Two comments/questions arose from my last entry:

1. Amy: how does the verse “be ye subject one to another” fit into the idea of respectful disagreement/submission?

2. Those are excellent truths to remember in any disagreement with anyone, especially husbands. But I have never seen the title of your post effectively dealt with — what to gently, kindly, and graciously say if one’s husband’s thinking is on the wrong track in a certain situation.

Another title I could’ve given that entry was, “Well, what does that passage in Ephesians 5 look like anyway?” There wasn’t any commentary from me last time for two reasons. The first is because it was my point to show that the Scriptures are always sufficient. A plain reading of the text will give us an order of how God does things. Here it is:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The second reason I didn’t add commentary is because my time hasn’t come for me to share my experience on the matter. My husband is great, but I haven’t always been under such godly authority. Many of us at some time along the way will find ourselves in a very tough spot because those we must submit to are evil: civil authorities, employers, parents, and even the rare church elder. We can find our comfort and direction here in the Scriptures.

God, in his foreknowledge and sovereignty, knew that we’d disagree. While redeemed from the curse of sin, we still battle it in this life. (Romans 7:7-25, I John 1:8) What to do then? How can husbands and wives love each other and demonstrate the relationship between Christ and the Church here and now?

And so, God created an order. We see that order in the above passage. There cannot be two masters, two captains, two heads.

As for mutual submission, this is right and good. The husband lays down his life, loves his wife, and cleanses her by washing her in the Word of God. The wife loves and submits to her husband. But we haven’t answered the one million dollar question, I know.

What, then, should happen if the wife says, “Go left!” and the husband says, “No, right!” The wise husband will listen to his wife’s counsel, considering it to the degree that she shows wisdom in other areas. By getting understanding and wisdom, she is able to win over her husband. (see also I Peter 3:1-2) But the final word is his word, and he will answer for it.

The Lord made a way for those times we’d disagree. He knew that there’d be times that waiting, splitting the difference, or compromise wouldn’t be options. And so, there is an order because God is orderly. Wives should yield, as God will honor their obedience.

And what of “be ye subject one to another”? Does this mean I hold equal authority with my husband? Consider the verse in its context (which is the same way that we consider all Scripture—in its framework from Genesis to Revelation):

Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. I Peter 5:5

Before we are told to be subject to one another, God tells us exactly how His economy works: the younger submit to the older (and likewise, wives to their husbands). He established an order. How interesting that these instructions are back-to-back!

Is God a schizophrenic? Did He just contradict Himself? At first there’s a hierarchy and then there’s a democracy? We know this isn’t so, and so, we understand mutual submission in the context of His whole counsel. To those who lead–pastors their flock, mothers their children, presidents their countries, husbands their wives—they need understanding.

Don’t be hard-headed; instead, be humble. Whether you lead or follow, this is the right way. Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought. And what if your authority is truly a fool? When you must submit, do not think of yourself as suffering under some random authority. Remember Joseph.

God knows all of this, and it is not a surprise. “The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord.” He controls it all. Submit to your authority without sin as unto the Lord. This is an offering to Him. This pleases Him.

Difficult situations don’t require an egalitarian or democratic response. We worship Him and show His glory best when follow His ways. This doesn’t mean this is the easy path, just that it’s the right path.