Focusing
Tuesday, Nov 21, 2006
Greg and I met while he was in seminary back in 1995, so it seemed natural that he’d be interested in a woman who played the piano. Playing the piano is one of the unspoken requirements of a pastor’s wife. (Greg was a pastor when we married.) Sometimes I sing in the choir, but I never teach Bible studies. What’s more, I’m too direct to be sweet, too good humored to be well-tempered. So if we’re keeping track here, that leaves me 2-3. I can make a good casserole, but that won’t even the score since we’re not Baptists.
Over the years, I’ve been the regular pianist wherever we were members, and at our present church, I stepped down when I delivered our fifth baby earlier this year. The good thing about playing the piano is that I enjoy it. The two bad parts are difficult choir pieces sporting five-finger quintuplets in the key of B (which is the very worst key to play in, next to E) and the overload at Christmas time. But ‘tis the season.
Whenever I get the chance to play, though, I take it. This past weekend I got to fill in for our annual Thanksgiving dinner program on Saturday and then for Sunday services. Since Greg was in Alaska on business for the previous 7 days, this made rehearsal time more challenging. As an aside, while in Alaska, Greg dropped in for dinner with longtime blogosphere friend Molly and her husband Jeff. You would most likely recognize Molly as the founder of Choosing Home. Meeting all kinds of new friends and some kindred spirits has been the greatest perk of maintaining a little corner online. Every state we’ve passed through, we’ve connected (or tried to) with someone online.
To get back on topic, once you reach a certain proficiency at a particular genre, like hymns, it is easy to slip into what I refer to as “The Zone.” The easiest way to explain it is that it’s like driving a stick. Once you learn to do it, it’s automatic (except I’m still talking about a stick, not an automatic). Playing hymns is like driving a stick. I have to tell myself not to go into The Zone because then I lose count of what verse we’re on or sometimes a tricky little chord progression will sneak up. To go back to the driving analogy, this would be like a beady-eyed watermelon-eating raccoon running out in front of your car. You have to be alert so that you can slow down (or speed up, depending on how you feel about coons).
To guard against The Zone, sometimes I’ll try something interesting like modulating to another key. You shouldn’t do this when other instruments are playing with you or they will not like you. I’m sure about this. There are other little things that you can do to avoid The Zone: playing an octave higher, putting the melody in your left hand, making substitutions like major and minor 7’s and 9’s… or just watching the conductor/leader.
Sometimes I live my life in The Zone, cruising along and not paying much attention. Life is too short not to live fully every day. There are a few things that help me stay focused—God’s Word, being quiet, and remembering that we are not promised tomorrow. I suppose there will always be the proverbial stray raccoon, but if everyone would just speed up, maybe there’d be fewer of them. I feel very certain that all good pastor’s wives would slow down, though.
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The Baptist/casserole connection made me laugh. And agree.
Comment by Jeana (November 21, 2006 @ 4:54 pm )
I play the piano too, but try as I might I just never could get comfortable playing for church. I’ve accepted that I’m a closet pianist. The only time I get that “in the zone” feeling is when I’m playing by myself.
The baptist casserole joke made me laugh!
Comment by Amy (November 21, 2006 @ 5:36 pm )
Amy- I am a former lurker but wanted to say thank you for the timely reminder. With the holdiays around the corner I find myself coasting until the real holiday “traffic” begins. Thanks for reminding me to live every moment to the fullest. God’s Blessings to you and yours!
Comment by Kelli Bragdon (November 21, 2006 @ 6:02 pm )
Well, a GOOD pastor’s wife might slow down…but this one wouldn’t!
Comment by Holly (November 21, 2006 @ 6:24 pm )
*Smiles* I play but like Elizabeth Bennett, ‘aye marm, but very ill’. Once when my husbadn was preaching the organist was off sick but I only managed a one handed rendition! (we were visiting a church with a temperamental organ!)
I am glad we are not in a church with a choir though….no tricky parts to manage!
Comment by Susanna (November 21, 2006 @ 7:32 pm )
Another mostly-lurker here…but had to pop in and say, what a great, thoughtful post! I’m not a pianist but there are areas of my life where I do operate in “The Zone.” Sometimes it’s a handy and useful defense mechanism…other times it’s no more than an excuse for mediocrity. Thanks for reminding me not to LIVE there!
Comment by Granny (November 21, 2006 @ 8:28 pm )
Wow, I learned a lot of things here.
First, Molly’s first and last names are now revealed! Haven’t seen them anywhere else before.
Next, some other techniques for keeping from zoning when playing. I’m a songleader that can play– so I end up playing more than leading, but I too find myself immersed in some music to the point that I have forgotten what stanza I’m on. I’ll pass along something I use– I tend to know more about what’s going on then the songleader, so I’ll cue the piano to drop out to make a refrain a capella so I can sing too.
And what a great reminder to not “get in the zone” in our Christian life, with a caviet: If we’re living the Christian life on “the mountain top” and following after Him, we should be getting closer to Him!
