Thinking outside the box
Thursday, Sep 8, 2005
A couple weeks ago, I mentioned a new category of “Living Simple” that I wanted to write a few posts about. Since then, I’ve written a few things in that category, but the main reason I started it was for this post. I’ve put off writing this one. While I already know that we’re on the fringe of conservatism, I don’t always enjoy hearing everyone tell me so. This post will serve to certify and seal any extreme beliefs you might hold about my notions.
While we have a comfortable house here in suburbia, USA and thank God for our circumstances, nevertheless, we are pursuing a larger land purchase unless the Lord decides otherwise. It may work out; it may not. Many people have done this sort of thing—left city life for the country—but perhaps not everyone has the same core reason that we have for pursuing this course.
Many small factors make a move to the country appealing to us. Our kids eat fruit by the pound. Oranges are the only fruit that doesn’t require “chilling hours” –unless your kids will eat lemons and limes– so we’d like to have a mini orchard of fruit and berries, which is impossible in Florida. If you were paying our grocery bill, this thought might appeal to you too. If you were paying the milk bill too, a goat or cow might even cross your mind as well.
Because we are comfortable suburbanites, we have a concrete backyard pool and a manufactured swing set. While this is not a bad thing, I’d like to replace the chlorine water and plastic slides with a good old-fashioned creek, tire swing, and tree house. Why? The thought of not paying five grand to remarsite my creek and two Saturdays fixing the wood rot on the play set appeals to me. When a tree branch rots, you throw the tire swing rope onto another branch.
I do not have notions of life being easier. In fact, I know that it will be more work, but it is work that is more rewarding to me than carpools, traffic jams, play date schedules, and cleaning the leaves out of the pool filter.
I’m privileged to have the only house on my street with a front porch, and while not a requirement, it’d be nice not to be the only one sitting on the front porch within miles.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had to take an antihistamine before bed every night if I want to function the following day. When we lived in California for six months, I did not take one pill. It was wonderful. But you do not have to worry about me moving to California. My pocketbook can’t handle it. Neither can my politics. But the fact remains, my nose needs different air.
These are all little reasons that when added up might result in a big reason. But this is not the big reason for us. The reason we desire country life is for the future of our children. We want land because we can afford it at today’s prices after selling our house (in some places, it is $2,000/acre), and we might not be able to afford it later. We want land because we want to give our children a good start in their adult lives and, well, there might be a little in it for us too.
Financial reasons
If the Lord chooses to lead in this way, our children will have the opportunity to begin their marriages with land and shelter debt-free. It is our goal to have our son begin building a home with his dad when he is a teenager. The house would be simple and well designed so that he can add on should a wife and children arrive and as more funds allow. A very open kitchen, dining, living room combination would be appropriate bachelor quarters until the time came to add on.
If you are willing to think outside the box, there are many options for affordable housing that does not resemble paying $75-200/square foot.
I have no doubt that my first daughter would be able to build a house single handedly, but as the Lord leads, perhaps the house building venture would be a good way to test out potential suitors as her father and brother work alongside love-struck boys. No boy who has yet to become a man will be able to handle my first daughter, and house building might be a good way to separate the men from the boys.
When a family is sharing resources, only one tractor is needed instead of five. There is no need to purchase more than one paint sprayer. Only one fence is needed for the property, and there would be many hands to fix a few broken lines. There are also many eyes watching out for you—not like the neighbor who won’t get the newspaper out of your driveway to deter robbers. And so on.
Many Amish, Jewish, and other ethnic groups have practiced this kind of community for centuries and have prospered. I am not thinking up something new and weird, but we are just considering a return to the old ways. It just makes more sense. It is a modern notion to scatter.
Vocational reasons
Without the burden of debt and mortgages, my children would be able to choose a vocation more freely. This applies mostly to my sons, but my daughters’ husbands will also benefit greatly from this. Pastoring small churches, farming, and writing are all vocations that might be otherwise unattainable with the burden of providing for a mortgage. Short- and long-term mission trips are also now easier with the ability to self-fund and not have “stuff” to worry about. The possibilities are endless: from temporarily renting out houses to help pay my son’s medical school bill to having the freedom to tell a corrupt boss that you can just find another job to having a larger cushion to start your own business.
It’s about being even more available to follow God in the way that He leads without the burden of debt. Why continue the American lifestyle just because Sprite wants me to obey my thirst?
Practical reasons
Now, here is where my heart is. I want my daughters and daughter-in-laws close to me so that they will have someone to help them with their first babies, to give them relief when a child has the flu and has been up all night, to tell them which kind of cough doesn’t require a trip to the doctor, to fix the crooked quilt they spent all year on, to give piano lessons to the grandkids, to tell them to get home and make dinner and stop complaining, to tell them to not be short with their boys’ ruckuses, and to love their husbands by never speaking ill of them.
Yes, it’s possible to do some of this from afar, but it is the daily things that make up daily life. Life is a bunch of daily moments, and the ordinary is what life is. It isn’t Thanksgiving and Christmas. And if I have the opportunity to be a part of the small moments, it will be a big moment for me.
I hope to prepare my daughters well before their marriages, but there are some things that are just learned in the dailyness of life. This is going to sound like a criticism, and it is: I can’t rely the modern church to take my daughters under their wing and disciple them in the manner of Titus 2. So with forethought, I am preparing to undertake the task myself for my daughters and for any others the Lord sends my way.
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Amy, that is a beautiful plan, and youare starting young enough to see it through. I wish we had thought of it sooner that three years ago, but it was too late. I am going to pass your vision on to my kids, though. And I feel blessed that when we moved to Virginia from California my married daughters and grandchildren came too. Still, we only see them once a week and I’d love to have my grandkids running across the lawn anytime to play with their aunties and uncles.
Just do it!
Comment by barbaracurtis (September 8, 2005 @ 4:40 pm )
Amy, I’m absolutely floored. In a good way. This was so inspiring to me, you have no idea. Thanks for sharing.
Comment by Sarah (September 8, 2005 @ 4:41 pm )
Amy, this is Sarah’s husband (from comment 2). I really like your thinking. The things I like best are (1) going against American culture and living a debt-free, uncluttered life and (2) taking your God-given responsibility to raise great kids very seriously. Keep it up.
Comment by Kevin (September 8, 2005 @ 5:01 pm )
(Yes, I ran and told my husband he read to read this, NOW.)
Comment by Sarah (September 8, 2005 @ 5:09 pm )
Well! I’d say Amy is over the flu
Excellent post, Amy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Are you going to give us a little hint as to where you might be looking…?
