Being afraid
Monday, May 7, 2007
Awhile back, I wrote a brief post titled, Guidance: “I figure that a lot of life’s problems could be solved simply by putting ourselves at the mercy of God, giving ourselves wholly to Him. We have to settle once and for all that there is nothing ‘off limits’ to God, and then we have to do it again each day.”
I received an email in response, which I’ve been given permission to share:
I so struggle in the area you wrote about in Guidance … the short version is that I’m so afraid that if I completely let go, something bad will happen ~ especially health-wise ~ to me, my husband or my children. I know I shouldn’t care, so to speak (to live is Christ …), but I’m just not at that point. Any thoughts about how I can get past this fear?
The emailer and I have something in common, as I’ve struggled with these same thoughts. What if God asks something of me that I’m not ready to give? We already know that oftentimes He supplies grace when it is necessary and not before then. That makes things simple, but not necessarily easy. What then, in the meantime?
Some of you might remember this exchange in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe:
“Is — is he a man?” asked Lucy.
“Aslan a man!” said Mr. Beaver sternly. “Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion — the Lion, the great Lion.”
“Ooh,” said Susan, “I thought he was a man. Is he — quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”
“That you will, dearie, and make no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver, “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else silly.”
“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver, “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
As Christians, we must trust God not only for our salvation but also for the very details of our lives. He is good–and not just in a Sunday School sort of way.
Sometime in November I will face one of my biggest fears—the fear of pain in transition. During my last labor, transition lasted an hour without a break between contractions. I do not dread the pain; it’s so much more than that. Whenever I talk about it, my voice shakes, my stomach knots up, and I tighten my fists and curl my toes. I am afraid.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 10:28, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”
In the next couple months, I hope to keep an update on my progress of trusting God for the thing that I fear. Reading positive birth stories, educating myself on the fear-tension-pain cycle, and exploring all my options are some of the things that I’m doing to take responsibility.
In the end, it is my goal to be able to say that I fear God and nothing else. It is a journey and I’m not there yet. There is a lot more to say, and so I’ll keep these posts organized under the category of “Fear.”
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My stomach tightened up as I remembered the story of your last labor and delivery. I wasn’t even there and I’m afraid for you. I know it was traumatizing. I’ll be praying that it goes much better for you this time.
Please pray for my pregnancy. My progesterone levels aren’t going up the way they are supposed to. Thanks!
Comment by Jo (May 7, 2007 @ 7:04 pm )
Brave Girl. Thanks for sharing.
Comment by Lora Lynn (May 7, 2007 @ 7:05 pm )
I have a lot of the same fear, too, Amy - so will be glad to read your thoughts. Please share resources that you read - for the benefit of all of us!
Comment by Holly (May 7, 2007 @ 7:18 pm )
Amy - These are fears I can very much relate to. I’ve needed blood transfusions the last two times and nearly delivered Jack beside the road. I pray that somehow all this fear draws us closer to Him _ He’s the only One we’ll find rest in.
Comment by Shannon Miller (May 7, 2007 @ 7:24 pm )
I can’t tell you how timely this post is for me today. I think I’ve mentioned that I’m on bedrest with baby #4 (pregnancy #5), but I don’t think I’ve mentioned the complications. I’m not 19+ weeks and, 7 weeks later, still have a large subchorionic hematoma (similar to a placental abruption, but referring to the blood that remains pooled inside the uterus as a result of tearing) that certainly has complicated this pregnancy. My amniotic sac seems to be leaking slightly, in addition. There have been more than a few days when I’ve considered the future and I ask God if He is going to ask more of me than I can give. Most times I have to stop going down that road by simply living today– today is the day I have grace for.
Oh, to have fear of Him be the only fear! I am so encouraged reading this, as I consider that He is above, beneath, and surrounds all things. What can man or this life do to me?
Comment by brietta (May 7, 2007 @ 7:43 pm )
*now* instead of *not*
Oops.
Comment by brietta (May 7, 2007 @ 7:43 pm )
Thank you for this post Amy. Throughout my life I’ve struggled with the fear of completely trusting God out of fear that He will bring something “bad” into my life. When those fears come, I have to constantly remind myself that God is good, all the time, that is who He is. I love the Narnia quote!
I had a very painful transition (my sciatic wouldn’t stop screaming, on top of the contractions and vomitting), so I can imagine your fears, especially after reading your birth story. I’ll be praying that you learn to trust God for those fears.
Comment by rachel (May 7, 2007 @ 7:56 pm )
Amy,
I was feeling so fearful when I went into my deliveries because I had late, large babies. I was really really fearful going into that third and also going into my fourth.
