Take a deep breath
Wednesday, Feb 14, 2007
“This isn’t working” seasons are usually punctuated with Mom being frazzled at the end of each day. Threats to send the kids off to boarding school are whispered in secret, and if it’s particularly bad, The Mom reminds her husband how much a full-time multi-purpose person would set him back. Since this never happens to me, I’ll hypothetically tell you what I’d do if it did.
The first thing I’d do is find out where it broke down. If this ever happened to me, it’d probably occur during one of Greg’s business trips or during a week of sickness. Or if you want to get dramatic, have the baby learn to walk during the week that everyone is sick and your husband goes out of town. Yes, this is the best-case scenario.
The second thing you should do (after eating a bunch of chocolate) is put the dog in his crate. Eliminate unnecessary distractions so that you can zero in on the matter at hand.
The third thing you should do is talk rationally about the situation. This is especially easy if your husband is an engineer, programmer, or math whiz. In the end, I realized that the schedule wasn’t tight enough, and miscellaneous kids were often off-task causing trouble, messes, and mayhem. Furthermore, the Whac-a-Moles won’t pop as often if better, more meaningful consequences are in place.
So it’s time to get back on track. Children were created to be a blessing, and God gives us the tools we need to do the task He’s called us to do. I’m often tempted to fix a little wood-rot by patching it with a truck full of 2 x 4’s. Stepping back and realizing that it’s not personal will help me think more clearly about these things. But since this has never happened to me, I’m writing it down just in case it does in the future.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
~Psalm 86:5-6
24 Comments
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI
Leave a comment
Kill the dog. Why do you have a dog? Why do I?
I do agree with what I call the Reign of Terror inflicted on the family to restore sanity and order is a short period of time. I also suggest a new behavior infraction called “general attitude.”
If this is incomprehensible it is because my brow is fevered.
It is not personal. It is the 2nd law of thermodynamics.
Comment by Cindy (February 14, 2007 @ 5:19 pm )
AMEN, AMEN! I wouldn’t know about any of that either, but I’m sure I know someone who might have run into something like that situation at one time or another.
Isn’t it nice to have a husband who is logical and not quite so immersed in the day’s troubles. Mine can listen to my story of how the world is falling apart and how I’m sure the little guys are messed up for life, and help me come back to reality. God sure gives our husbands wisdom to lead us and weed through the hormone storms that come all too often.
Comment by Stephanie (February 14, 2007 @ 5:34 pm )
Hi Amy. I’v been reading your blog for a while. I don’t think I have ever commmented. I really like what you have to say. This post was timely as I sat down at my computer to escape an angry episode I just had with my 7yo very creative high enery cabin fever suffering February grumbling son. February being the hardest month for us up here in the northwest. We are waiting oh so eagerly for spring and plenty of outside time. Any way, I am writing because I am wondering if you would be willing to post or e-mail me a rough schedule of what your day looks like and how you keep your oldest son and the others busy so your not whacin moles so much. My head hurts from whacin moles. (I really like that analogy). You seem like a very sensible, down to earth lady and I appreciate that. I would love to see how you schedule the kids throughout the day.
Thank you.
Comment by Stacy (February 14, 2007 @ 5:45 pm )
Children ARE a blessing!
Comment by Stephen (February 14, 2007 @ 5:53 pm )
I’m sure no one reading this has EVER had a day (or week) like you described, but it never hurts to be prepared…just in case. ;o)
Comment by Angela (February 14, 2007 @ 6:07 pm )
Hi Amy! Speaking of hectic days
Do you follow the Moth Schedule technique or anything similar? If you have a written schedule could you post it??? I’m sure it might be a help, inspiration or atleast a curiousity to many of your readers (myself included!)
Blessings!
Cindy
Comment by Cindy (February 14, 2007 @ 6:15 pm )
Argghh.
I am also having one of those seasons. (Or, more specifically, three days. But they’ve been VERY loooooonnnngggg days and I am ready to run away from home.)
Talk rationally about it? I’ll have to initiate that conversation tonight with my husband, hoping he’s feeling rational. I’m sure not.
~Stacy
Comment by Stacy (February 14, 2007 @ 6:24 pm )
So true! After I read this the second or third time, it hit me that not once did you mention that what you really need is just some time for yourself. It seems like so many (myself included unfortunately) nowadays automatically think that when the bad days come that the cure-all is time away from it all instead of digging in their heels and finding out what went wrong in the first place. Don’t get me wrong…a few minutes alone in the laundry room or shower (if you can get’em) is great on lending a little perspective. What I am talking about is the tendency to totally throw in the towel and not look back. I frequently get “When do you ever have time for yourself?” “What you need is just more time away from your kids.” When what I really need is more encouragement (like your post) to remind me that God intends children to be a blessing and if they are not, then I don’t need to get away from them…I probably need to get closer to God. It is easier to see something from someone else’s perspective if you are standing right beside them and not across the canyon from them.
As usual, the Holy Spirit got my attention recently regarding this very thing and I actually listened (I hope!). The jury is still out on that one.
Comment by Mrs. W (February 14, 2007 @ 6:49 pm )
Forgot to mention before that I still struggle with not taking it personally and instead of listening patiently to my husband as he gently and rationally reminds me of this, I usually end up getting even more upset and accusing him of not understanding because he hasn’t been at home all day. Thanks for the reminder not to shoot the messenger and to be thankful that at least one of us can remain somewhat neutral and rational and even calm in the midst of the chaos.
