Life With Three Under Three - #1
Saturday, Feb 17, 2007
I’m going to take a break from my usual droning this coming week to talk about Life With Three Under Three. Five years is far enough removed from those days to have some perspective and yet close enough to remember everything. Motherhood isn’t meant to be survived but enjoyed. Yet, the skills we need to enjoy it usually are learned after-the-fact. I hate it when that happens.

I remember that older moms would pat me on the head while chanting in unison, “This too shall pass.” Every time that happened, though, I wanted to stop the chorus and ask, “But what if I’m dead of exhaustion before it passes? And what if my marriage doesn’t make it through to the other side? And what if I ruin the kids in the process?”
Michele gave me permission to post her email here:
As you mentioned that you don’t remember a harder time than having three under three, I’d like to pick your brain a bit.
I’m due to give birth to #3 in about six weeks and my oldest is just over 3. Knowing what you know now, what would advice would you give to me? What do you wish you had known back then that you didn’t? What could be done to better prepare myself, the kids, the house, the husband, whatever?
I’ve heard over and over from other mothers who say that having three littles was much harder than having 5, 6, 7, or more. So I’m keen to hear what you have to say, when you have a chance.
By the fall of 2001, I had a two-year-old, a one-year-old, a miscarriage, a newborn, and a new move. I had my hands full, according to me and all the folks in the grocery store.
The internet is full of tips, tricks, and organizational methods. There isn’t a need to repeat them all. However, there are a few secrets known among veteran moms that are still unpublished because—well—they’re secret. I will tell them to you and enjoy the extra humility it affords.

43 Comments
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that’s awesome!! I had 2 under 2, now my oldest is 28 months. nothing compared to your group, but still a handful.
Comment by Mindy (February 17, 2007 @ 4:14 pm )
LOL! Looking forward to your thoughts. 3 under 3 was definitely the hardest season that we’ve gone through so far as parents. 7 children ages 9 and under is far easier!!
Comment by Laura in KY (for now! lol!) (February 17, 2007 @ 4:47 pm )
Ooo, ooo, start posting, quick! I just had #4, making my grand total four kids, two and under. Please Help! I’d love to hear some perspective! And I know what you mean about the “hands full” comment from people in the grocery store. Or the, “You’re a busy lady.” Nobody knows that better than me, people, it is not necessary to remind me.
Comment by Lora Lynn (February 17, 2007 @ 4:55 pm )
Well…leave us hanging!
I must say, that’s quite a scary picture. I think I’ve felt like that before…
Comment by homefire (February 17, 2007 @ 7:00 pm )
Please do tell! I have 4 kids, 4 and under, including a special needs child. I have heard it all as well. “This too shall pass” or “They all grow up really fast so enjoy them while they’re young” or “You sure have your hands full,” etc. While these statements are true, I just don’t feel encouraged as I’m in the midst of this parenting “storm.” Do others feel the same way?
Comment by Lois Ding (February 17, 2007 @ 7:29 pm )
I can’t wait to hear your secrets! I am due on March 4th with our third. The older two are 3 and 2 (
Comment by Sarah (February 17, 2007 @ 9:15 pm )
Sarah, I had a baby last March 4th, too.
Yeah, Greg was like, “Babe, you didn’t say anything.” And so I said, “Yes, I was just saying that I was going to say something.” So, I realize anything I say will be anti-climatic.
Comment by Amy Scott (February 17, 2007 @ 9:23 pm )
March 4th? He will be a military leader. “March forth!”
Comment by Connie (February 17, 2007 @ 9:39 pm )
I look forward to this topic. I’m still trying to figure out how to handle 6 kids age 15 down to 4 months, ha!
Comment by Nancy (February 17, 2007 @ 10:13 pm )
I found going from 2 kids to 3 was like entering a whole ‘nuther level of parenting chaos. For me, adding babies 4 and 5 weren’t that big of a deal. What is it with 3 kids?