Comment by MInTheGap (November 21, 2006 @ 9:02 pm )
Amy,
Thanks for your post. I believe in today’s society one has to make a conscious effort to “slow down”. One of the things I think helps families tremondously is to homeschool and have your schooling revolve around your families lifestyle as opposed to the other way around. I know you would agree. Just curious… why did your husband leave the ministry? My husband is a Pastor and I know first hand how difficult the ministry can be on families. Just wondering what your experiences were. Thanks again.
Comment by Monique (November 21, 2006 @ 9:13 pm )
MinTheGap, Oops–I’m not sure that I was supposed to say that? I edited the post just in case. Erase it from your brain, will ya?
Monique,
My husband would argue that we didn’t leave the ministry…we just don’t get paid for it anymore.
Our philosophy of ministry has changed dramatically since we left, something that I don’t think could’ve happened while he was running the machine. When we left six years ago, the reasons were several fold. Greg had been there since he was 10 years old, and then serving on the staff for the last 9 years he was there. (We married after he’d already been there several years.) We interviewed at the request of the district superintendent at a couple churches, were called unanimously, and rejected them for various reasons.
I feel very glad that we did.
Our family was growing, and the time constraints were beginning to be felt. While Greg enjoyed teaching, he was growing tired of running programs. At the time, we thought a good solution would be for him to get his Ph.D and teach full time in a seminary, without the added pressures and programs that come with a traditional church.
We wanted to do this without debt, so Greg took an engineering job (this was his undergraduate degree and now recently, his master’s). A few years later, now we could return to school, but we just haven’t felt led to. I don’t know any other way to explain it.
Greg preaches occasionally and teaches weekly. This is a good fit for us for now. He enjoys it. Perhaps if he were getting a paycheck for it, it’d seem more legitimate, but I’d argue otherwise. To elaborate more, see Dave Black’s website. I agree with his philosophy of ministry.
Comment by Amy Scott (November 21, 2006 @ 9:53 pm )
I know what you mean about ‘the zone’, even as a homeschool mom, I easily slip into the zone of doing things on automatic pilot. I have to stop and mindfully practice the art of being in the moment. It is a struggle, and I often pull myself into enjoying the moment, and then slip back into the zone before I realize it. I agree with you that being in the word, and remembering that we aren’t promised tomorrow are effective ways to battle the zone. I find prayer also centers me on the moment and on God’s desire for the moment. I would hate for my children’s childhood to slip away barely noticed…to zone instead of “live”.
blessings,
Jenny in Ca
Comment by Jenny in Ca (November 21, 2006 @ 10:47 pm )
I think it’s already gone– being one with an unique name and trying to give my family some privacy, I thought I’d bring it up.
Thanks again for a great post.
Comment by MInTheGap (November 21, 2006 @ 11:31 pm )
your blog was very interesting. i play the piano but interestingly found early in our ministry that it was not the most helpful of the skills i had to face what has become almost 40 years in ministry–overseas and in the US. when i think of all the guys in Bible College who limited themselves to girls who could play the piano as the only suitable “wife” material as they went into the ministry, i think how short-sighted many of them were…and un-biblical.
gifts of encouragement and hospitality are certainly assets, but practicing those virtues are required for all whether they are “gifts” or not. Certainly the gifts God has sovereignly given the wife God has given the individual pastor are the one’s he needs.
along the lines of demands on the family, we have found the in churches where they think that every demand they make on all of our family is from God, we are required to teach them otherwise. We also must teach/train them that my husband is employed by the church but he must protect me and our family from the direct demands of each individual. he is under the authority of the session. each of the members of our family is an active member of the church and are certainly to be examples in the same was as all the families of elders in the church are.
character traits that are extremely helpful are perseverence, endurance, patience, along with love for one another and the ability to forgive as Christ forgave us. Weave in a great sense of humor–at least one of the two in the marriage needs that, preferably both! Mixed with an awarenes of the mercy and grace of God. I am just beginning to scratch the surface on that now! It is a wonderful life if that is what God has called you to. If it isn’t, you can still be involved b/c as part of the priesthood of believers, we are all called to ministry to others. martha
Comment by martha (November 22, 2006 @ 10:05 am )
Amy,
Great post! I’m sending the link to it to a friend of mine who plays (sometimes professionally) and teaches. He’ll appreciate this!
By the way, thank you so much for the link on the right hand side to the article on WorldNetDaily about selling sex to our kids. I don’t want to hijack the comments on this blog entry, but I wasn’t sure where to post feedback on it. It made me really stop and give serious consideration to how much influence the “outside” world might have on my family. We try very hard to orient ourselves away from those type of elements, and that article is one more reason why. THANKS SO VERY MUCH! I think I might even use that (censored, of course, for obvious reasons) in a sermon soon.
In the world, but not of the world. Right?
