Difficult days
Tuesday, Nov 29, 2005
I receive a daily morning email, Elisabeth Elliot Devotional. This morning she shared a letter from a mother of two children under two, who was feeling great pressure with life being difficult. I remember well the days she was referring to, as I had three children aged three and under, and it wasn’t too long ago. Those were some hard days. Often older ladies would pat me on the head and say, “Enjoy it. It goes by so fast.” I thought they had amnesia, and I promised myself I’d never utter those same words.
Compounding the hard work was my husband’s long hours, the fact that we made my first move ever (to cut down on his two and a half hour commute), and that we didn’t find a church home until many months later. I delivered our third child just a month after we made the move. A lot of things were still in boxes, the master bedroom was Cotton Candy Pink with a fancy teal wallpaper boarder, and I didn’t know my way around town. But that was O.K., as it’s not worth going anywhere with three small children. Timing newborn feedings, toddler snack times, and preschool naptimes with precision so that you can get through the check-out in 37 minutes flat is not an exercise for the faint of heart.
And then the cashier assisting the lady in front of you utters the most dreadful thing you could hear at that moment…. “Price check on register 8.” Have mercy.
It was easy to lose perspective during that time. I thought they’d never get older. I thought they’d never get out of diapers. I thought I’d have to get up several times a night forever. And with another one on the way, it does seem like forever. Keeping perspective was and is an ongoing task, but it is easier now than when they were all babies. This trial by fire produces in mothers the grit they will need for the coming years, the long haul.
Elisabeth Elliot speaks of Amy Carmichael’s legacy, the Dohnavur Fellowship in India. She writes, “There, day after day, year in and year out, Indian women (most of them single) care for little children, handicapped children, infirm adults, old folks. They don’t go anywhere. They have none of our usual forms of amusement and diversion. They work with extremely primitive equipment–there is no running water, for example, no stoves but wood-burning ones, no washing machines. In one of the buildings, I saw this text: ‘There they dwelt with the King for His work.’ That’s the secret. They do it for Him. They ask for and receive His grace to do it. I saw the joy in their lovely faces.”
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Yes, yes, perspective is everything. This is why the Bible constantly reminds us to renew our minds. I don’t know about you but I don’t wake up every morning all cheery and chipper.
Hang in there Amy! You are doing Kingdom work for the King. Don’t forget it.
Comment by Meredith B. (November 29, 2005 @ 1:20 pm )
John Piper makes a great quote that I refer to a lot during the day. “Only one life, twil soon be past, only whats done for Jesus will last.”To carry that perspective is sometimes very hard. Amidst the chaos of tantrums, potty training, and feeding times, it’s hard to see that I really am teaching my baby girls about His kingdom, and I only have two! God bless you with yours. I will be right there soon enough.

Comment by Carrie (November 29, 2005 @ 1:27 pm )
Thanks for sharing the link to that site, Amy. It’s a new one for me, and I love various devotionals.
Comment by Deb (November 29, 2005 @ 3:16 pm )
Thank you for the encouragement Amy! These are the sorts of thoughts I cling to on especially rough days! We have four little ones ages 4 and under, with another on the way. At one point we had 3, ages 2 and under, and when our new baby is here we will have that again.
It is most certainly exhausting, but I would not trade my precious children, or the beautiful things the Lord is teaching me through these busy, busy days for anything.
A little encouragement goes a looooong way though and provides sustenance for those days when you feel like you can’t put one foot in front of the other, so thank you again.
If you don’t mind, I shall add a link to this from our website.
Jennifer
P.S. You may have already read them, but here are two of my favorite articles on motherhood. I have reread them many times for encouragment.
Comment by Jennifer (November 29, 2005 @ 3:36 pm )
Woops, here are the URLS for the articles (hopefully they will show up this time!):
http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/article_529.shtml
http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/article_105.shtml
Comment by Jennifer (November 29, 2005 @ 3:37 pm )
I so needed somebody to tell me that it was “a season” when mine were little. I had always wanted to be a mom more than anything, and then when it happened, it almost killed me. I spent years being bitter at God for making the time so difficult that I wasn’t able to enjoy the wonder of my babies the way I had always planned to.
