The Million-Dollar Kid
Tuesday, Mar 6, 2007
You’ve probably already seen cost estimates for raising a child from infancy to 18-years-old. The figures are outrageous no matter the source. More numbers are in this week. The Wall Street Journal ran a piece on March 3, 2007 about how much it costs in 2007 to raise a child [emphasis mine]:
With the debate about the country’s wealth gap heating up again, pampered kids provide some of the most dramatic examples, from toddlers in $800 strollers to 10-year-olds with cellphones. [sic] But for many families, drawing the line between attentive parenting and extravagance is a tough call; even parents who are relatively strapped will go to great lengths for their children.
[snip]
We placed all these expenses on a spectrum, from those that parents and experts say are the most common, up to more unusual — and costly — frills. At the lowest end, our estimates came in at about $800,000 (in 2007 dollars) through the age of 17. Add in extras like private school, a nanny and a flat-screen TV set in a kid’s bedroom, and that figure climbs to $1.6 million.
[snip]
A stay-at-home mom in Needham, Mass., Cory Lewkowicz, says her family is comfortable, but not with unlimited resources. With a degree in developmental psychology, Ms. Lewkowicz feels adventure travel is one of the most esteem-building gifts she can give her two children.
You might be inclined to consider that children benefit from all this “esteem-building” were it not for common sense a piece that ran a week earlier titled, College students get an A in narcissism. What do you think? Is there a link? What kids need these days is more responsibility for contributing to the communities and families which they are a part, not more “adventure travel.”
I don’t hold my position because I feel badly that we can’t afford cell phones for our children. I’m not bellyaching because we hold a lower economic status than the families in the article. On the contrary, we can probably monetarily “afford” more than we currently allow our children.
Yet, the Bible teaches that godliness with contentment is great gain. The way to cultivate contentment, however, is not by feeding our material appetites. It will never be satisfied. When one “goal” is reached, there will always be another one. We are not by nature a content people.
John Piper likes to say, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.” Let our goal be Jesus. We will never feel satified with our lives until we realign our priorities. We were created for worship.
It is easier to serve Jesus when we live neither rich or poor. That’s why the Proverb says, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.” (30:8) God knew our frailty and how we’d love money more than Him. In fact, the Bible is full of stories to warn us about trusting in anything other than God.
Our family is reading through the Bible. We are in 2 Kings now and noticing a pattern: Israelites are in trouble, God delivers, Israelites forget, Israelites look to foreign gods and kings for help. We do it too.
But back to the article. How do you raise one child given the costs, let alone more than one child? When I write again, I will tell you how we are doing it for a small fraction of the cost and loving it. I hope some of you will share your tips in that post later.
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That number is barely what we will pull in, in seventeen years. Guess we better think about unloading a kid or two. Where do they get this stuff?
Comment by Jeana (March 6, 2007 @ 10:49 pm )
Can’t wait to hear it!
Comment by Sharon (March 6, 2007 @ 11:19 pm )
I’ve read that article, and others similar to it, several times throughout the last few years - and I think it’s ridiculous. Ridiculous, but sadly, pretty accurate for most.
We’re doing it for much less, too, although it’s not something we really “thought” about. We are teaching our boys responsibility, and Godliness - and besides, the grandparents buy PLENTY anyway!
Can’t wait to read your next piece! You continue to inspire me on a daily basis!
Comment by Christi (March 7, 2007 @ 7:57 am )
My family was really poor. Several times growing up we didn’t have gas or electric, or sometimes both depending on whether the bill was paid or it was in working order. We got a lot of food from Salvation Army, as well as free clothes from charities. I remember wishing we had more food when I went hungry but didn’t realize just how poor we were until I got married and cared for a family of my own. My dad wouldn’t work so it was their fault that we lived like this but I know that several families who have near a dozen children, where the husband works a regular job who are making it better than my family did (with only 2 children at that).
It does not take a million dollars to raise children. Spoiled parents who want to spoil their children make it cost a million dollars. Normal people, especially people who are into simple/frugal living really get just how CHEAP it can be to raise children. It does not take a rocket scientist, much to people’s dismay.