Lora Lynn you bring a good point. All those comments from well meaning people don’t really help us in the midst of our exhaustion. I don’t think the comments are really meant to do that, though… it’s more that many feel remorse that their little ones are now grown and gone. More of a personal statement on the brevity of life than one meant to bring life to the hearer. Someone once said to me, regarding mothering many small ones, that the days are long but the years are fleeting. I think this is true, as I sit here typing listening to my 17yo son playing worship music on the piano. *sigh*
I talked to a lady today who has her first grandchild. She says it is SO much more fun than even having her own kids, whom she loved greatly and enjoyed to the fullest. I think it has to do with her not having the awesome and overwhelming sense of responsibility over the formative years of this little one.
I think we can learn from grandmas. They don’t make big deals out of everything. They rest when they need to rest, they don’t worry about what size the tag on their jeans indicates, they smile a lot, give cookies for breakfast and generally hug the stuffing out of their grandkids. They view their grandbabies with less panic than they did their own children. The believing grandmas I’ve met really rest in God’s sovereignty, as they have lived through many trials and troubles, blessings and abundance.
Comment by Mx5 (February 17, 2007 @ 10:13 pm )
I had three under three and it was awful. But it is pretty wonderful now (they are teenagers). Except–I don’t know how we’re going to pay for college. We’re trusting God.
What I needed to hear (and didn’t) was that I would make it through, and that it was a season. It WAS a season and we did make it through, all of us, mostly intact.
You have to be able to stand hearing somebody crying sometimes. Sometimes you just have to put little people somewhere safe and let them cry while you handle something (for instance, somebody else’s dirty diaper). You are not sinning if your one-year-old cries for twenty minutes in his playpen while you clean up an outfit-buster on the newborn. If you can learn to deal with that sort of thing, it will help.
Comment by ruth (February 17, 2007 @ 10:15 pm )
Thank you for the validation you provide in this blog!
IRL, I mostly hear “you think it’s hard now, it only gets harder” or “just wait til you have teenagers” or “their problems are so little right now compared to the bigger, more important problems that come as they get older.” Grrrr
Support, encouragement, and skills are so important to pass along to sleep-deprived, weary moms of 3 aged 3 and under (which I will be when baby #3 comes in August.) Thank you and your posters so much for the tips and, most importantly to me, the empathy.
Comment by Mrs. D (February 17, 2007 @ 10:17 pm )
I only have ONE baby, and I reallyreallyreally want to read your hints. Lay ‘em on me. Especially anything regarding sleep, mine and the baby’s.
Comment by MB (February 17, 2007 @ 10:22 pm )
I totally agree with Mx5! We have 6 children nine and under and going from 2 to 3 is the hardest…adding 4 thru 6 didn’t throw us off that much. I think when you have 2 you each have a wee one (when you’re all out and about together, that is)…you can tag-team better. But when you have a third you have an “odd man out” and it just unbalances things. But I’d never change it for the world. Our oldest will be 10 in April and I can not believe that he’ll be double digits! I’m only 32 but it makes me feel old…I guess he’s technically called a “tween”. He’s growing up so fast…they all are…it’s just going to fly by. I enjoy my time with them but I have those days that I can’t wait for bedtime I am so wore out! Then after they’re in bed and asleep I go in and check on them and cover up their tootsies. I just stand and stare in awe and what a neat bunch of kiddoes we have been given and thank the Lord quietly for each and every one. But, yes, Amy, do tell!! I enjoy all of your stories!!
Comment by Carmen (February 17, 2007 @ 10:24 pm )
The three I had under three are now 14, 13 & 11 (plus I have a 8yo and 4yo). My oldest at that time turned 3 on the day of my thirds birth. It was busy
My advice is to stay home. Seriously, enjoy it, work hard and try to get a little rest.
Comment by Janet (February 18, 2007 @ 12:02 am )
I am looking forward to learning more. I have 3 under 2 1/2 plus a 14 year old. I feel like I am losing it on a good day:-)
Not real encouraging.
