Choices
Wednesday, Jun 6, 2007
It was just past bedtime and we were finishing a family game of Blokus. Instead of filing them up the stairs after the game, though, Greg told the children to “Loooad up!” They piled into the van. It could only be something good, and they knew it.
The surprise was a trip to get ice cream, but I tried to convince them that we were hauling old paint cans to the dump at 8:17 in the evening. “Nuh-uhhhh,” they hoped. Now, we’d tried this ice cream thing before with not-so-stellar results. I hoped this night would be different.
First I have to back up. We hit Dairy Queen for the first time as a family a few months ago (no, this isn’t some religious conviction), but it was more annoying than enjoyable. There were just too many choices: sprinkles or no sprinkles; dipped or not; cup, cone, or an over-priced specialty. What ever happened to measly vanilla cones? (You learn to keep things simple when you’re feeding a crowd.) Our kids didn’t know what to do with themselves. Too bad they could read and see all the pictures or else it would’ve been easier.
A twenty dollar bill with not-so-much-change left us with a mess of cold, drippy, sticky stuff. It was all too much, too sweet. It took a long time to figure out our order. Good thing, as we had a lot of time waiting in the drive-thru. Now I remembered why we’ve never done this before.
That evening on the way back home, I can remember the car ride like it was yesterday. The two preschoolers’ ice cream dripped faster than they could lick them. #2 didn’t like the sprinkles on her cone. All the crying from the backseat was getting annoying. The baby joined in the ruckus because nobody shared with him fast enough.
It wasn’t the first time I’ve ever looked over at Greg and asked, “You mean we paid money for all this?!” I say this to him every night when we’re sitting there with the dog, too.
So this recent night, we changed the strategy and did the pajama run to McDonald’s. Here at McDonald’s, you only can get either an ice cream cone or a sundae. Five bucks and change later, we all pulled away happy. It makes me wonder if choices aren’t the epitome of a good culture, but rather people in a culture who are content with either chocolate or vanilla. Nothing dripped, nobody cried, and the order only took 30 seconds to figure. Greg was happy about the bill, and I was happy about the backseat noise.
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Yummm, Dairy Queen. My dad used to treat me and my step-mom to blizzards when I was growing up. Now that they’ve added eight more to their brood, I’m pretty sure they have to settle for vanilla cones when it’s time for a DQ run. But, oh, the nostalgia!
Comment by Lora Lynn (June 6, 2007 @ 8:41 pm )
I remember that on hot summer nights as a child mom and dad would say “Hey, let’s go for a ride!” My brother and I had no clue…so we’d hop into the car and head for the A&W Rootbeer Stand! It was sooo much fun! We’d feast on chili dogs and then have a root beer float!
Once in a while we surprise our children with DQ…but they can only choose between vanilla or swirl, cone or bowl. Still too many choices!!!
I still like McD’s…definitely much cheaper!!! Fun times!!!!
Comment by Carmen (June 6, 2007 @ 9:41 pm )
Too many choices still over whelm me! I went to a tea room with some friends and my cousin had to finally grab the menu and start saying thing like “Chicken or Beef.” The problem was I said chicken and then the waiter came out and said they were out of chicken. Go figure.
Usually when I was young my dad would just buy us all the same thing. Since I have seven brothers and sisters it just made things easier. I guess I still like for people to help me make choices.
Comment by Rhonda (June 6, 2007 @ 10:22 pm )
regarding the board game: can you please tell me how you manage to play a game with toddlers around? i can manage to read the bible aloud to everyone much easier than try a game.
Comment by chickadee (June 6, 2007 @ 10:42 pm )
I love reading your blog. I have been a lurker for a little while now. I had to giggle and agree about the too many choices decree…so true! I’m glad those golden arches made you all so happy! hehehe
Comment by Trina (June 6, 2007 @ 10:59 pm )
Chickadee,
The two-year-old is usually on “Daddy’s team,” probably because he always wins (when I’m not playing). He never lets the kids win! (Which is why one time, when our oldest beat him in chess, it was a real victory…) Anyway, so that’s where the two-year-old is. She can sit still for a long time.