Mrs. Damian Garcia
Comment by Mrs. Damian Garcia (March 7, 2007 @ 7:58 am )
These studies never mention that having more than one child LOWERS the cost of raising each individual child since many of the items are reusable. For example, if a crib is purchased new (which the study probably assumed) for $xx, then using it for the 2nd child brings the cost of providing a crib for each child to $1/2xx, for the 3rd child to $1/3xx, etc. Ditto for strollers, baby clothes, winter coats, bikes, outdoor swingsets, etc. Even the big vehicles necessary to haul a large family around might actually be a better value per person than the smaller “more economical” cars. If parents homeschool they can give a private school education for much less cost and much of the curriculum can be re-used as well. In addition, some things…if not worn out…can be sold after the family is finished with them, thus reducing again the total cost to raise each child.
In my opinion, this stuff is commissioned by the “anti-kid” crowd in an attempt to control the reproduction rate of the population in a subtle way. After all, “figures don’t lie” (but liars sure can figure).These studies also leave out the joy, the pain, the ease, the work, the LIVING of raising children, which is…..priceless.
Comment by MamaTod (March 7, 2007 @ 8:44 am )
wow - unless our income increases dramatically, we won’t even make that much in 18 years. And, I have (nearly) four kids! I guess we’re in trouble
Comment by Kendra (March 7, 2007 @ 10:42 am )
That is a riduculous article and we have spent nowhere near that amount of money raising our four children. I think articles like that are put out by a conspiracy for zero population growth to scare people out of having kids.
You can start off saving money by breastfeeding instead of buying formula. Use cloth diapers and wash them yourself. Be willing to dress your baby in hand me down clothes–every church I’ve ever been to has loads of those. They used to arrive on my doorstep in overflowing garbage bags. If you are proud, you might have a problem with this, but I was pretty fussy, and still, out of all the clothes that were dropped off, I was always able to find enough cute outfits to keep our family going with very few trips to the store to fill in.
Here’s another hint: Umbrella strollers are far more practical and easy to lug around than those $800 monstrosities. Borrow a big stroller for the first 2-3 months and then get an umbrella stroller. With strollers, smaller is better. Believe me.
Don’t buy baby food. Feed your baby real food, cooked or pureed until soft enough to be safe, cut into little pieces. Babies fed this way grow up to be much better eaters anyway. Of course, you can’t do this if MacDonalds is your idea of a standard dinner. You have to cook for your family. But if you do, it isn’t hard to make a few minor adjustments to provide appropriate food for your baby.
We have three cell phones–my husband’s cell phone from work, my cell phone, and a third that we call the “family cell.” The kids share this and use it as needed when they are going places. They do not need a cell phone if they are going to a friend’s house. They can use the friend’s land line to call us. The reception is better anyway.
Honestly, I don’t know what people spend their money on. Our kids are involved in music, and we buy them good instruments and lessons with good teachers. And still, even after a few $5000 instruments, our totals don’t come to nearly the totals in that article. Our two older kids also have laptops for highschool that we bought through the school. Our kids are not underprivileged in any way. They think people who will spend $40 for a T-shirt from Hollister are stupid. They see the Hollister label as a banner that says, “A fool and his money are soon parted.”
Our oldest daughter is 6′1″, and we have to special order most of her clothes now, but even so, we don’t spend close to what that article is talking about.
If you are a young parent, do not let these numbers frighten you. Of course the number one money saver is to do your own childcare. Stay at home.
Comment by ruth (March 7, 2007 @ 11:12 am )
Right before I hit “Publish,” I deleted the following sentence from the first paragraph in an effort to soften my edge, “I suspect these numbers only serve to scare one into joining a zero-population-global-warming support group.”
Comment by Amy Scott (March 7, 2007 @ 11:24 am )
I guess I know now why the government considers my family (once you’ve figured in our 3 children– and next year it will be 4) “below the poverty line.” Even accounting for inflation-induced raises for my husband, we won’t see that much money come through our home in 17 years, so we better not be spending that much on 1 child, let alone all 4 (or more)!
Sometime back you wrote about your greatest financial contribution to your family being focusing on what you can save, rather than what you can make. That was inspiring to me and I think probably touches on one of the fundamental problems with American thinking: we are rarely willing to forgo something but are always looking for ways to get another available $ to spend. You also wrote about being generous with others and challenged me to teach my children that the real goal of leading simple and content lives is to make our resources available for the King. This, of course, is a mindset that has no place in modern American culture, where our goal is always ourselves (sometimes in the name of our children).