Comment by Janet (September 8, 2005 @ 5:35 pm )
Amy~ I have read this blog ever since I stumbled on it from Ladies Against Feminism back in February or March. This is my first time commenting but up until now, I’ve seen no reason to add my “two cents”:) I am 22 and find that the simple way is normally the best way. A lady in my church has 9 children (we’re Independent Baptists:D) and recently commented that living here in the Northeast (PA), we tend to always be rushing, rushing, rushing especially with so many kids! But it is better to slow down. I’m thankful for the Godly ladies in my church who show me how to prepare myself for marriage one day by their example of how they love their husbands, prepare their sons to be men, and their daughters to be ladies. This truly is a good principle for you to be instilling in your children. I see it in those who are dearest to me, and it’s nice to see others striving to attain the same goal. Have a blessed day! ~Anne
Comment by Anne (September 8, 2005 @ 5:59 pm )
But, Amy, what if your children would rather not live on the property, especially your daugters? What if your sons decide to live elsewhere? Just wondering your perspective on that?
Comment by Sandra (September 8, 2005 @ 6:22 pm )
Janet, Yes, I’m 90% recovered, just a little cough left. We’re looking in the Midwest, nothing northern. Idaho is a little cold for Florida bones, Aleta!
Sandra, So long as they are obeying God, they will go with our blessing. In fact, I’ll help them pack and plan on sending plane tickets for Thanksgiving.
What we’re trying to create is an atmosphere where leaving isn’t the ONLY option, wherein finances (or me being a bad mother-in-law…
) dictate life decisions. Subdividing a parcel of land off and selling it would be an option to help them get a good start somewhere else. There are lots of possibilities.
Comment by Amy (September 8, 2005 @ 6:44 pm )
Amy,
We have experienced this life and it is WONDERFUL. Up until last year, we lived next to my inlaws on one side, uncle’s family on the other and brother-in-laws family across the way. We were a regular commune! My husband’s grandparents had the forethought in the late 60’s to buy land on a river, and this was handed down to us. We built our home and planned on living there forever, until the Lord had other plans and we had to sell it last year. I walked every morning with the other women, the children gardened with grandma and auntie…learned to drive a skidloader with uncle. Grandma watched the children for a date night once a week. It was a special season and one we hope to have with our own children one day. An aside, Nancy Campbell from Above Rubies has written extensively about her experiences with her extended family surrounding her. Many blessings in your endeavor!
Comment by Dana (September 8, 2005 @ 8:33 pm )
I love it, Amy. What a wonderful plan and dream that will hopefully become a reality. (BTW…I know several places in Southern Illinois where land isn’t anywhere NEAR $2000 an acre! It’s a good, midwestern place, the south is hilly and beautiful with rock formations, forests, rivers, warm summers and rather short winters. That’s where I grew up, and my parents still reside.)
Comment by Holly (September 8, 2005 @ 9:10 pm )
As in $100,000.00.
Comment by Amy (September 8, 2005 @ 9:24 pm )
They are giving away land free in KS. I can’t remember where exactly, but I heard about it on the news.
Comment by Anonymous (September 8, 2005 @ 10:08 pm )
There are several Kansas tiny cities that they’re trying to grow by giving away free lots. I lost the website, but I looked at it last week. The lots are small and in neighborhoods. I believe I remember reading that the value was $5k. The purpose is to bring more growth to the economy by giving people a handout, basically.
I am normally 100% against government handouts, but I’m not sure about this one. The reason I am opposed to welfare, social security, public education, etc. is because they are stealing from one person to give to another. It’s legal stealing. However, in this case, it benefits the economy by providing growth through new construction, business, etc., and the government would not be stealing it from someone else to give it away. (Unless you consider that they probably stole it from some Indians several hundred years ago.)
I don’t know. I have to think about this one more. Thanks, though, anonymous, for the plug and food for thought. I’m retiring for the night. I don’t think I’ve ever commented so much on my own site, but I guess I’m allowed to do that…
[Dana, I read Above Rubies and have enjoyed Nancy Cambell's commentary on the subject. I know one of the girls has a one room house with six (?) children--they line up there mats on the floors at night---and whish-- pack them away every morning. They have eliminated clutter and non-essentials and are an inspiration on contentment. ]
Comment by Amy (September 8, 2005 @ 10:24 pm )
Thank you for sharing your dream! I may have to steal it.
We are planning on buying land some day with dh’s parents but I hadn’t thought of sharing that same land with our daughters’ some day families. It all sounds wonderful!
Comment by Krystal (September 8, 2005 @ 11:27 pm )
Are you guys related to us??????????????
Wait. You can’t be. You’re too Southern…
*grin*
You have just articulated most of our thoughts. You did it better than I would have, might I add.
PS–I have a friend who lives about an hour from me who’s parents did exactly what you are talking about, and it is such an inspiration to us. She and her siblings all live on the property of her grandparents, who gave large chunks to their children, who, in turn, then gave chunks to THEIR children (which would include my girlfriend).
They are all within trail-walking distance from eachother. The sense of community there is just plain powerful. All homeschooling, all large families, etc… IT IS BEAUTIFUL. It’s what I wish I had. It’s what our children *will* have, God willing.
Lots of Love from the Far North,
Molly
Comment by molly (September 8, 2005 @ 11:39 pm )
Not a crazy idea at all but a wonderful one. I heard of this the first time on the Sonlight boards from a mom who does live this way. That is to say, her kids live on the same property with their cousins and play together every day because her siblings families live on the same property and they share responsibilities when things get too tough (like the flu or whatever.)
I heard this, and I was so delighted and jealous of her life. I cannot do this with my family, but I’d love to be the grandma with the grandkids around. I love your idea and I sure hope it all works out for you and your family!
Best wishes,
Khy
Comment by Khyraen (September 9, 2005 @ 1:03 am )
Amy:
Awesome expression of your thoughts!!! For being very citified you have the agrarian spirit deluxe. Congrats. Reading through the comments I have to say two things:
One, children who are raised being a part of the family farm vision today won’t want to leave it. Meaning you don’t wait till they are eighteen and hand them the pitch fork. They have the pitchfork when they are three and watch out they are poky. We have our children all working on their special enterprises now. Our goal is to have them develop a white collar salary on their farm enterprise before they turn legal age. Each child’s enterprise is based on the distinct special gift God has given them. If you have not gotten the book Family Friendly Farming it is a must. It covers how to begin a vision, deals with sibling rivalry and lists out oodles of enterprises that children and families can take on. He is a homeschooling father and a Christian. He has revolutionized our farm. Living as you describe is possible and Joel Salatin is doing it.
Two: Someone forgot to tell Kansasans they are giving land handouts. I have never heard of it at all. Please tell me where this land is? Who owns it and why they are giving it away? Did the governement buy it from land owners just to give it away? Very perplexing. Crop land here is going for about 2,000 an acre. That is if they are willing to sell. Many of the landowners around us are aged and have no next of kin. It will be interesting to see how land opens up. Our dream is to have the whole clan live around us too. I pray that these opportunities will open up. Blessings to you!!!
Comment by KS Milkmaid (September 9, 2005 @ 1:35 am )
Aha I have it. Sorry to dominate. Think Kansas Cosmosphere. Your rocket scientist could actually work there.