Bam-Bam, well, to tell the truth, whoever’s turn just ended–they have to chase and keep tabs on him. Sometimes he’s in bed, though.
Comment by Amy Scott (June 6, 2007 @ 11:04 pm )
Ok, first of all Mickey D’s softserve icecream is the best and not many calories either! Secondly, we stumbled across Blokus about 2 years ago and have been hooked ever since! Love that game! We even had to buy the travel version. seems like maybe you are feeling a little better?
Comment by Suzi (June 6, 2007 @ 11:09 pm )
I agree with all you said! It’s just too stressful to go to DQ most of the time with the kids. McD’s is so much easier and soooo much cheaper!
Comment by Sonya (June 6, 2007 @ 11:18 pm )
This made me laugh! I love that three of my children can read now but I miss those times when they didn’t know what all the options were.
This also reminded me of a TED talk that I recently caught online by psychologist Barry Schwartz on “The Paradox of Choice.” He argues that freedom of choice is what is killing our happiness. It was fascinating and so very true. Choice is good, but too much choice ultimately makes us feel like failures. As a parent it made me think about how limiting choices might be a another way I protect my children in this crazy mixed-up world.
Comment by MrsPages (June 6, 2007 @ 11:32 pm )
I know exactly what you mean. I always have to take a deep breath as I’m about to enter Target (the closest “everything” store to our home) with my four little ones, because I know it’s going to be difficult sticking to the list with all those miles of colorful, shiny shelves stacked with cheap stuff. Talk about eye candy…and I’m not just referring to the temptation that faces my kids, but also the temptation that faces me!!:o There’s always one more thing that’s at just suuuuuch a good price…sure, we don’t really need it, but I’m sure we would use it!
I know I read somewhere that back in the ol’ days in this country, you couldn’t just walk into the Target/Walmart-prototype (general store) and find everything on the shelf at eye-level. You had to ask for the item you wanted, because alot of the stuff just wasn’t kept out front to be seen and touched (they didn’t have the room and besides, you can’t have people touching the inventory if they’re not serious about buying, can you?) Looking over the Sears catalog was about the only way you could sit and just covet, covet, covet lots of things for sale, and even then you had to wait a few weeks to receive your items, which made it a little less tempting to just blow alot of money at once.
Comment by Sara (June 7, 2007 @ 1:11 am )
We have a burger chain in our neck of the woods called In ‘N Out. Simple menu: burger (with or without cheese, single or double patty), fries, sodas, shakes (chocolate, vanilla or strawberry). That’s IT! What a mercy……and my youngest is 17!
Oh, BTW, my 45-yr.-old mentally retarded sister lives with us…..I’m grateful she can’t read. I just order for her whenever we are out (she’s a terrible decision-maker) and she’s happy. Yay.
Comment by Susan in Elk Grove CA (June 7, 2007 @ 1:48 am )
Coke. That’s what you get when we go out to dinner ;D
Comment by Kendra (June 7, 2007 @ 2:58 am )
Ha! Loved the story! Hadn’t ever thought about Dairy Queen’s choices being so bad! I know when I give my 2 yr old more than 3 choices it could take a year for him to decide. Thanks for the advice! I will remember that!
Comment by Lu (June 7, 2007 @ 6:21 am )
I recommend one kind for everyone and in a cup! I don’t think our 5 kids even knew they came in cones until they were teens! Enjoy your precious bunch. Glad you’re feeling better.
Your fan from Central Texas, the land of currently-so-much-rain that we have wildflowers in JUNE! Gorgeous.
Comment by Emmie (June 7, 2007 @ 6:34 am )
We did our first pajama run 3 weeks ago. We tried McDonald’s (for Sundaes) but it seemed they had one person working the front and the drive thru. So we drove to another McDonald’s…”Our ice cream machine was broken.”