Keep the thoughts coming– I am always looking for fresh encouragement to keep first things first!
Comment by brietta (March 7, 2007 @ 11:26 am )
brietta,
Thanks for bringing that up. Here is the post I think you’re referring to: Reduction Production.
Comment by Amy Scott (March 7, 2007 @ 11:30 am )
That’s the most hysterical thing I’ve read lately! Our children aren’t deprived by any means. That number is just ridiculous!
Let’s see… according to that my husband will have to put all of his income towards our first child for the next 20 years. He’ll be working until he’s 107 to finish earning what it will supposedly take to raise our 2 other children, plus our expected blessing. Then maybe after that we can afford to feed, clothe and shelter ourselves. Unless of course we’re blessed again!
I can’t wait to read your upcoming tips!
Comment by Corin (March 7, 2007 @ 12:08 pm )
Just wondering:
If it’s spiritual to excercise moderation in spending money, why is it NOT spiritual to excercise moderation in reproducing?
If Godliness with contentment is great gain, why not be content with the children God has already given?
How is it OK to judge the parent who buys his child a cell-phone but not OK to wonder why a poor family continues to have more & more children?
Elizabeth
Comment by Elizabeth (March 7, 2007 @ 12:28 pm )
Well, in response to Elizabeth, the Bible calls children a blessing. There are so many people out there who want all the blessings the Lord gives BUT doesn’t want the blessing of children. Just as the Lord takes care of the sparrow I believe He, too, will take care of our children (in so many ways). I am not rich but have given over our family to the Lord and have accepted that I will take as many children as he gives or doesn’t give. That is my form of contentment. I know that I cannot imagine preventing this natural, God-given miracle only to wonder what little soul(s) I might have passed up. I urge you to read other articles on Amy’s blog and also to visit this website http://heartsforfamily.blogspot.com to give you some more insight.
Blessings,
Carmen
Comment by Carmen (March 7, 2007 @ 12:55 pm )
Because the Bible tells us that the love of the former (money) is the root of all kinds of evil, while the love of the latter (children) is a very good thing (Titus 2:3-5).
There is no way to answer this for anyone but myself. I am very content with the ones God has sent and would be if He sent no more.
Actually, I think it is OK in some cases to judge the “poor family,” but not OK to judge the cell phone family. So, you have me backwards. Let me explain.
There are a hundred reasons why I could concede that a cell phone is a legitimate thing for a child. Just to give one example: a child with a serious medical condition. My point was overindulgence and discontentment, not cell phones per se. I apologize for not being more clear; I’m not a great writer.
As to the “poor family,” the Bible tells us that one who doesn’t provide for his own is worse than an infidel. (I Tim 5:8: If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.) So, you see, the Bible has already judged here.
As for families who just lack the funds for nannies, x-boxes, and plasma TV’s, they make the better choice when they choose eternal souls over goods that will burn.
Comment by Amy Scott (March 7, 2007 @ 1:33 pm )
Perhaps this also could be a good segway into a discussion on the joys of having a child? I’m yet without children, and never having even so much as babysat a child or changed a diaper myself, I’m terrified as this would be very much unchartered territory. Please note that I’m one that definitely fits the Type A control freak personality mold.
I know you’d make my mother proud in arguing a strong case for why those that are scared of going through a pregnancy and then the child rearing ought to seriously consider making the jump. Is it ever safe to assume that the fear in my and my husband’s heart on this matter is a warning to us personally to avoid the possibility? (I’m actually being serious when I ask that, believe it or not.)
Thanks!!
Comment by Alison (March 7, 2007 @ 1:51 pm )
Those articles are so ridiculous. It’s too bad that people believe them.
For Alison:
Personally, I don’t think so. What spirit does the Bible say God has given us? One of fear or trepidation?
I can totally, totally understand why people would fear having children, given the current anti-child culture and articles like the one Amy wrote about here.
But there is nothing in the Bible that tells us to fear parenthood. So fearing it is something God does not want for us. Therefore, rather than clinging to that fear and avoiding children, shouldn’t we be seeking God for relief of that fear?
Comment by Margaret (March 7, 2007 @ 2:22 pm )
Btw, one of the ways you can begin to alleviate that fear is by placing yourself around Godly families and experience mothers–and their children.
If you live near Pittsburgh, come on over and we’ll have a cup of tea and I’ll show you how to change a diaper and hold a baby.