Comment by KS Milkmaid (September 9, 2005 @ 1:40 am )
It was my late father’s dream to do something like this…have all of his children and grandchildren together in one big compound. Frankly, I would have loved it, and I think it’s extremely scriptural.
The only fly in the ointment would be making sure your kids all wanted to do this. As someone else commented, sons-in-law and daughters-in-law often have plans of their own. Daughters fall in love and decide they’ll follow their husbands to the ends of the earth.
Still, I think it’s a wonderful plan.
Comment by Cindy Swanson (September 9, 2005 @ 7:59 am )
Amy, that quote resonated deeply with me & stirred something forever under my skin. It’s where I’ve been and where I’m heading. In the 6 years I’ve been earnestly looking, I’ve yet to run into a real live, in person, flesh & blood woman who understands and lives the Titus 2 mentor role. It is heart wrenching that they appear to be an extinct breed. I read about them on the internet, but I’ve yet to meet one.
I’ve had to learn everything from homekeeping to homeschooling to theology with my sleeves rolled up and Bible or book in front of me, all smothered in lots of prayer and tears. I joke my second degree is in theology: Trial & Prayer. (A very close sibling to trial & err.) But my life is testimony to one thing: God IS faithful. If you look for wisdom & understanding, you WILL find them. I have seen both sides of the fence and he has given me understanding of what needs to be done and WHY it needs to be done.
Good Providence with you plans. They sound heavenly. It’s what DH & I are working towards. As someone who has been all over the country and away from any family for almost 12 years… Having your children near so you can teach them and train them is more of a blessing then they will even realize. Good for you.
For the Next Generation…
Comment by Janel (September 9, 2005 @ 11:27 am )
This does sound wonderful; it’s what I would love to do for our children one day. I will add a word of caution though. Get enough land that each family can really have their own space, while still being close enough to accomplish your goals. It’s that “leave and cleave” idea. I firmly believe that every man needs to be the head of his own family, and this is hard for some men if they never live separately from the family they grew up in. They are used to deferring to their older siblings and parents, and it is difficult to make the change to making the decisions that are best for their new family/own wife and children. It’s hard to go from child to husband/parent if you remain in the state of a child to your parents. Of course, this can be a problem even if you don’t live close to parents, but that will exacerbate it.
Parents/in-laws can help avoid this problem by encouraging their sons when they take steps to assume their leadership roles. Be very careful to be respectful of that. One of the most difficult things that I struggle with every day is the fact that, because we live with my brother-in-law, my husband (7 yrs. his junior) has never really assumed a role of being in charge of our family life. Be careful not to create this problem for your sons and sons-in-law!
Comment by Elizabeth (September 9, 2005 @ 12:19 pm )
Amy,
I think this is wonderful vision for family life. But I have to object - we need people like you and your kids in civilization. The idea of rebuilding Eden in a rural setting moves us all. But is isolation a Christian option in this age?
Thank you for sharing this dream. When God grants you a land-of-promiseit don’t forget to be a blessing to the nations.
Comment by Tony Kummer (September 9, 2005 @ 1:51 pm )
Molly–You said, “You have just articulated most of our thoughts.” So tell me any juicy parts I might be missing!
KSMilkmaid–I am waiting to buy Salatin’s books until I’ve read the six books waiting on my nightstand and until Draught Horse Press gets all moved into their new home before I place an order. The reason Kansas officials aren’t telling the natives that land is free is because it’s only for people relocating there, not the locals. (They’ve already got your money and business.)
Tony, You said, “But is isolation a Christian option in this age?” Who said anything about isolation?
Retorically, should all Christians live in the city? Should missionaries forsake the isolated jungles dotted with small people groups? Good thoughts, brother, but remember that you’re reading a website (that incidently I have time to maintain because I’m not sitting in traffic)…
Blessings, my friend!
Thanks for the thoughts, everyone!
Comment by Amy (September 9, 2005 @ 2:35 pm )
So will y’all live off the land? Or will your husband work a salaried job of some variety? And how does your current extended family (grandparents especially) factor into the picture?
Comment by Fittsy (September 9, 2005 @ 3:18 pm )
Fittsy, No, we won’t be “living off the land” in an economic sense; we’re city slickers with a huge learning curve ahead of us. From everything I’ve read, first generation families find it impossible to live off the land, but it is more realistic for someone in the position like my grandchildren would be—everything already paid for, barns already built, the land not being raw, lessons and knowledge already passed down, time for operations to grow and thrive, etc.
We have discussed extended family, but it is all informal right now. The plan needs more forward motion before we go there. And plus, I’d rather them hear more from us than read it on a website. I do keep planting the bug in my father-in-law’s ear about he needs a “summer house.”
Comment by Amy (September 9, 2005 @ 3:43 pm )
I know of good cheap land in Alaska, complete with a view of beautiful mountain ranges and river/ocean sunsets…I can’t remember how many acres offhand, but it’s a lot.
Well, hey, whaddya know, it also happens to be right next door to US (no joke–we’re drooling over it, bigtime, but no way can we afford it right now)!!!! lol…
I suppose we could make room for some reformed folk…
(Come on, you KNOW you want to try moose meat, Greg)…
Comment by Molly (September 9, 2005 @ 5:39 pm )
Amy:
I just talked to the Milkman. The land offered here is actually a lot in the city which may seem like the country to city slickers. Perhaps there is more land involved, I am not sure.
This is stigma of agrarians/farm folk pure and simple. Joel Salatin dedicates and entire chapter to building community. Farming is not and does not have to be isolation. Our family farm is not even close to isolated. I just greeted four customers in my kitchen prior to typing this email. One customer brought a friend from India of all things. We are having and international impact here. I am not including all the phone calls and emails I fielded today regarging products. They all come here for milk and dairy products. We sit and chat for an hour or more. It was so much of a community that we had to set up business hours to keep on with schooling. Our farm is a ministry to impact the community. When people walk into our home they get to see a homeschooling large family in action. A family who is deeply in love with the Lord. Further, they see a family that is living simply with no debt and quite content to live simply. Joel Salatin himself offers field days to his farm with his children teaching sessions. They closed admission at 1300. This is not isolation by any means. It is reformation of a community. Farm communities of old were close knit and there for each other. When there was hay to put up the whole township showed up and no one kept tabs on who owed what because the next day they were to be at your place helping you. Those communities are lost and our mission is to rebuild the sense of community, hard work and love of God. Sorry…I am a wee bit passionate about this subject.
Comment by KS Milkmaid (September 9, 2005 @ 6:29 pm )
The free land in Kansas and (is it Nebraska?) sounded tempting to me a few weeks back, so I checked it out. Yes, it is a a city lot, and your children need to go to public school. The deal is, when they bring more children into the school system, they average between $6 and $10,000 in govt money per kid. So, with even a few extra kids, they can hire more teachers and expand programs. It said that right in the article, honest, so that along with increased business for dying towns is the draw. Someone who moves in has to break ground within two years, and the house has specific requirements to guarantee no lower end homes. (ie square footage.)
