Bearing with one another
Thursday, Nov 2, 2006
My older three children participated in a race last week. It was a quarter mile. My oldest son is a natural athlete and was older than most of the racers. And so, he broke away from the pack immediately, finished, and then went on for another lap. My husband and I fight over whose genes he has. In all my spare time, I work on getting over my disappointment that he hates the piano.
My oldest daughter is not an athlete, but if you remember, she is just like her mother. So she rose to the top of the heat by sheer determination and not of any athletic ability. She pushed through her tired, heavy legs. However, with only a couple of yards to the finish line, she heard crying and turned around to look.
It was my third child—a lamb, a doe, a gentle dove—far behind all the other children. (That’s code for “last.”) She is not athletic. She does not like races. She once paid a girl named Emma to be her best friend. This race was too long for her, and so she cried as she ran. I felt bad for her, but I watched and said nothing. On the forehead I kissed my baby, who was in my arms, and wondered why people want to push their babies out of the nest so early into the arms of the Nanny State.
My oldest daughter–poised to finish well—turned from the finish line and ran back to her sister. She grabbed her by the arm, told her that she could do it, and then proceeded to drag her across the finish line.
They finished last.
One benefit my larger-than-average family possesses is the comradery and genuine love they have for one another. Where are examples of Christ’s body, the Church, here on earth? Here amid the deep laundry and bothersome colds that make their rounds, there is blessing. We are called to bear one another’s burdens at personal expense to ourselves. David declares in II Samuel 24 that he will not offer the Lord sacrifices which cost him nothing. What is a sacrifice that it doesn’t cost us? What is love if it seeks its own?
My oldest daughter and I have the same temperament. Where my older daughter and I differ is that I would’ve finished the race and then turned around to help. But I can admit this and repent. There is hope for my daughter, alas.
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This was beautiful! I just read this to my own children. What a blessing to have been able to watch this. Have you considered a move to Tennessee by any chance?
Blessings,
Maria
Comment by Maria (November 2, 2006 @ 1:30 pm )
Absolutely beautiful.
Comment by Andrea (November 2, 2006 @ 1:33 pm )
What a beautiful story!
Comment by Amy (November 2, 2006 @ 1:34 pm )
This brought tears to my eyes! What a compassionate thing to do.
~Stacy
Comment by Stacy (November 2, 2006 @ 1:36 pm )
Yes.
Now that we are not bound by too many factors, this actually makes the decision more difficult (i.e. too many choices). We will see what happens. We are living fully where we are right now.
Just as an addendum to this post, I wanted to say something about my rhapsodizing. I have a great family, a fabulous life. Perhaps you wonder why I don’t mention episodes of weakness. I do not mention the shortcomings of others (save my own) because I agree with the Bible: Love covers a wrong. Because I want others to overlook my many faults, in public I endeavor to do the same as I wish others would do for me. We sin; we are not perfect. But I still have a great life.
Comment by Amy Scott (November 2, 2006 @ 1:41 pm )
Every Memorial Day our city puts on a Fun Run (among other races) that is open to children through the age of 12, is one mile in length, begins at our local lumber yard, and is a straight away down the main street to City Hall. My son and his cousins have run in this race since they were three years old. In 2005, my Nick was on the way to being first across the finish in his age group, when a good friend of his stumbled and lost his footing. Nick stopped to help his friend (also named Nick) who then went on to beat him. This year, Nick (mine) stated that it didn’t matter what happened, even if the other Nick fell flat on his face, he was going to keep running, and his goal was to beat him this year! Well, other Nick didn’t race this year, but my Nick did, and even though he was terribly sunburned (my fault), and had a baseball game immediately after the race, he did win in his age group. His uncle picked up his trophy for him, and left it at our house with this note: “Here’s your trophy Nick. It’s for First Place, in the 10 year old with a sunburn and a game in five minutes category!”
By the way, your story was heartwarming, and makes me wish Nick had lots of siblings. He’s very close to his cousins though.
CJH
Comment by Carla J Hays (November 2, 2006 @ 1:42 pm )
Lovely story!
