have their pilot’s licence and speak Afrikaans before they’re three that they’re not able to focus on themselves at all.
(That, I realise, is misplaced ambition on the part of the parents, but there’s a lot of pressure from everywhere to produce “perfect” children, as I’m sure we all know.) They also feel tremendous guilt if they’re not making their own biscuits, not greeting their husbands at the door every evening with his pipe and slippers, and don’t weigh as much as a photograph of themselves.
A well-rounded woman, with a sense of her own friends, her own dreams, her own space, is a happier woman, I believe, regardless of her conviction - but surely for those of us who are Christians, this need for balance is even more acute. God wants time with us, and wants us to know how beloved we are in our various ways of honouring Him. For those of us who are career women, and working hard (believe me!) to provide for our homes and families and serve our communities, the need to take that deep breath and step back into the Father’s arms is very real, too. So whatever it takes to keep you connected, whether you are drowning in paper or drowning in babies, do it! Your children will notice, as children always do - and so will the other people around you.
Comment by Mrs. P. (August 16, 2005 @ 11:47 am )
By refuel I mean a lot of things. It can mean a cup of tea and a good book, a walk around the block, a soda with a friend at a Applebee’s (doing that tonight), reading the boards at MOMYS, reading my Bible (though that’s usually done in the morning), whatever. I’m not talking about sitting around eating chips, bon bons or whatever and watching sappy romance movies.
I think that too much “me time” can make us too self-focused, but I think some things keep me sane.
I suppose it depends on your definition and what refuels you.
Comment by Jamie (August 16, 2005 @ 2:54 pm )
NOT that there’s anything wrong with eating chips and bon-bons–right? RIGHT????
Comment by Mrs. P. (August 16, 2005 @ 3:10 pm )
Okay, so this is really a new idea to me too, and I haven’t finished thinking it through completely yet. I don’t think that I am willing to say that there is no time to do things with friends or by yourselves. I do however believe we need to carefully consider our motivation for doing these things. Do we “deserve” it or “need” it in order to be good mommies? I think this goes against what God says. Do we think of these times as a gift from our husbands and a blessing from God? - possibly. I’m not sure if that’s entireley accurate either, being that we are supposed to be focused on our homes. I also believe we need to be careful with all of the things we spend our time on, considering if it is something that is edifying or productive because our time is really not our own. As for me, whenever I’m away, I come back refreshed but find that I am quickly exasperated and wanting more time for these things. I think we’d all do better to pray for God’s grace and the strength to be better mommies, than to pray for more time away from our families.
Okay, it seems we’ve gotten way off of Amy’s original post topic here, which I believe just says to use our time wisely and productively for the family’s good, but also give yourself a break if you have a lot to do and can’t accomplish all your goals in a day. Prioritize! Is it better teaching our children a bible verse and having mac-n-cheese for dinner, or forgoing the bible verse and having gourmet. If it’s either or, go for the choice that best serves our ultimate goal here on earth. I hope that’s soemthing of what you meant, Amy.
Also, Jamie, I didn’t mean to offend you before, just simply was trying to say I shouldn’t assumed what you meant either way.
Emily momy to four under five
Comment by emily (August 16, 2005 @ 3:26 pm )
Of course, to be focused on the home does not mean one has to be tied to it every moment. I love my home, and making it comfortable for me and my husband, and welcoming to visitors. But I like being away, too!
I think your point about prioritisation is absolutely on, Emily, regardless of whether or not one has children. There always seem to be too many things making demands on our time, regardless of our circumstances!
Comment by Mrs. P. (August 16, 2005 @ 3:45 pm )
Amy I just read this entry, and I’d just like to give a hearty, “Amen!”
Comment by Stephanie (August 16, 2005 @ 6:18 pm )
I agree that, especially in current American culture, there is an unhealthy tendency towards selfish “me time.” Children are often viewed as almost an inconvenience. I think it is pretty apparent that no one posting here has that attitude though =)
I just wanted to point out that even God rested after six days of work. Resting is not bad. Since moms don’t particularly get a whole day to rest, I think taking it in smaller chunks is definitely acceptable.
Comment by Elizabeth (August 16, 2005 @ 10:47 pm )
I just recently realized that buying the frozen chicken and fried rice is not a sin. Could I make it cheaper myself… sure! Do I have time to do that and race my two year old around the house with our matchbox cars? Nope and guess which one I would rather do?
I dont think we should be lazy but lets face it how many times have we looked at the clock and we have exactly 15 minutes to make dinner, set the table, pick up the clutter from the day, change three diapers, dress one child and put on a smile before hubby walks in. On nights like that I was prone to “surprise” my hubby with dinner out a McDonalds…. on his hard earned dime of course. He prefers the frozen chicken and fried rice..trust me!