Anyway, they are 10, 13, 14 and 16 now, and they are so great. I never could have imagined how wonderful it would become–like getting back the years after the locusts. I still struggle a little that I have to remember the early years as locust years. But I did enjoy the children, and the enjoyment is enhanced now as we remember the funny old stories of when they were little.
Comment by ruth (November 29, 2005 @ 5:51 pm )
Uh, hate to admit this, but us *old* moms get discouraged, too. I am now the hormonal/postpartum mother of 12 and wrestle daily (momently?) with renewing my mind. Baby Sophie is a month old and she is darling and good-natured so I can’t claim fussy baby syndrome. I suspect it has more to do with dying to self and fearing there won’t be any *me* left after this (so far) 23-year season of babies and toddlers. How awful it is to admit it!
The only help I know is to fall on my face before God, read His Word, ask Him for real-life encouragement (sometimes provided by your blog, Amy!), and cultivate a thankful heart when those thoughts come. I hear stirring in the cradle…
Blessings,
Charlotte in OK
Comment by Charlotte (November 29, 2005 @ 6:45 pm )
Thanks, Amy good post. My three, three and under were driving me batty tonight. It was so hard. Sometimes I forget I have five, seven and under, three-three and under plus sell 150 gallons of milk a week. This post ministered to my heart. Thanks!!!!
Comment by KS Milkmaid (November 30, 2005 @ 3:17 am )
… One of my favorite quotes from Amy Carmichel’s life, which was spoken in response to a wearied co-worker: “when things are difficult, consider it a chance to die…” (knowing that “dying” with Christ is really so wonderful…)
Comment by MM (November 30, 2005 @ 10:35 am )
Your post was great to read this morning. I’m expecting my 5th as well, in about 3 weeks. I’ve been overwhelmed a lot and yet when they are in bed sleeping, looking like little angels I regret not being more for them. But when they wake up the cycle starts all over again. I feel like we’re just surviving. I want to be more than surviving, I want to show them LIFE, the way God showed me. It’s difficult and overwhelming, thanks for the perspective…
Jess
Comment by Jess (November 30, 2005 @ 10:46 am )
My oldest was still 4 when my 4th was born and I remember those same “these days fly by” comments from older women…..what really enabled me to enjoy the days as they did NOT fly by was when older women came and walked with me and beside me as I nursed, homeschooled, worked (VERY part time at home), tried to love my husband, and worked out my own salvation. I sometimes feel like I am beating the same crazy drum, but where are the older women in the church? We young moms NEED you. We need you to tell us that these are great times that we will miss (it is hard to comprehend that on 2 hour snippets of sleep for weeks on end). We need to hear that we are laying down our lives for “the least of these”. We need to hear how we are to love our husbands who are working so hard during these times so we can be home. We need to hear that you too had a child who cried inconsolably for hours on end and still turned out OK, and by the way, take that child for a stroll so we can catch a 10 minute shower in peace ; )
I was blessed to have an older woman who walked with me when I had my first 2 in 18 months and my second was a very fussy baby. We then moved, but she was person I called in tears–when I found myself pregnant again, after baby#2 had just started sleeping thru the night–at 10 months. She encouraged me to press on and rely on God. Childrearing is truly a sanctifying process FOR THE PARENTS!!
Press on Amy, and I wish I lived closer to come and take your children to the park to play with mine for an afternoon.
Comment by Lisa (November 30, 2005 @ 2:48 pm )
KS Milkmaid, I had NO idea our children were about the same ages!!! Mine are 5, ages 7 and under too.
Anyways, Amesters, great post. I’ve already talked with ya, you know right where I’m at…
That book you just quoted is one of my fav’s, btw.
Comment by molly (November 30, 2005 @ 3:46 pm )
PS–Jess, I know EXACTLY what you are feeling. Woah. That is weird to have someone else express that. I have the same thing happen to me at night…just going in and looking at their sweet faces and feeling like I wasn’t enough for them, AGAIN, despite my best intentions…
Sometimes I wonder if not being “enough” is a good thing in many ways, not a bad thing…but since they’re not old enough to be able to “examine fruit,” yet, I’m often just guessing/hoping.
Thankful for a Shepherd who gently leads those with young,
Molly
Comment by molly (November 30, 2005 @ 3:49 pm )
Oh I have a teenager in the mix too that gives me six. Depending on the day the teen can act like an adult or he can give me six children ages 7 and under.