Yes, Amy, I mean LESS than $2000 an acre.
Comment by Holly (September 9, 2005 @ 9:20 pm )
Hey now, not ALL of Idaho is cold…most of the time…;) I actually LIKE snow, and we haven’t gotten enough for more than a footprint in three years. See?
Actually I think the midwest is probably your best bet for reasonably priced land anymore (as in, you don’t have to be a millionaire to afford it!). We’ve looked that way longingly several times, but we’re hampered by family being on this side of the states (mostly Oregon, can’t afford to live there ourselves!) and dh’s job (home inspector) that sort of requires us to be somewhere fairly near a largish city.
So if we can convince all of our families to come with us, and find dh a job, we’ll join you, if you’ll have us! I’ll even help you with the gardening ;)!
Comment by AletaLynn (September 9, 2005 @ 9:56 pm )
Amy, there are 45 acres for sale across the street from us. We are sitting in the middle of 80 and our “next door” neighbors have about 50. Plenty of land! John thinks the prices are around $2000. Come up north! We’d love to have you for a neighbor!
Comment by Diane (September 10, 2005 @ 12:44 am )
Amy, come visit us here in Virginia, and I’ll take you over to meet the Salatins. We used to be in home church together for a couple of years. We’ve been to their “Open House on the Farm” for homeschoolers and listened to Joel talk about the advantages of organic farming.
Yes, they are way back down in the country on their own land (grandma lives beside them, and son built his own house on the land and resides there with his wife and son)…and they probably have more exposure to the public than even they like sometimes. So, on second thought, come visit and I’ll just ride you by their farm.
Comment by Deb (September 10, 2005 @ 10:34 am )
I mean Our HOMESTEAD Story!
Comment by Connie (September 10, 2005 @ 12:15 pm )
My wife pointed me to your post and I share your opinions about the modern church and simplifying life. The tagline on my personal blog is “Fewer Ducks… Straigher Row”.
I grew up in an environment similar to what you are describing, physically anyway. In eastern Washington I was raised on a 17-acre “hobby farm” with a field for hay, a large plot for a vegetable garden, and a creek running behind the house. I am the youngest of 13 kids — my mom was a good Catholic and my dad a good Italian :-).
I have fond memories of my childhood and I yearn to get back to such a lifestyle. My dad worked in an aluminum plant and mom raised the kids. As my older siblings grew they helped with the farm and household duties. We all went through the local public school. Dad went through layoffs and recalls. He’d find other jobs during the layoffs. Along with doing his part on the farm, Dad also enjoyed the mountains in northern Idaho and hunted there once a year. We not only grew up on powdered milk, garden vegetables, beef, chicken, and pork, but also elk. We would do our own butchering with a meat saw. We used two full-sized freezer chests to stock up. Everytime we’d go to the grocery store we’d buy 6 or 8 loaves of Wonderbread.
But life had it’s challenges. We lost livestock to illness. I remember one year we got 6 head of cattle (calves) at auction and lost 4 of them to illness a few months later. Or at times cows would find a way out of the fence and we’d have to go round em up. We had personal injury accidents that required medical attention. We kids worked hard but at times couldn’t keep up with the work. And we were not self-sustaining on the farm. We didn’t have equipment for working the hay field. We worked out a deal with a neighboring farm. They would plant, cut and bail and in exchange for half of the hay. We’d store the rest in our barn to feed the cows for the year.
Gardening was not too hard of work. And it was less risky of loss than raising animals. For as long as I remember my 18 years of living there, we’d plant in the spring and dig up the last of the potatoes and shuck the last of the corn in the fall. Although, we hated weeding the 70 foot by 100 foot plot, not the most fun task.
At that time all of us kids wanted escape the farm lifestyle for something more exciting. Now there’s only a couple of us that want to go back to that.
I could go on and on, much like my dad could tell his stories for ages. I’m a computer science undergrad and worked in the high tech industry for about 17 years now. I yearn to go back to a less high tech market driven world, but the Lord has brought me here to do His will. I’m still trying to determine where God will lead my wife and me next.
Comment by Gary (September 10, 2005 @ 1:49 pm )
I would love for my kids to have a mother-in-law like you.
I don’t think you are merely outside the box. You are on the other side of the world from the box, which is great. I am fascinated by your plan and hope it works out to the glory of God.
Comment by mopsy (September 10, 2005 @ 5:28 pm )
What a beautiful vision. My dh and I are planning a similar adventure after he graduates from Grad School. May the Lord bless you in your endeavor.
Comment by gwen (September 10, 2005 @ 11:21 pm )
I’m excited for you, and will be praying for your path.
Dy
Comment by Dy (September 11, 2005 @ 2:30 am )
This sounds like a wonderful idea. I would love this, just as much as any ones who’s commented. But the Lord has us in town ~ granted, the pop. is less then 2,000~ fro a reason and maybe He’ll move us out someday.
My husband’s family, who are from PA, did this generations ago. Although it wasn’t for the reason you are doing it. Back then, it was the norm to give your children some land. And it’s still in the family since 1802! All 800 acres of it. And my husband’s grandpa bought 100 acres of his own.
By the way, up here in WI, if you buy more then 40 acres, (less then 40 is about $3,500 an acre) it’s LESS then $2,000 and acre ~ about $1,000-1,500, depending on if you get hardwoods, feilds, lake access, etc. ~ still to rich for our pocket book. Maybe someday, Lord willing.
Jennifer
Comment by Jennifer D (September 11, 2005 @ 7:50 pm )
Amy I loved your post. Thanks for sharing.
I am laughing here though because it appears that EVERYONE wants you for a neighbor! We are in IL too so I’ll urge you on towards IL as well. We are actually moving soon and will be farther south… so if IL is a place you look, be sure to let me know.
Comment by Jamie (September 11, 2005 @ 8:52 pm )
Amy, as far as the Titus 2 women are concerned, I believe you’re right. You can’t wait for another woman to come along and do the job. There may not be one. And why wouldn’t you want to be there for your girls anyway? I’ve seen a lack of them myself, but they aren’t totally invisible. My small group is a testimony to helping at least two young women. They have made this known by their comments and it shows in their lives.
One thing I’ve learned about whether or not the grown children will accept the lifestyle you expose them to: Just expose them to it while they’re young and when they grow up, if it’s what they want, they’ll embrace it. But at least you’ve exposed them to it. Depending on how it’s “exposed” to them, the decision may be a no-brainer. I think your discernment in this is good. I’d guess you and hubby are also praying on it.
Thanks for sharing your dream with us. No one said you had to and it means a great deal to you so that puts you in a position of being questioned. I appreciated your insights.
Comment by Paula (September 12, 2005 @ 2:46 pm )
Thank you everyone, really, for taking a minute to write. I enjoyed reading your stories, perspectives, book recommendations, and neighborly offers.