But God blessed me in a new and different way with my fourth baby. He brought that baby two weeks EARLY! (seriously, every last baby thing was still in the attic!) hee hee … And God gave me the most presence of mind in that labor of any of the other deliveries. I was really able to recognize what my body was doing and I was so grateful for it. And grateful for a much smaller baby! So, I know you know this in your head … but do know in your heart as well that God provides a different experience each time.
I think the hard thing for me is to not allow myself to rely on statistics (even though they are very good) - but rather to rely on my Lord, no matter what the statistics say. I have thought about that often - what if I lived in a place without medical insurance, or with a higher mortality rate, or disease rate? Am I trusting in the medically advanced country in which I live, or am I trusting in Jesus?
And, of course, I love the formula in Philippians 4 - if we are giving thanks, He will guard our hearts and our minds with a incomprehensible peace. I have clung to that so many times.
Hold His hand.
brooke
Comment by brooke (May 7, 2007 @ 7:57 pm )
I know the knot in your stomach of which you speak! It took me 6 births to work through it. I offer you some info that may help. http://www.thepinkkit.com It is WAY more than just a “learning to breathe” kit. Check it out. It is truely amazing and extremely helpful. I have an awesome birth story for #7 but not for the other 6. There is hope! Do not dispair.
Sincerely,
Mandy
Comment by Mandy (May 7, 2007 @ 8:11 pm )
Here is a more direct link to facts about the pink kit
http://birthingbetter.com/%7Ebirthing/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=181&Itemid=114
Mandy
Comment by Mandy (May 7, 2007 @ 8:16 pm )
Another good post. Thanks for being open about your struggles and how you are working through them. That quote from Narnia is one of my favorite passages in that particular book.
Comment by Jana (May 7, 2007 @ 9:14 pm )
Oooh! I am glad for the pink kit link. I want to try that next time around. (Mandy - I’d love to hear how it helped your 7th birth)
Come November there’ll be lots of people praying for you, Amy. Thanks for being real.
Comment by Carole (May 7, 2007 @ 9:44 pm )
Is this a new fear since the last birth you went through? I had a very traumatic birth experience with my third, and I was SO SCARED to have the fourth. Toward the end of the fourth pregnancy, every night when I went to bed I would pray, “Please don’t make me have the baby tonight, Jesus.” and in the morning upon awakening I would pray, “Oh, thank you Jesus that I didn’t have to have the baby last night!”
But then the baby came, and it wasn’t a bad delivery at all. He came out on a Sunday morning at about 11:20, while all our friends were in church praying for us. I didn’t even rip that time. It was the only time I didn’t have an incredible sense of my body splitting apart at the point of expulsion. Except for the fact that I had to come to the point of sobbing tears before I worked up enough gumption to push, it was a flawles delivery. All my fears, based on the prior delivery, were unfounded.
You can’t help being afraid, but you need to trust Jesus with your fear. There is simply no point in fighting Him. It surely won’t gain you any points in His favor, and His favor is what you need. Besides, wrestling with God is like banging your head against a concrete wall. You are not going to win… unless He lets you, and if that happens, YOU’LL BE SORRY. (I know this and NOT because I am a good person.)
He IS a good God, and His plans are to prosper and not to harm you, regardless of how it feels in human time and experience. Cling to your Abba Father. Tell Him how scared you are. Plead with Him for comfort, peace, and assurance. Ask for help trusting Him–you can do that. Remember the man who said to Jesus, “Help Thou my unbelief!”
I am not a Contemporary Christian music fan, but there is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called “Whatever,” about accepting the Will of God and learning to ride out our trials successfully like a surfer taking on giant waves. When I have been in positions like the one you are in now, it has helped me to listen to that song and repeat the words as a prayer, “For You are my God, whatever…”
Comment by ruth (May 7, 2007 @ 9:46 pm )
I tear up every time I read this - it describes Jesus so beautifully: “But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
In spite of our fears, in the midst of our fears,
HE IS GOOD.
Trying to rest in that as well, as we prepare for the birth of our fourth small one next month. It’s all new and sometimes fearful territory as we plan a home birth after three c-sections.
I too would love to hear some of your resources on preparing for childbirth. Thanks for sharing your heart on this, and what the Lord is teaching you.
Comment by emily (May 7, 2007 @ 10:20 pm )
Thank you for being so open with your struggles! With a few kids, I would have never thought that you’d be nervous about childbirthing. I just always assume when I see women with 3 kids or more, that they are pros at it. I just got pregnant with my second one, which we are thrilled… but its hard not to remember the pain that went with the c-section and the recovery. It was so bad… I couldn’t move! I also feel the same as the women’s comment that you mentioned in the post… if I let go, won’t something happen to me that I don’t want to happen- sickness, etc… I feel the same. I am a control freak and I know I put myself through a lot more stress and worry than I should. Whether I let go or not, don’t you think God would give us the same test? I think God has been giving me the test to trust Him and accept His will since I was 18 yrs old… and I’m afraid that I just haven’t passed yet. Oh well. I am rambling! Thanks for the post again!