Julie
Comment by Julie (August 16, 2005 @ 11:57 pm )
My break time gets spent coming here! I learned a long time ago that I didn’t have enough time to follow all the money saving/healthy living tips and still be able to LIVE Love what you said, Elizabeth. Chirst Himself needed time off while He was on earth, and not just to reconnect with the Father. Matt. 8:24, Mark 6:31
Comment by Cheri (August 17, 2005 @ 8:59 am )
Amy,
I don’t know were to begin. I am so impressed with this blog(or website). It is so refreshing to know that you are going through the same things that all these other women are(including me, but I’m going to have to keep up seeing that I only have just my two for now), yet are willing to put it down(well I would say on paper but I guess its)on keyboard, for all the moms to read and sigh and say “THANK YOU LORD! I’m not only one.”
And most of all, an encouragment. Such and encouragment. I see the comments these wonderful moms send you and it is easy to see that you are truly an insperation to these ladies(and don’t worry, I’m not going to break out in a “Chicago” song or nothing).
And to you women reading this comment, I have had the pleasure of knowing and just recently becoming good friends with this amazing young mother(still in your 20’s Amy so it still counts being called a “Young Mom”). And I’ll have you know she is just as funny, sarcastic, and an extraordinary Godly women, mother and wife in person. You are deffinatley on the right website.
The Lord has truly blessed you Amy, and it’s nice to see that you are not afraid or selfish to sit back and say that “It is all in his plan, and may the Glory be to God”
P.S. I didn’t know that you are in a NFL Mommys Club. Fill me in girlfriend
Comment by Kristin (August 18, 2005 @ 1:44 am )
Amy: wish I’d known you were getting rid of those diapers. They make great dusting rags. Oh well.
Comment by Paula (August 18, 2005 @ 8:21 am )
Kristen,
I don’t just like you because you cleaned my floors when I was sick. I like you for saying nice things online. I’ve been known, though, to delete comments that don’t keep me humble, but I’ll make an exception in your case.
Paula, I sold the diapers to a lady in England for $150. It was a fair price for Motherease, but not something I’d turn into dustrags!
Comment by Amy (August 18, 2005 @ 8:55 am )
I suppose there is not much more to say, for all you ladies have said so much. With 3 children under 4 ~ and #4 on the way, yeah!~, a house to run and a child starting school this fall ~ help! where to start and with what?!~, it is so difficult to find time for yourself. But I think it is so very important to find the time, not only to refresh our bodies, but our minds as well. Multi-tasking all day long, as we do, takes it’s toll. And however we need to refresh ourselves, as long as it stays within the boundries of pertaining to godlness and holiness, I think it needs to be done. And if we are “in tune” with the Holy Spirit, He will guide us in the proper use of our time, for that moment and for that person. Maybe it’s taking a much needed nap, or a walk, or making a garment, or sitting outside, enjoying the sunshine and watching the birds, or taking the time to clean out a closet without little fingers helping you.
I don’t think we should feel guilty if we take time to slow down and take care of ourselves too. If we are worn out and tired, are we pleasant to be around? I know I’m not. I may still be tired after my “refreshment”, but I’m not so worn out and my spirit is ready to tackle the next tornado.
PS Does anyone have any suggestion on a good, hands on curiculum for first grade and that won’t break the bank? Or does anyone have any old stuff that you don’t need/want any more, but highly reccomend? I have a 4 1/2 year old who is so ready for school but a Mama who has no idea where to start!
Blessings,
Jennifer
Comment by Jennifer D (August 18, 2005 @ 1:02 pm )
Jennifer,
I haven’t used “Five in a Row” but I hear good things about it. I never used anything formal: just tons of reading every day, including chapter books. (Start with easy ones–Boxcar Children, Frog and Toad, et al.)
My kids loved generic phonics workbooks, but they’re wierd that way. I can honestly say that I never taught #2 to read, but she reads fluently at five. We also listen to books on tape.
I wish it were something more profound, but my best advice is to just read and talk.
Comment by Amy (August 18, 2005 @ 9:50 pm )
Amy,
Thanks for the Piper article under the post “My first garden…”. I think that is actually what I was trying to say here. It’s not so much what we’re doing as what our motivation is. We can go to a bible study but if it’s to escape our duties or get away from those kids that are driving me crazy, it can be sin. So glad there are those that, unlike me, are actually eloquent! Go John Piper!
Comment by emily (August 19, 2005 @ 12:56 am )
I guess your rocket scientist husband can afford better cloth diapers than my factory worker husband could.
Never would have used those for dust rags, Amy. Those belong on Antique Road Show! Well… maybe not.
Comment by Paula (August 19, 2005 @ 11:46 pm )
He wasn’t no rocket scientist when we bought them….
Motherease are expensive but worth the investment if you are using them for more than one child. Part of being a tightwad is not just buying the cheapest things because a lot of times, cheap things become more expensive in the long run.
Comment by Amy (August 20, 2005 @ 9:12 am )