So we too ended up at Dairy Queen. We only let them get Sundaes but it was still at lot more money than we intended the pajama run to be. But it was fun and the kids can’t wait for the pajama run!
Comment by fay (June 7, 2007 @ 7:25 am )
I so agree. There are too many choices out there…period.
Comment by Andrea (June 7, 2007 @ 8:15 am )
I heard a story once that made an impression on me and I have shared it many times as well.
This man saw a woman and her 6 homeschooled children at the ice cream place at the mall. She got each of them a small vanilla cone and they were enjoying them tremendously. The man went over to her and said that her children seemed to really be enjoying their small vanilla cone. He wanted to know her secret, because his children were not happy unless they got a banana split or something large. She told the man that when her children were no longer grateful for their small vanilla cone, they would not get anything larger, but they would get fewer small vanilla cones.
We are the cause for our children being spoiled… not them.
Comment by Marci (June 7, 2007 @ 8:31 am )
Oh, this was so funny and I so agree with you. That is why we don’t really make ice cream runs anymore even though my children are probably older. And we love Blokus here too!
I just recently found you and love your blog!
Comment by Tina (June 7, 2007 @ 8:41 am )
I definitely agree with the choices thing. We’re Americans living in another country, and I personally enjoy only having 3 brands of toothpaste to choose from, only 4 drink options at a restaurant, etc. etc. And my two-year-old doesn’t know the difference.
I’m sure this doesn’t really help after your adventure last night, but I read on a blog that today (June 7), Sonic is giving away free root beer floats from 8 p.m. till midnight. I didn’t know if they were in your area.
Comment by Toblerone (June 7, 2007 @ 10:41 am )
YES! In-and-Out is a perfect place with young ones! I couldn’t agree more.
I think I’ve told you before but do not ever take several children in to a Subway thinking a) you will remain sane b) you will spend less than 25 bucks on lunch.
Glad you had an enjoyable experience.
Comment by Janet (June 7, 2007 @ 10:44 am )
We only go to McDonald’s now for ice cream runs, they taste just as good and are a lot cheaper (just stay away from the McFlurries!) I tried DQ a couple months ago for a “treat” and I didn’t think it was any better than McD’s and it was much more expensive.
Comment by Jasmine (June 7, 2007 @ 12:19 pm )
Just a word about DQ. I try not to get too into boycotting particular stores because of who they support, so please don’t get all mad at me for this, but DQ is one that I will never again support. The owner is WAY into supporting the abortion/Planned Parenthood industry. There are so many nice Mom and Pop ice cream shops around.
Comment by Claudia (June 7, 2007 @ 12:40 pm )
I love the way you combine cute stories about your family life with making a small point!
On another note, we love Blokus, especially the “Trigon” version, both of which we sell at our store. It’s only recently been replaced as the family favorite by “Rumis,” which we are getting ready to sell.
-Amanda
Comment by Amanda Evans (June 7, 2007 @ 12:40 pm )
As the oldest of 5 kids, I remember my mom piling us all in the car on a Saturday morning to go drive to the airport and watch the planes take off while we listened to radio dramas. She would buy a pack of donuts from the grocery store and we were happy and, more importantly, quiet for a long time. That was so much fun and your story reminded me that the little things are what count so much when you’re a kid.
And In-n-Out is the best!!
Comment by Elisabeth (June 7, 2007 @ 1:12 pm )
You hit the nail on the head with this one. I was thinking the same thing last weekend sitting in the heat at the pool while my 18m old, surrounded by toys, blow-up stuff, buckets, and pails stood by my side and put his brother’s sunglasses off and on for at least 20 minutes.