Comment by Lu (May 8, 2007 @ 6:23 am )
Amy, You are posting more now…are you feeling better?
Comment by Robin (May 8, 2007 @ 8:46 am )
Oh wow. What a time for me to get this post. Amy, I am right there with you except in a much more rediculous position, I guess. I had two homebirth transfers that ended in Csections. My youngest is now 10 months and so I know that soon I will get my cycle back and we may then be blessed again. I’m terrified! Like, waking up in the middle of the night terrified. What if I do have one more C section? Then our hope of many many children from the Lord is in vain as few doctors would continue to allow me to have baby after baby via section. This is my last chance. But it didn’t work the last two times, why would it now…… and of course I’m not even pregnant yet.
These conversations go on in my head as I tell myself that God is sovereign over my deliveries. He is also in control of my fertility and should he deem us worthy of more children, then He has a plan for their delivery…and maybe my health isn’t to be saved in that. I pray for peace and the willingness to give all I have, even my body. But I’m still afraid.
Comment by Christi Lachney (May 8, 2007 @ 8:59 am )
Amy,
I have a lengthy journey of fear in pregnancy too . . .
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/LittleHouseBigGod/208418/
God’s grace was extraordinarily sufficient. If I should have #6, (I just turned 39) I am confident that he will sustain me again!
I’m praying for you!
TH
Comment by Thalia (May 8, 2007 @ 9:38 am )
I’ve been a reader for quite some time and I am always encouraged by what you have to say and how you point to Christ. It is obvious that you live for HIM. I read your last birth story and I cannot imagine having such a traumatic experience. I had my first without a working epidural and ended up with a fourth degree tear (past the episiotomy). My epidural did not work and felt EVERY SINGLE THING. After I gave birth I felt the shot to numb “my area” so that the doctor could stitch me up. IT HURT!!! I FELT IT ALL!! I passed out after it was all said and done because of all the stress on my body. My second and third I was induced a week early (to prevent such a large baby) and had epidurals that were effective. I LOVE my last two births and how easy it was for me to recover afterwards. My second birth was a blessing in so many unknown until after the fact ways. My son had the cord wrapped around his neck a couple of times. He ended up being as big as my first child so the induction “for a smaller baby” backfired. However, there are several medical reasons that the induction was a great decision and allowed me to have a vaginal birth. Not to mention that when I got my epidural I went from 4 cm to 10 in 30 minutes!! My body was able to relax and do its thing! At 10 cm I kicked back and relaxed for an hour in a certain position as we let gravity (the way I was laying) push the baby down. That way when I pushed I only did it TWICE and he was out. My labor and delivery nurse was a WONDERFUL christian woman who had been delivering babies for 26 years. Since I had my first without a working epidural and the “cool” thing to do among my fellow young moms at church was to do it without drugs, and for some at home, I figured I would do it too. I did it with my first, I can do it again! Well, I was induced so those contractions do not stop!! I made it to four cm after several hours and was so tired and in lots of pain. My nurse saw my tears and the extreme pain and said, “Sweetheart you have been a hero long enough. You do not get a reward or a trophy for doing it without drugs. We’re not going to put a special sign on your door letting everyone know what you did. At the end of the day you both (moms with and without drugs) have a baby. Wouldn’t you rather enjoy your delivery and be alert and able to care for your baby? Would you tell the dentist, ‘never mind, sir, I’ll have this cavity filled without drugs.’?” I thought about it, quickly prayed (pleaded) and looked at my husband and we agreed to have the epidural. I would not do it any other way. I am so thankful to God for the advances in medicine. HE is the one who gives man the ability to think, know and learn. Without the technology of modern medicine one of my college hallmates would not have her son that was born at 27 weeks.
So I REALLY want to know, I am not trying to be disagreeable, what YOU have to say about giving birth without an epidural.
Alot of my fellow young moms will take a shot of some narcotic to dull the pain a bit. They claim that it is better for the baby than the epidural. Systemic painkillers are given through an IV (into your bloodstream) or injected into a muscle and they affect your entire body. Thus you can’t breasfeed after having a tooth filled. You must wait a certain amount of time for it to get out of your system. An epidural is in the moms epidural space in her back. It doesn’t flow from your bloodstream into your baby’s system.
