Alone
Saturday, Feb 23, 2008
Some things just work well together: peanut butter and jelly, Batman and Robin, and hot dogs at a baseball game. A good day can be like that. Sometimes you hit all the green lights down the main drag. Sometimes it is double coupon day and you didn’t even know it. Then there was the time they called my name at a crowded baby shower and I won a houseplant. Usually, I have to fight to the death to win those goofball games, but that time I didn’t. I just won for nothing. There are days that stuff just works out.
But for the rest of life—my life, in particular–there are paradoxes. One author, Joseph Heller wrote, “There was only one catch and that was [a] Catch-22.” The Bible is like that when it talks about the first being last, the greatest being a servant, and losing your life in order to save it. One of the things about learning a lot in life is that you find out that you really know nothing.
I’m naturally a little high-strung and impatient, which is just another way to say that I’m an unlikely candidate for the job as a…well, you already know my vocation. (I lock kids in the basement and teach them how to cuss, apparently.) Truth be told, though, who is really prepared for parenthood beforehand? And since giving up isn’t an option—there are the children, after all—the only option for the woman who loves her little ones is to succeed.
Motherhood is a great paradox in that in order to keep going day-after-day, you have to stop. In the loudness, there must be quiet. In the mayhem, there must be order. In the busyness, there must be stillness. Otherwise, the marathon of motherhood seems impossible.
It’s been a long time–four kids since I last had a moment away. But today, for this blessed day, I am alone and it feels good.
From our house, I made my way down the island where it turns into the skinny part on the map. Houses are expensive here because both frontyard and backyard are riverfront. Just a tiny road runs through. Some houses have swimming pools in their front yard, which is uncommon even in Florida. I drove slowly because it was a dark and stormy night, but also because the landscaping seemed worth checking out.
When the island’s causeway took me beachside, I made my way to Wal-Mart for snack food. Nothing can damper a day’s vacation and make a housewife feel like she’s back on duty like a trip to Wal-Mart. So I hurried. From there, I headed to the beach.
It is 75 degrees and breezy. The beaches are deserted and the weather is perfect, even if it is a little ominous. I have no idea why people vacation here in the summer when it is more tolerable now. There must be an internet special or something. It is in the 60’s in the evenings and in the mid-70’s during the day.
All is still except the rhythmic crashing of the ocean’s waves, two surfers in the far distance, and some seagulls overhead in search of a few morsels. It is good. Nobody needs me for the moment, and if I could be so optimistic, nobody is coughing, dripping, spilling, tattling, or crying. For all I know.
But now, it is time for me to head home. I can’t wait. My little ones have fat cheeks, and I am lost without them. My older ones have jokes and pranks and science experiments with too many parts. I hear the insect exhibit has expanded and that the two-year-old commissioned to find the specimens stopped eating them. I was made for this life. Some things go together—like me and them.

48 Comments
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“the only option for the woman who loves her little ones is to succeed. ”
Beautiful, Amy.
Comment by Petersonclan (February 23, 2008 @ 10:12 am )
I know, isn’t that funny.
I feel the same way when I am away from my children. Lovin’ the moment, but achin’ to get back.
Glad you got a break.
Comment by Andrea (February 23, 2008 @ 10:20 am )
I’m enjoying some quiet time right now! My hubby had to work this morning and my daughter is a Gramma’s. I’m really enjoying the silence and being able to sleep in. However, I’m so ready to see them both at lunch!
So glad you got some time alone,Amy.
Comment by Leah (February 23, 2008 @ 10:26 am )
I know how you feel, Amy! I dropped the kids off at my mom’s last night, for two nights, so we can celebrate our anniversary. We only do this about once a year, so it’s a big deal for us. My husband asked me last night if I missed them yet, and I quickly chirped, ‘Nope!’ Then I woke up this morning to a quiet house, and no movement. I can’t say I miss them just yet, but my urge to hug something small and wiggly is just around the corner, I can tell …
Glad you got to have a little refresher by yourself. Makes everything seem that much more wonderful at home, doesn’t it?
~Brea
Comment by Brea in Texas (February 23, 2008 @ 10:35 am )
What a beautiful post. I have always enjoyed taking a couple of hours every now and then to just shop without the kids, but I always, always miss them–even for 2 hours. I love this line: “I was made for this life. Some things go together—like me and them.”