I’ll write in more as I get the chance, but for now, the baby is up, naptime is over along with my computer time!
Comment by Amy (September 12, 2005 @ 3:06 pm )
Brought tears to my eyes, Amy. Maybe it’s estrogen, but I really think this is the way God intended humanity to live.
Comment by Heather (September 12, 2005 @ 11:35 pm )
So…Holly, WHERE in Illinois is this land!?!?!?!?
Comment by Lisa (September 14, 2005 @ 10:08 pm )
ok, i actually have time to jump in on this one. we have a different situation…..my dad HAS the land…..beautiful land in Alabama and we could have whatever we wanted of it. But we live in NC. Hubby is a pastor, and there isn’t much call for his kind of pastoring in the saturated deep south….so we are in the less-deep south with a church plant that wants to be biblical, not ‘traditional’……We would love to live the country life and have looked at land here but are hesitant to plant roots here. As much as we love NC, we still feel drawn to AL, to home. So, for now we live here, with the hopes and dreams of someday moving home. But God would have to open the doors for us. Or, I should say, He’d have to close the doors here. We are just not free to leave this church yet…we love these people.
Stacey : )
Comment by Stacey (September 15, 2005 @ 12:05 pm )
Thinking outside the box…
I recently read this post
Trackback by My Smoky Mtn. Homeschool (September 21, 2005 @ 3:03 pm )
Amy - This is my first time to your site, and I don’t know why I never got around to it earlier! I am really enjoying your posts.
I love this vision, and having been an Above Rubies reader for over a year, I am familiar with this type of thinking. (Nancy’s daughter, Evangeline has 8 children now in that little cabin! And Nancy has 19 grand-children living on the family property in TN) Part of me would love to emulate, especially if I could move up by Molly in Alaska!
My husband and I met and married largely over a common vision of going to seminary and eventually teaching seminary or perhaps pastoring. (He in the lead and I in support
In fact, today the issue of how many children we can have and still retain this vision came up. He is thinking of stopping with three and that about kills me. . . . though this isn’t the place to get into that! I am reading this post at a turning point in our life and it touches on many complex issues for me.
I guess I mention it because I hope for Christians to remember that there is not one “Christian Lifestyle” - The Son of Man had nowhere to lay his head (although he didn’t marry and have children either). Personally, my taste would tend to prefer the homestead vision. Earlier in life I sternly hated the city and called it a den of evil, but as I search scripture, God has a heart for both rural life and city life. He describes the new heaven with the vision of a city! That was amazing to me.
Comment by Annie (September 26, 2005 @ 10:30 pm )
This is the most ridiculous plan I have ever heard of in my life. How about trying to let your children just be young and normal and have fun during their childhood, rather than isolate them from the real world. I think it is horrible of you to even assume for a second that you expect your children to live right by you. How controlling are you? Way too controlling I would say. i will be praying for you and your family for sure, most especially for the well-being of your children.
Comment by Anonymous (October 31, 2005 @ 4:08 am )
Great plan. My in-laws gave my husband the land we live on, which is next door to their house. They are now in the process of building a granny flat on the same property so they can give their home to my brother-in-law and his wife. It is a huge blessing to have grandparents next door– my mother-in-law does all the things you want to do with your daughters. Not only is it a blessing for us, they get to know their grandkids in a special way and we plan to care for them as they grow older. This is the way it should work!
Comment by christy (October 31, 2005 @ 7:41 pm )
[...] g and executing small steps improves the likelihood of a good outcome. I mentioned some of our family goals before, and after revisiting them in numer [...]
Pingback by Amy’s Humble Musings » Small steps (December 5, 2005 @ 3:31 pm )
Amy, I ’stumbled’ across your site today as I was searching for a new church home due to a recent move. One link lead to another and I was so blessed to read some of your blog entries, particularly this one! I’ve known there are other ladies with the same heart as mine, but they are hard to come by…especially the Titus 2 ladies you mentioned. Although I’m not Amish (for many reasons), I have appreciated reading Beverly Lewis’ books detailing Amish families and communities. It baffles me why most Christians today, especially here in America, choose to live more like the world in regards to their homelife and family upbringing than what seems like the more Biblical approach.
Anyway, I appreciate you putting yourself out there online like this and am grateful to have found a sister in the Lord with a similar heart.
May the Lord prepare each step ahead for you and your family!
Comment by Andrea (December 7, 2005 @ 4:35 pm )
hi amy, i came here from Mommylife, congratulations on winning the blog award! i like your humor and particularly this post.
I have a friend with very similar goals to yours. So i asked her one day, what if your son-in-law or daughter-in=law’s parents are doing the same thing as you (providing land, etc) and they are just as fun and giving to live by as you are…? Not an unlikely possibility with all the homeschooler/homesteaders now. An interesting dilemma for the future MILs …. (yes, I do understand your point in post #9).
Annie, #50, my NYC preacher husband says something similar: he reminds me while creation began in a garden, history ends in an eternal city. He also reminds me that someone has to pay the plumber and carpenter and farmer so they can support their homeschooling families, and that may as well be us : ) Do you think I may have pushed the homestead vision myself a little too much?
Comment by floorplan (December 13, 2005 @ 7:10 pm )
Have you been reading our minds? Not sure how I got here, but we’re working on exactly what you wrote about. We just bought 40 acres in Kansas and we’re loving it. The 40 next door is for sale for $1500/acre if you’re interested.
Comment by Kirstin (January 21, 2006 @ 10:32 pm )
I guess we haven’t been keeping up with your blog very well recently, as I just noticed this entry. We first learned about your blog from Carmon about 2 years ago (we used to be their neighbors), and .
If you are interested, we’ve got 60 acres for sale in Middle Tennessee that we’re advertising for $1350 an acre. There are lots of Christian homeschooling people around here. We’re building on another piece of land just a few miles away. Info at http://www.newgrovetech.com/land
And yes, there are plenty of friendly Amish people in the area.
Comment by Henrik (January 31, 2006 @ 11:12 am )
I can’t believe it. We are in Middle Tn. and would love to buy land. I have 5 boys and am leaving my family size up to the Lord. We feel like we are being called to homestead as well and for all the same reasons as you Amy. I have read Above Rubies and love it!!! I also just lent my copy of Family Friendly Farming out to a friend who also is being called to this lifestyle!! Another friend up the road who has six children goes to church with Evageline from Above Rubies!! And, my friend that I lent the book out to, her daughter is interning for Nancy Campbell!! But the funniest thing on here is when I got to the end of these comments and found someone posting about land in Middle Tn. (which is where I live and want to buy land)and for a reasonable price!! I am dying here of over stimulation!! And if I’m not spelling correctly here it’s because I have five boys running around me!!! Amy, I’m praying for you, I know we would be great friends! Come to Middle TN!!!!
