Choices
Wednesday, Feb 7, 2007
Things aren’t work unless you’d rather be doing something else. That’s what I was thinking this afternoon while propping up my tomato plants. My five children played nearby and fetched more string for me when I ran out. Even the baby fell asleep in his stroller, which he’s never done before. He must’ve worn himself out from taking his first real steps today. Even the dumb dog is behaving himself.
I finished reading a little book by feminist Sue Bender last night. In Plain and Simple, she discusses her reaction to two conservative midwives deprived of modern choices, as they sought to fulfill their duties to care for their families. Bender nails it:
But Sarah and Becky weren’t old-fashioned. They were two strong, dynamic women who had found ways to fulfill atypical roles for women within a supposedly restrictive system and yet still remain rooted to their home.
They lived with a short cord and lived fully, while I had a long cord and was always tripping over it. (p. 112)
Bender noticed the peace and contentment these women possessed and wanted the satisfaction of a good life too. The problem was that she couldn’t find it. She writes, “Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to give myself a gold star for being ordinary, and maybe one of these days I’ll give myself a gold star for being extraordinary—for persisting. And maybe one day I won’t need to have a star at all.” (p. 130-131)
For all the “freedom” the feminist movement has scored, we aren’t any more content than before. The truth is, we are all slaves—whether to Christ or to sin. That long tether we trip over is the myth that you can “become anything you want to be” (an NBA player?) instead of celebrating the blessed ordinary before us. Freedom is being in Christ; it’s not found in an array of choices, which really aren’t choices at all: to abort or not, to be married to another woman or not, to change your gender or not.
What if we spent the energy we waste exploring our supposed choices on doing what is required: “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Malachi 6:8)? This is how the two women found a good life, and this is what we should do to have one too.
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Wow, this is a great post, Amy. I have seen this struggle in my own life. It wasn’t until the Lord moved my heart toward my home that I finally found contentment with my role in life. Having a whole world of options available to you can be overwhelming in the least, and at most utterly unsatisfying. I have often discussed with my husband and others how best to pass this truth on to our daughters. It seems to me that they ought to be purposeful with their lives, but also realizing that should God bless them with a husband and children, their main role in life will be to serve that family.
I would love to hear more of your thoughts about passing this on to the next generation.
Comment by Kendra (February 7, 2007 @ 6:35 pm )
I’ve read this book at least three or four times, given it to friends and then bought it again (at library sales). I couldn’t get it out of my mind the first time I read it.
Sue Bender is just so honest in what she saw and how she wrote. She didn’t put the Amish on a pedestal where they don’t belong but she also found what there was to admire.
I always wondered what long term affects this had in her own life.
Comment by Coffeeteabooksandme (February 7, 2007 @ 8:16 pm )
“freedom is being in Christ; it is not found in an array of choices…”
excellent
Comment by Laur (February 7, 2007 @ 9:16 pm )
I love the “dumb dog” comment. We have a puppy(4 months old, name is George, black lab)I always catch myself saying “dumb dog”. So much that the other day my almost 3 year old looked at him and quite seriously said “dumb dog”. I lol at that one and told her don’t let your father hear you say that;)
Comment by Stephanie (February 8, 2007 @ 12:12 am )
His Word says that we are to be “workers at home.” So many women miss this opportunity to receive true fulfillment the way God designed it. Thanks for yet another wonderful post. Blessings
Comment by GardenOfGrace (February 8, 2007 @ 1:48 am )
Thanks Amy for the reminder! i have struggled with this for awhile. I often feel myself not knowing what to think and do. but in my heart i know that being a keeper at home is God’s will for me. i too wouldn’t trade it for the world! BTW,i also have a “dumb dog”! She is a Blue Pit Bull. My husband is in love with her.Even though is is super cute, i wouldn’t admit that to him.
Comment by roxanne (February 8, 2007 @ 2:20 am )
I needed to hear this today. Thank you Amy.