Comment by Jill@Who Could Ask For Anything More (June 7, 2007 @ 1:36 pm )
Just had to comment. We visited a little post office/country store a few weeks back and I was so enamored. Little, authentic and only a few choices! The farmer grows the crops and the wife runs the post office and the customers who stop in to buy the produce they have. Small and charming. It was so nice not to have to look at fifty different varieties of onion or potato under flourescent lights while the most recent pop hit played in the background and a little one was biting into a tomato that is $3.29/lb. (Here the tomamatoes were $1.50/lb):)
My husband actually told me during our last pregnancy that he enjoys how decisive I when carrying a baby. I crave this, want this type of temperature, easily say, “no, I don’t want to do that/go there; I’m pooped!”, and even in labor am very adamant about where and how I want my back rubbed. When I’m not pregnant, I just can’t decide about a lot of things. Fortunately for him, I’ve be pregnant over have our time married thus far!
Comment by Meagan (June 7, 2007 @ 1:48 pm )
Well, I dunno-this could go either way. I guess I wouldn’t mind limited choices if all the choices were the ones I would have made in the first place. But then, that might not be so nice for you!
I just make whatever choice I want for the kids and tell them “Eat it and be happy. If you don’t want it, nobody’s making you-give to whoever’s next to you.” With nine kids there’s always someone who likes what’s being served and someone who doesn’t.
Comment by kerri (June 7, 2007 @ 2:40 pm )
Too bad it takes the first bad experience to teach us the lesson we need for the 2nd good one!
Comment by Julie (June 7, 2007 @ 2:54 pm )
Last night we got the bright idea to go out to dinner. A local chain has kid’s meals for .99, so I thought it would be a nice break from the norm. Once we got there, we asked ourselves, “WHAT were we thinking?” LOL! Too many choices. Not only do they have to choose their main dish, but then a side to go with it. Good grief, I was exhausted just from all of that choosing. It was chaos. I think everyone around us was so thrilled when we finally left. LOL! Next time, we’ll stay home.
It is nice to hear comments from others who grew up in large families and didn’t resent the fact that they were not given a choice, or if they were it was very limited. Sometimes I worry that my children will someday resent that. But, when they get their own paycheck, the first thing they can do is go to DQ and buy the gooiest thing on the menu…lol!
Comment by momto5sofar (June 7, 2007 @ 3:04 pm )
One of my first jobs was at a Dairy Queen,so now many years later I admire anybody who works at one.I went last night with my son to use a Blizzrd Birthday club coupon-we got 2 Blizzards but only paid for one.
Comment by Tammy (June 7, 2007 @ 6:19 pm )
I know this was not the point of your writing, but I sure am relieved to hear that other parents have the special-time-turn-flop happen to them to!
And, in addition to being the mom of 3 (1 on the way), I am also 1 of 9 children. As a child, I didn’t realize menus existed. When we went to an Italian restaurant, my dad ordered pizzas. When we went to McDonalds, he bought us each a hamburger. When we went to Taco Bell, we each got 2 soft tacos– and if you didn’t like lettuce, you had to pick it off yourself. It made things simple and I never cared. Except that now I have to make my husband order for me when we go out because I just get too overwhelmed.
Very, very fun post, Amy!
Comment by brietta (June 7, 2007 @ 8:12 pm )
I have to correct my *to* and make it *too* because spelling drives me nuts.
Not that you’d know from the numer of typs Im droping everywere.
Comment by brietta (June 7, 2007 @ 8:14 pm )
We are going to make a pajama run to Sonic tonight for free root beer floats (between 8 pm and midnight). We will, however, probably spend $5.00 in gas to get there and back!
Comment by Valerie (June 7, 2007 @ 8:33 pm )
Gotta love your thinking, Amy. Mcky D’s is our family run too! Simple and cheap is best at this point in our lives! A cheap, simple treat and the children all think it is the greatest thing.
We have made the rare trip to DQ, but just got everyone the same thing. So much easier. Same thing if we go out to eat. Although, we have started letting them give their input for that. More so if it is Grandma’s treat, equating the choice as a treat and privilege reserved for when we go out with Grandma.