Comment by lezlee (February 11, 2006 @ 8:44 pm )
I live in south central Missouri. We live on a 160 acre farm with my husbands parents, his two sisters, and their families. My mother-in-law and father-in-law bought the property and we all were deeded a few acres of our own to build our houses. The rest of the pasture and woods is more like communal property. Tools and trailers and wisdom in certain areas is all shared and it makes life so easier. We grow a large garden, have fruit trees and berries and we just purchased our first dexter heifer.
There are 19 of us now living here. The convenience and love and warmth of having the family close is exactly what you are describing that you want for yourself.
It can be done and you are not the only one out there trying to regain some sense of family. We all homeschool and my husband and I have found a church that is dedicated to still preaching what God’s word says about the way you should be living your life.
When we made the move from Wisconsin 8 years ago we had just one child, we now have four and home to have our quiver full.
For any more info email rachel@ozbb.net
Comment by Rachel (March 8, 2006 @ 11:34 am )
LOVE this post and your blog! Congrats on birth of baby Charles! (I’m pg w/ number 7, due in July)
Just wanted to say I’m out here in “rural” NW IL. We live on 8 acres in the middle of large expanses of family farms. It’s AWESOME….but also hard. Our dream was to be debt free and live off the land…but my DH has to work full time to afford this life. It really only works if you’re able to pay off your debts. Our mortgage is VERY low by most standards and our taxes are really low as well…but we’re still several years from financial freedom. We moved here 7 years ago and if we’d gone by all the standard financial advice, we should be close to debt free by now, but it just hasn’t played out that way for us.
We’ve raised a couple steer and a couple pigs for butchering. We have laying hens and a pony. We had a goat, but she got bloat and died. We’ve had as many calves die as we’ve successfully raised. My husband always says “farming is the only business that has to buy everything at retail prices and sells everything wholesale”….when you’re small farming you don’t need to buy enough feed to get bulk prices and it costs as much or more to feed and raise livestock as the meat is worth in the end. We have a hay field, but no equipment, so we have pay neighbors to make our hay.
Anyway, I don’t want to discourage you…I’d still rather live this life with my kids than any other…but the reality isn’t quite turning out like my “dreams”…. I do TOTALLY share your dream of keeping my kids around me….I want my sons to marry and stay near w/ their daughter-in-laws and I want my daughters to stay near so I can help them with their babies…..I have been isolated from all of our extended family most of our married life…and really want my kids and grandkids to stick around. I want them to be “homestead” minded, and homeschool and homebirth minded as well…..but only God knows where they will end up.
Rural IL is worth looking into….land around here was at about 2K or less when we bought 7 years ago…it’s starting to creep up now…City folk are buying up places around here (we are about 45 min east of Quad Cities, IL/IA border)
I enphatically say “HERE,HERE..GO FOR IT!” But the reality can be pretty discouraging at times. We live 30 miles from closest “large” towns and our church. The driving alone becomes kind of a chore…(you just can’t run to the grocery if you realize your missing an ingredient in a recipe) and with gas prices these days…a large family and full size van…we’re really feeling the “crunch”. We try to only go to town for church and do as many of our errands and shopping on Sundays or Wed.
It can be very isolated. We have enough neighbors around, but not many that we have anything more in common with other than living out here in Rural IL. I do see it as a mission field. I know that no matter where I live God has called us to be a witness.
I could go on and on….I’d love to hear an update…if you are any closer to pursuing your dream….I still say “go-for-it”….just want to prepare you for some of the realities.
Comment by Tara (March 8, 2006 @ 2:22 pm )
Just found your site
Very interesting and well thought out plan!
I can personally testify as to the obstacle that debt was in the early years of my marriage and our desire to serve and minister!
Your children and your daughters/sons - in -law will be very blessed!!
Comment by Deanna (April 10, 2006 @ 9:59 pm )
Ahh, Amy! Sounds lovely! If you want to avoid allergies, avoid Southern Illinois.
Land might be cheap, but you might make up the difference in antihistimine and kleenex for part of the year. It is pretty here though, especially the further you get towards the Ohio River.
I’d be lost in a dream world if I spent time reading and pondering this lifestyle. For now, God has us serving this dear country and watching Him move in the process is good. When we had the opportunity and wanted to stay on my in-law’s property we weren’t welcomed by both, so we sought His plan and found ourselves quite a distance away. Now my MIL wishes we were closer. LOL I say she only has herself to blame.
Comment by mrs.s. (April 19, 2006 @ 10:01 am )
I found your website because I googled “leave and cleave” and “family farm”. I am somewhat familiar with the thoughts on here, however, as I’m a Christian lady and in the past have enjoyed the LAF web site.
I am 35 with three children and a husband I love. But if my parents had their way, it would be them I listened to and not my husband. He is not a farmer. He would likely kill himself on a tractor as he has zero experience in that area. But he goes to work every day to take care of a network for a very important company. He takes care of us and takes that very seriously.
I spent all day yesterday crying and shaking. I have never done that before and it was not good for my children. Yesterday I got an e-mail from my Mother. My parents (the family farmers) are angry with us for not living on and taking over the farm. I love them very much, and it hurts deeply to be a disappointment to them. My father is talking about finding another family as his children have left the home and are living elsewhere. He doesn’t wish to drive to visit them, but relies on them visiting him. And lately it has been difficult for us to get away, although we manage to get there twice a year.
I cringed when I read your comments about telling your daughters and daughters-in-law about how to do things. They might have different ideas by then about how to cope with coughs and such. Perhaps your way will not be the correct way. I am often at odds with my Mother on medical issues.
Just remember to have a heart. The things you are controlling about can really have a devastating effect on your children.
And I don’t think it’s necessarily a “modern” notion to scatter. Look at Laura Ingalls. And her mother and father. They left home and never looked back.
Comment by April (August 16, 2006 @ 10:55 am )
Dear April,
Thank you for the note. I hope to not come off as defensive, as I don’t feel the need to defend a good idea.
You said you “cringed” about my telling my daughters how to do things. I’m sorry that you have a broken relationship with your own parents, yet that doesn’t necessarily translate to everyone. You are right that grown children don’t take kindly to parents who seek to manipulate or control their adult children. This is always wrong, whether or not farms are involved.
Of course, the key to managing all these things (while our children are young as well as grown) is relationship.
Thank you for the caution. Here’s another reiteration: I’m not trying to control my children, stroke my own ego, or coddle my self-needs through my children. I want to offer my children an inheritance and a better foundation than I had myself. It’s up to them if they decide another path is better (and I don’t mean that sarcastically). Communicating my disappointment to them only weakens the relationship.
Unless it is sin, I’m ready to support them in whatever God calls them to do. After I’ve raised them, I am their cheerleader, not their conscience. After all, I want to be everyone’s favorite grandmother, and I’m smart enough to know that I’ll have to bite my tongue in order to be it. I can hardly wait.
