Expectations
Sunday, Nov 26, 2006
One of the things in life I savor is a well-written sentence. I’ve copied a few for you to enjoy below. It’s by Mel from a post titled, This is your life.
While I don’t share her disappointment, I do share Mel’s sentiment that things aren’t how I’d thought they’d be. For instance, when I was sixteen and dreaming of girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, I never imagined that getting them all dressed and out the door with the appropriate number of sippy cups, special blankies, and diaper bags would be an exercise in logistics and strategic planning. I thought we’d just, you know…. leave. Now that I’m a real mother (as opposed to the one in my dreams), my girls’ dresses are wash-and-wear and have colorful patterns to hide stains.
I remember winking at the thought of babies waking in the middle of the night. I remember feeling sure that my child would never do that. And I remember thinking that I’d always be me, which of course, I am and am not.
I’m not the mother I expected to be. That mother was perky and cute and patient under all circumstances. That mother had children who listened quietly and obeyed promptly. That mother taught her children to play the piano and read long stories before bed to children who smelled of Ivory soap and homemade sugar cookies. That mother had a circle of friends who stopped by with fragrant pumpkin bread and telephoned for no reason at all and got together to make crafts and drink coffee. That mother drank coffee.
I don’t even drink coffee. I’m nothing that I thought I would be.
Which is disappointing in so many ways. I thought my life would be like a poem, words sewed together with precision and care. Instead, it’s like a Scrabble board, words awkwardly shoved together just because I found a “U” to go with the “Q.” And I have too many vowels and no “R” and my next move depends on the other player.
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1. I have to say Amy, that my life is like a poem. Take a look.
The Girl I Used To Be
She came tonight as I sat alone,
The girl I used to be…
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
All the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me…
This slender girl from the shadowy past
The girl that I used to be.
So gently rising, I took her hand
And guided her up the stairs
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw the woman I am now
Pleased the girl I used to be.
Author Unknown
Thanks for your constant insight that draws me closer to the Lord.
Comment by Meagan (November 27, 2006 @ 3:36 pm )
2. I agree. I’m not at all the mom I dreamed of being. The biggest shock for me was how much bodily functions and fluids are involved in mothering. I remember calling my mom when my second was a baby and having some medical tests that required urine specimens and stool samples, and the dog was having digestive issues, and my older daughter was having some digestive problems . . . . and so I called my mom and said, “How come you never told me there was so much poop involved in being a mom?”
Comment by MyDerbe (November 30, 2006 @ 5:02 pm )
Comment by Amy Scott (December 2, 2006 @ 4:18 pm )
I’m constantly surprised by people who are surprised by real life… what you pin it on is exactly right: expectations.
Here on the m*ss*on field, it is constantly an expectations thing. When you go to the field and expect to catch onto language quickly, win souls to Christ rapidly, and have a whirlwind of success, culture shock hits and people get caught in an unknown and unexpected place, not knowing what to do… and often, that’s when sin and scandal attack and set in, rendering the Christian stunned at best and completely scandalized in the worst instance. On the other hand, when someone goes out, prepared and educated about what the “worst” really looks like, ready to take time to build language, build rapport, build friendships, and pray, pray, pray for the opportunities, there is not near as much heartache. It’s all in expectations.
Parenting is no different… I can’t imagine expecting it to be sugar cookies and ivory soap. Where did this woman grow up? Was she recalling her own childhood through rose-colored lenses or what? I just can’t imagine how people can think it would be anything besides hard, HARD work with some wonderful rewards. Difficult “having your heart walking around outside your body”, but worth it.
Forgive my stark comments, I’m just always stunned by such unrealistic expectations, in life in general, but particularly in parenting.
Comment by Jessica (December 10, 2006 @ 12:11 am )