” Where my older daughter and I differ is that I would’ve finished the race and then turned around to help. But I can admit this and repent. There is hope for my daughter, alas.”
I so enjoy seeing the fact that our children can, often, stretch beyond their parents.
Comment by Copper's Wife (November 2, 2006 @ 2:00 pm )
i love the diversity found in large families.
unity does not mean uniformity!
thank you for sharing this post with us all.
Comment by Ruth (November 2, 2006 @ 2:13 pm )
I love this aspect of having siblings! My dad always told us that outside the circle of family, we’d face plenty of criticism, mockery, and discouragement — but inside, there would be love, encouragement, acceptance, and a safe place for us to grow.
Comment by Danica (November 2, 2006 @ 3:15 pm )
Just lovely. Thank you for sharing! Your daughter sounds like a real gem. Y’all have done a fabulous job of parenting.
Keep up the great work!
His,
Mrs. U
Comment by Mrs. U (November 2, 2006 @ 3:44 pm )
That is very sweet! Thanks for sharing.
Comment by txmommy (November 2, 2006 @ 4:10 pm )
What a sweet story! Your daughter really has such a compassionate heart - I know that ya’ll are proud of her! It is awesome that she loved her little sister so much that it meant for to help her sister be a winner by finishing than by running on ahead and finishing well.
You are so truly blessed! Keep up the God work in your family!
~ Dana
Comment by Dana (November 2, 2006 @ 4:19 pm )
I thoroughly enjoy your blog entries. This one made me tear up and challenged me as a parent. We ha two biological boys, 10 years later we felt God lead us to adopt a little girl and are in the process of adopting another daughter. We are now open to however many children God wants to give us through adoption! It’s so heart warming to hear the blessings of having a large family.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment by Lisa (November 2, 2006 @ 5:55 pm )
What a beautiful example.
Comment by mandy (November 2, 2006 @ 6:10 pm )
I couldn’t help but smile and think, “Awwww.” Very sweet in-deed. I could see one of our daughters doing the same thing, since they have done that sort of thing before. Just not in a race. Not sure what I would have done, quite possibly what you would have. But I know growing up as the oldest of four girls, I fought with my sisters, but look out if anyone dared say or do something to them. Then they would have to cross ME! That sibling (or family love) cannot be undone (outdone) by any other love. Brothers and sisters will be forever brothers and sisters. Whereas, friends come and they go. Thankfully, there are some that last through the test of time and they are the ones counted as TRUE friends.
I quit agree with the latter part of the comment you posted. I also find writing/telling the good about my family helps me dwell on their good qualities as well. Sort of helps with not dwelling on their negative ones. Well….sometimes…(wry smile!)
Blessings to you and yours,
Theresa
Comment by Theresa (November 2, 2006 @ 11:34 pm )
Thanks for sharing a beautiful moment. When Mary observed Christ serving his Heavenly Father, she treasured it in her heart. I have done the same with those special times in our own children’s lives. Blessings
Comment by GardenOfGrace (November 3, 2006 @ 12:34 am )
I love seeing these qualities in my children…you are right, they are only young once and how wonderful that your daughter would think of her younger sister. I think this is the point when you stand back and thank the Lord that He
is at work in their hearts!
Tracy
Comment by Lines From The Vine (November 3, 2006 @ 9:25 am )
Brushing the tears away!! (Can’t help but be glad for the “yes” in #5)
Thank you for the reminder that we all have these moments to treasure!
Dawn
Comment by Dawn (November 3, 2006 @ 9:54 am )
You must be doing something right.
Comment by Leslie (November 3, 2006 @ 10:06 am )
I was just trying to explain this to the clerk at the grocery store yesterday as she commented on my upcoming 4th child. Children in large families take care of each other. She came back with the fact that it is not their job to take care of the little ones. She totally missed what I meant by “take care of”. Not babysit, but look out for, love, protect, encourage, defend. It is amazing to see this develop between my children. My oldest has especially taken up this characteristic as she sees her role with #4 due next month. Even my almost 2yo “takes care of” the others when he can.
Thanks for the post and the reminder of our blessings.