Gotta love those teen years.
Comment by KS Milkmaid (November 30, 2005 @ 7:17 pm )
Charlotte…you so echoed my own heart!
“I suspect it has more to do with dying to self and fearing there won’t be any *me* left after this (so far) 23-year season of babies and toddlers. How awful it is to admit it! ”
It’s a lack of trust for me. Why do I cling so tightly to this world and selfishness when I know He holds the future?
Thanks again, Amy, for the encouragement and reminding us of the truth.
Comment by Diane (December 1, 2005 @ 9:14 am )
Milkmaid.. you sure I don’t live at your house lol.. sounds exactly like mine.. one minute soon-to-be 14 year old is responsibly studying his drivers manual and planning to get his learners, the next he’s not-so-responsibly, but very energetically competing with 6 year old brother for a toy.. go figure..hmm.. think that’s a sum total of 40 children for this thread.. counting my 6 of course.. wow.. what amazes me sometimes is that I can’t see myself doing things differently than the way I did, my younger 5 naturally were all spaced 18 months apart and I really think I would do it again if I had the chance to..
Comment by Myra (December 1, 2005 @ 9:24 am )
Jennifer, thanks so much for those links. I thought I had read every article on the LAF site but these two were treasures that God really used to encourage me and change my perspective. I had just learned that THREE women I mentored years ago in homeschooling were appointed to positions in the state organization. And to be honest, I felt like I had just been “demoted” to the baby and toddler section again. “Haven’t I been faithful?” I actually had the nerve to inquire of God.
Well, YEAH, why do you think God just gave you another blessing?! And I had to look that spirit of femininism in the eye (in my mirror) and repent of my pride and striving for recognition. I am so humbled and encouraged because I am doing a great work at home and cannot come down to do other things in this season of life. And now I need to go change clothes because the baby’s diaper just leaked on me.
Comment by Charlotte (December 1, 2005 @ 1:57 pm )
“I am so humbled and encouraged because I am doing a great work at home and cannot come down to do other things in this season of life.”
Charlotte - Amen! Amen! How backwards our society (an sometimes we) have it! This is the important work, this is our great calling. To do less would be…well, less:) Thank you for the reminder!
Comment by Shannon Miller (December 1, 2005 @ 3:55 pm )
Thank you! As a home-schooling mama of 4, 7 down to 2 months, it is easy to lose perpective. Thanks for the the encouraging post!
Comment by Tanya (December 1, 2005 @ 5:09 pm )
I think it speaks volumes that you encourage me, a woman with no children, so very much.
You give my heart hope, longing, and instruction for the time when my own womb might be blessed with a child!
Comment by Kristen (December 1, 2005 @ 5:21 pm )
Great post. I have two little ones, ages 2 and 9 months and sometimes I almost dread going out, knowing we will get looks and probably a pessimistic comment or two. Today, God blew me away. As we entered the grocery, with the baby on my chest in a carrier and the toddler in the front of the cart, an older man (we call them grandpas) entered and offered his help. He then proceded to tell me how wonderful it was I had two blessings! WOW! Thank you God. How refreshing and encouraging to hear a perfect stranger profess the heart of my Lord.
Now, God, help me say the same as they dive into the wipe container and rearrange the clothes in the dresser!
Comment by Meagan (December 2, 2005 @ 1:35 am )
Well, Charlotte says it best for me but I had to chime in to up the tally by 9… How I struggle against the world’s pull, and even the church’s, to “minister” outside the home when He so clearly has called me to do a (better) job within! And how grateful I am for my daily (well, almost) walks with my Titus woman neighbor who puts feet and flesh to my Lord’s Word.
And how thankful I am for wee hour wakeups to meet such a bevy of like-minded women and eternal friends -won’t eternity be amazing in the glory of our Father and fellowship with ladies like y’all? and the faithful seed He is raising up around us…
Comment by Carrie (December 4, 2005 @ 5:35 am )
Thanks for your encouragemant. God is so good and strengthens me every day with the challenges of training little ones. I love your blog.
