Sleeping babies
Monday, Jan 15, 2007
I’ve had a baby in the house for eight years now. Whenever someone offers to hold one of my babies, I take them up on it. It isn’t long—seven minutes precisely—until the squirming babe is returned to me because he or she is “throwing up.” If you’re a Scott baby, then you have “the excessive spit up gene.” All of my babies spit up, just like all of my babies hate, hate, hate the playpen.
Greg tries to console me by telling me that highly intelligent babies can’t be confined to playpens. They have to explore in order to stimulate their brains. They must be active, and so I should take comfort that we are raising a pack of geniuses. (He hasn’t confirmed his source on this yet.) I consoled myself with this when I was young and naïve, but now that they’re growing up all regular and such, I’m convinced God only has one genetic mold for Scott children: spit up, no playpens– and my personal favorite—dislike sleeping.
Since the Bible tells us that God grants sleep to those He loves (Psalm 127:2), I admit to feeling a little blacklisted. When mommies on the playground talk about how their babies don’t get up until 8 a.m., my eyes glaze over and I excuse myself for a spin on the merry-go-round. A hard day of work in the blazing Florida sun seems to recharge my kids, not wipe them out. Withholding sugar, keeping them up later, and giving them plenty of work and hard play leaves them eager for another day. They rise before the sun so they won’t miss the day.
I miss the night.
Yet, the view from the ranch, so to speak, is quiet and unassuming. Our 10-month-old has forgotten how to sleep through the night. Greg and I know that he will learn to sleep all-too-well by the time he reaches puberty, so we take this backward step in stride. There are wars and such going on, and we try not to get too myopic in our outlook.
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Oh boy I needed to read this. I’ve spent the past two years with my first child behaving in the exact way you describe your children. Then, I got pregnant and prayed God would give us a “text book” baby because I just couldn’t lose any more sleep. He, being all wise and knowing, gave us a son that is exactly like my first child. When the baby isn’t up in the middle of the night, the toddler is. I haven’t slept more than 90 minutes in a 24 hour period in over a month. I was whining spitefully about it all this morning and then I read your post. First, it lets me know I’m not alone. Second, your perspective encourages me and third, you’re right, there are wars going on and I’m suddenly grateful just to be holding and seeing my children for so many hours a day - even if it is all 24 of them.
Comment by Laura (January 15, 2007 @ 11:53 am )
Laura,
That is not enough sleep!
One day, when I am an anonymous blogger, I will tell my lowest sleep-deprived moment. I’d gone three days without sleep, and I was shaking and throwing up. Greg was back home in Florida, while I was in an 888 square foot apartment in California with four small children and didn’t know a soul. It was the first time I really thought, “I can’t do this.”
My perspective now? Do whatever it takes to get some relief/help, even if it costs some grocery money. And go to bed as soon as the kids do. I usually quit housework by 8 p.m. even if it is undone.
Comment by Amy Scott (January 15, 2007 @ 12:22 pm )
My husband was always afraid if we had children he would never get a good night’s sleep. For 20 years he didn’t
Now that our baby is 5 things are much better and I can tell you that those 20 years went by very, very quickly.
We never made it our goal to have our babies sleeping through the night. For some people that seems to be the main point of babyhood but then again Tim would go get the babies at night and bring them to me and then I would just sleep with them while nursing.
Comment by Cindy (January 15, 2007 @ 12:33 pm )
I’m glazed over right there with you! My 14-month old still doesn’t sleep through the night and arises every day at 6am. Thanks for the perspective on the whole thing though!
Comment by Melissa (January 15, 2007 @ 12:55 pm )
When I am feeling particularly sleep deprived after spending ANOTHER night with 2 extra little bodies in my bed… so I can at least lie down even if I’m booted in the face every 10 min… I try to imagine how I would feel if something happened to one of my blessings. Realizing how devasted I would feel if one was taken home with the Lord, I am again overwhelmed with love for them and am able to be the Mom God wants me to be.
From Matthew chapter 25
34 Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’
I have claimed this passage for myself. These very active little bundles came as strangers, cold, naked, hungry (I’m hoping to avoid the prison part!!) and in Christ’s name we have accepted them as our ministry to feed, clothe and take care of the very “least of these.”
This is what keeps me going. We have 7 kids, oldest is 12 one more is on the way come July and there have been years and I mean YEARS (2 1/2) where the total of sleeps through the night for me was a grand total of 3. 2 of those I was sick and most likely was too comatose to wake up. Someday I will sleep through every night and miss having the babies… I think.
