There are worse things
Tuesday, Oct 4, 2005
My firstborn, a seven-year-old son and my husband’s namesake, is a pretty good kid. In fact, since I’m his mom and haven’t yet bragged on him in this weblog, I have to say that he’s more than “pretty good”; I was just trying to be humble that first time I said it. He’s gentle and kind with his sisters, not provoking them to too much wrath. He’s rooting for a brother just so he can have someone to share his room with. He’s not a sissy and often takes the initiative with work. And though he is yet only the tender age of seven, I have someone that I can really depend on. He’s done a few foolish things in his time, but he is not a fool. His nightly prayers for wisdom are being heard.
But I’m writing to say that I give up on him. He has a habit that no matter what steps we take, still persists. I’ve found him engaging in this activity late at night, early in the morning, and many hours throughout the day. What is it? Reading. I’m not kidding: he won’t stop. I complained to my husband yesterday, “Do you know how dumb this sounds? ‘Honey, stop reading and get back to your schoolwork.’” My husband agreed that this sounded bad, but what do you do?
In an “About Me” speech that my son composed, he wrote, “I’d rather read fifty books than have to write one word.” His penmanship and fine motor skills are adequate; he is not suffering from a learning disability or anything of the sort. Just a motivation disability. He leaves the room under the guise of needing some quiet to do his language and math work, gets stuck on a problem, then pulls out a book until I wander by and ask, “Why aren’t you finished?”
Because he shoulders more responsibility than his younger sisters (but not unreasonably so), he also receives more privileges than the younger ones. I believe this is one of the keys to not provoking our children or causing them to become bitter against us. Because he handles responsibility maturely, he receives the same in kind: later bedtimes, more trust, and the extra cherry that I’ll slip him under the table occasionally throughout the day. And so, after family worship and a nightly read-aloud, the three girls will be sent to bed while he hangs off the couch upside-down with a bowl of ice cream (sometimes) while my husband reads a G. A. Henty novel aloud. Then they’ll get on the internet and look for a picture of one of the ancient ships the novel spoke about while I moan, “Don’t ya’ll think it’s late?”
Now the girls are crazy about books too. If I dump a new pile of books on the family room floor, based on the screaming and excitement, you’d think you were at a modern day Sponge Bob birthday party. But the girls aren’t obsessed like my son. And so, while I acknowledge there are worse obsessions, I pray along with my son for wisdom in how best to mother them all.
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I used to be like your son growing up and still love to read. Books were a window to other places to me to things that I can not do like sail a ship or have a wild adventure while knowing that at any moment I am in safety of my own home. I read many many books, I could read a 300 page book in three hours given that it was a good book
It is not a bad thing that your son loves to read this much as long as you monitor what he reads…
Comment by Julia (October 4, 2005 @ 3:49 pm )
Your son sounds very familiar! I often refer to my 7yo as “book-head” since he always has his head in a book. He earned this nickname while at the library, since he couldn’t stop reading the books even while checking out or walking to the car:-)
What a blessing that your son is gentle with his sisters! And I don’t think I’ll be able to get rid of the picture in my head of him hanging upside down eating icecream
Ahhhh! The blessings of responsibility!
Is G.A. Henty as engaging as I’ve heard? We have all his stuff on CD’s but haven’t dug into it yet.
Comment by Danielle (October 4, 2005 @ 3:50 pm )
Which Henty are they reading? We just finished “Wulf the Saxon”. My husband and I both got choked up at the end. We’re reading “In Freedom’s Cause” next. The discussions we have while reading aloud those books are a major component of our homeschooling.
Vision Forum has them on sale this week. You can get 40 of them for half price.
The library guy just delivered a pile of books to my doorstep. This means I can leave right now for a bikeride alone and the house won’t burn down! Thank God for books.
Comment by Jo in Orlando (October 4, 2005 @ 4:38 pm )
Is your son remembering all he reads? Maybe take all the books he is reading, and turn it into a learning opportunity? Have him write out what the author is talking about. Have him diagram the main sentence of each paragraph/section. Etc.
I am in a bible study class right now that points out that we might read a LOT — and rapidly. But we retain VERY little of what we read. And thinking back on what I’ve read recently — I realize that they’re right.
