Of gender and skills
Tuesday, Sep 18, 2007
There is a list going around the internet, “25 Skills Every Man Should Know: The List, Ready for Your Debate.” Some of the items in the list are right-on: build a campfire, change the oil and filter, and paddle a canoe. Greg corrected my canoe maneuvering before we married, and that was very romantic. It’s just the way I like things.
Since I am raising several girls, I will tell them that there are certain essential man qualities one should look for in a mate. [Actually, I probably won’t say much as every man will be measured against their dad, and well, I just feel sorry for all of them… Greg can fly a plane, build a house, launch rockets, and manage a small herd of children in the check-out lane.] My girls will hopefully esteem character above everything else, but you know, if you want some heat in your marriage, it helps to marry a guy who can build a fire. I also like my man to open the pickle jar. I’m just saying.
There are some qualities on the list that I’ll tell them to bypass, like “hook up an HDTV”, but really, there are still some fun things here that I like to leave to the guys. Maybe it’s because I’m still a romantic at heart or maybe it’s a reaction against our gender neutral society that hates God’s natural order—whatever the case, it’s just cool when women let the guys change the oil. What’s more—guys like us to like them changing the oil. But shhhh, they’re not allowed to tell you that anymore!
This is all in fun, of course. But what about the ladies? Are there certain skills they should know? What’s important and what isn’t? Off the top of my head, I’m thinking they should know: CPR, how to use jumper cables, basic self-defense moves, how to have a debate without getting personally offended, and how to stay germ-free in a public restroom.
Now, there are some things everyone should learn sometime, like #6 on the list: Back up a trailer. I met some of our new neighbors up in Kentucky while trying out this skill. I actually meant to do this. So, Greg crosses his fingers and lets me off the property with the trailer, and well, I certainly didn’t surprise him with the kerfluffle I found myself in—down a skinny lane on someone’s private property with an entourage of ATV’s, dogs, and traffic coming at me. I’m not usually an idiot.
So the guys pull up to me after seeing that I wasn’t doing some kind of three-point backup, “Hey, how good are ya at backing that thing up?” I had to tell them that this was my first time driving a trailer and that I hadn’t practiced going in reverse yet. They got a good laugh and suggested a field way down yonder for me to turn around in so that I wouldn’t have to back up. Now, if I were a guy, I bet they would’ve been less amused and more bewildered and just told me to back up the thing. But I’m a girl so it was all good.
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Ha, too funny about the trailer! We gals have some great advantages, don’t we!!
I think there are a lot of things a gal should know how to do, just in case: re-light the pilot light on the heater, start a fire, check the fuses, properly drive a nail and properly work a drill without stripping the screw, and how to change a tire. I think a wife needs to know how to take care of the things in her house, even if she never has to actually take care of things. I had to check all the breakers a while back while husband was at work … I didn’t even know where they were!
To be a proper helpmeet, I think it’s important that we don’t over burden our husbands with things (that we’re perfectly capable of doing) just because we’re ‘girls.’ And what do you do if your power goes off in an ice storm, if your husband is caught at work? We’ve had it happen, and I’ve never been so glad that he showed me how to start a fire from damp wood … It was one of those ‘just in case’ things he wanted me to know. Thank goodness!!
I’ve had sinks start leaking while my husband was at work, and I remember pipes bursting when I was little while my dad was gone on business. Does everyone know where their water shut-off valve is?
Just some food for thought …
Comment by Brea (September 18, 2007 @ 1:14 pm )
You’re so right about them wanting us to appreciate their oil changing skills. I was my father’s only child, so under the car I went. I can change the oil, start a fire, steer the canoe and back a trailer. I thought Hubby would be happy to have such a capable wife. Instead he said “You don’t even need me”. “But what about the spiders?” I ask. I NEED a man that can squish spiders for me. I may be able to handle snakes, but spiders is where I draw the line!
As far as womanly skills, hubby needs me to wash, fold, iron his clothes. And if I want to score extra points, when he goes out of town on business, I pack his suitcase for him too. Oh yes, and I’m the “Activities Director”. I plan all family outings and vacations.
Comment by Amy Wilson (September 18, 2007 @ 1:27 pm )
“how to have a debate without getting personally offended”
Amy, I must say that this is one of my biggest pet peaves among women bloggers (and email lists, for that matter). I love reading and listening to good debates between Christian men. Iron sharpening iron kind of debates. Debates that you know will not alter the deep friendships among them. I learn so much from them.
For some reason, most women seem to be unable to have similar discussions. Emotions just swell. An opposite position on a certain subject is all of sudden considered a personal attack. We have all been on email lists where the moderator has had to step in and close the subject. What a shame. Shame on us women whose words and actions are powered by our emotions. It’s a pity that the men are able to have these discussions, but most women are not able to benefit from similar dialogue.