Comment by martha (January 15, 2007 @ 1:03 pm )
I always smile when reading your posts relating to your sleeping (or not sleeping) children. I think you have a good perspective on it. Unsleeping babies (and children) are hard. Praying for your little one to get more regular!
Comment by Andrea (January 15, 2007 @ 1:04 pm )
I agree.
Comment by Roberta (January 15, 2007 @ 1:04 pm )
I’m with Cindy, above. Now that my “baby” is 7 years old, he does sleep through the night. I’m happy to say that he started that when he was 3 or so. Years, that is. Of our 5 children, all of them quit napping before they turned 2, and all of them are night owls. I remember a friend of mine complaining that her daughter only slept 2 hours for each of her 2 daily naps, and the child was almost 3 yrs. old. Envy was an issue with me when I heard that.
I used to say to myself, “I am a rock, and rocks don’t sleep.” to try to console myself. LOL
But Cindy is right, snap your fingers and your oldest child will be a teenager. My oldest is now 16.5yrs old, is taller than me, and loves to sleep. Now. Go figure. And now I’m having the premenopausal insomnia. Sometimes life doesn’t seem fair, but it is pretty funny!
Blessings, Amy.
Comment by Mx5 (January 15, 2007 @ 1:08 pm )
We’ve had a kid flirting with pneumonia for the past week, so most of my sleep has been sitting in the couch holding him so HE can sleep. I’m getting fairly good at dozing while holding the baby in an uncomfortable position stuff. This baby (number five) seems to have unplumbed depths of vomit reservoirs from birth, too. A couple months pregnant just adds to the fun. But where else and what else would I want to be doing? I wouldn’t trade the ragged dishpan hands, sleep deprived fog, and spit up perfume for anything. Praise God for a wonderful husband who pitches in all the time and for seasons of life that will pass. These little ones that poop, puke, and refuse to sleep will grow up, and God willing, if we have been faithful, will be adults that love and serve Him. Thanks, Amy.
Comment by Anonymous (January 15, 2007 @ 1:10 pm )
Oops, Anonymous is me.
Comment by Another Heather (January 15, 2007 @ 1:11 pm )
God bless you all; these stories make my heart ache. I’m not the best sleeper myself, so perhaps a baby wouldn’t have disrupted my nightly routine any more than it already is, but the thought of such exhaustion, whatever the fleetingness of it in retrospect, is sobering.
Ever considered rubbing a little rum on their gums?
Comment by Mrs. P. (January 15, 2007 @ 1:28 pm )
Amen, I say….Amen. My little guy would wake up 3, 4, 5 times or more a night and I was “missing the night”, too. Then, suddenly, he started sleeping through the night, and then some, never waking at all. Twelve and thirteen hours he’d sleep. But, I am not getting comfortable in this routine. I know just as quickly he will start waking again at 12:30, 3:30 and 5:30…and then some.
Comment by Jill (January 15, 2007 @ 1:55 pm )
You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear you say this, Amy. My 29 month old still does not sleep through most nights without waking at least once wailing about something, and my 17 month old has taken to crying her way into our bedroom about 5 nights a week. Then there is the one in incubation that simply does not believe in sleep. And they all get up about 6:30 in the morning. My friends grump about their children getting up at 7:30, 8:00, ore in one case, 9:00. We should all be so blessed, at least on Saturdays!
Comment by Aubrey (January 15, 2007 @ 2:07 pm )
thanks for sharing your experiences with us.
my son is 17 months old and fights sleep like you wouldn’t believe. AND, he can only sleep if he can touch me or my husband. makes for a crowded bed. LOL!!
i keep reminding myself that i am not the only mom out there dealing with a sleepless child. and, i have ot say he got it honest. i am a HORRIBLE sleeper.
one day, when i am old and my son is grown, I will be able to make up for all this lost sleep.
Comment by bev (January 15, 2007 @ 2:48 pm )
My babies have the spit up gene too:) If I ever get around to sewing myself an apron it’s going to hve shoulders and a back, too:) Jack is just now starting to sleep a little bit at night - he only woke up twice last night and I only had to get up once (oh, happy day!). Now it’s the five year old “remembering” something at three in the morning that he *has* to ask me right now! You know, life or death stuff like “is it going to rain tomorrow?” and “can we have a playdate with Ryan soon?”
Comment by Shannon Miller (January 15, 2007 @ 5:32 pm )
TeeHee, Shannon! I have been known to wear one of my husband’s old shirts over my “nice clothes” in an effort to stay somewhat clean until we get to where ever.
Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t!
Comment by Another Heather (January 15, 2007 @ 5:46 pm )
Boy did I need this today!! My 8 month old is still getting up 3 and four times a night, and as I type this, she is wailing in the backgroud and has decide to only sleep 45 minutes total today! Add a 2, 4, and 6 yr. old to the mix, and I’m one tired mamma!
I was just thinking of that verse today, and wondering if I was backsliden or something!
Comment by Anita (January 15, 2007 @ 5:47 pm )
I was told that a baby not sleeping was also a sign of their high intelligence. I guess you have several things working for you!
Comment by Lauren S. (January 15, 2007 @ 7:55 pm )
I can vouch for the fact that sometimes kids who wake up at 5:30 a.m. will grow up into teenagers who can sleep until 9:30 a.m. Mine did! Now that my youngest is 4, I am actually pretty well-rested. (I do not recommend spacing children out five years between each. Bad, bad idea.)
Comment by Mel (January 15, 2007 @ 8:39 pm )
1 Corinthians 15:51
“Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed…”
(okay a little out of context too.
fits sometimes though.)
Comment by Roberta (January 15, 2007 @ 11:42 pm )
I heard a few years back that children today are having difficulty sleeping because they are overstimulated. This was a doctor’s judgement, and I think he may be correct. When I taught kindergarten, recess did not wear the children out, it stimulated them…I found the best way to help them relax was a quiet time…heads on desk, lights low and soothing music.
You mentioned several things that sound like lots of physical stimulation for your children…and it is good that they do not sit in front of a TV or computer for hours. But too much activity all day long just overstimulates…
A schedule is a good thing for children of all ages, and time scheduled for relaxation is important…an afternoon nap…a child doesn’t have to sleep necessarily, but rest quietly.
Quitting for the day early in the evening with bath and story and Bible time early and lights out, in bed by 8pm usually is a good routine for children up to 4th or 5th grade…after that perhaps a 9pm bedtime might be warranted…
Another thing that is different in these times is that families are constantly on the go which is also too much stimulation….when I was a child, back in the 1950’s I can recall my mother saying “no, not on a school night” numerous times. During the work week, M-F, Dad went to work, I went to school and mom was home “keeping”. We didn’t go anywhere during the work/school week.
I reared my children the same way, except we went to church Wed. evenings and Sunday evenings. Also, Thursday visitation….if I had it to do over, I would have minimized those evenings prior to the work/school day….we were just worn out from it all, and in retrospect not much was gained spiritually speaking, although we were taught we were being obedient and spiritual with our faithfulness to the church. That is a whole other issue….
It is good for children to learn to just “be. So many children can’t handle “boredom”. Learning to be content in boring situations is a valuable skill ….it helps one to build endurance.
My suggestions would be that you try doing less during the day and starting bedtime early…winding down around 5-6 for the evening meal, then soothing baths (i.e. minus the rush rush hurry hurry)….separating the children as much as is possible might help too…how many times have I myself gone to a ladies church retreat and spent the night talking because I had a roommate and ruined the next day because I could hardly stay awake….likely your children share bedrooms. You might put a younger with an older, who’d have a later bedtime, giving the younger the bedroom alone for an hour or so, and time to get to sleep.
Perhaps you’ve tried this sort of thing already….I know when my children were small (I had just 2 children 21 months apart) I was exhausted and ready for them to be in bed by 7pm when they were very young, and by 8pm as they grew older. Plus they took an afternoon nap…they grew up with the nap…it always followed lunch. They napped in the afternoon until they started school.
When they were older, about 5th or 6th grade, their daddy worked evenings while he went to Bible college. On Fridays I’d allow them to stay up as late as they wished…but they could never stay awake past their regualr bedtime. It was quite funny…me desiring their company and they wanting to go to bed…
They both graduated from college and are very successful adults…lots of personal discipline and character…I think the early training of a schedule that included rest time and early to bed time helped them learn there is a time to rest and a time to work.
Comment by Cathy (January 16, 2007 @ 1:17 am )
Oh The memories!
I always thought when the kids were grown I would sleep hrough the night….now the leave the grandkids here so THEY can sleep.
Sleep isn’t all it is cracked up to be.
Because of Jesus, Bobbie
Comment by Bobbie (January 16, 2007 @ 2:32 am )
I’m so glad you posted this! I wondered if I was the only mama who asked God why He doesn’t give me sleep!
