It was a hot spring day, and I had loaded up my newborn and 19-month-old toddler in the double stroller to make our bi-weekly walk to the local produce market. Though more than six years have passed, I’ll never forget the moment. When we reached the store, a kind old woman stopped to compliment my newborn daughter and pinch her toes. My firstborn son lay his body over her in protection and gave her a look that said, “Don’t touch my sister.” Not yet two-years-old, my son had an innate desire to protect his younger sister.

Now he has three younger sisters to safeguard and a baby brother to rough-up. My firstborn is all-boy, yet very kind.

Shannon wrote:

I’ve noticed that your oldest son seems to be pretty chivalrous towards his little sisters. Any tips on how to teach that?

Men crave respect and admiration. If we want our boys to become men, we should treat them as what we want them to become—men. Sometimes my husband will catch me “talking down” to our son, criticizing him, or being generally impatient with him. Greg will pull me aside and tell me to respect and honor him for the man that he is becoming, not the boy that he still is.

When I arrived at church this last Sunday, my son flipped off a swing and ran to the van when he saw me drive up. He carried in his baby brother, who was in his car seat, for me. As we were walking in, I remarked, “Wow. You sure are strong. I’m glad I have you.” By feeding his need for affirmation, a desire to serve and protect (women, specifically) is nourished. That’s the thing about men—if you give them your respect and approval, they’ll go to war for you every time.

My observation is that boys with involved, godly fathers have the best likelihood of becoming godly men. Boys who have a man to throw a ball to, work on an engine with, or to take them fishing have the best defense against our feminized culture. I’m not saying that boys of single mothers are doomed, nor am I minimizing the influence we mothers have on our sons. But many mothering mistakes are forgiven and minimized when a boy has his dad. For me,anyway, this is good.

My son has moments where he’ll tease his sisters, but they are few. On those occasions, my husband will come down hard and swift with a stern reprimand, “She is your sister. You are to defend her, not knock her down.” If he is inclined to backtalk me—again– it is my husband who will bark, “She is my wife. Don’t talk like that to my wife.” Greg is very agreeable and easygoing, and so his infrequent reprimands are enough to shock my son back into his senses.

Ask for his opinion and input. Call on him to squash bugs. Slip him a treat under the table for working hard. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, after all. (This works for grown men, too. I know about these things.)

Today my son turns eight-years-old, and I couldn’t be more proud. (Am I allowed just a moment on a humble blog?) He is a fine young man. Last night, my husband and I looked at him as he slept. He was curled up in a blanket, having fallen asleep clutching a brand new Detective Kit that his buddy gave him for his birthday. He is a future man, still wrapped up as a boy. I respect and honor him, especially in public, but all I really want to do is hug his neck and tousle his hair. I am a mother, after all.

A boy and his buddy

A boy and his buddy