Stepping off my soap box now.
Thankful that her dh has the skills to fix a dishwasher and save us a few hundred dollars,
Laura in KY
Comment by Laura in KY (September 18, 2007 @ 1:38 pm )
To add to Brea’s thought-food:
Do you know where and how to shut off the gas & electricity? Do you have the tools handy to do so?
Do you know how to open the garage door in case of a power failure?
Can you get a charcoal grill going so you can cook on it in case you need to do so?
Comment by jrw (September 18, 2007 @ 1:40 pm )
I like what Brea said:
I think a wife needs to know how to take care of the things in her house, even if she never has to actually take care of things
I don’t, however, know how to take care of all the things in the house, but if he’s not here, then I might as well do it!
Amy, I had to LOL at the jumper cable thing: I *need* to learn that! And take a karate class.:)
Skills for my three daughters: cook a decent meal, clean your house throughly, be a good organizer, and how to balance a baby on your hip while doing all that.
Comment by Andrea (September 18, 2007 @ 2:06 pm )
Great post! I can change the oil, fix holes in walls… but I have more fun encouraging my hubby to do them. =) I am glad my dad taught me how to do those things because there are times my dh cannot get to them.
Here Here, to the “how to have a debate without getting personally offended”. I agree with what Laura said. If us women could just remember that in debating a “hot topic” to not take it personal unless your name is actually mentioned. If your name is not on a post that is offensive to you then chances are it is not directed to you. If there is a feeling of offense then we need to take it to prayer and the Bible.
In a group that I manage I have had to come up with rules for debate. I came up with the “Triple S Rule.”
THE TRIPLE “S” RULE. Swift to hear, Slow to speak and Slow to wrath. (James 1:19-20)
Swift to hear. In this case, because this is the internet - Be swift to read exactly what is written. Do not read between the lines.
Slow to speak. Before you type, pray about it. If it is a Biblical discussion make sure it lines up with the Bible. Glorify the Lord. Philippians 2:3 “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”
Slow to wrath (anger). Do not write posts if you are feeling anger towards a post or a person. Check yourself. Why are you feeling angry? Are you angry at the post, the person who wrote it, something said in the post. Use this time to let the Lord speak to you. Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.”
I’m getting off the soapbox with Laura now. =)
Dianna
Comment by Di (September 18, 2007 @ 2:14 pm )
Dianna, that is one of my fav verses. It’s taped up (in big blue letters) on our fridge. Women are just more emotional. It’s not a bad thing, it’s how God made us. But the way we handle it can be such a bad thing! When I find myself getting VERY upset over something, more upset that I normally get, I try to run things by the husband first. He’s much more level-headed, and gives me great insight and perspective almost every time. We balance each other out … it’s the way the Lord made things to be!
Comment by Brea (September 18, 2007 @ 2:57 pm )
Chiming in, clapping loudly for the “debate without getting personally offended.” My children are getting great practice in this life lesson every day. : )
Comment by Heather (September 18, 2007 @ 3:31 pm )
Very funny post. Hope you’re feeling well. My guy is pretty handy in almost everyway mentioned, and being a techie, I’m sure he could even hook up HDTV, if we had one. It’s just not a priority of mine.
Comment by terry (September 18, 2007 @ 3:47 pm )
Amy- I’m sure you are misquoting. I am sure it really went, “You ain’t from around here, are ya? You ever practiced backin’ up that there thang?”
You just couldn’t understand it all.
Haha! You’ll have a ton of conversations. All of which start with “you ain’t from around here are ya?” or “Where you from?”
Around here, girls better know how to hook up a chain and pull someone out of a ditch, and how to hot wire a tractor. Or at least be married to someone who can.
Comment by Anonymous (September 18, 2007 @ 5:56 pm )
I’ve been lurking here for a while, Amy. This is a funny post! I appreciate your “trailer backing up” incident since I’ve had that problem before. My husband can just hop in the truck and make that durn trailer go wherever he wants it to with a flick of his wrist. The more I try, the more trouble I get into.
Comment by Annie (September 18, 2007 @ 5:57 pm )
What IS the definition of “helpmeet” or “helpmate” or “helper suitable”, well, you get the idea.
Comment by Sheila (September 18, 2007 @ 9:20 pm )
My dad is a forklift driver, so before we were allowed to get our license, he made us practice driving in reverse all around our neighborhood. (It was embarassing when I was 16.) I’m excellent at it now, but I’ve never tried with a trailer.