And my daughter was a prolific spitter - all day long, every day, until she was about 10 months old when it slowed to a more manageable level. How she managed to grow and put on weight is beyond me! Certainly we do not have any nice baby clothes left! Baby 2 is due early June and I’m praying he will not be a spitter like his sister! Still, as someone else said, I would not trade my blessings for anything!
Comment by Catherine (January 16, 2007 @ 8:48 am )
How many of us mothers can’t relate? I wanted to echo Amy’s comment
I have finally begun to have a semi-regular mother’s helper and the 2 two 4 hours of help that she provides extends into my entire week! Now my boys ask, “Mom, when is Mary coming over?” and I have visions of developing my relationship with her further so that the next time a baby comes around she’ll be very ready to step in wherever need be. I am very “spoiled” in that I come from a huge family and have tons of siblings in the area who are still in high school (home schooled) and can come over and help. My midwife recommended getting help from someone outside my family, though, and it has proven to be really wonderful. Now I can call my family when I’m not spazzing, instead of only asking them to come over and help me fold 7 baskets of laundry.
Comment by Carole (January 16, 2007 @ 9:47 am )
Can I edit that?
2 to 4 not 2 two 4
Blame it on lack of sleep?
Comment by Carole (January 16, 2007 @ 9:48 am )
I only just got my 11-mo sleeping through. I took three nights of crying. Not fun.
He was one who would wake 3 to 4 times a night, and then not nap well at all during the day. It seemed like I was nursing in bed all night.
All my other kids were pretty decent sleepers. Maybe a little cry-it-out at first, but then they slept like rocks. So this is a new thing for me.
No reflux here, so I have no idea why he’s been such a bad sleeper, unless maybe I fed into it by getting him up?
Comment by Susannah (January 16, 2007 @ 10:29 am )
BTW, Have you read this funny?
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/SusannahCox/269327/Sleep+Training+for+Mom.html
I read it on a parenting board. So funny!
Comment by Susannah (January 16, 2007 @ 10:30 am )
As my husband says “It is hard to believe the phrase ‘this too shall pass’ when you are in the midst of it” and I quite agree with him. My baby sleeps through the night but my hubby doesn’t as he is usually up with the two year old for hours on end (we have the rule that Mommy takes care of baby during the night and Daddy takes care of the older two). How he gets so little sleep and manages to do well at his occupation, I have no idea. And he doesn’t complain. Occasionally I’ll hear him whisper to the two-year-old “Please sleep tonight! You are kicking my behind!” but it is always said with snuggles, no matter how serious he means it.
Comment by Kelly (January 16, 2007 @ 11:01 am )
As my husband says “It is hard to believe the phrase ‘this too shall pass’ when you are in the midst of it” and I quite agree with him. My baby sleeps through the night but my hubby doesn’t as he is usually up with the two year old for hours on end (we have the rule that Mommy takes care of baby during the night and Daddy takes care of the older two). How he gets so little sleep and manages to do well at his occupation, I have no idea. And he doesn’t complain. Occasionally I’ll hear him whisper to the two-year-old “Please sleep tonight! You are kicking my behind!” but it is always said with snuggles, no matter how serious he means it.
For those who are sleep deprived, I understand, I’ve been there. My first didn’t sleep her whole first year. I remember becoming sick from lack of sleep. I always have said something to the effect that there are two things that I would like to ask God when I am in heaven: 1) Why the littles have MORE energy than their parents, leaving us sawing logs on the couch while they jump around on our exhausted bodies and 2) how they can have so much energy with so little sleep and isn’t that just the tiniest bit unfair??? Of course, God is omnipotent and knows much better than I, but I would like to hear the answer on those two questions.
Comment by Kelly (January 16, 2007 @ 11:04 am )
PS Don’t ask me how I commented twice . . .may I please Mommy Brain?
Comment by Kelly (January 16, 2007 @ 11:09 am )
My babies/children never slept either. My grown fellas do sleep, but still I am kept from it. I have a fetish about not being able to sleep till all are tucked in bed themselves. How do you keep your sophomore in college from doing homework at 1 am or from spending time at his Sunday School teacher’s home till nearly midnight on a Friday night? Would I want to stop him from this? I don’t imagine so. I love Psalm 127. It is what I say to myself whenever I place my head on my pillow at night. The main reason I look forward to old age is the hope of lots and lots and oodles and oodles of sleep.
Comment by Laurie (January 16, 2007 @ 12:55 pm )
Amy, I just had to translate this into German for a friend of mine with four kids and forwarded to her via Email. I am sure she will feel comforted by the thought, that she’s not the only one
Thanks for posting so openhearted!