Julie
Comment by Julie (February 18, 2007 @ 12:23 pm )
Amy,
I want to introduce myself before commenting. I am Tina Jobe. My maiden name was Scott. My sister’s name is Amy - so I feel like I’ve known you forever! I have 5 children who are 11, 9, 7, 7 and 4. We had 4 children 3 and under. Adding #5 was EASY! I am, I guess, 8 years removed from those days. Sometimes it seems long ago and sometimes like yesterday. I still have “aha” moments… like “Wow, I am in a restaurant with my children all by myself and I’m not in the least bit stressed!” My 11 year old makes breakfast every morning. I can take a nap and tell the children to have quiet time… and count on not being interrupted (usually)! 4 out 5 can read! Even my youngest has been potty trained for over two years. They all sleep through the night. However, such was not always the case. With 4 under 4, I absolutely couldn’t go anywhere without a helper. I many times had to pick between “urgent” and “most urgent” in “doing the next thing.” I was tired and sometimes very overwhelmed. Yet I do remember those days fondly. I even miss them. I had 4 beautiful very young blessings (and later 5) from the Lord. I agree that motherhood is to be enjoyed and not endured so every day that was my goal. I found it could be accomplished best by simplifying as much as possible and staying home nearly always. At home I could be consistent with discipline and accomplish things that mattered. (like easy meals, laundry and loving and teaching my babies). Going from 2 to 4 meant quitting the ladies Bible studies, MOPS, and other good things that I enjoyed. Taking 4 babies out just wasn’t possible - and if I tried, they’d all get sick anyway. So… we stayed home and enjoyed living as simply as possible. The Lord taught me so much about contentment and what truly matters during those days. It is a “roll up your sleeves and work” season of mothering. There is time for little else. However, we must make time for two things that are even more important than our child training - growing in the Lord and being a wife! I won’t elaborate because this is already too long. Just wanted to say that I can’t wait to hear what the Lord has taught you in your mothering journey. It won’t be anticlimatic - your posts never are!
Comment by Tina (February 18, 2007 @ 2:25 pm )
Amy, I hope you don’t mind (& feel free to delete this comment if you do!), but I wanted to butt in and offer some advice to LOIS DING. Dear Lois, I just wanted you to know that I have walked in your shoes and it is *not* easy! At one time, I had 4 children, ages 4 and under and one of them was also a special needs child. Parenting a lot of little ones, although incredibly rewarding, can be very difficult. When you add a special needs child into the mix, it is a horse of a completely different color.
It is good to read and glean from experienced mothers of many children, but keep in mind that your family will have to operate somewhat differently out of necessity. And that’s OK!! A schedule and routine is good when you are able to use it. But if the majority of the time you are flying by the seat of your pants (or skirt, as the case may be!) because of multiple doctor visits, therapies or hospitalizations… that’s OK!!
I don’t know the extent of the needs of your special child, but I remember going through a season of about a year where we were in a constant “crisis mode.” The hospital was our 2nd home. I remember that every morning, it was like walking on egg shells. I never knew what kind of day we were going to have until I woke up our special needs daughter to see what her health was like that day.
Most special needs children have good and bad seasons. My advice to you would be to give yourself a break during the rough seasons. Bring out the paper plates, take naps when you can, buy convenience foods and products, and accept all help that is offered! (This is where I messed up ~ I was too proud to accept help when I really did need it.) Then, during good seasons, go all out! Make great meals, focus on making special memories, take field trips, do lots of crafts, and spend some extra time with your children that do not have additional needs. I have found that it helps me get through the bad seasons, if I remember all that I do during the good seasons. It helps keep the guilt at bay when the other children aren’t able to spend as much time with you! Don’t worry about the other chidren ~ they are learning incredible lessons in patience and compassion.
Above all, remember that God did not make a mistake when he gave you a special needs child. That child, and all his/her needs, were given specifically to you because that is part of His plan! We have now added 3 more children to our family, and one of them is another special needs child. I have a peace about our family now that I didn’t have in the early years. Your family is not going to look like the typical family in your Ladies Bible Study. That’s OK!! Plan as much as you can, but recognize that He orders your days. During our “crisis mode” season, all of our friends knew that any plans we made were “soft.” We could not fully commit to anything, and they understood that. Seek God’s strength to get you through the days. And, remember, be looking for the lessons that the Lord will be teaching you, because there will be many!