I think a skill every potential husband should have is to be able to change stinky diapers. I’m in the midst of terrible morning sickness (http://selahgraphics.net/noendinsite/2007/09/18/morning-sickness-rears-its-ugly-head/) and my terrific husband will actually take breaks from work to stop by our house (he’s a police officer on patrol) and change dirty diapers so I don’t vomit. If that isn’t love!
Comment by christa (September 19, 2007 @ 12:34 am )
Cute post! I had a list of qualities I wanted in a man! Hubbie did pretty good measuring up! I based it on my daddy! Unfortunately my Hubbie can’t fly a plane…yet!
Comment by Lu (September 19, 2007 @ 11:39 am )
I think I taught my 13 yr old daughter “self-defense” a little too well- the boys in her class (and it’s a Christian small school) know not to mess with her. But I’d prefer that they have a healthy respect of her- rather than terror! :

Comment by Lauren Caldwell (September 19, 2007 @ 11:57 am )
I think women need to know those things too. Well, as for the HDTV we will never have one BUT it universally stands for “Is able to hook up various electronic appliances.’ My parents didn’t learn how to hook up a computer until after they had one for many years- and I knew how to do it at age 8!
Unfortunately, I don’t know how to do some of the things on that list. Backing up a trailor is one (very good thing to know) and changing my oil is another. My husband used to say that I had to change my own oil but somehow I skirted that and now that I have four children four and under WHO WILL WATCH THEM WHILE I CHANGE THE OIL? I’ve never changed a tire either. That’s why I just bought a cell phone. because there is no way I’m changing a tire on the side of the road with four little kids.
So anyway, I loved what you said about your daughters’ suitors having to meet the Daddy standard.
Sarah in TX who now knows how to drive a 12 passenger van (and my parents NEVER EVER let me drive their minivan!! LOL)
Comment by sarah (September 19, 2007 @ 3:05 pm )
Great post! As a husband, father of three and the homemaker in our house these are some thing I’m glad my wife can do: balance the checkbook (she is an accountant after all), use a handgun, take good pictures, hem a pair of pants or a skirt, start a mower, follow on the dance floor, and drive stick. She’s seldom home alone so the rest of it falls into my lap anyway which is fine for both of us.
Comment by David (September 19, 2007 @ 3:35 pm )
I think we should all have as many skills as we can possibly manage (I say this admitting openly that I cannot change a tire or do electrical stuff for the LIFE of me!), and then just help each other out (men and women, that is) whenever possible. Surely the easiest way.
Oh, but yeah, there IS one non-negotiable gender thing: The spider squishing. Ain’t no way I’m ever “learning” that. Sorry.
I think men, too, should be able to make beds. I was literally almost a grown woman before I realised that they didn’t actually genetically lack the capacity to do that; it was just the men in _my_ family who couldn’t manage it!
Comment by Mrs. P. (September 19, 2007 @ 4:27 pm )
“how to have a debate without getting personally offended”
Funny! I liked that one.
I still can’t remember how to do jumper cables, even though I’ve had to do that a couple of times. I also can’t drive a nail, no matter how many times I try. I am tool-challenged. Good thing I’m married to a handy-man.
It’s not for lack of trying. Hubby came in the other day, watched me struggle for a few minutes with a stool I was trying to repair, then stepped in and fixed it for me.
Comment by Anonymous (September 19, 2007 @ 8:36 pm )
I changed the oil once. I was pretty proud of myself until we began to notice a puddle, that was getting larger by the hour, beneath the truck. I cross-threaded the bolt back into the pan. It cost about $50.00 to drain the oil, pull the pan, tap the threads, replace the bolt and add five more quarts of oil.
The #1 skill every wife should possess is the gumption to tell her husband to take it down to the quick-lube and hurry back because the game is about to start!
Comment by Tim (September 19, 2007 @ 10:40 pm )
Tim and my husband would be good friends. They could tell each other stories like that one while watching the game that they returned home in time for.
Comment by Emily (September 19, 2007 @ 11:08 pm )
Oh boy. I’m feeling convicted now. I would rather not learn these things.
And now my son is 14 years old so when Dad is gone I make/ask him to do it. Sorry, not touching any car oil. 
Comment by Janet (September 20, 2007 @ 12:08 pm )
Just wondering? Where does the phrase “it was all good come from” ? My 18 yr. old says this alot! Great post! It was all good.
God Bless, Denise
Comment by Denise (September 21, 2007 @ 1:26 am )
I like the one about staying “germ free in the public restroom” Sounds like something I would say, of course.
Comment by Your germ free friend Kristin (September 23, 2007 @ 11:40 pm )
Hm. I’m so cool, I didn’t know it?
Someone who helps…?
Comment by Amy Scott (September 24, 2007 @ 1:20 pm )