Comment by SmallWorld (February 23, 2008 @ 10:38 am )
Simply encouraged . . . & I don’t even have any kids :]
Comment by tia (February 23, 2008 @ 12:31 pm )
Yes, this post was encouraging. I don’t have kids and eventhough I am the oldest of five and always *knew* I wanted kids, it seems soooo scary to think about starting to have kids! We’re just going to have to jump in there sometime. It’s funny because I have freinds that say the same thing you do about missing kids and right now I just can’t fathom it.
Comment by reagan (February 23, 2008 @ 12:51 pm )
I hope your “day alone” wasn’t actually the day you posted this because it appeared on my computer shortly after noon, and if today is really your “day alone,” then it was awfully short!
I’m assuming you wrote this maybe yesterday and posted it today. Of course, there was the “truck” post yesterday. Hmmmm. Please tell us your “day alone” lasted more than one morning.
Comment by Kelly (February 23, 2008 @ 12:53 pm )
beautiful, Amy! You just make writing beautiful! : ) And the thoughts behind it beautiful! Isn’t it a sweet thing how we need those breaks, but the Lord so graciously gives us that longing to be back where we belong….with those He has created us to be with….to do the job He’s created us to do?? Praise Him!
thankful you got away! And thankful you are getting back home!
Comment by shawnda (February 23, 2008 @ 1:55 pm )
you have no idea how much i needed to read this right now.
well, maybe you did know. thank you.
Comment by Elizabeth (February 23, 2008 @ 3:02 pm )
Time alone at the beach is so healing to me - I just feel like I can think so clearly sitting there by the deep blue sea. I’m truly not just looking for “me time” but an afternoon (a day!?! did you say a whole day!?!) sounds like heaven to me! Any tips on convincing dh w/out nagging?
Comment by Shannon Miller (February 23, 2008 @ 8:27 pm )
I can’t tell you how encouraging it is to hear of another mother who brought intensity and impatience to her work. I was so surprised and disappointed to discover how little I had in common with Ma Ingalls!
Nothing has put me in touch with my sinful nature like mothering. Praise God for daily grace; may we pass it on as freely as it has been given.
Comment by Rebecca (February 23, 2008 @ 9:46 pm )
OK, is it wrong to covet your Florida weather? I mean, give a girl a break… here it is late February and we were told the high today would be sunny and in the 60’s. What actually happened was a horribly cloudy blustery day with a high the barely reached 40… in fact, I’d say it was closer to 17 below, but maybe that’s just me.
Then I come to the computer to read about mid-70 degree days. WAAAAaahhhhh! I think I’ll go back to the sofa in front of the fire and lie there face down until winter.
Actually I loved your post and I love those sweet times, few and far between though they are, when I get to spend some time alone. Precious times! Thank you for reminding me that somewhere in the world it is warmer than the coldest setting on my refrigerator.
Have I ever mentioned that my favorite season is spring?
Comment by Lady Why (February 23, 2008 @ 9:52 pm )
I so enjoyed your post - more so because it gave me a light at the end of our snow tunnel here on in the Northeast. It’s 28 degrees and we have about 8 inches of snow. A 75 degree day with a breeze sounds so lovely - I hope you enjoyed it. I honestly do the same thing. I will whine to my DH that I need a morning off to just get some coffee, window shop and maybe sit at Barnes and Noble and read books I can’t buy but I always end up (1) coming home early, (2) going grocery shopping or something for someone else and (3) buy my coffee along with some munchkins for the kiddies.
Comment by Michelle (February 23, 2008 @ 11:01 pm )
(No wonder the poor soul has his face covered - from shame! :))
Such precious little souls. I was gone to a baby shower today, for 2 1/2 hours, and I MISSED my precious five. Only 2 1/2 hours.
Thanks for your encouraging writing, Amy.
Comment by Sheila (February 23, 2008 @ 11:03 pm )
Beautiful, Amy.
Last post….hilarious.
Comment by Janet (February 23, 2008 @ 11:44 pm )
My husband took all the kids out a while back so that pregnant mommy could get nap. You know what? It was too quiet!! I kept waking up thinking “What’s wrong?” I am not usually so tense, but I needed them there that day just to relax! Go figure. People think we are crazy for wanting to be around our kids all the time. We feel like we would be crazy not to. I really enjoyed this post, thanks, Amy.
Comment by Another Heather (February 24, 2008 @ 9:34 am )
I’m about to spend half a day by myself…without my precious four. What a blessing to have a life that I am eager to go back to, even if I do need to step away and get some perspective from time to time! Thank you for your encouraging thoughts on this!
