The cost of obedience
Wednesday, Apr 2, 2008
There was a little “issue” today when I put the two-year-old down for a nap. Walking downstairs after the drama, I thought, “Why can’t you see that things will go well for you if you obey?” It’s so simple. Why not just obey and reap the reward here?
I often equate Christians with two-year-olds, not because I’m hypercritical or can’t think up another example but because it is true. We want what we want and we want it now. And if we do a good deed, we want an M & M. I know this because I know me. My view of God used to be pretty simplistic. I thought if I obeyed Him, like a toddler getting a piece of candy for potty training, things would go well for me. If I did right, right would come my way. I’d be in good with God and so my team would always win—or something like that.
We should, of course, obey God. God does promise ultimate blessing for those who love and fear Him. But what we shouldn’t expect is immediate reward. There is a cost to obedience, after all. Some costs are bigger than others –like when Christ laid down His life for us—and if we are not able to obey Him in the little things, how will we obey Him when the cost is great?
Elisabeth Elliot talks about this cost in Asking God Why. Speaking of missionary Amy Carmichael, she writes, “Loneliness was one of those disciplines. How–the modern young person always wants to know–did she ‘handle’ it? Amy Carmichael would not have had the slightest idea what the questioner was talking about. ‘Handle’ loneliness? Why, it was part of the cost of obedience, of course. Everybody is lonely in some way, the single in one way, the married in another; the missionary in certain obvious ways, the schoolteacher, the mother, the bank teller in others.”
I like her attitude. She dealt with the cards she was played and didn’t expect a pat on the back. This is a weak spot for me.
In our house, justice often prevails. Two-year-olds get goodies for good deeds. But we are not two-year-olds, we are grown children of God, and so, we must work for a reward that is not immediately apparent. We keep our word to our own hurt. We do not look for technical loopholes to profit from. We obey the law even when others don’t. That is part of being an adult and not a child. Sometimes there’s no treats. We have a future hope far better than any immediately gratifying thing.
41 Comments
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I can really relate to this view of God (meaning the two-year-old version). Thanks for the insight.
Comment by Molly (April 2, 2008 @ 3:34 pm )
I’m learning that it’s OKAY to reward my kids. For some reason I’ve always thought they ought to do something just because it’s right. And they should. And I should. BUT even God doesn’t expect us to be motivated that way and hence the promised glories of heaven. (Can you tell I’ve been listening to Piper lately?)
Comment by Amy from SD (April 2, 2008 @ 3:37 pm )
But I still wouldn’t mind a few jellybeans thrown my way, occasionally…
Comment by suburbancorrespondent (April 2, 2008 @ 5:41 pm )
Thanks for your thoughts on this. I know I’ve learned so much about God from my 2 year old
Comment by Lorri (April 2, 2008 @ 5:57 pm )
Speaking of people who acted like two year olds when they didn’t get their way, we just studied King Ahab in our ladies’ Bible study! Particularly striking was how he sulked and pouted when Naboth wouldn’t give him his vineyard (1 Kings 21). It’s easy to criticize Ahab, but if one starts to dig deep while studying him, one often finds a mirror in one’s face.
It IS human nature to want our own way. When we are two, we just go for it. When we grow up, we try more devious methods of getting what we want. The wise person is able to first recognize and then control these selfish impulses.
When I was a little younger than you, I was mad at God because I had “done everything right” and yet I was lonely, living in a community and a house that I hated, far from family and economically challenged. “Why?” I said to God, shaking my stupid, puny little fist in His awesome Face, “Why do I have to count pennies to buy milk for my children while other people my age work, use daycare and formula, and have designer nurseries and trips to Disney every winter?”
Amazingly, He was patient with me. He didn’t help with the heat bill or provided respite care so I could have a date with my husband, but He did lead me to His Word. During the worst two years of my life, I read the Bible through from cover to cover. Nobody better even try to tell me that wasn’t the powerful hand of God in every way. I know for a fact it had nothing to do with my own wicked heart. But it was a healing balm.
One day, still mad at Him, I was reading in Psalms. I said, “Yeah, I know it’s all going to be all right in heaven. I know that. But it’s miserable here, now, and some days I just feel like I can’t wait for heaven.” I was just reading through, about 4-5 chapters a day. That day I came to Psalm 27, and the verses at the end literally jumped off the page at me: “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”
He does give us “jellybeans”–just maybe not exactly the ones we were thinking of.
Comment by ruth (April 2, 2008 @ 6:18 pm )
I think it is so easy to get caught up in that concept of getting something for obedience, particularily in our society, our culture… it tends to be all about me. But think of all the persecuted Christians past and present. Maybe if we didn’t have so much, if we didn’t live in such a materialistic country, we would have an easier time seeing what we are really here for. But then again, think of the Israelits wondering around the desert wanting an instant home due to their obedience in following Moses out of Egypt… maybe it is just human nature!
Great post–lots to think about!
Comment by Pam (April 2, 2008 @ 7:00 pm )
Speaking of people who acted like two year olds when they didn’t get their way, we just studied King Ahab in our ladies’ Bible study! Particularly striking was how he sulked and pouted when Naboth wouldn’t give him his vineyard (1 Kings 21). It’s easy to criticize Ahab, but if one starts to dig deep while studying him, one often finds a mirror in one’s face.