Comment by Margaret (March 7, 2007 @ 2:24 pm )
Aw, Amy, you should have left that sentence in…I love your edginess.
But, you redeemed yourself and put it in the comments, so I’m happy.
These articles always baffle me. I always have to think, like you said, there is some underlying *motive* in there somewhere. Honestly, $800,000?
Comment by Andrea (March 7, 2007 @ 2:28 pm )
Thanks so much for this post & all the above comments. I’m a single working woman now but it’s so encouraging to know that it’s still possible to raise children (and lots of them) in this day and age on one income.
Amy, I’m eagerly looking forward to your post on cost-saving!
Comment by Jane (March 7, 2007 @ 3:15 pm )
Not eating out is a huge money saver!! The healthy food you make at home also keeps you healthier, which results in fewer doc visits! We eat out as a family about once a month, and it is always a huge treat to us. And by ‘eat out,’ I don’t mean an upscale restaurant … I usually mean Chilis. We also do cloth diapers and homemade baby food (both huge money-eaters if you buy at the grocery store!), and I use a baby sling for the first 6-7 months, until we can use the umbrella stroller, so we never have to buy the huge, expensive one.
Also, borrow things!! Cribs, strollers, pack’n'plays, etc, are almost never used until they’re completely worn out, and they just take up space for owners who aren’t using them. Garage sales for books and toys are wonderful, too.
Amy, I just found your blog a while back, and I love what you write! Thanks for the encouragement!
~Brea, tinymama.blogspot.com
Comment by Brea (March 7, 2007 @ 4:23 pm )
I enjoy a simplier lifestyle, I do not want to be poorer than I am, but I think even if I had the money, I would not be buying $800 strollers and all the extras, because i don’t think you need things to make you happy or a well off child. I wrinkle my forehead when i hear someone didn’t want to wear a piece of clothing because it was not the right brand or food that did not have the right label on it. What is funny is often the name brands make the off brands…..
My mom and dad worked hard to raise us and there were times we were poor, but most of the time it was not for lack of hard work. I think it taught us better that if you want or need something, go work for it. I will be always be grateful for that! We did not just get handed a new bike, but we worked with our mom to earn the money for a new bike. When we wanted something we sat down and figured out how to do it. So far my mom and dad have 6 grown children that are adults and on their own, with five more at home. I am fairly sure it cost nowhere near 800k to raise us each!
Comment by Martha (March 7, 2007 @ 4:45 pm )
Thank you Amy & Carmen for your gracious responses.
I respect your viewpoints and interpretation of Scripture, even if I don’t agree.
Certainly we must all live according to our conviction before God.
One thing we all seem to agree on: umbrella strollers totally rock!!
Comment by Elizabeth (March 7, 2007 @ 5:07 pm )
Over the past few years I’ve started to notice this really creepy trend–I drive around and see all these lavish strip-mall style lines of chain stores and restaurants being built…everywhere…and I know that the population is if anything diminishing and not experiencing a boom in growth, so I ask myself, “who is shopping at these stores and buying all this stuff? How do they stay in business?”…apparently there are enough indulgent parents out there to keep them running!
Comment by Stephanie (March 7, 2007 @ 8:08 pm )
Hey… I just stumbled upon your blog today through friend and friend and friend, etc… I want to come back and read more of you writings. I was also a mother of three under three… well almost. My oldest turned three three weeks before the third was born. They are all girls and the greatest blessings ever. We did STOP having children at this point. They are now 7,5, and 4. Life is GOOD and I love reading about mothers with similiar experiences!! God Bless… Shelley
Comment by Shelley (March 7, 2007 @ 8:47 pm )
Alison, I have a post in progress about fear. Fear can be a real challenge. Someone wrote in after my post on “Guidance” (giving ourselves completely to Him) and I will share our conversation when I have a chance to edit it.
*****************
I haven’t forgotten about my follow-up post. It’s coming–it’s all in my brain. I just haven’t had a chance to sit and spill it out on the keyboard.
Comment by Amy Scott (March 7, 2007 @ 8:58 pm )
Very good points on the spirit of fear! And, very good point on surrounding oneself with Godly families to experience those mothers and their children in action.
And, Amy, I’m looking forward to the post about fear.