Comment by Laura in KY (February 18, 2007 @ 3:12 pm )
Janet (comment #15) and Tina (comment #18) hit upon what I feel is the most important tip any mom of young children needs to take to heart… stay home.
This will seem like strange “preaching” from a pastor’s wife, but I tell young moms all the time to not overcommit. The church will still function if you don’t volunteer. Many young mom’s hearts are very sensitive to the needs of others, and they tend to commit to things, occasionally to the detriment of their families. I did this myself. I would cook wonderful meals for people coming home from the hospital, yet fed my kids cereal for dinner. It got to the point where whenever I actually cooked food, the kids assumed it was for some other family. Praise be to God that the Holy Spirit pricked my heart, and helped me to put my family back as a priority.
The many babies in a few years season is long. But trust me, the church will be fine if you step back from commitments until the kids are older.
Comment by Mx5 (February 18, 2007 @ 5:02 pm )
I’m looking forward so much to reading the rest of this series.
I linked to you here:
http://churchyear.blogspot.com/
Hope it’s okay!
peace of Christ to you,
Jessica
Comment by Jessica Snell (February 18, 2007 @ 6:15 pm )
I feel like I’m just coming out of the toughest “season” (boy, do I hope so!), with #4 due in nine weeks and my oldest just turning 5…today the “baby” (19 mos.) learned to go up and down the stairs by herself–no more hauling laundry baskets over the gate, which is good because although I’m only 7 mos. pregnant I look (and feel) like nine
My “older” ones can now help with things like unloading the dishwasher, dressing themselves, and going to grab what I need from another room. Although #3 has been an absolute delight, I have to admit that having her become more self sufficient has made things so much easier for me. Just a couple really hard and humbling lessons for me during this period have been–
instead, seek God for his will for YOUR family. I couldn’t get my first two kids potty trained until they were almost four, and I’d feel embarrassed every time I was around some barely-two-using-the-potty-every-time child…so I made my little ones’ lives fairly miserable and did a whole lot of unecessary laundry…I think with #3 I’m going to try to relax a little more and give up the comparison game. Watch, she’ll potty train at 22 mos. 
1) stop expecting perfection. striving for excellence is good, but allowing one’s self to be beaten-down because you “just can’t get it right” is not. Edith Schaeffer said “if you expect perfection or nothing, you will always end up with nothing” (at least I think it was her)
2) don’t compare yourself with other moms, and don’t try to make your family like “this great family you read about online”
3) find some way to keep your personal quiet time. I haven’t been so good about that during this season–I think it would have made a big difference. There are creative ways for finding a few quiet moments at a time when your eyes don’t need duct tape to stay open.
4) we are the body of Christ and are called to love and serve one another…if someone offers help, TAKE IT…no matter how it wounds your pride, how messy they will see your house, etc. The time will come when you can be the one to offer encouragement and refreshment to a young mom with many little ones!
Comment by Stephanie (February 18, 2007 @ 7:09 pm )
You all are great. Keep these encouraging posts coming. I struggle with all of the issues you have mentioned and some more. It is such an encouragement to hear from you. I would only like to add how much God is teaching me to rely on my husband for leadership and how gracious God is in allowing my husband to be so supportive. He will help me regain my perspective, occassionally we get to dream together, and when the kids are off playing or sleeping we even get to talk once in a while. We have become so much more intimate and I love to see how much more we are “on the same page” about the things that are happening. Our marriage has become so much more rich because of our children and the work they require from us and how it has forced us to become a team rather than two individuals living together. Isn’t it funny how well God’s plans work when we do what He asks? I wouldn’t trade our large, all close together, and getting larger family for anything. Even with all the work and lessons in humility that come along with them. (I know, it’s sentence fragment
)
Comment by Another Heather (February 18, 2007 @ 9:58 pm )
I have never had 3 under 3,but you are a great ecnorager for us all! Regardless of the ages of our children…parenting is challenging but so rewarding! Ther are all such great blessings,aren’t they?