Comment by My Boaz's Ruth (October 4, 2005 @ 4:47 pm )
Oh no…don’t make him diagram the main sentences. That will steal his joy of reading. (Sorry, Ruth!!!! Not trying to offend.)
Do you remember when I mentioned this to you a few months back, Amy? Each one of my three eldest children do this. (You were talking about work ethics.) It can be such a hard balance - to encourage their love of learning and reading, and yet, to teach them when it is time to “do” instead of live vicariously through a book.
Things are a little better for us in this area now. I have made it “quite” clear that there is no “pleasure” reading until schoolwork and chores are done for the day. Then, they truly are free to read their “pleasure” books. (Guess what my 13 year old reads for pleasure, though? Right now he is on a 1200 page tome called “How to build your own Pentium (something or other) PC.” Yeesh. How do you fight that? You’re right. It DOES sound dumb to say, “Would you put THAT down and come read what you’re supposed to?” But, I still do it, for the self-discipline aspect.
The boy’ll be fine, Ma!
Comment by Holly (October 4, 2005 @ 8:40 pm )
It reminds me of the time I picked my daughter up from a week at church camp. On the way home we stopped for snacks at a convenience store. I headed straight to the Cokes. It was afterall about 12:30 and I was four hours overdue. She asked if she could get bottled water (she was about nine at the time.) Absolutely not, I responded, I am NOT paying for just water…. Then I stopped to think what I was really saying: I will only pay for something if it has lots of sugar and caffeine. It just makes me laugh when the kids pick up good habits despite my best efforts otherwise.
Comment by carolyn (October 4, 2005 @ 10:30 pm )
I have one of those, only she’s fourteen now. I can encourage you in the writing area. After years and years of hating her writing assignments, she was given a lot of free time this summer and she started writing her own stories. She even gets to writing them and has to be told to stop writing and get back to school.
She is also the oldest and she also handles responsibility well (usually) and has more of it, so I, too, give her more freedom and such. She has her own Mp3 player and she stays up later and gets her own money to spend. If she gets an invite, we are likely to say. This is all because of how much we can (and often do) count on her.
My daughter, at your son’s age, if we didn’t have anything new for her to read, would pick up the dictionary and read it for “fun.”
Comment by Khyraen (October 4, 2005 @ 11:32 pm )
Amy,
My 14 year old daughter sounds like your son. When she’s not doing something else, she can be found in her room with her head in a book—no matter she’s probably read it 3 times already, lol! I love that she enjoys reading! Her new thing is the World magazine-a great source for a Christian view on world/US events. I am a FL momys and met you at Jenn Walley’s house. I hope your pregnancy is going well…she’s pregnant now, too!
Comment by Nancy Palmer (October 5, 2005 @ 9:00 am )
Danielle, I think my husband is more fascinated by the novels than the kids. My daughters, ages 5 and under, have too much trouble following, but it is good for olders.
Jo, They just finished By Right of Conquest and are on By Conduct and Courage now.
Regarding my son’s reading and schoolwork, most of their education is really just conversation. Writing is minimal for now. They are all still young. While I’m happy with our approach, we still fine tune the method as we go.
{Waves to Nancy!} Hi Nancy, Of course I remember you. Hope you are well, and thanks for stopping by!
Comment by Amy (October 5, 2005 @ 12:26 pm )
Your son and I have a lot in common! I LOVE to read. The very act of reading calms me down and relaxes me.
I too used to be obsessive about it. I actually forget that time exists when my head is in a book. I have begun reading when I laid down in bed only to be surprised out of the story by my alarm 8 hours later. When I am really into a book I have this faint, illogical worry that the story will go on with out me.
It really did take some maturing for me to be able to manage my readng time more responsibily. And I’m still learning. (I’m suffering right now because I read too late last night)
But a love of reading is so wonderful. He can learn so much between the covers of a book. Personally I gravitate to historical fiction and that has fostered a love of real history. It’s so cool to me to find out how they did this or that back then or to connect events with their future consequences and see that woven into a fictional character’s life.
Comment by Kristy (October 5, 2005 @ 1:12 pm )
Amy, you mention that he handles responsibility well. Are the completion of his lessons not a responsibility?