Is there anything that anyone advises about whether or not they have “planned for a family” or if they just takes their own hands off and let the Lord control matters? I’m assuming the latter is the better operative, but I, honestly have been stuck in the worry stage about what my husband and I would or will be like with children.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to the idea of our having a family. My husband and I are still within our newlywed stage. But, even in planning to build our house this year, we anticipate that we’ll have a few more little feet there one of these days. I just logistically can’t figure out the in between parts…I feel like I need to take a Motherhood for Dummies course or something before thinking about a pregnancy for me.
My little mouse in Family Living class did pass away afterall back in high school (it was while I had left him with a babysitter)! 
Comment by Alison (March 8, 2007 @ 8:31 am )
Can’t wait for the follow-up post with all the practical tips!
Blessings to you and yours, Amy.
~Stacy
Comment by Stacy (March 8, 2007 @ 12:40 pm )
About those posts I alluded to—the one about fear and the one about raising kiddos on the cheap—I haven’t forgotten. I just have to keep first things first!
Alison,
You are not alone in your wondering about how to think Biblically about family planning. Whether or not you decide to have any or more children, I believe that all women should develop the qualities such that they could. In other words, if one child is stressing you out (or in your case, the anticipation of one), then you owe it to that child (and to your own sanctification) to become the kind of mother that could handle five more, whether or not one actually does.
Developing more patience, organization, [fill in your weak spot] is good for our growth in holiness. God wants to use us, and oftentimes, He uses children as a primary means of sanctification. Whatever decision we arrive at with our husband in the end, I learned that I ought to confront my weak character (ouch!) instead of using it as an excuse.
Along the same lines, Barbara Curtis wrote today:
“I guess if we got disgruntled enough from lack of appreciation, we could start a Mommy Power movement (the same seeds of discontent that began the feminist movement – only in a direction away from motherhood). We could have bumper stickers that say
We could sue people who put us down at parties and maybe even get a special mention as a protected minority not to be discriminated against.
But that wouldn’t be very mommy-like, would it? Because there’s something about mommies that should be soft where others are hard, kind where others are cruel, patient where others can’t wait. We may not start out that way at all, but there’s absolutely nothing like motherhood to change anything about us that needs to be changed.”
Comment by Amy Scott (March 8, 2007 @ 2:10 pm )
I am convinced that the only thing that prepares you to begin raising children is seeing your last one leave the house. That is why Amy and I have tried to take advantage of the seasoned parents around us whenever we can. Whether we agree with them on everything is not the point - like someone wise recently said, “Like-mindedness is overrated.”
Parenting is not an activity that one is ever ready to begin. And the fact is, once you have it “all figured out,” something changes. But I think it is designed that way by our Heavenly Father (like so many other things in life) to cause us to be more dependent upon Him. We are in a relationship with Him wherein we glorify Him by demonstrating our absolute dependence on Him, not on a checklist of parenting instructions (or any other instructions in life, for that matter).
Did you realize that the Bible commands us to live in fear? Pull out your concordance and look at the commands to fear. Look at the promises attached to fear and the blessings that come to people who fear. It is really quite amazing how much God talks to us about fear.
There is a good kind of fear – the fear of the Lord. Every other fear in our lives reveals some area where we are probably not trusting Him and where we are vulnerable to do the wrong thing. This should cause us to evaluate our fear whenever we begin to feel that very strong and, when it is misplaced, potentially debilitating emotion.
We don’t often think or talk in terms of fear, but if the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and wisdom leads us to do what most glorifies God, why don’t we? Really, living in the fear of the Lord is the same as living for our greatest purpose: to glorify God and to enjoy Him.
Comment by McGregor Scott (March 8, 2007 @ 9:13 pm )
I am currently pregnant with my first. I’ve never been afraid to be a mommy — it’s been my dream ever since I was a little kid. HOWEVER, the actuality of being pregnant has made me realize how much I don’t know. I’m talking to the other mommies around me (my newlywed friends that are having theri children, my sister, etc) for advice. I’m looking at taking the class on parenting according to the Bible offered by our class. As well as the birthing class at the hospital. and I’m trusting that God would not send anything my way that I could not handle with his help. Yeah, I’ll make mistakes. I may put all my diapers on backwards and make mouth movements while feeding my little one. But as long as I stay in god’s will for my life, I’ll be fine.
Comment by My Boaz's Ruth (March 8, 2007 @ 10:09 pm )