Have a look around the site a little. I’m not as uptight as you might imagine.
Blessings as you navigate your own relationship with your parents, Amy Scott
Comment by Amy Scott (August 16, 2006 @ 11:58 am )
[...] I detailed some of our long-term dreams in an off-the-cuff post I wrote over a year ago titled, Thinking Outside the Box. It was one of the more popular posts I’ve written, with comments either strongly for or against my ideas. (link) We don’t know if God has placed this opportunity in our path so that we can follow this dream or if He’s just freeing up Greg to spend more time with our family right here, right now. We are OK either way. I wish we could stay here and pursue this dream, but land prices forbid it. [...]
Pingback by Amy’s Humble Musings » New job (October 22, 2006 @ 11:16 pm )
[...] I was visiting a blog that I know many, many people find their way to, and I came across a link to an old post that really expresses a lot of what I’ve been thinking about over the past several months. The reasons behind my desire for country living are nearly identical to those listed in Amy’s post, though I would add that growing organic food for a healthier lifestyle is one that is on my list. Check out Amy’s Humble Musings if you haven’t already. She’s well worth the read. [...]
Pingback by That’s What I’m Talking About « Amanda–More or Less (October 27, 2006 @ 7:09 pm )
What an incredible vision for your family and for passing on a rich heritage to your children and their children and their children… ! I’m going to poke around your sit some more, but I can already tell we’re going to agree on an awful lot of things and you’re going to challenge me in some new ways. I’ll be linking to your website- and hoping some of my readers and friends will read your “musings” as well
Blessings… and thanks for being an inspiration to think out of the American-mediocre-Christianity box.
Jess
Comment by Jessica (November 2, 2006 @ 3:23 am )
[...] Lately, most of my time online is spent researching property and plans as we make forward steps with buying acreage. (Background info. is mostly here and here.) I said that I’d journal our journey, and I hesitate talking aloud on things that aren’t a done deal. But in the event that it might be helpful to others or cause us to rethink some things that need adjusting, I’ll keep updating. [...]
Pingback by Amy’s Humble Musings » The next step (January 31, 2007 @ 4:35 pm )
Thanks for the post! You bring up some great tried and true ideas. For most of the world’s population they’d hardly raise an eyebrow. We’ve given up some of the great joys in life in going too far in the direction of individualism. My own family is part Mexican (my mother’s father) and we still hold onto some of the old values, along with our family’s own tradition of military and public service. It is expected that you stay home with the children, at least while they are very young. That you take in and take care of your parents and unwed uncles and aunts when they are old. That you look out for your brothers and sisters and try to live nearby if you can (the old standing joke about you mess with a Mexican, you mess with the whole family has some truth to it!) That faith is central to life and family and time to breathe trumps career any day. I’ve seen the same traditions in Italy, Spain, and the Middle East, and I know it also common in Asia and of course Africa. Combined with a Christian mindset this lifestyle is ideal.
But here’s a point, you needn’t homestead. That is the idyllic version, but really you can live this way in a small town or even in a city if you can find a quiet neighborhood within walking distance of a grocer with small and somewhat run-down houses just waiting for little gardens and front porch socializing!
Comment by AnotherBeliever (May 1, 2007 @ 6:29 pm )
[...] with but don’t reiterate often enough. His comment is in response to a post I wrote way back, Thinking outside the box. Regular readers will remember the ideas in it because I blather on about it all the time. Here’s [...]
Pingback by Amy’s Humble Musings » Right where you are (May 2, 2007 @ 1:01 pm )
[...] (Jess wants to know! Although I find Sara’s life very interesting, I still think I go with Amy on this [...]
Pingback by A Gracious Home » Linky love (May 7, 2007 @ 3:10 pm )
We are selling our 82 acres for $139,900 32 miles north of Bolivar Missouri. Excellent water ! Fenced, crossfenced 4 ponds, outbuildings, WONDERFUL neighbors. Family need us to move near them. Maybe this helps someone. We hope for someone nice to buy it for the sake of our wonderful neighbors.
Comment by S Family (June 19, 2007 @ 4:35 pm )
I like the idea of no debt a lot. But for some reason the comment ‘to get back home and cook dinner and stop complaining’ really rubbed me the wrong way. Also, what about the idea of not only you helping the women with the babies, but your husband helping the men with the babies and other work. Are the women the only one that need guidance? Perhaps I misread this but that is what it sounded like. I know this is a strongly anti-feminism website, that’s great, but men need just as much guidance as women do from their elders. Men also need to be told to get back home and stop griping. Just my two cents. I think April had a good point in that it really is not a modern notion - and would you truly want someone telling you when and when not to take your children to the doctor? A mother’s intuition is a very valuable thing - being told what to do can make a mother lose trust in her ability to mother. I’m sureyou have a heart of gold and mean all this well, but I cringe at the thought of being in that kind of environment bc it sounds very controlling. Good luck with whatever you choose to do though.
Comment by Abigail (August 13, 2007 @ 2:40 pm )
I apologize for that; it wasn’t meant to be snarky.
After I finish nursing, my husband is the one who tends our toddlers and other children in the middle of the night. No, women aren’t the only ones who need guidance, but it is the area I can speak to since I am one. I don’t know how much good it’d do to say, “Men, help your wife out, OK?”
Just because I said that I’d like to help my own daughters out doesn’t mean that I’d like to toss our sons out to fend for themselves. That’s quite the illogical jump on that one, here.
Abigail, I don’t know you or your circumstances, but allow me to share a little bit of where I’m coming from. I understand you can’t possibly know that I’m pretty easy to get along with and don’t desire to micro-manage my children’s lives. There are old, bitter people who meddle in their grown children’s lives, but I’m not sure how saying, “Yes, I want to be there for you if you need me” qualifies as controlling.
I’ve had eight pregnancies in nine years. After each baby, it gets more difficult. Not only do I have a newborn to tend that keeps me up all night, but now I have toddlers and preschoolers who need to be kept safe during the day.
For our first four children, my husband stayed home for a week and then had to return to his 60-hour a week + traveling job. I was left alone without any post-partum help (other than meals from my gracious church family). At that point, if a controlling mother-in-law had offered to come over to keep watch of the littles so I could catch a two-hour nap, I would’ve kissed her. As it was, I managed alone for the most part, and it is harder than I can possibly describe.
One morning at the bottom of despair, I went through all my contacts looking to hire a girl to come over in the mornings so that I could catch up on lost sleep. I’d just given birth for the third time. Everyone was too busy except for “someone who knew someone who knew someone” who might be able to help. In the end, she had too many conflicts with her regular job at the supermarket, plus she wanted ten bucks an hour to watch my (then) two other children. I didn’t even know her, but here I was looking to bring in a stranger because I thought it’d be safer than me trying to stay awake.
Motherhood is something that we should thrive in doing, not just survive. Yet, millions of women everywhere are hitting the yellow pages for daycares, discount vasectomies, and a little bit of Zoloft. I can understand this, though I differ on the solution.