I’m not a perfect parent and don’t have all the answers, but at our house, privileges are contingent on upholding responsibilities. When we homeschooled, that same principle held true for school work. It’s also important to instill a sense of balance in our kids early, don’t you think? To mutate Solomon’s words, a time for reading, a time for math, a time for writing, a time to ride bikes . . .
[whispering] It’s totally fabulous that you have such an avid reader! Congrats!
Comment by Carol (October 5, 2005 @ 8:02 pm )
Your son sounds like a delightful young man, Amy!
The Henty publishers are good friends of mine and you might be interested to know that Beverly has a website with a wealth of related information. Her book reports can be found here.
Comment by ~Patricia (October 6, 2005 @ 8:38 am )
You are so right, Jo. Totally unfair of me to impose my own struggle for balance on anyone else. No doubt such a driven reader is well above average on the genius scale. Thank you for your gentle correction.
So, if we were talking about my son here, should I allow him to pursue his obsession to the exclusion of his worksheets? Or do I nudge him into a direction that would tip the scales more toward (but not fully realizing) balance? Du’oh! There’s that word again!
And given his age, at what point do we begin to instill good study habits? Mine were 7 years old in 2nd grade. I seem to recall moving them in that direction prior to that. Too early?
Comment by Carol (October 6, 2005 @ 12:39 pm )
Carol, I wouldn’t say he’s a genius. Last year he exclaimed, “Hey everyone…I know how to spell V-C-R!” and “Hey…I was born on my birthday…”
Regarding the sitdown work, for what it’s worth, I think it depends on the kid. You never want to have a lazy kid, but in my case, he’s not rebelling or being lazy. He just plain hates it. So we still make him do it, but it is minimal.
I think it’s important to have “good study habits” but it is not the end. Good character, loving God, and a good work ethic will take you far. Boys at this age need work that makes them sweat. They have passion and energy and so they need good work and hard play. Making seven-year-old boys sit still at a desk for 6-8 hours–compounded with video games, TV, and fast food when they get home— is why the public schools have record numbers of “ADD” boys.
Comment by Amy (October 6, 2005 @ 1:43 pm )
Must be genetic. Sounds just like his momma.
I remember reading here a while back that you were the same way, Amy.
Does preferring to read the rules instead of play the game sound familiar to anyone?
And you turned out okay, didn’t ya?
Comment by Somebody's Momma (October 6, 2005 @ 4:17 pm )
LOL!!! So, Amy, your Mom actually DOES read your blog, eh?
Comment by /tim (October 6, 2005 @ 5:24 pm )
By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you if you’ve ever read the “Young Ladies Guide to the Harmonious Development of Christian Character” by Harvey Newcomb?
I have an original copy of the 1846 edition, with a date of 1859, and the name of one of my ancestors inscribed in pencil in the front cover. It is a fantastic book and deserves to be read by every young woman AND man. If you haven’t read it, I’d suggest it as a staple in your home library.
Comment by /tim (October 6, 2005 @ 5:31 pm )
I don’t think so.
Nope, but sounds like something I should check into.
Comment by Amy (October 6, 2005 @ 6:30 pm )
I was a book-head homeschool girl when I was in elementary school. My mom forced me to sit down and do math and practice penmanship and I hated it. I wanted to READ.
I grew out of it though, by the end of junior high I figured out that I couldn’t read all the time and learn all of the other things I needed to learn and all the friendships I wanted to make. Sure, I was never as good as math as I am at english/writing and my penmanship isn’t that great, but I think that some people really have a knack for reading and language and that it should be allowed to flourish.
Now I’m in my last year of college and I’m glad that I still love books. If I hadn’t been allowed to have all that practice reading back in my younger years, I wouldn’t be as successful now. I’m glad I was given the time to do what I enjoyed-within reason.
Comment by Heidi (October 10, 2005 @ 6:06 pm )
When I was in sixth grade, the teacher had a ‘talk’ with my dad about my reading during class, and how it was disrupting my work. I found it so hard to put a book down!
Comment by Tracey (October 13, 2005 @ 11:16 am )
One of the most awesome sermons I have heard is “Why satan wants your first born” by SM Davis. It’s a must and a great explaination why first borns should receive a little more…
Comment by miss kelly (October 18, 2005 @ 9:26 am )