Comment by Dana (February 24, 2008 @ 9:53 am )
So true…my motto is, “Two hours alone: paradise. Three hours alone: …uh…Paradise Gone.”

At the beginning of some time alone, I feel like I could enjoy it forever. Then…along about 2 1/2 hours…Boy. Sure gets lonely. LOL Fickle lady, I.
Comment by Mrs. H (February 25, 2008 @ 8:52 am )
Ahhh yes…alone time just ain’t what it’s cracked up to be anymore. Hubs and I go out alone (well, with a nursing 7mo old) a few times a month on date nights and while I absolutely LOVE being able to talk to him without interruption, I’m always so glad to walk back through the door. My little girls always run and hug me like I’ve been gone for two weeks! Now that’s job security!
Comment by Michelle (February 25, 2008 @ 3:22 pm )
I’m so happy you got time to yourself. Beautiful post.
My husband wants us to go to the beach in a couple of weeks (not quite as warm here as there) and we’ve only had three weekends away from our child in 8 years, so we really need to BUT…I keep thinking how much our son would enjoy the indoor pool and lazy river at the hotel, and the nearby museum, and collecting seashells and wading in the chilly water. I have to remind myself how important it is to take time for our marriage. I love couple time but I love family time, too.
Comment by Caroline (February 25, 2008 @ 6:27 pm )
Ick and double ick on the relevant church 30 day challenge (in the sidebar.) People are not having s** enough? Do they not live in this world?
Comment by Holly (February 25, 2008 @ 10:10 pm )
I grew up in a wonderful Christian home but it was drilled into me that everyone needs “me time”. It’s been challenging to undo that perspective - I used to feel entitled to a coffee break once a week and get mad when my husband forgot he would have to babysit. Now I’m learning that such attitudes are truly poison, though I do still enjoy time away every now and then when my husband encourages me to go out.
Comment by Amy from SD (February 26, 2008 @ 5:39 pm )
Okay so this is totally unrelated to your current post, but I find your blog absolutly hilarious! Why? Because I have 4 children under 6 with 2 that are 2 and under. I get alot of your jokes.. Your a funny Mama! Just thought I’d share. Because it means something from real people (LoL as real as internet people can be) more than it does from little people who laugh when your chair makes “that noise” with the floor. (Yes, I know honey, the chair needs to poop, now eat your peas.)
Okay and your deep too, but Im enjoying the funny part first. (thpppppt!)
Have a great rest of the week!
Vicki
Joyhomeliving. blogspot.com
Comment by Vicki (February 26, 2008 @ 11:08 pm )
Great Post Amy.
To poster 23. I think it has alot to do with attitude. I’m fortunate to get alone time when my children are at pre-school 2 mornings a week(yes no home school)and while working out at the gym, or monthly date nights with my husband, etc. But I dont’ consider it “ME” time.
It’s time used to be the most productive so I can actually interact with my kids without also trying to do all the other chores around the house. It’s also time to spend with God in prayer, study, etc. It’s time to focus on your marriage - my mother always taught me to not put children above your husband. Yes, they’ll naturally take more time, but you must make time with your husband for your marriage and your children.
I also go on a ladies retreat for a weekend once a year. I miss my children and husband terribly, but I came back a better wife and mother because God was filling my cup so it would overflow to my family.
Just some thoughts to encourage mothers to definitely take “time” for yourselves. It doesn’t have to be selfish, it can actually be beneficial to your family and your Christian walk.
Marie
Comment by Marie (February 27, 2008 @ 12:25 pm )
“I was made for this life”…
I know exactly what you mean!
Comment by keri (February 27, 2008 @ 6:35 pm )
So when do we get to hear what you think about Mark Driscoll’s sermon?????
Comment by Carole (February 28, 2008 @ 4:26 pm )
“Sorry” for letting my blog lie fallow again. I’m saying sorry in quotes because I’m not promising it won’t happen again and again; I’ve got stuff to do. (Trust me, though, I’d rather blog than switch the laundry, but alas.)
….
Anyway.
Carole, I’ve kept up my site for over three years and never typed the word “quiverfull” to my recollection. I thought the ending of the sermon was weak–especially on the pill subject–but otherwise, a few good points to consider. My conscience doesn’t allow for it (the pill), and I think he should’ve spent more time on the subject considering a large majority of Christian women use this as their primary means.
