Do you have any friends in real life who live life in a very different way from you? And if so, how do you approach posting about your very strong views, knowing that they are reading them and might feel judged?

I do have many friends who are very different from me; in fact, I cannot think of anyone who agrees with me on everything or even almost everything (except my dear husband, and yet, we still have differences on what an acceptable level of mess is…). My longest standing friend is a liberal socialist who would rather choke down an onion than read this site. And yet, she asked me to be the maid-of-honor in her wedding, but I didn’t get to because she eloped in Vegas. She just likes my decorating advice, I think.

I’m not sure that I’m the best person to give advice on how to win friends and influence people for what little skill I acquired on the subject was learned mostly by non-examples. Though, if I had the chance to have a cup of tea with younger married women starting their families, I’d tell them not to have a chip on their shoulder. When someone asks them, “Do you know what causes that?! What about socialization? You’re going to do what?”, I’d tell them to smile sweetly and come up with a witty reply and a wink.

As far as people feeling judged, so long as your speech is seasoned with grace, your motive is charity, and your tongue is not promoting virtue found outside Christ, I think it is best to let the chips fall where they may.

There are two primary reasons I think that people walk around feeling “judged.” One is that they see in you a value that they do not hold, and their conscience tells them that they ought. They refuse a lifestyle change because the cost outweighs the convenience. Modern culture tells us to “obey our thirst,” and the mantra rings stronger than the call to take up one’s cross.

Another reason that people feel condemned is because they are—sorry for the weak word—insecure. I can relate. I remember when my first child was a young toddler and someone criticized me for allowing him to drink from a bottle instead of a cup. I was so upset, and I’m not making this up. If you want to say something to make a woman weep, wail, and gnash her teeth, go ahead and remotely criticize her mothering skills. Drinking from a bottle is not a moral issue, but from the way I reacted, you’d think his salvation depended on whether it was appropriate or not.

It is a silly example, but it illustrates nicely that I was still young in my confidence and in need of reassurance. Being twenty-one, it is understandable and forgivable, but you’d be wrong to assume that everyone grows in confidence in the same way that they age. And so, we must be gentle with one another.

Sure, I live my life according to my conscience, but in every culture there must be those who are willing to say, “People, the emperor has no clothes.”