I know that satan uses many things to try and destroy community and the body of Christ. Nowadays it is stay at home verses work, breastfeed or bottle fed, epidural or no epidural, spank or not to spank, etc. I know that the method is not as important as bringing honor to God and obeying Him. In obedience to Him I avoid godless chatter about such issues. So, I truly don’t mean to start controversy. You can delete my comment and e-mail me. I would just love to hear from you. I LOVE your mind and agree with most everything you have ever written (wow, does that make me sound like a crazy Amy fan)
Comment by ES (May 8, 2007 @ 9:53 am )
Delurking to say. I will be praying for you during your pregnancy Amy.
Comment by Mrs. Martin (May 8, 2007 @ 10:12 am )
Oh Amy. How did you have the guts to even get pregnant again? I’ve only had two labors, but they were both incredibly awful experiences (one ended in an emergency c-section and the other had a four hour transition). I’m so scared of getting pregnant I can’t even describe it. I keep trying to trust God with it, but I’m too frightened. If you figure this one out, please write about it. I need all the help I can get.
Comment by Emily (May 8, 2007 @ 11:25 am )
Okay, so I’m an amatuer compared to you MOMYS when it comes to giving birth, since I’ve only done it once, but I can attest to the Lord’s goodness when you completely trust in him! I was terrified of the delivery room. I am a small woman (5′5.5″, 100 lbs when I’m not pregnant), so I was pretty sure that the baby would never make it out, and that if she did, I wouldn’t live to tell about it! All 40 weeks of my pregnancy were spent asking the Lord to give me a greater trust in him, because I was terrified. The trouble is, I trusted his word, and in Genesis 3, he says childbearing will be painful. But at the same time I knew what you and Mr. Beaver know — He is not safe, but He is good, and He is king. As it turns out, the Lord gave me several weeks of Braxton-Hicks contractions in the 3rd trimester that actually caused me to progress as I approached labor. I saw the midwife for my 38 week appointment, and she told me I was 4-5 cm dilated and 97% effaced, and she asked if I was sure I hadn’t had any “painful contractions.” She told me to go into the hospital over the weekend (it was a Thursday) if I felt anything at all different, because the baby would probably come fast when she did come. We went in early the next morning because I had mild cramping. I made it to 7 cm without any real pain (just Braxton Hicks-like tightening), and the midwife broke my water…which threw me into transition (I would not recommend Artificial Rupture of Membranes if you can help it! I went from feeling nothing to feeling a 12 on a pain scale of 10 in a matter of seconds). I didn’t think I could make it through, and almost begged for pain medication, but I remembered that the same Lord who had seen me to 7 would see me through. An hour later I was pushing, and 29 minutes later our baby girl was born! I tell you this to testify to the Lord’s willingness and ablity to care for his children, even in the midst of difficulty and pain. Amy, I pray your experience with #6 is even better than the one I described!
Comment by Lisa (May 8, 2007 @ 12:58 pm )
It looks to me like Amy has figured it out, and is writing about it. : ) Delivery #5 was a very scary experience for me, and it took a long time for me to hope for a Delivery #6. I’m still scared, but hoping, and learning to trust God. Love that quote. It’s one of my all-time favourites.
Comment by Charmin (May 8, 2007 @ 1:28 pm )
Do not fear, I am with you.
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Comment by Meagan (May 8, 2007 @ 2:55 pm )
I know this fear. I am 36wks with #5 and several weeks ago, I was having an anxiety attack about facing this labor/delivery. My fourth was traumatic and I was overcome with fear about the fifth. I was determined that this birth experience would be better, not only better, but excellent. I had read that a negative birth experience can contribute to ppd, which I had suffered from last time. I read every birth story that I could find, all the natural birthing books from the library, and my Bradley class materials. But I could not break the spiral of fear that I found myself in.
One Saturday, I left the house and was actually planning on running away, only to realize that I could not outrun my pregnant belly. I called a friend to pray for me and she asked the Holy Spirit to remind me to take every thought into captivity. She also reminded me that He had this child planned since the beginning of the world and its birth would not take Him by surprise. I was convicted that I had elevated the birth experience to an idol. I had placed it above the trust that I could know in my Heavenly Father. My husband likens it to focusing so much on the wedding, you forget to prepare for the marriage.
Since then, I have had peace about this birth. He is in control and He will be there. I am praying the same peace for you.
Comment by Tara (May 8, 2007 @ 3:19 pm )
I had an epidural with my one labor and delivery; it was great. Healthy baby/ healthy mom. I’m not into needless suffering; you might consider it.
Comment by Florence (May 8, 2007 @ 3:29 pm )
You said it, Florence!
I had two epidurals…one 24 years ago, the other 17. Two healthy daughters, one of whom just delivered her own healthy baby (with an epidural). Warning, though…one birthing instructor jabbed at my ego with an, “I prefer to do it myself.” Some women will make it either a spiritual or a “real woman” issue.