Comment by T Nash (November 3, 2006 @ 10:15 am )
now that my children are in their 30’s…almost, i agree with copper’s wife (#7). i actually learned it when they were young. i have all girls and often saw my own weaknesses especially in one daughter. i had to learn to see her strengths too in order to “build her up” appropriately b/c the weaknesses/sins are so magnified that i often was blinded to the strengths. it was a helpful exercise on many levels. when i see her accomplishments now including what a great mother she is, i definitely think she has grown beyond me (at the same stage in my life). i see that in all my children. it is so easy for our children who are similar to us to seem like us, but they aren’t. they have different parents, a different family, different community, etc. hopefully it is a better one. with God and our covenant community helping us, it is. martha
Comment by martha (November 3, 2006 @ 11:05 am )
That was beautiful, thank you so much for sharing. I believe God will be doing something very special through your little girl, I think He’s already started :)! I wonder how many people who saw it first hand at the race were touched and inspired by her act of love in addition to all of us here at your place on the web?
Comment by Shelby (November 3, 2006 @ 3:20 pm )
Your daughter’s selflessness made me tear up and your admission made me smile. I would desire to be more like your daughter, but must admit I would have most likely done as you…finished the race THEN helped my sister.
Seeing things like this in our children is such an encouragement…we’re doing it right!
Comment by Angela (November 4, 2006 @ 1:11 pm )
Amy, thank you for writing! God uses your entries so much in my own life and I am not even married or a mother. By the time your oldest son is my age I will be married and perhaps with my first child. I hope I’ll be able to remember some of these blessed stories.
Comment by Carly Staley (November 4, 2006 @ 10:34 pm )
Hey Amy…checking out your de.li.cious tags at the side. We get to see your entire face at Cumberland Books? That’s worth more than $5.00, don’t you think? At least $10!
It looks like a great Cd, Amy.
Comment by Holly (November 5, 2006 @ 1:08 pm )
ummm, Amy…
Post number 25 was really, really, really weird.
Loved your story though.
It brought tears to my eyes too.
Comment by martha (November 5, 2006 @ 10:39 pm )
Sorry, I meant comment, not post. Your posts are great!!
Comment by martha (November 5, 2006 @ 10:40 pm )
As a mother of triplets, this story made my heart swell. I love watching them look out for each other even at this age (2.5) but frequently fail to make the jump into caring for my “brothers” in my adult life. Thanks for the reminder!
Comment by Jennifer (November 6, 2006 @ 8:43 am )
Martha,
Sorry about the spam (she’s talking about spam, not Holly’s comment). I didn’t turn on my computer for a day and a half. Maybe I will get back to posting later.
Comment by Amy Scott (November 6, 2006 @ 9:27 am )
What a heart warming story. I made sure my two boys, ages 13 and 11, read it. Hopefully some of that kindness will rub off on them! They do well for the most part, but there is a lot of competition between the two, since they are the only two children we have been blessed with. I have always wanted many children, but it seems the Lord has other plans, as I cannot have any more. I wonder if it’s easier for big families to get along, than small ones.
Comment by Jillian (November 6, 2006 @ 4:18 pm )
I read through parts of your website. I stumpled upon it surfing the net:) I admire your compassion, perspective, and energy.
Comment by Eric (November 7, 2006 @ 2:12 am )
[...] When I told the story of my daughter waiting for her sister in the race, I wrote the following comment afterward: Just as an addendum to this post, I wanted to say something about my rhapsodizing. I have a great family, a fabulous life. Perhaps you wonder why I don’t mention episodes of weakness. I do not mention the shortcomings of others (save my own) because I agree with the Bible: Love covers a wrong. Because I want others to overlook my many faults, in public I endeavor to do the same as I wish others would do for me. We sin; we are not perfect. But I still have a great life. [...]
Pingback by Amy’s Humble Musings » Both just and justifier (November 8, 2006 @ 10:57 am )
Thank you for sharing; it brought tears to my eyes and my husbands’ (and he’s not even pregnant!)
Comment by Meagan (November 8, 2006 @ 2:41 pm )