KC
Comment by KC (December 5, 2005 @ 11:33 pm )
Hi Amy
What an encouragement! My 2 1/2 year old just screamed all the way to his brother’s school and back, because he didn’t want his coat on, then the sunglasses I gave him to distract him kept falling off, he couldn’t decide whether to take his toy elephant, etc! We’re just getting into the tantrum stage and I have to keep reminding myself that he’ll be at school himself in less than 2 years! After no. 1 child perspective is a little easier, but not always. Hope your family will be mightily blessed.
Sharon
Comment by Sharon (December 6, 2005 @ 6:36 am )
Thank you for that. It was encouraging. I am a mother of two boys. One almost two and the other 6 months. My husband works two jobs and my entire family, my husbands family as well, live in Florida, where I live in Colorado. So it can be very depressing. Thank you for sharing. GOD BLESS!!!
Comment by Paige (December 6, 2005 @ 2:56 pm )
What an encouragement! I’m a first-time mom of a 3 month old and have submitted to God’s calling me to quit my teaching position to stay home and raise my son. Despite family and friends who can never understand why my husband and I would make such an “against-norm” decision, I feel blesed to be doing it. In such a hectic time in my life (between nursings, diaper changes, and housework) I am encouraged by the reminder to renew my mind daily and to cling to God’s Word and His promises. Perhaps, I had forgotten what Kingdom work this really is and how important my new “job” is!
Comment by Tarah (December 7, 2005 @ 9:55 pm )
my my. I stumbled upon this site in a search for an apron. I do not own one but find myself daydreaming about something pretty, durable, absorbent for all my washings and with lots of pockets, one with a zipper. This I do as my toddlers and husband eternally need me. For hugs, meals, clean-ups, inspiration, consolation and simple company. I so often feel so tugged in all directions and exhautsed! The classic feeling at the end of another trying day: and what does the world see of my work?
So thank you all who have commented here - I haven’t time to re-read and give due praise. But I shall submit this and find some shut eye with a wonderful feeling that I am not the only stay at home mom among so many work-for-dollar moms in this beautiful nation. Thank you all so much!
Comment by mary (December 8, 2005 @ 10:05 pm )
Wow, where have you people been for the last four years?! I know I’m not the only mom with a bunch of children close together, but I sure feel like it. I’m expecting my fourth in March, just before my oldest turns four. I have a 3 year old, a two year old, and a one year old, all thirteen months apart. This time I had a “break”, lol, a whole year between pregnancies rather than the “usual” three months.
I’m struggling with trying to be even a decent mom, never mind a good mom. I always thought I’d be a good mom, til I had three so close. It’s a lot harder that way. I truly believe they are blessings…sometimes I have to remind myself to FEEL that way!
It’s good to hear others who are struggling, and I need to hear that it won’t last, and how to keep positive. Thanks!
Comment by Sarah (December 13, 2005 @ 12:42 pm )
Sarah and others,
If you will permit the Dad of a few kids to interject here…
You have the most important job in the world. It is also one of the hardest.
When you signed up for duty, you committed yourself to a lifetime of service. Your performance in the vocation that God has given to you cannot possibly be evaluated in the midst of the day-to-day routine. It cannot be judged based on your response to any one particular situation or based on your execution of any particular day. It is hard to keep the focus on the long-term when the immediate is so tyrannical.
The enemy will do everything he can to keep you from seeing the ultimate goal of your vocation. If he can trip you up by discouraging you with your bad mood on a particular day or even reminding you of your sharp answer that you gave to one of the kids, he wins the battle.
And occasionally he does win a battle – but we will win the war, by the grace of God.
Keep your focus on what God has said about what it is you are doing. The best works that we do are most often done when we are unaware of them. Think of Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount, “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You? And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’”
The good works that the Good King commends are those that are done faithfully, that are just a part of every-day life that most people, yourself included, never realized were good works at all.
As a mommy, you labor faithfully every day to serve the “least of these,” the covenant children that God has entrusted to your care. All of the feeding, clothing, drink making, spilled drink cleaning, diaper changing, room straightening, laundry folding, spilled drink cleaning again, all-night sick child comforting, mud-track mopping, book reading, diaper changing again, and bed making are all works that the Good King calls good because they are done to the “least of these”, our children.
Keep up the good fight and do not loose heart.
Comment by Anon (December 13, 2005 @ 1:11 pm )