If they don’t know there are other options, they are content with what they do know and if they are becoming more aware, then a homemade version (fruit juice popsicles or lemonade, pizza, home fries baked in the oven with olive oil etc.) is just as much a treat if they have it only occasionally. Although, pizza is a weekly (bi-weekly this week) staple here. Praise the Lord the girls can make it themselves now!
And I think most of us have had some special plan turn sour, but it still becomes one of “those” memories, doesn’t it?!
Blessings,
Theresa
Comment by Theresa (June 7, 2007 @ 8:59 pm )
Hey! I just posted about the same sort of thing yesterday. I’m linking to give a little more ‘umph’ to my point.
Comment by tonya (June 7, 2007 @ 9:14 pm )
McDonald’s soft serve ice cream with hot fudge is the only thing I’ll eat from that “restaurant.” It’s sooo good! And yes, very affordable.
I’ll be pondering that thought for a while…
Comment by Sarah (June 7, 2007 @ 11:32 pm )
We do late night pj runs to Krispy Kreme for “hot doughnuts now.” We keep things simple too. They get the plain glazed dougnuts unless it is a holiday, and then they can get the fun sprinkles (like red and green for Christmas!)
Comment by Lindsey (June 8, 2007 @ 1:32 pm )
OHHH I’m jealous–our KK closed. We can only get not fresh doughnuts (tho still really scrumptious) at one of the grocery stores or gas stations.
We made an ice cream run recently. My boys decided quickly except for one who seems to have that well figured out. He said, “I’ll have what Mom’s having!” Smart 5yo, eh?
But speaking of cheaper ice cream–anyone try the relatively new Breyer’s flavor with black raspberry and choc. chunks? YUM!
Comment by Lyn (June 8, 2007 @ 2:21 pm )
I always enjoy your blog!
Comment by Mrs. Martin (June 8, 2007 @ 2:23 pm )
We are babysitting two cousins this weekend, and that puts our number up to 5 kids, and my husband forgets about this, and walks into lunch, “Who wants the green cup?” I call him back into the kitchen, ignoring the cries for the green cup, and say, “Please, NO MORE CHOICES.” Makes life a lot easier to just make everyone take what they get and like it!!
Comment by Amy Roller (June 8, 2007 @ 3:22 pm )
Yes, but without a plethora of choices, would we learn true self-control?
Sure, it’s easier to be content when all you have is ONE choice.
But character is built by recognizing & evaluating wants vs. needs. This is not possible without several choices.
Comment by Elizabeth (June 8, 2007 @ 4:35 pm )
Funny post. Totally know exactly what you mean. After several very messy trials, we now stick with sundaes in a cup at McD’s too!
The kids just love getting the cold yummy treat - they don’t care what color or flavor it is - and the $4 bill is nice too. 
Comment by Trish (June 8, 2007 @ 5:08 pm )
That is so funny because while I was reading the Dairy Queen part of your post I was thinking “oh man I need to tell them to go to McDonalds and just get vanilla” Our life became so much simpler when we did that although it didn’t go over well when mommy asked if we could swing by and get her a banana split first while everyone else got McDonalds.
Comment by Dawn (June 8, 2007 @ 9:54 pm )
I just want to say a loud and resounding AMEN to Marci, comment #17— It is a tremendous blessing to have a child that is thankful for what they get. It is also a blessing to BE that child, imagine the pain and discontent that is avoided by having such an thankful heart!!
Comment by Kelli (June 8, 2007 @ 10:22 pm )
I would submit that learning self control and contentment only requires one option. Consider Adam and Eve (who are good representations of us all). They only had one choice, and they already had everything they needed - but they were not at all content.
It’s just as easy to sin choosing between chocolate and vanilla as it is between what color, size, or shape of sprinkles to ask for on your double dipped vanilla on a waffle cone, so to speak.