Comment by Baleboosteh (February 8, 2007 @ 5:19 am )
Wonderful post. Well said. I pray that we can raise our daughters to view the world with God’s eyes, instead of through the worldview of the feminist agenda. thanks for the good words!!
Comment by susan (February 8, 2007 @ 8:24 am )
I’ve tripped over that cord several times myself. Each time was when sin was involved. No matter how short the cord is, sin can still find it’s way in. I must choose whether to live for the Lord or myself. May I seek to live for the Lord wholeheartedly everyday!!!
Thank you for this post. Excellent!!
His,
Mrs. U
Comment by Mrs. U (February 8, 2007 @ 10:15 am )
i love this post! thank you for reminding me of the privilege and freedom i have in my short cord!
Comment by tami (February 8, 2007 @ 12:24 pm )
I’m much happier now that I live a simple quiet family life, than I ever was when I lived in the fast lane. I was always searching for something that I didn’t want beacuse the world to told me I did. I didn’t want to have a high powered career, I didn’t want to be important to an office load of people. I wanted to be important to only four people! And now I am.
Comment by kathleen (February 8, 2007 @ 1:47 pm )
My husband and I were just discussing this on our way home from a Sunday School class on building the family. There is freedom in having boundaries. So many women bridle at the concepts of keeper at home, submission, authority, biblical roles of women, etc. There is true freedom within biblical limits. Once I decided to obey Jesus in this area, the Holy Spirit chose to work on my husband in fulfilling his role. Our marriage has been so blessed since then. It is one of those things where the blessings don’t happen until you take that plunge of obedience and say “I’m going to do it God’s way.” God didn’t part the Jordan until the priests put their feet in. He won’t choose to extend His full blessing until we choose to obey Him. What a great post, Amy. Thanks!!
Comment by Another Heather (February 8, 2007 @ 3:47 pm )
Oh Amy, God is so good! I was just blog surfing and had gone through several Christian ladies blogs just ripping apart Biblical marriage and roles etc. and as I clicked on your blog I thought “How neat it would be if Amy did a defense of Biblical womanhood-she is so eloquent!”. You just blew away all my discouragement.
People look at me and my marriage and think “Oh, how oppressive! How sad! How miserable!”, all the while complaining about men and relationships and wallowing in their bitter freedom.
Me, when I realized that ’short cord’ is good for me and started obeying God, I got more happy and content than I could ever have imagined.
Comment by Margaret (February 8, 2007 @ 4:11 pm )
I am amazed at christian moms that don’t even consider staying at home. True I might not have some “things” that other wise I might have,but I have what money cannot buy!!! I’m sure some might see what we do in a day ordinary,[you can only hear the Wiggles sing Hot Potatoe so many times!] but there are so many unordinary things in a single day that I would miss! Just playing hide and seek can be an unforgettable treasure,and it’s bringing glory to God!WOW!!
Comment by Tracy in Ky. (February 8, 2007 @ 4:13 pm )
I agree with Tracy. My 7-month old had quite the explosion today. I’ll spare you the details about how it went all the way to his neck (but I’m sure you all have “been there, done that”). After his quick bath, I snuggled him in a towel, all nice and cosy, curled up against my chest. His sweet little face looking up to me with those big blue eyes, smiling everytime I looked at him. If he was in day care, I would not have that memory. Someone else would get his smiles, is giggles, his cuddling right under my chin. And that’s not to mention all the other things that happen with my other children.
No amount of money will ever compare or replace my sweet memories that I have of my children. My sister-in-law works full time, her boys being 8 and 4. Her goal now is to work until all the debt is payed off, then quite her job and come home. She says she feels like she’s missed and is missing out on so much. She’s right.
Jennifer
Comment by Jennifer D (February 8, 2007 @ 4:38 pm )
I believe that’s Micah 6:8.
Comment by ruth (February 9, 2007 @ 12:09 am )
Amy, I just referenced this post on my blog. It really hit home. Your post brought this to mind:
God has given us enough hours in a day for the things He deems worth doing.