But — I don’t know how to discuss what he said in just a few minutes here. Is anyone interested in me putting up an open thread on the subject?
Now back to the subject at hand:
Carry a white flag around with you all day? Sharpen the kitchen knives slowly and within reach? Er…wait, not that one. OK, how about making the connection that you have MORE ENERGY when you’re rested for “other things”? Now that’s speaking in their language, eh?
Kelly, You are very astute on the timing of that posting. Yes, I wrote it earlier and then posted it later the next day. I actually do that a lot, since I’m often running out of time online. Stuff just waits for another day.
Speaking of, if you’re waiting on an email from me, apparently I’m having sending/receiving problems. I almost cleaned out my inbox last week, but several have mentioned they never got it. Can ya’ll let me know so I can resend it?
Comment by Amy Scott (February 28, 2008 @ 8:25 pm )
What a beautiful post! ~My little boy will be a year old soon and he goes to bed around 8 pm and I stay up until… oh, midnight or so, and I find I always miss him around 10- 11pm… So I go in and look at him sleeping so sweetly and I just wish I could pick him up and hold him— but that of course would wake him up.
Comment by Karen (February 29, 2008 @ 12:14 am )
Hi! I found you through Mommylife and just wanted to say I enjoyed your “Life with 3 under 3″ posts. I have 4 boys ages 4 and under. I loved the laundry tips…going to put some of those to practice immediately. It’s nice to know other mothers sometimes do things unconventionally…and it’s okay.
Comment by Dawn (February 29, 2008 @ 6:56 am )
I would love to hear more about the whole “quiverfull”/birth control topic.
I would love to hear some good biblical arguments on the issue. As opposed to specific issues determining theology (”pregnancy is too hard for me… so birth control” or “using birth control is taking control from God” so no family planning).
Anyway, just putting in my vote to hear your ideas on this.
Thanks! Amy
Comment by Amy H (February 29, 2008 @ 5:03 pm )
Amy,
Will you comment on mark driscoll birth control video from mars hill church please.
Comment by Anonymous (February 29, 2008 @ 11:07 pm )
Oh yeah every time Iget a break from my kiddos (which is rare) I get so excited and as soon as we have been a part just a bit I am ready to get them back. LOL! I am so glad we are homeschooling .
Comment by Tiffany (March 1, 2008 @ 6:42 pm )
My husband was out of town this past week. I haven’t had much computer time, however, next week looks better for me to get some posting in. I will talk about it then. In the meantime, if there is interest in the discussion, I hope people will take an hour to watch the video.
Comment by Amy Scott (March 1, 2008 @ 8:23 pm )
Amy,
The Mark Driscoll video provided two incredibly entertaining exercise sessions for me on my treadmill! The time flew watching/listening to him on my i-pod!!!
I’m putting in a plug for all your readers to listen to it. He addresses legalism as it pertains to birth control and voices concern for the rampant legalism that he sees common to those drawn to homeschooling and/or a quiver full lifestyle. He begins his sermon by establishing basic Christian worldview principles. He then goes on to establish Biblically how birth control is not a sin. His delivery is engaging and even humorous at times and he makes many excellent points. Being a polite southern girl, I will admit that while I laughed out loud at his brashness, I didn’t always agree with it. I also didn’t agree with everything he said. However, I appreciate immensely his willingness to think through such important matters and share in detail how he Biblically can support his position. I can’t wait for my husband to listen to it. It’s what he thinks that matters most to me!
Comment by Tina (March 2, 2008 @ 12:13 am )
What a sweet post.
My husband has given me a couple of hours to go out this past week, but I totally missed my two daughters while away. You described my feelings beautifully 
Comment by Shannon (March 2, 2008 @ 1:02 pm )
Amy, I am in the midst of bad morning sickness so I will try the bean thing today and tomorrow and let you know how it goes. I’m always a skeptic, but I’ll try anything!!