Comment by Ann (May 8, 2007 @ 4:46 pm )
Friends, I don’t believe there is any superiority in either choosing epidurals, or choosing a natural birth. None whatsoever.
I have had seven epidurals. Some have worked, some have been worthless.
The problem that a woman encounters when she has had SEVEN epidurals is this: She CAN begin to have problems with her nervous system. I have had hives for over 3 years now - and I relate them to the epidurals. It is not natural to a needle stuck in one’s spine repeatedly.
YES - epidurals can really help a woman (like ME!) through labor. I have loved every one that has helped me to have a labor that I barely noticed. But over time, I have noticed how the doctor rushes me through labor, how…because I’m not feeling it…the baby can come so quickly and is encouraged to “race” into the world with a cavalier attitude to both his/her health and my health.
I think an epidural can be used effectively for many women, for a few births. (And I’ve never had trouble pushing a baby out, or with a sleepy baby who won’t nurse, or bonding with my baby…) But for others of us - repeat epidurals begin to pose a problem and aren’t necessarily the great answer that they seem. It has nothing to do with desiring to be “super woman.”
Comment by Holly (May 8, 2007 @ 7:42 pm )
Amy,
One of my biggest fears has always been giving birth and then having my child whisk away to another hospital ( or even another room, really!). This winter, after having 4 very easy previous pregnancies, I gave birth to our fifth child at 29 weeks along. During the 2 weeks before his birth (while on bed rest with placenta previa) God began to give me a peace that I can’t even begin to describe… a peace that continued through a terrifying appointment that showed my amniotic fluid was dangerously low, through a C-section (another huge, huge fear for me), through my tears as my baby was taken half an hour away to the highest level of NICU in our area ( we intentionally chose a hospital with a NICU, but he had to go to a higher level facility), and through the 9 weeks he was in the hospital ( which included a bout with a serious infection).
By God’s grace, and His grace alone, I can tell you that I was able to thrive in the face of my fears realized. God not only provided peace for my fears and help for my pracitcal needs ( none of it was easy, mind you…just pumping milk for 9 weeks is enough to do you in apart from God’s grace :), not to mention schooling and parenting while recovering from a C-sectioon and coping with all the ups and downs of a preemie in the hospital.. but God upheld me and took me far, far beyond my own strength), but he so filled me up that I was able to minister to those around me at the hospital…..in our weakness HE is strong! To God be the glory for that as we all face our fears!
Comment by Nina (May 8, 2007 @ 11:24 pm )
Amy,
My heart goes out to you and all the others who have written, I feel the same when I contemplate giving birth to #4 in July. I was an L&D nurse and assistant to homebirth midwives before I had babies. I also was blessed to teach prenatal education to poor moms on the south side of Chicago. I guess that is all to say I had knowledge of birth before my deliveries, but going through the experience myself was terrifying. The book that I found useful was Birthing from Within by Pam England because it has very practical exercises to get to the bottom of your fears. It is pagan, unfortunately, but your discriminating ability is obvious to all who read this blog so I will recommend it anyway. It helped me pinpoint what really frightened me…plan for it as best as possible, and pray about it particularly. Keep chugging on the fear-tension-pain cycle. I will also add that Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin has a chapter called Sphincter Law that every pregnant woman should read. The rest of the book is interesting but may lean to far to the hippie or homebirth side for all to enjoy. Ahh, I would someday love to write a labor prep book for Christian women that redeems this knowledge from the pagans.
In the meantime, I will read your blog and be encouraged in the daily work of three little ones. Thanks!
Comment by megan (May 9, 2007 @ 12:03 am )
To comment no 17.
I have had 4 c/sections so far… Was terrified of the 4th c/section. But all went well in the end. I did manage to get a gynecologist who has a number of Muslim patients (Muslims also have lots of children and demands doctors to go the extra mile in order for them to have more children) So this gynecologist is familiar with similar situations and knows what she is doing. After the 4th c/section she just said, ‘well, will see you again when we see you? ‘
I guess the best way to avoid fear is to read mostly good stories and forgo the bad ones. If something goes wrong, then it goes wrong and we deal with it as it happens. What good will it do to dwell on the bad cases? Shall we be fearful every time we drive, in case we have an accident and it hurts? Worrying about the what if’s only makes us uptight and full of stress. It does more harm than good.
Let’s rather read the good stories, and educate ourselves on the relevant situations, so we can be confident.
Comment by Marita (May 9, 2007 @ 5:34 am )
O, and just like to add this… During the floods in Mozambique a few years ago, a lady gave birth while sitting in a tree with water surrounding her,not to mention the snakes in the tree also trying to escape the floods. Imagine that!
I am sure she also had birth pains, but she was alone, in a flood and had snakes watching on while she had to give birth.