Comment by Mrs. W (February 14, 2007 @ 6:54 pm )
Oh, what a timely post. Well, I mean it would be very timely, if I were having that kind of season, ya know. But, I never have days like this. So, of course, this is all hypothetically speaking.
Wonderful encouragement!
Comment by Nicki (February 14, 2007 @ 7:51 pm )
“God intends children to be a blessing and if they are not, then I don’t need to get away from them…I probably need to get closer to God.”
Great reminder!
I don’t think I’ve ever commented here before, but I enjoy reading and learning from your honest self-evaluations. It’s always nice to know that others share in the reality of our lives!
Comment by Sarah (February 14, 2007 @ 7:51 pm )
Amy, I dearly love your style!
Thanks for a very helpful post, if I should ever need it.
And thank you SO much, Mrs. W, for that beautiful insight.
Comment by Anonymous (February 14, 2007 @ 8:57 pm )
Oh, Amy!! The husband didn’t go out of town, he just happened to be the sickest one of the bunch! No dog, but the aquarium was half dry and the fish half dead. Everything else is dead on. Even the taking things too personally. Since Christmas things have just been a mess and I am wondering how I ever got anything done. I mean, I remember having days where we got school done, dinner on the table, the laundry folded (mostly), etc, but try as I might, I can’t seem to get back there! Time for a little reevaluation, too. I’m interested in what your schedule looks like, too.
Comment by Another Heather (February 14, 2007 @ 9:16 pm )
I had to chase the husband out of the house for a meeting tonight with the words, “Go quick! Or I will hang onto your ankles and beg you to stay.” That was while the baby was fussing, the toddler crying, the 3 yo whining, I was cooking dinner, and the 5 biggest kids were outside freezing… I mean- playing hide and seek (So no extra hands to help hold or play with anyone). I had to work hard to squelch the jealousy…
But no, I don’t know a thing about your post, but I will file it away for future reference in case it happens here.
Comment by petersonclan (February 14, 2007 @ 10:50 pm )
We are sick, hubby not gone, but working long hours. I’m still afloat, sinking fast! Thanks for your post!
Comment by Kelly Bowland (February 15, 2007 @ 11:22 am )
Amy, you will, of course, never be at a loss should you _ever_ experience one of those days (which none of us here ever has, of course–this is purely a theoretical matter), because you have good priorities. 1. Chocolate. 2. Animals out of way. 3. Not taking it personally.
Really, everything just falls in place after that. Not that I’d know or anything. Really.
Comment by Mrs. P. (February 15, 2007 @ 11:44 am )
I hope you have a better day today.
Comment by Tammy (February 15, 2007 @ 1:16 pm )
I found this VERY humorous…
Sorry! You are quite a gifted writer!
Comment by http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Keri/ (February 15, 2007 @ 1:42 pm )
Great post! I’ve got one of the “wack-a-mole” kids so you know nothing like this ever, ever happens at my house!! LOL…..
Comment by Lisa (February 15, 2007 @ 2:02 pm )
wow! what excellent timing! i am having one of those ’seasons’ with my oldest son the past few days. and just last night i jokingly suggested sending him to boot camp! how do you keep them all on a schedule with thier ages such a wide range? could you post or email a copy of your daily schedule? thanks!
melanie
Comment by melanie (February 15, 2007 @ 2:04 pm )
Women tend to go nuclear when a little adjusting is all that is needed. Let me give an example of what I meant yesterday. The last trimester of pregnancy is very difficult for me as I’m in a lot of pain. Each time I carry a child to term, I swear off future pregnancies in that last trimester. It is hard, and I am weak. This last pregnancy, however, there was some relief when we hired a weekly housekeeper to wash the floors and deep clean the bathrooms for a couple months. For thirty bucks a week, the clean house kept the edge off in my voice. Worth it? Ask Greg.
What happens with stuff, though, is that we “fix a little wood-rot by patching it with a truck full of 2 x 4’s.” When pregnancy, raising kids, [fill-in-the-blank] gets tough, it’s best to figure out how to make it better before going nuclear (or whacking the situation with 2 x 4’s). It is better for me to fix what’s not working before I get dramatic; the preliminary move is adjusting, not checking out.
Just in case I needed to know.
I will post our schedule as a new post in a few minutes.
Comment by Amy Scott (February 15, 2007 @ 3:06 pm )
Thank you Amy, for taking the time to post that. It made me laugh and cry. Tears of thankfullness that the Lord has brought me to a place of submission where I am happy (not always eager) to keep a routine. Seeing others routines make me realize that I am not too far off the mark and looking back able to see how much I have grown since I started to stay home and homeschool. It is good to see others routines too because sometimes the obvious needs to hit us on the head, like always keeping the same order of school work. I haven’t done this and I think this small “tweak” will make everyone more comfortable. Thanks again for blogging.
Stacy
Comment by Stacy (February 15, 2007 @ 5:48 pm )
Yep, Yep, Yep. If the husband comes home and finds the dog in the crate and all three children in the same bathtub AND it’s only 5:00, then you know there was a towel thrown in on that day! Of course, I know people who do this but I try to distance myself from them so as to not be influenced by such things. (insert eye-roll here)
Thanks for your honesty
Comment by Kim (February 16, 2007 @ 4:16 pm )
SO, hypothetically, I might not be the only one struggling with this? Thank you so much for the advice, AMy! Especially the part about eating chocolate!
Comment by Shannon Miller (February 19, 2007 @ 10:38 am )