Comment by Anonymous (June 8, 2007 @ 10:39 pm )
Your post on choices was very timely! Last night we heard that Sonic was giving free root beer floats from 8 pm to midnight. So my husband told our kids to get in the van after they got ready for bed. We then drove to Sonic and waited in a traffic jam, just to pull into the driveway of Sonic! People were crowded outside and stood in long lines, some with gloomy looking faces, all for a .99 float. And we were right there with them, waiting in line in our van, at this point just hoping we were’t stuck there for hours trying to get out! We weren’t even able to pull into an ordering parking space. Finally my husband caught the attention of one of the servers and said, “If I give you a tip, will you bring us 2 root beer floats?” She did, we eventually got out, and the kiddos happily drank their floats on the way home. What entertainment!
Comment by Christy (June 8, 2007 @ 10:44 pm )
My husband is a DQ fan. That’s where he went as a kid after every little league game-win or lose. When we go, we go IN to eat, and get everyone a chocolate dipped cone. 99 cents each I think………I take the baby wipes in for clean up, we all leave happy and not too sticky.
And what Father doesn’t delight in giving his kids good things?
We also almost never tell the kids where we are going. They have to guess, or wait until we get there. Not sure why we do that, we just do.
Hooray for surprises.
stacey
Comment by Stacey (June 9, 2007 @ 2:31 pm )
One time when I was little my parents tooks my siblings and me (8 total) to Wendy’s for Frosties. After we were through eating when went to McD’s for an ice cream cone for my sister because she HATES chocolate. (to this day she can’t even stand the smell of it) You should have seen the look on the persons face when we went through the drive through and ordered one cone when there were 10 people in the van! That is something I will never forget.
Comment by Rhonda (June 9, 2007 @ 7:49 pm )
Here’s another vote for McDonald’s ice cream being better! It has so much more flavor than Dairy Queen’s.
Meagan, I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one whose hormones affect decisiveness. I’m not very decisive most of the time, and at a certain time of the month, I get quite hopeless. Every little decision is agonizing, and I make myself nuts, not to mention everyone else. Now I just need to find a hormone that makes me know what I want.
Comment by Heidi (June 10, 2007 @ 1:07 am )
I took my kiddos out for ice cream the other night too. Although there were many flavor choices, they know they are only allowed to get a scoop of icecream…no topping, sprinkles, sundaes etc. Everyone was happy and they all let each other try their cones. I like it when they share licks!
Comment by Kathy/ Lessons from the Laundry (June 10, 2007 @ 10:36 pm )
My folks used to take us out to DQ after church sometimes on Sunday nights, but we always only had two choices- dilly bar or ice-cream sandwhich. I don’t know if that was wisdom or just a reflection of how old I am and how few the options were a hundred years ago.=)
Choices can be really paralyzing- after years overseas where we had something like three options in shampoo, I remember one return stateside where I stood trapped in the shampoo aisle unable to decide what brand to buy. I was nearly in tears I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. I think my mother had to choose for me, and I was a woman grown, married, with three children and an international driver’s license.
Comment by DeputyHeadmistress (June 11, 2007 @ 12:48 am )
I already commented, but since this thread is still going, I thought I would comment again.
At our house, you get 2 choices. Take it, or leave it.
Comment by Tina (June 11, 2007 @ 9:40 am )
I served in the Military in the early seventies stationed at Fort Dix, NJ. The summer my wife an I were expecting our first born was extremely hot and humid. My young yet petite wife was very uncomfortable in the heat, lacking air conditioning in our apartment, and the fact she was carrying twin boys. I suggested an evening road trip in the air conditioned car, and we traveled to Jamesburg where this fabulous ice cream store existed, “Buxtons”. They specialized in Banana splits labeled “Little BUX” or “Big BUX”, depending on your capacity for ice cream. It is that very memory of my wife getting relief from the heat, by consuming copious amounts of ice cream, that causes me to fall in love with her over and over again. A special moment in time, when we mutually cared for each other. They are the moments that I cherish most from 30 years ago.
Comment by Gerry (June 12, 2007 @ 2:09 am )