She did fine, and soon afterwards were rescued.
The circumstances I find myself in is small compared with hers. Remembering her story, gives me courage to face mine
Comment by Marita (May 9, 2007 @ 5:49 am )
To those who shared their stories, thank you!
Megan! I just learned about this “law” last week. When I read it, I said, “Yes, yes, yes!” This is why I’m always “failure to progress” and suddenly everything is beginning to make sense. Here it is:
On the subject of “how could I do this again,” I hope to answer that in later blog posts. Remind me if I don’t bring it up.
Yes, I am much better. I’m not vomiting anymore, just very nauseous most of the day and night. I still have help, thankfully. While I still lay in bed a lot, now I have the ‘energy’ to read books and such. It wasn’t this way for a long time.
On the subject of epidurals, I will leave another comment when I have another minute.
Comment by Amy Scott (May 9, 2007 @ 8:29 am )
Not all labors are created equal. You read My Giant Baby post–I have no doubt that the next will not be that bad! lol! I understand being afraid–there were several times I thought about running away this last pregnancy which is so silly cuz you can’t run from what’s inside of you (wow was that statement deep!) Anyway, for the most part, I’m usually SO ready to feel better that I’ll do anything to get it to end. My HG ends but some of that discomfort continues til a week or 2 post partum.
We’re praying for you!
Comment by Lyn (May 9, 2007 @ 8:39 am )
Amy - I am rejoicing that you feel able to write a post this long. My the Lord bless you as you seek to walk closer to him during this pregnancy.
It’s good to have you back even with your struggles. Your openness is a challenge to me.
Blessings Mummymac.
Comment by Mummymac (May 9, 2007 @ 11:19 am )
I will most definitely be praying for you. Thank you SO much for sharing this fear! I had no idea and will happily pray!!!
We all have fears, don’t we? Most of us are just too prideful to speak of them. Thank you for sharing.
His,
Mrs. U
Comment by Mrs. U (May 9, 2007 @ 11:32 am )
Amy, learning about the sphincter law in Ina May’s book helped me so much as I prepared for the birth of my second child. It made so much sense! I realized why some women just don’t progress, and I wish everyone had this information. I decided to have a home birth in part because of this new understanding. It’s about where you feel the most comfortable - for me, I was most comfortable givng birth at home. Other women will be more comfortable in the hospital because they’re afraid of giving birth at home. But, the sphincter law was vitally important for me to learn. I’m glad it’s being brought into the light here.
Comment by Sarah (May 9, 2007 @ 12:14 pm )
I, too, find myself struggling with fear concerning my pregnancy right now. After losing our full-term baby to a virus which stopped his heart last April, finding out we are expecting another baby this April has left me struggling at times to really trust G-d with this new little life.
Comment by Birdie (May 9, 2007 @ 2:02 pm )
Last time I was in transition I had a panic attack. The first of many.
The labor went well, but when it was time to push my smallest child yet(9.8 lbs)into the world, my body was going faster than my brain. I literally thought I was dying.
For the past year I have been coping with these panic attacks hoping they would just go away. They have not and I am pregnant again. I look forward to this next birth with fear and trembling.
“Trust in the LORD, Natalie,” everyone says…
Oh, if only I had the faith right now.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Comment by Natalie (May 9, 2007 @ 5:18 pm )
I’m not sure I understand - wouldn’t an epidural take all this awfulness away? I would never have made it through the birth of my daughter without one. I wanted it as soon as we pulled into the hospital parking lot, but of course, that wasn’t possible. I’m also not sure I understand why, if pregnancy and birth is so terrible for you, healthwise, why you continue to get pregnant? No criticism intended - large families are wonderful, and I’m glad that some wholesome Christian people are having lots of children, but in your case, with your very bad nausea and vomiting - and now this……you’re braver than I am, that’s for sure - I’d never let myself get pregnant again after that last one - or I’d make sure I had access to drugs ASAP!!
Comment by Suze (May 9, 2007 @ 5:54 pm )
Thank you for sharing that - your fear is imminent and you’re facing it bravely.
I’ve come to realize that fear is something we all face. Fear of death, fear of loss of security, fear of whatever. We give it to the Lord because perfect love drives out fear.
Comment by Michael (May 9, 2007 @ 10:33 pm )
I will not go into the details of my first labor. Suffice it to say it was bad. The whole thing, save the outcome! For my entire pregnancy with my second child, I was petrified. Not simply afraid, but petrified. My husband can attest to this state of mind. Thanks be to God, it was an easy, enjoyable birth. I pray for the same for you, Amy. Fear can do horrid things to a person. Kudos for taking the bull by the horns and looking for positive!! It is there, girl.