Comment by /tim (November 22, 2006 @ 11:11 am )
Amy,
How is Molly doing? Do you know if she has a new blog? I hope her little boy is doing well.
Comment by Jasmine (November 22, 2006 @ 1:20 pm )
Molly’s personal blog is on hiatus. Here it is. Greg says that Molly is just how she is online, and that her children are a delight. And yes, her 2-year-old is doing well.
Feedback on the sideblog is always welcome. The del.icio.us tool that I use to post is very user friendly with one-click publishing, but unfortunately, it doesn’t support RSS or commenting. Posting comments for the sideblog on the most recent post (as you did) is probably the easiest solution.
Since Greg was 28 when we married, I feel fairly confident that I wasn’t the first pianist that he met. There are other important qualities, as you mentioned, not forgetting the most important one: cooking. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, eh?
[This is your cue to laugh now, Martha.] 
Comment by Amy Scott (November 22, 2006 @ 4:09 pm )
Amy,
As usual a wonderful story with a very good lesson to be had. I continue to visit your site and watch the quality of your writing only improve with time.
Comment by Todd (November 22, 2006 @ 4:56 pm )
I love this post! So timely and quite humorous too! You are a delight!!
I have five aspiring pianists and one with her sights on marrying a pastor so she can always be the church pianist (yes, we are talking with her about priorities and providence! Ha!)
How many years did you take piano and how far did you go? That question is from Flibby, my 16 year old aspiring church pianist! All five of my children take lessons from a lovely Russian piano teacher. In fact, on my blog I recently uploaded a little video clip of two of my children in an ensemble and my six year old with one of her pieces. They are a joy to me with their love of music! Did I mention I can’t read a note or carry a tune in a bucket? It must come from their father’s side!!
Comment by Lady Why (November 22, 2006 @ 6:24 pm )
In order to prevent any misunderstanding about my priorities in the above post by my dear mother (Lady Why), I
would like to let everyone know that I do in fact have my priorities straight and am allowing the Lord’s
providence to direct my path. The whole “marrying a pastor” thing, is a bit of a joke between my mother
and me. I just wanted to take a moment and point that out, lest anyone think me a flibbertigibbet.
~wink~
Comment by Flibbertigibbet (November 22, 2006 @ 7:35 pm )
Since we live down the street from Southeastern Bible Seminary and have met many people from there,Dave black must stick out as being very different from many of the seminarians.He probably is making a big difference with his beliefs.
We attend a Vineyard church and our pastor graduated from the Baptist seminary-we right now have about 3 seminary students attend our church along with their fsmilies.I will have to ask if any of the wives play piano and what their casserole speciality the make!!Just for the record our pastor’s wife sings!!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
Comment by Tammy (November 23, 2006 @ 9:15 am )
Todd, Nice to see you posting again. I’ve “known” Todd since I was posting almost two years ago on the blogspot address. I never thought I’d last this long blogging, but I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.
LadyWhy and Flibber, I had a year or two when I was around the 6-8 age, then I learned to play at the age of 15 by this guy who had a broken arm and really played the guitar. He could play Lionel Richie songs with one hand, but that was about it. He taught me everything I know in the span of about 6 months. Again, I’m not sure if this is good or bad. He was a great teacher, and I did my best to maximize that short span of time. I learned to improvise probably because I read so terribly.
Your 6-year-old daughter/sister is wonderful. I’ve taught piano over the years, and she is doing well! (Keep the Russian teacher for now…) After our family watched the video, my girls ran to the piano for a lesson. Thanks for the inspiration. We’re watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and it’s nice that my girls can find role models in other places than pop culture…
Tammy, Send my regards to Dave Black if you see him.
Comment by Amy Scott (November 23, 2006 @ 12:24 pm )
i have been thinking a lot lately about this very thing.
how so easily we click into “auto pilot” and miss out on life.
thanks for the reminder. shalom!
Comment by Ruth (November 23, 2006 @ 5:26 pm )
Your Baptist / casserole remark brings a flashback from, oh, twenty years ago when I heard a standup comic say something to the effect of, “It’s like, if you’re a Methodist, you can’t get into heaven unless you bring a covered dish . . . .”
I can’t drive a stick. I am guilty of the sin of jealousy, Amy.
Happy (American) Thanksgiving!
Comment by Mrs. P. (November 23, 2006 @ 7:42 pm )
Both DH & I grew up in a Baptist church - I had a good laugh!
I have several friends who are pastor’s wives, including our pastor’s wife. Family should be their first mission, and I appreciate that my pastor’s wife does this, and is so encouraged by her DH. We just went through a Kay Arthur Bible Study about the names of God. It was nice for our Pastor’s wife that she did not have to lead it as such, and we could use this video series. Thank you for your good thoughts here again.
Comment by Loni (November 23, 2006 @ 11:33 pm )
happy Thanksgiving!
Comment by Rebekah (November 24, 2006 @ 3:58 am )