Work
Tuesday, Sep 6, 2005
My five-year-old is a hard worker. When the other children lose steam and grow tired, hot, and bored, she is the one who will be there many hours after the job has grown tedious. After the three hurricanes last year, she was the one who raked the twenty bags of debris with my husband and stayed until the job was over. And she was only four then.
Now, my other children are not lazy, but they do not have the drive to stick with a task and push beyond their weariness when there is no reward in sight. After an hour of raking and leaf mashing, you will usually see them playing sword fight or jumping in the pile of just-raked leaves. Which is fine. My husband likes to keep their interest by letting them each have a turn being…The Leaf Masher. This is where Dad uses the kid– a.k.a. The Leaf Masher–as a human stick to mush down the leaves in the giant garbage can.
The time will come that they will have to develop the ability to push beyond their distaste, and I don’t want it to be a shock for my teenagers. Not all children are good workers naturally. In fact, sin causes us to love laziness and incline ourselves toward that which gratifies ourselves. This is not a sin just for children but for all of us. As a mother, this means that I must teach my children to work and not make excuses for their laziness. Or my own.
It is easier in the short-run to ignore their laziness; more effort is required to teach a good work ethic. However, if you take the time needed to combat laziness, you will reap fruit in the short-term as well as the long-term.
I recently spent several hours cleaning the upstairs bedrooms. The start of the school year, my recent agreement to be the church pianist again, and getting the flu all attributed to neglecting a deep cleaning of the upstairs rooms. My daughter worked alongside me the entire morning and did not grumble when I gave her some of the more distasteful jobs: scrubbing the toilet, washing the floors, and cleaning out the trashcans. I worked alongside of her every step of the way. Of course, I let her squirt all the spray bottles when we got to that part, even though it took double the time for her to do the task. It’s important that they enjoy the “fun” parts of a job too, even though I could fly through them much faster.
I washed all the sheets, blankets, and pillows in the guest room, and I decided that I should teach her how to make a bed properly. I showed her how to get all the wrinkles out of the sheets, how to pull everything tight, and how to stuff a pillow into a case. She was overwhelmed at the beginning because there are tons of pillows and blankets on the guest bed. But we worked through the task, talking the whole way through. When we were done, we threw ourselves across the bed, looked at the ceiling, and chatted. Then I took her to the store to pick out material for a few new skirts, but she did not know that a reward was waiting for her at the end of the task. That made giving it even more pleasurable.
Every child-development psychologist in the country would tell you that it is important to give children age-appropriate tasks. The truth is that children can do a lot more than dust the TV and feed the goldfish when you work alongside of them. The problem is not that we expect too much, but that we expect too little—of our children and ourselves.
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Being a very lazy 38-year-old who was never pushed to do anything, I say three cheers to you and Greg and other parents who understand that in childrearing, discipline (both the punishment or training varieties) = love.
Comment by Valerie (Kyriosity) (September 6, 2005 @ 4:37 pm )
A big thumb’s up. This is something I’m learning late in life and am now having to spend time rectifying. Thanks for the post, Amy!
Off to finish the laundry with my 4 yr olds.
Comment by Sarah (September 6, 2005 @ 5:10 pm )
I agree with your last sentence. However, when you turn them lose on the riding lawnmower for the first time…put some bricks around any newly planted fruit trees!
Comment by Tim (September 6, 2005 @ 10:24 pm )
Makes complete sense. I keep forgetting the personality thing. My oldest hates to work and can turn any job into fun which generally involves making a bigger mess and not getting the job done. We just had a big discipline session on this very thing tonight. Uggh. I have others who love work and stick with it. But, when the oldest engages in play it is easy to distract the whole crew.
Comment by KS Milkmaid (September 7, 2005 @ 2:04 am )
What fun. And what a blessing for your children to grow up to know that work is just part of life. It was a rude awakening for me I can tell you! I wish I had made my children do more with me when they were little. They do work but they haven’t learned how to enjoy it yet. I tell them “make your work your play and you will be much happier in life!” I wish I had known that long ago.
Comment by kerri (September 7, 2005 @ 11:43 am )
Bravo, Amy! Love this! I count household chores and cooking as a school subject. I will admit that more times than not, I have taken over a task because it was taking too long for the kids to do it, though! I need to learn to allow them to make mistakes and learn (even if I can do it three times as fast). How else will they ever get to be as good as us at it?
Comment by Heather (September 7, 2005 @ 9:15 pm )
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story and example Amy! I have a hard-working daughter also, but I need to be reminded to work together more often. Lately it seems that the only one I work with is my two-year old boy, whom I can always count on to get the kitchen step-stool, saying “I want to hep yooooo”. He is a great stirrer:-)
Comment by Danielle Tippy (September 7, 2005 @ 10:41 pm )
Amy this was a great post. Im always amazed at what my children can do if I just show them how and then talk them through it. I had a ten year old over the other day who just sat and watched my children (8,5,3,4,2) run around doing thier daily work. She kept saying, “Im not allowed to help with that.” “My mom says Im not old enough to do dishes.” “She gets to vaccuum!?” Pretty soon she was begging me to let her help. I gave her a few little things and she has been back over everyday. My children LOVE to help. I find that children can usually meet your expectations. I have been told many times my 5 year old should not be doing dishes. Thats not age appropriate. But she does a good job and she enjoys it. Should I wait until she is 15 and has grown lazy? Your a great mom, Amy. Keep up the good work.
Comment by Julie (September 8, 2005 @ 8:09 am )
There is a stage when they begin to ask, “What’s that?” “what are you doing?” It’s usually at about 2 years of age when they start to talk and get curious of our activity. That’s when we can begin to include them in even the little chores. My grandson helped “build” their new home with his very own plastic hammer. He helps wash dishes and helps take out trash now that he is three. You teach a good lesson, Amy. thanks for sharing it with us too.
Comment by Paula (September 8, 2005 @ 1:28 pm )
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More thoughts on work
Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005
I wrote earlier about teaching my children to work, and just this week I stumbled across another usef [...]
Pingback by Amy’s Humble Musings » More thoughts on work (November 9, 2005 @ 11:07 pm )