Comment by Aubrey (May 9, 2007 @ 11:39 pm )
i know that dealing with our fear is so very much a spiritual issue but i often think it is also the responsibility of we, as your sisters in christ, when we know of your fear, not to continue with the horror stories from our pregnancies/deliveries. i had a few myself, but i never share them with a woman who is in her first pregnancy for sure, and rarely if i know she is fearful or having problems. she has enough to be troubled with. i think it is our responsibility to reassure her that she will get through it with God’s help, that she will make wise decisions and IF she wants our advice, we have some suggestions of things that helped us in our labors/deliveries. the goal is a healthy delivery meaning one healthy mom and one healthy baby when all is said and done. as a nurse, i have seen the emergencies and even some deaths. most of the time people forget to take into consideration what a blessing it is when these deliveries are safe for everyone. we are so used to it that we take it for granted. there is nothing wimpy about the woman who gets help with pain relief whether it is an epidural or whatever it is. there are positives and negatives for every decision we make re our deliveries and it is up to the woman and her husband to make those decisions after looking into their options as you are amy. we as fellow sisters in Christ should be supporting them and encouraging them, not, as so often happens, second-guessing their decision. i have heard many a pregnancy related story…and have enjoyed hearing them most of the time. i have however, on a few occasions, been rather surprised at the lack of sensitivity to the fears or situations of certain pregnant women and the long, horror tales that i have heard coming from their “friends”. makes one wish they weren’t such good buddies:) m
Comment by martha (May 10, 2007 @ 12:37 am )
I had my third child around the same time as your last one and remember reading your birth experience and being able to relate to some of it. My third was horrible for a variety of reasons, and I remember just being kind of numb from shock and trauma after… and not being able to stop violently shaking for over two hours. I just wanted them to take the baby away and not bring him back for a while.
So when I had my fourth a year later, I was going to get an epidural. But, it was not needed! Her birth was… almost EASY! It can happen! I think you are on the right track to prepare yourself. Practice relaxation techniques, deep breathing… anything that can help you be more positive. I was able to relax by chilling during labor watching one of my favorite shows “Monk,” staying well-hydrated, taking a warm bath, etc. Perhaps you can find things that would aid in your own relaxation.
Just because you’ve had a bad experience doesn’t guarantee that it HAS to happen again! Praying for you!
Comment by Anne@Anne'sCafe (May 10, 2007 @ 10:28 am )
I am trusting God for everything in my life. I know that day to day he is teaching me. And I read the Bible to learn new lessons and continue to practice what God wants of me. I also know that what I ask for, God will give me but maybe not in the way I think he will. God is teaching me persistence right now. It is hard for me to keep trying to get my friend to hear me when I write to her but as God says keep knocking and it will come to be. (Luke 11:5-8) When I prayed for patience I didn’t know that I would end up being in charge af thirty five girls in a 6-12 year old church club. It sure taught me patience. Oh by the way I always dreaded the transition also. Just thinking about it makes me cringe.God bless you and your family
Comment by mommy24 (May 10, 2007 @ 2:40 pm )
Here’s my non-comment comment about epidurals. Remind me if I ignore it too long and it gets lost in the mess on my virtual desktop. (I need to make more folders.)
It was already written a few months ago, and I noticed it on my desktop. I added the last paragraph and a few details.
Dear Suze (#41),
Most of your questions can be answered in this post. Please let me know if I can clarify.
Comment by Amy Scott (May 10, 2007 @ 3:16 pm )
Well Amy,
It’s probably too late to tell you not to read all the comments with horrible birth stories written to a mom who is dealing with fear! But I trust that this is all in God’s plan as you face these fears and as others watch you and learn from you in dealing with their own fears which they are experiencing. It is more common than I thought. I know I’ve been through it and am not necessarily free from ever having to experience fear like that again. So, as you walk through this, know that God is using you in many many lives. I really had no idea how many others struggled with fear like I had struggled with it.
On another note: I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. And reminding you, as we are called to do, that Jesus is coming back sometime soon. These “light and momentary afflictions” are, amazingly, nothing compared to the glory of what we face.
God bless you,
from someone who hasn’t been allowed to lift her sweet little baby for 2 1/2 months.
Comment by brooke (May 10, 2007 @ 5:54 pm )
Honey - you don’t have to explain yourself to me or anyone. I’m sorry if my post was too nosey…..
Besides, from what I’ve read from your commenters - there are many who have had a bad experience in childbirth, only to find that the next one was a breeze - and that could happen to you, too. We just never know.
My prayers are with you, whatever your choice.
Comment by suze (May 10, 2007 @ 9:52 pm )
Yes, it is a journey…this learning to trust God.