Thanks for this!!!
Kim
Comment by Kim (February 19, 2007 @ 10:24 am )
“Regardless of the ages of our children…parenting is challenging but so rewarding!”
I say the same thing all the time, Kim! Most of my friends do not have as many kids as I do, or if they do, they are more spaced out. But I emphasize that parenting is a challenge, regardless of how many and how old the children are. Especially parenting in a world that has come to view children as a burden, not a treasure. Instead of comparing ourselves to others and feeling inadequate we need to recognize what we are doing right and ask in humility for God to lead us to want to do better in areas where we struggle.
I’ll be looking forward to reading what the you have to say, Amy.
Comment by nicole (February 19, 2007 @ 11:24 am )
Amy - I must not be very sharp today. I thought that I just didn’t “get” what you were trying to say.
Comment by Holly (February 19, 2007 @ 2:50 pm )
I love the new header.
That’s what your hoping and praying for, isn’t it? Clothes drying outside in the country. Dear Amy, you’d need one twice the size though
Comment by Janet (February 19, 2007 @ 4:59 pm )
Now that everyone has stole my thunder here, what else is there to add? Just a few minor practicalities really. I hope people will take the time to read through this comment thread. My favorite quote, “I many times had to pick between ‘urgent’ and ‘most urgent’ in ‘doing the next thing.’”
Comment by Amy Scott (February 19, 2007 @ 5:32 pm )
you’re
duh!
Comment by Janet (February 19, 2007 @ 7:06 pm )
I just had to jump in here. I had my fourth when the oldest was 3 1/2, numbers 2 & 3 were twins. It was tough and yet it was the time in my life when God really worked on me. STAY HOME as much as possible, cannot be said enough. Having said that, I would take all four grocery shopping. One cart loaded with babies and another one for groceries. Yes, I got the comments! But often, God would send some gracious older lady to give me very encouraging comments. And I also agree, adding number five was a breeze!
Comment by Amanda (February 19, 2007 @ 7:29 pm )
I’ve really enjoyed reading all these comments. Thanks everyone for your input. I have to remember something that my husband tells me all the time “If I had to choose between happy kids and a clean house, I will always choose happy kids.” One day he came home and the kids were both crying/fussing/screaming and i said “Well, the kids aren’t happy, the house isn’t clean, so does that mean I failed today?” His response - “They’re alive and some days that’s all we can hope for.”
Comment by MicheleinNZ (February 19, 2007 @ 7:39 pm )
I think if I share a memory I had when typing my previous comment (#18) you will understand what I meant by “I many times had to pick betwen urgent and most urgent in doing the next thing.” One evening when I was home alone (without hubby, that is), my 4 year old walked into the living room and threw up. She began screaming because of the obvious. Toddling twin #1 follows in her trail and slips in the mess. He begins screaming. Meanwhile, the newly potty trained daughter starts screaming for me to come and help her so she can get off the potty. Sensitive twin #2, who has been strapped in her high chair the whole time, starts screaming because all 3 of her siblings are screaming. SO… I had one me and a stinky, dirty baby, a sick preschooler, a baby crying in the high chair and one toddler stuck on the potty!
I remember audibly saying, “Lord… what should I do?! What is the most urgent at this moment?” I think I got a bucket for the 4 year old and put her on the sofa, grabbed the dirty twin and threw him in the tub, helped the toddler as the water ran and left the poor sensitive twin screaming the whole time. After all… her needs really weren’t that urgent! Hope that’s good for a laugh for some of you all! I’m sure many of you can relate! (see comment #11!)
Comment by Tina (February 19, 2007 @ 8:06 pm )
I have a feeling my husband would say, “Forget all that. Give me a happy wife!”
You all have some great stories.
Comment by Amy Scott (February 19, 2007 @ 8:38 pm )
Tina - I’ve used that “at least they’re all alive” comment more times than I’d care to admit!