Here’s the thing. I’ve done this alone, and it stinks. If my girls want to walk away hugging their independence, they have that right. But God created families and the idea of families and the support of families. They are for our good, not just our annoyance.
What’s the deal with having to figure out everything for yourself? If I wanted to give someone a million bucks, they’d stand there with their hand outstretched. And if I want to give someone a bit of advice and practical help with the dishes with no strings attached, why isn’t the response the same?
I don’t want to be one of those old cranks who moan about the state of our culture. Since I mutter on about it, I believe I have a responsibility to do something about it. Our country was built on ingenuity, thinking outside of the box, and personal responsibility—not tax-sponsored daycares and welfare. Independence is a façade. Everyone is dependent on someone, something. For me, I’m betting my stock on my children and not Social Security.
Comment by Amy Scott (August 14, 2007 @ 1:42 pm )
Reading this post and your last comment made me well up with tears. Since my baby was 4 months old, I have been away from all family (except husband, of course) and have had no friends who could/would help.
I’m so thankful for a telephone to at least be able to talk to my mother and mil once a day for about 5 minutes each. The first and only time my little one (who is now 2) ever got sick, my mother happened to be in town for Thanksgiving. I called her at her hotel at 2 AM. She was at my doorstep within minutes. I was scared but so very thankful to know that my mother and grandmother were here to help my husband and me through this scary and difficult time.
My husband and I have made one move to be 8 hours closer to home rather than 12 and pray for the opportunity to be even closer. This experience has taught us the value of the multi-generational family. We are both looking forward to the retirement of my fil in a few years. We already have a room or two reserved for them in our home.
It is because of this “independence” and some lingering post-pregnancy health issues (which might have been avoided with some help from family and friends) that my husband has decided to limit the size of our family to include only one child. God-willing, my health will improve and my womb will be still be viable when my in-laws move out here or when/if we can ever move back nearer to home, for that is when and only when my husband will be open to the blessing of more children. My dear husband means well and I must follow his lead.
Kudos to you, Amy, for this great post and follow up comment!
Comment by Jenny (August 14, 2007 @ 2:12 pm )
Amy,
I totally agree with you. Having two children that were 15 months apart totally threw me for a loop. My postpartum depression was so severe that I became suicidal. If it were not for my mom, who lives next door to us, I would not be here. She basically raised my newborn until I could get back up on my feet. (My husband had to work all the time.) She was never controlling; she just automatically knew what I needed and did it. God bless those older mothers and mothers-in-law. Some women may have an easy time when a child is born, but some of us need help. I did not know anyone to hire for help, and I did not trust anyone except my mother to take care of my baby, so daycare or a nanny/babysitter situation was not an option for me.
Amy, your thinking is right on target. I am one of those women who is eternally grateful that my mother lives next door and chose to “mettle”, because it literally saved my life.
Comment by Anonymous (August 14, 2007 @ 6:10 pm )
Anonymous,
Exactly.
Postpartum depression is the secret Christian women don’t talk about. If you have it, then why, you must need a few more Bible verses or something. Oftentimes, God doesn’t deliver us out of the proverbial fire, but through it. (Think: Daniel, Shadrack, et al) And our neighbors, families, fellow Christians are the ones God has chosen to be His hands and feet.
Comment by Amy Scott (August 14, 2007 @ 9:59 pm )
I know this post is two years old, but I just read it for the first time today. What a beautiful vision you have for your home and family. I am so happy that recent events are coming together to make it a reality! A farm girl, I’m not, but I too want to embrace a simpler, less hectic life for our family as well. I printed that post (I hope that’s allowed). It is a perfect expression of what I aspire to.
Comment by terry (August 21, 2007 @ 3:29 pm )
I am a highly competent mother and you know how I got that way??? By taking advice from my own mother who told me what kind of cough to take the baby to the doctor for and all that. She also told me to turn my firstborn over on his tummy so he would sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. After two weeks of no sleep, I was loosing my mind so I trusted my mom and laid that baby down on his tummy. Guess what. 3 hours of solid sleep. She saved me. And she cleaned my house after every baby so I could come home to neatness. And after our adoption, she came and helped with the other kids so I recover from jet lag, get everyone fed, keep things reasonably neat and still hold the new two year old whenever she needed holding.
And you know what else? She encouraged me to be a godly wife when I was a selfish young bride and pointed me towards God’s ways when I was pointed towards my own ideas of what I needed to be happy.
So, I am all for you staying deeply involved in your children’s adult lives. They will need you as they begin to walk the path you have already worn out. There is a right way to do it and I sincerely believe that you are on the right track.
I agree with absolutely everything you said in this post. My husband and I talk about doing something like this all the time, but we don’t know how we would swing it with his job (retail management). Any bright ideas?
Comment by Tonya (June 7, 2008 @ 9:32 pm )
Tonya, This might not be incredibly helpful, but then again, maybe it will be: DON’T DO RENTALS! Unless, of course, you’re experienced and can avoid the common pitfalls. Just saying, don’t expect to feed your family off of it or even have money for a paperclip.
Seriously, before Greg went independent with his job, we were totally owned, flying here and there and told when to have a bathroom break. The thing we zeroed in on was to reduce our expenses and thereby needing them (the big company) less and less. This will put you into a position to take a risk when a good opportunity presents itself. Greg NEVER could’ve taken the risk to leave if we had all kinds of debts and expenses. Yes, he still has a job doing the same thing, but he’s an independent contractor, and that makes our lives a whole lot better. It gives us flexibility and the choice to move. We didn’t have that previously.
Look, I know it’s hard to raise a family. Greg has eight mouths to feed and he feels that responsibility heavily. The problem is compounded, though, when there are other bills. My only bright idea is to eliminate all debt.
After we did that, we said, “OK. Now what can we cut?” For us, we pay $500 a month JUST IN TAXES AND INSURANCE. (Yes, we have the bare minimum insurance.) Our farm costs us about $100 a month.
That’s $500 a month for a small house on a 1/3 acre vs. $100 for a large house, 3 outbuildings, 6 ponds, and 54 acres. The decision to move to a cheaper place was pretty easy. According to cost of living calculators, we’ll save 30% by choosing KY over FL. We could cut the cost substantially lower if we just did an even trade and bought something similar to what we have now.
I am all for making the most of what you have where you are. No matter where you are, you can plant your own food and pay down/eliminate debt. These are good choices whether or not you sympathize with what we’re trying to do ourselves.
Comment by Amy Scott (June 22, 2008 @ 11:12 am )
Hello
I don’t even remember how I got here, but I loved this post! I think your family would very much enjoy this children’s book:
http://www.amazon.com/All-Places-Love-Patricia-Maclachlan/dp/0060210982/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1220333839&sr=1-2
Blessings,
Keri
Comment by Kerimae (September 2, 2008 @ 1:41 am )