Living by faith instead of in fear is a decision. And even though we know He is trustworthy, knowing is not all there is to it. Our emotions will overule what we know to be true. And as much as we want and desire to trust Him completely at all times in all circumstances, we are not always able to do such. We are human.
It was not until I’d come to the end of myself and had no where to turn but Him that I learned to fully trust Him. Why? Because my own self-sufficiency always got in the way.
But when you come to the end of yourself, the end of you own self-sufficiency as Oswald Chambers would say, when you are at the end of your rope hanging on to the knot as it were… when there is nothing left and you are hanging on for dear life, with no hope in sight…not till then will you cry out to Him the Great Hope…until one is at that place, one always holds back a part of himself…so surrender is never fully complete.
But when one comes to that place of desperation, with no where else to turn and cries out to Him…then and only then can He do His work in you and for you…He will come to the rescue in amazing ways of comfort and peace and “supply”..not till then will know assuredly that He is the Great I Am…He may not deliver you from the circumstance, but He will be with you in it…suffering with you…allowing this terrible thing for your good..
And after experiencing His power, you know forever after that He is all sufficient, and that no matter what happens, no matter how difficult, you will be o.k. because He will make it to be so. In such time He extends His grace…to be received by us…should we refuse it and kick against the pricks as it were, we will end up with sore feet…trying to manage the thing in our own self-sufficiency, until we again “give up”…surrender to Him. This is a death, the death to self, that must be daily experienced or else we will live in fear.
Comment by Cathy (May 10, 2007 @ 10:46 pm )
Amy,
If you have a chance, I think you might enjoy and benefit from reading “The Birth Book” by William and Martha Sears. I just had my second child (all natural/no pain medication) in January and found the book immensely helpful. The Sears talk about all aspects of childbirth, including how to have a satisfying and memorable birth. They also discuss the whole fear-pain cycle, giving great advice as to how to avoid the cycle. (As part of the discussion, they also explain the pros and cons of epidurals. Although they don’t say “never, ever” to epidurals, they do believe it is much better to go without one.) From reading your post, I think you might find the book something that will really help you through the fear you feel, as it seems to be written just for you.
Comment by daybreaking (May 11, 2007 @ 6:54 pm )
Suze, You are fine. I’m OK with the questions about my sanity, so long as they’re sincere. I don’t get my feathers ruffled too easy. It’s important to me to be real, and part of that is answering those hard questions–with truthfulness (as opposed to the Proper Soapbox Nazi Mom answer).
How are that many children a blessing?! Yes, the Bible does not put a quantitative qualifier on the verse, but I understand that you really want to know…but how? Here is another post where I talk a little about that.
Comment by Amy Scott (May 12, 2007 @ 1:50 pm )
Pain in transition… yikes… I’m not looking forward to that either. I have 10 more weeks before baby 8 makes his little arrival and am now remembering exactly what is gonna happen. Whoever said you forget that pain is crazy!! I’m trying to focus on how great it feels when that pain is over and how scripture compares the end of this world as labour pains!! How wonderful when the pain of this world will be over and we will be with our Lord.
How amazing that we who have experienced this pain KNOW this truth with all of our being instead of having to imagine what it would be like.
Another sweet baby is coming!! Whoo hoo!! I know my kids are encouraged when they see how sick I’ve been … stopped throwing up at 29 weeks.. am 30 weeks now!!… and they know how much pain I’m in now and about the pain of birth. When they ask why I am going through all this again I can look them in the eye and tell them its worth it all. No matter what the cost to my poor body, their eternal value supercedes it all.
Comment by Martha (May 14, 2007 @ 11:56 am )
With the memory of my third baby’s birth fresh in my mind, the thought of another birth (mostly transition) is absolutely terrifying to me at this point. :/ And I have short, “easy” birth’s by anyone’s measure.
I have read a bazillion birth stories, and Ina May Gaskin, and positive-thinking-ed my way through early labor but I still hit transition and think “Wait a minute, I so do not want to do this!”.
Comment by Margaret (May 14, 2007 @ 9:13 pm )
Amy,
May I recommend an excellent book? It’s not about birth but our journey with God and absolutely one of my favorite reads, Hinds Feet on High Places.
Blessings,
Comment by Meagan (May 15, 2007 @ 4:46 pm )
Amy,
I had a lot of the same fears that you are facing right now. I have actually cried when finding out that I am pregnant. I definately was happy about having another little blessing, but the crying was because i didn’t think that I could handle that much pain again. I just gave birth to our 5th baby girl 3 months ago - what a different experience than the rest!!! Here is my birth story if you feel like reading it: http://www.xanga.com/LittleHouseMommy/575893846/christianas-birth-story.html
~Ruth
Comment by Ruth (June 8, 2007 @ 7:13 am )