Comment by Helen (January 16, 2007 @ 1:43 pm )
Well, I can relate to part of your post. I have been blessed with great sleepers & babies that are quite content to play in playpens (ducking from the slippers from sleep-deprived mamas that are being thrown!). However, all of mine have been spitters too. My 2nd born was the worst! She had projectile spit up. It was amazing the targets that she could hit several feet away. I always warned those who asked to hold her that they didn’t know what they were offering! I have to admit, however, that I was always a bit sad when I realized that I no longer needed to have a burp cloth permanently attached to my shoulder.
Comment by Laura in KY (January 16, 2007 @ 3:42 pm )
I certainly have sympathy for any parent who has a colicky baby. I love my sleep and get quite unbearable when I don’t get enough. My third child threw me for a loop with her crying and lack of sleeping. I was so thankful when baby #4 came who slept a 5 to 6 hour stretch at once.
Until we meet in Heaven,
Mrs. DM Garcia
Comment by Mrs. DMGarcia (January 16, 2007 @ 5:31 pm )
My kids don’t like to sleep, either. They are too eager for the day, just like yours.
My 14 year old is FINALLY sleeping later, though…so it does come…just not when you need it to!
Amy - my only really “content” babies have been the ones who were ill. I try to remember to be grateful for their health!
Comment by Holly (January 16, 2007 @ 10:54 pm )
Amy, you need me for your neighbor. I would not mind the spit up. Since God only gave me one (I wanted 12) I never get tired of babies. They can spit up, cry, fuss, wiggle… I will hold them as long as I can. They all seem to fall asleep on me too. =)
Comment by Marci (January 17, 2007 @ 2:02 am )
Yes, God does grant sleep, but “Sleep Training” (see Susannah’s post) babies have their verse, too.
1 Corinthians 15:51…
“Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed—”
Blessings, and thank you for all the thoughtful, encouraging, delightful, and soul-satisfying thoughts you share from your heart.
Comment by Lisa in Idaho (January 17, 2007 @ 2:11 am )
I love how God works. I read this at 4 a.m., during the two-three hours I was up with my week old baby boy. He is my fourth. My fourth “night cryer” out of four babies born to me. I thought after three colicky babies I might have earned a respite with this one, but it isn’t looking good.
Ah, well, it is a small price to pay for a blessing so wonderful. Just hard to remember that after too many sleepless nights….
Thanks for the post Amy.
Comment by Amanda (January 17, 2007 @ 9:50 pm )
Sorry you’re not getting much sleep. Since you’re awake so much, would you mind posting a little more often?
Comment by Jo (January 17, 2007 @ 10:29 pm )
Jo, I’m siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccccccccccckkkkkkkk.
How ’bout bringing me over some chicken soup since you are getting enough sleep and all…
Comment by Amy Scott (January 18, 2007 @ 8:51 am )
Hey Amy,
Is that a backhanded announcement of an imminent arrival
?
Comment by Anonymous (January 18, 2007 @ 12:59 pm )
Sorry, that was me again. Hubby did something and my name doesn’t stay.
Comment by Another Heather (January 18, 2007 @ 12:59 pm )
No, no, I have the sniffles. Not everything has a double meaning.
Comment by Amy Scott (January 18, 2007 @ 3:32 pm )
Sleep!? My husband and I see sleep as a privelege and not our right. We remind ourselves of that in the morning. I am pregnant with number four. My oldest is four. I just found the Calms 4Forte tablets from Hylands Homeopathics after using their teething tablets for all the kids. They are four bucks a bottle and WORTH a try for that why are you awake?! kind of night. Help the overly wound up kid and the growing pains. I usually don’t pitch products, but these are really practical and have NO SIDE EFFECTS.
P.S. I assume none of you ask if a baby is a “good” baby. What a confusing thing to say to a new mom, no?
Comment by megan (January 18, 2007 @ 8:38 pm )
I so enjoyed this post and am loving all the comments, too! I have an 8-month-old cat-napper (a few 45-minute naps a day is all he’ll do) who does sleep through most nights but believes that 5:00 a.m. is a fine time to start the day. Every day. Needless to say, I get my older son in bed by 8:00 and I follow close behind. I read for a bit and am usually asleep by 9:00 so I can get up with the son (who happens to be up before the sun). Everyone we know has learned not to call after 8:00 - it’s likely no one will answer!
Comment by Katrina (January 19, 2007 @ 5:49 pm )