I’m also interested in seeing a discussion on the points of Mark Driscoll’s sermon, particularly as my husband and I were members of Mars Hill since almost it’s beginnings until recently; we have moved too far away and got tired of the commute and have joined a smaller sister church in our new community. One thing I would like to note on the other side of the coin is that Mark and the other elders at MH have always encouraged their members not to have a “birth control mentality”, as the rest of Seattle does (Seattle is right after San Francisco in terms of proportional childlessness). By “birth control mentality” I mean making the assumption that one should not have more than the “allotted” 2.0 children., which is generally the opinion of most people around here. In fact, MH has gained a reputation in Seattle for being a church of “baby machines” (in the negative jargon of our news media here). That said, I think perhaps there is a tendency among some individuals to force their conscience on others, and that simply amounts to legalism, which is of course the point he addresses in the sermon. My personal radar always goes up when I hear someone seem to be making the case that if you’re not “qf-minded” then you aren’t trusting in the Lord. That to me, is really just saying “I’m more faithful than you.”
Oh yeah, and on a personal note…my husband and I planned to have 2.0 kids and then get “fixed”, not for physical or financial reasons but just because that’s what you do here. Why have more? The elders MH simply exhorted the congregation to search the scriptures to see they say about family and children and blessing and follow our conscience and the Lord’s leading. For us it has led to four beautiful children and one on the way.
Sara
Comment by Sara (March 2, 2008 @ 1:22 pm )
Oh yeah, and one point Driscoll made that I didn’t agree with. He said that the logical end of “qf” thinking is that you’re in sin if you are unable to have kids. That’s not true, because the “qf” people I’ve talked to see it as a heart issue and would say that you can be childless or have one or two children and still be “quiverfull-minded”. They would say it’s not how many children you have it’s where your heart is at.
Comment by Sara (March 2, 2008 @ 1:30 pm )
Love your new header! Can’t wait for a taste of some of those fresh garden things!
Comment by Sharon (March 2, 2008 @ 3:42 pm )
I would love to listen to the sermon, but I can’t get it to download. So a summary PLUS comments would be great if you have time!
Comment by Ginny (March 2, 2008 @ 3:52 pm )
Love the new header!
Comment by Jeana (March 2, 2008 @ 3:58 pm )
I can’t believe what I’m reading about the Mark Driscoll video. It left a very bad feeling in my heart for some reason, can’t quite put my finger on it. It really saddens me to hear the subtle digs at homescooling as well. I didn’t realize that commands from God can be viewed as liberties. I don’t know, maybe I’m just too sensitive. Really confused by the comments on this one.
Comment by donna (March 3, 2008 @ 8:40 am )
Please, let me chime in…love the new header, Amy!
Thanks for a great post, and also the link to the Mark Driscoll sermon.
Comment by Lynne (March 3, 2008 @ 8:52 am )
Amy,
I’m into my 15th week of pregnancy and as soon as it stops snowing here today I’m hitting the store to buy some beans. Phenergan hasn’t helped me this time as it has in the past. I’ll try anything–thanks for the lead!
Comment by Jennifer (March 3, 2008 @ 8:59 am )
comment #42,
After reading your comment I felt I should clarify my above post (#35). I am a homeschooling mother to 6 children. We are a family deeply committed to home education and we are adamantly pro-life! We have read every book out there by the authors Driscoll mentions in his sermon. So, on a personal note, I was very sensitive to the “digs” in his sermon. However, I could totally see where he was coming from. I’ve seen how the issues of birth control and/or home education have divided churches. I know families who are very legalistic with these subjects. It was to this group Driscoll was speaking. I don’t think he has a problem with homeschooling or large families (He has 5 children!). He simply speaks against legalism as it pertains to birth control, and he speaks as I said above, with a brashness that gets your attention!
Comment by Tina (March 3, 2008 @ 9:38 am )
Donna, I can see how it might have come across as Driscoll picking on homeschoolers, but as a member of Mars Hill for more than ten years, I can assure you that many (if not most) of Mars Hill’s families homeschool and always have…in fact many of the long-standing deacons and elders homeschool. I think the reason he singled out homeschool groups in this particular sermon is that you don’t tend to find this particular issue (birth control) so strongly hmmm….felt, among public or private school families.
Comment by Sara (March 3, 2008 @ 10:51 am )
Just read the article on the beans…I can’t say it won’t work, but I’m a pregnant diabetic (with high cholesterol this time to boot) and ate alot of beans (pinto, black, navy, etc.) during my first trimester this time…didn’t notice any difference in the morning sickness. Was sick as a dog. As usual. But to those who are still walking through morning sickness…try anything and everything (given it’s safe)…you just never know!
Comment by Ginny (March 3, 2008 @ 10:51 am )
love the new look!
blessings, Penny Raine
http://www.pennyraine.com/blog
Comment by Penny Raine (March 3, 2008 @ 12:16 pm )