Another thing I thought of, on the staying at home line - we live in the country, so staying home for me meant not seeing anyone. Sometimes I would just load everyone up in their car seats and go for a drive. That helped pass the time until hubby came home. And the children all seemed to enjoy it too.
Comment by Amanda (February 20, 2007 @ 8:13 pm )
Dear moms and friends in the Lord. I woke up this morning to a screaming child.. having got up several times in the night going back and forth between my 2 year old my 1 year old and the toilet(as I am months pregnant) .. I had little patience and a lot of questions and ponderings on how I was going to continue such a pace. I posted a comment on http://mommyplace.blogspot.com
called survival 101 looking for advice on just the very topic you are discussing here. I found this site through a round about way but the Lord certainly knew I needed the encouragement. Check out the post for the scriptue I enjoyed this morning.. I will put a link to this page on my blog for future reference! http://newfoundlandcampsalls.blogspot.com
I’m also Amy and will be a mom of three under three in June.
thanks for these encouraging thoughts.
Comment by Amy (February 26, 2007 @ 5:48 am )
Where’s part 2? My slow connection has trouble with your site, and I can’t find the next part. I need it!
I think I found the whole series, except part 2. . . .
Comment by Phyllis (March 2, 2007 @ 8:46 am )
Phyllis,
Here is the link!
Comment by Amy Scott (March 2, 2007 @ 2:30 pm )
Its one of those days, I feel out numbered!
My youngest are both 8.5 months (Twins) and eldest 2.5, Some days there is no light at the end of the tunnel and yet others I can glide through like a breeze. But all in all its a real hard yard. I can’t wait for them all to be a little bit older, (more so the twins). I just keep holding on to that and trying to get enough rest so I have the ability to not sweat the small things.
And if I hear another person say “Busy Lady” I think I may just crack.lol.
Comment by Danielle (April 12, 2007 @ 12:17 am )
[...] Life with three under three, #1 Life with three under three, #2 Life with three under three, #3 Life with three under three, #4 Life with three under three, #5 Life with three under three, #6 [...]
Pingback by Amy’s Humble Musings » Life with Three Under Three #7: God’s providence (May 3, 2007 @ 10:22 am )
[...] This is good news for me, because we just found out that in a few more months we’ll have three under the age of three. Another little blessing is on the way sometime around Valentine’s day. Phew. I think [...]
Pingback by Two under Two « Amanda–More or Less (June 25, 2007 @ 8:00 pm )
I have a 22 mo. old, and 8 mo. old, a miscarraige, and im pregnant with a third. I will have three under three and im panicking!
im just trying to pray constantly that everything will be okay! We just bought a new car and it wont hold 3 car seats in the back! I don’t know what to do!
Comment by Clarissa (September 25, 2007 @ 2:35 pm )
I have a 3 year old, a 2 year old set of twins and a 1 year old set of twins. Try dealing with that.
Comment by Mary Jo Lindsay (January 13, 2008 @ 12:07 pm )
[...] Life with three under three, #1 Life with three under three, #2 Life with three under three, #3 Life with three under three, #4 Life with three under three, #5 Life with three under three, #6 Life with three under three, #7 [...]
Pingback by Amy’s Humble Musings » Life with three under three: #8 (January 30, 2008 @ 9:52 am )
Hello all. I just found this page (by accident) and am very blessed by everything that I just read. I do not have three under three, but at times I feel that that would be an easier road. I currently have a 7 year old daughter with Asperger’s Syndrome, a 5 year old son with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and a 10 month old daughter. My husband is in the Army and is currently on his second deployment. I originally wanted four children, but my husband feels that as he will be coming home to a stranger (he deployed three weeks after our daughter was born) he is done having kids. I spend a lot of time at home and when we do go out, I tend not to listen to much to what people around me say because some of them are not so nice. Even the “you have your hands full” comments tend to come with a feeling of disdain. Thank you for the encouragement that is included in all of your posts. It has energized me to read that I am not alone. Even if I am not quite in the same situation that the rest of you are.
Comment by Jamie (February 14, 2008 @ 3:31 pm )