Awhile back, I wrote a brief post titled, Guidance: “I figure that a lot of life’s problems could be solved simply by putting ourselves at the mercy of God, giving ourselves wholly to Him. We have to settle once and for all that there is nothing ‘off limits’ to God, and then we have to do it again each day.”

I received an email in response, which I’ve been given permission to share:

I so struggle in the area you wrote about in Guidance … the short version is that I’m so afraid that if I completely let go, something bad will happen ~ especially health-wise ~ to me, my husband or my children. I know I shouldn’t care, so to speak (to live is Christ …), but I’m just not at that point. Any thoughts about how I can get past this fear?

The emailer and I have something in common, as I’ve struggled with these same thoughts. What if God asks something of me that I’m not ready to give? We already know that oftentimes He supplies grace when it is necessary and not before then. That makes things simple, but not necessarily easy. What then, in the meantime?

Some of you might remember this exchange in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe:

“Is — is he a man?” asked Lucy.

“Aslan a man!” said Mr. Beaver sternly. “Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion — the Lion, the great Lion.”

“Ooh,” said Susan, “I thought he was a man. Is he — quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”

“That you will, dearie, and make no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver, “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else silly.”

“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver, “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

As Christians, we must trust God not only for our salvation but also for the very details of our lives. He is good–and not just in a Sunday School sort of way.

Sometime in November I will face one of my biggest fears—the fear of pain in transition. During my last labor, transition lasted an hour without a break between contractions. I do not dread the pain; it’s so much more than that. Whenever I talk about it, my voice shakes, my stomach knots up, and I tighten my fists and curl my toes. I am afraid.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 10:28, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”

In the next couple months, I hope to keep an update on my progress of trusting God for the thing that I fear. Reading positive birth stories, educating myself on the fear-tension-pain cycle, and exploring all my options are some of the things that I’m doing to take responsibility.

In the end, it is my goal to be able to say that I fear God and nothing else. It is a journey and I’m not there yet. There is a lot more to say, and so I’ll keep these posts organized under the category of “Fear.”