Comment by Nancy (February 9, 2007 @ 1:17 am )
On Freedom
A discussion of choices and freedom at Amy’s Humble Musings….
Trackback by BlogWatch (February 9, 2007 @ 10:08 am )
[...] A discussion of choices and freedom at Amy’s Humble Musings. [...]
Pingback by Pseudo-Polymath » Blog Archive » Morning Highlights (February 9, 2007 @ 10:21 am )
Came over by way of Blogwatch.
An excellent post, Amy!
I’m ruminating on this sentence by Bender:
Reminds me of Max Lucado’s book about the Wemmicks who gave out gold stars or gray dots. True freedom was evident in Lucia - to whom no one else’s opinion but God’s mattered. It was only when Punchinello began to spend time with his maker that his gray dots (which is all he had) began to fall off. Yet it wouldn’t all happen right away was inferred at the ending.
The ladies for whom Bender had respect seemed to be a great example of 1 Peter 2:15-16:
And the verse from Malachi brings to mind this one from Galatians:
Good stuff!
Comment by Kari @ HealedWaters (February 9, 2007 @ 11:32 am )
Its 30 below here and so cold your nostrils freeze together when you inhale through your nose… the kids are inside doing jumping jacks, puzzles, english and meal plans and keeping the house topsy turvy… and you are propping up tomato plants!!! I love how even though we are doing “the same thing” in being home and loving our husbands, kids and keeping the home up and running, we are doing such different chores at home. I take it you aren’t trying to sweep out snow before it melts, judging snowforts, finding wet mittens all over the house or keeping the fire going (literally). I love the variety God gave us in this world. I should be propping up tomato plants in about 6 months!! And they will never be as lush as the ones from the south.
Comment by martha (February 9, 2007 @ 12:42 pm )
Hi Amy,
I found your blog via Biblical Womanhood. That is a brilliant post. I’ve read that book, too. As Bender said, “They lived with a short cord and lived fully, while I had a long cord and was always tripping over it.” That reminds me of something Elisabeth Elliot said in “Let Me Be a Woman”. Her point was something to the effect of the more ‘restrictions’ we have, the more creative we can be with them. When we set constraints on something we do, we are freed to be completely creative in that area instead of being half-hearted in others.
Nancy, this is wonderful: “God has given us enough hours in a day for the things He deems worth doing.” Very true! I’ve been thinking about that lately with all the responsibilities and commitments I have, and I simply have to ask Him which ones are the ones He wants me to have and to take away the other ones.
Comment by Kathleen (February 11, 2007 @ 12:35 am )
Awesome post! I can so relate to the short/long cord part! Esp in parenting my son. He’s definitely happier with a “short cord”…..Thanks for your great blog!
Comment by Lisa (February 12, 2007 @ 10:45 am )
My bad on the incorrect Bible reference. I didn’t fix it because it would ping the RSS feed again and annoy everyone reading by feed.
I’ve been mulling over what Kendra asked in comment #1, “I would love to hear more of your thoughts about passing this on to the next generation.” Every time I ask someone with great adult kids what they did, it’s usually an “I dunno” response. Every now and then, I get a gem and try to report on it. Which is to say, I have a lot of my own ideas, but since my children aren’t grown, I pick the brains of the older folks. I feel pretty OK about giving “how to get your two-year-old to come to you” advice, and so I still do a lot of that.
But God hasn’t left us a command (Train them up in the way they should go) without a method. Deu. 6 tells us a method. Repeatedly, the OT tells us, “Teach this to your children; remind them; tell them…” A lot of parenting woes could be avoided by reminding our children daily what God requires with a daily Scripture reading. May God help us to do His will.
And just because I’m feeling real bold and reckless, less TV and more work would help too.
Comment by Amy Scott (February 12, 2007 @ 5:08 pm )
you’re so right amy! God hasn’t left us hanging- He told us what to do, as you quoted. another reason homeschooling is best if you ask me. again, great post!
Comment by tami (February 13, 2007 @ 9:55 am )