It IS human nature to want our own way. When we are two, we just go for it. When we grow up, we try more devious methods of getting what we want. The wise person is able to first recognize and then control these selfish impulses.
When I was a little younger than you, I was mad at God because I had “done everything right” and yet I was lonely, living in a community and a house that I hated, far from family and economically challenged. “Why?” I said to God, shaking my stupid, puny little fist in His awesome Face, “Why do I have to count pennies to buy milk for my children while other people my age work, use daycare and formula, and have designer nurseries and trips to Disney every winter?”
Amazingly, He was patient with me. He didn’t help with the heat bill or provided respite care so I could have a date with my husband, but He did lead me to His Word. During the worst two years of my life, I read the Bible through from cover to cover. Nobody better even try to tell me that wasn’t the powerful hand of God in every way. I know for a fact it had nothing to do with my own wicked heart. But it was a healing balm.
One day, still mad at Him, I was reading in Psalms. I said, “Yeah, I know it’s all going to be all right in heaven. I know that. But it’s miserable here, now, and some days I just feel like I can’t wait for heaven.” I was just reading through, about 4-5 chapters a day. That day I came to Psalm 27, and the verses at the end literally jumped off the page at me: “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”
He does give us “jellybeans”–just maybe not exactly the flavor we were thinking of.
Comment by ruth (April 2, 2008 @ 9:13 pm )
I often think that people who don’t have children miss so much, because I have learned so much about God and myself through them. I can’t tell you how many times I have shaken my head over a toddler’s behavior and, as soon as I mentally enunciate the problem, God laughs and whispers, “Bingo!” as I instantly recognize myself in the same description.
Comment by Marian (April 2, 2008 @ 9:31 pm )
Great analogy. It is so easy to fall into the obey and be rewarded Now! state of mind. I also akin my relationship with my 2 young childen and my relationship with God. It seems like they are continuously testing me and disobeying, and yet my love for them never is undending. That gives me reassurance of God’s love because I know I test and disobey him and sometimes wonder how disappointed in me he must be and yet his love is unending.
P.S. There’s alot of drama with my 2 year old too at naptime.
Comment by Marie (April 2, 2008 @ 9:44 pm )
maybe i’m a whacko, but i’ve never rewarded my toddlers’ obedience with sweets. i think that using food (esp. sugary food) as an incentive or reward fosters bad eating habits.
eventually, the child’s brain will associate good behavior with sugary treats. that’s not a habit i want to create.
can you pick the most obedient child from the line-up? that’s easy. it’s the fatty! lol.
Comment by Elizabeth Esther (April 2, 2008 @ 10:12 pm )
so HG is just part of my cost of obedience? Can’t someone else pay next time? ;0)
Comment by Lyn (April 2, 2008 @ 10:18 pm )
Elizabeth,
Comment by Amy Scott (April 2, 2008 @ 10:30 pm )
Boy, do I need an attitude adjustment more than an M&M!
Thanks for the food for thought, Amy.
Comment by Marsha (April 2, 2008 @ 10:49 pm )
This is so funny to me that you posted this today. Just today I have had a three day battle with my two year old that ended with me yelling at her that if she would just obey me, because God said I was in charge, that things would go well for her. She, however, often thinks she is right and will go through with something, even when I tell her not to, because she feels she is so right that she will win in the end. This causes my whole day, sometimes weeks to stop and I cannot do anything but discipline her. I cannot give her the gifts I was going to, cannot give her the trips we were going to do and I am stressed and tired.
Funny, but when my DH and I were shopping not to long ago he wanted to go to a bunch of stores to get matching fabric for this one small bolt for me to make curtains. I loved it, but when things didn’t work out right away I gave up and just wanted the room done then and there. I wanted to buy pre made curtains then and there and be done with it. I argued long and hard and began getting really mad. I decided I wouldn’t even help by calling around to get the fabric because I just knew I was right and that if I held out long enough he would see it and I would win……
Yeah, you get the picture…just like my two year old.
Amazing! God smacked me over the head with the fact that I don’t obey my DH, so why should my DD obey me when that was not what I was modeling for her. Also, what if my DH decides to act this way with Christ, his Head? What if Jesus had decided the cross was all to much and he knew a better way and rebelled against his Head.
The Gospel is best preached to our children by the way we live.
Eating humble pie with a shovel,
Many Blessings
Ace
Comment by Ace (April 2, 2008 @ 10:53 pm )
What I like best about this post is the Amy Carmichael reference.
There is a cost to obedience!
Why should we deserve *anything* anyway?
Love this.
Comment by Andrea (April 2, 2008 @ 10:55 pm )
The only way I have found to have happiness and peace in this life of serving five children and a husband, is to remind myself that I’m doing it for Christ. I thought of that tonight as I was making my husband’s lunch to take to work tomorrow: it is the Lord I am serving. I can get the most discouraged when, after I finally have all the kids in bed, I still have so, so much work to, right up until the time I fall into bed sometimes. If I’m looking for thanks and rewards, I’m setting myself up for disappointment. If I serve expecting no immediate rewards but with Christ’s approval in mind, I can have peace and actually serve joyfully.
I’m all about Potty training and M&M’s! That way, not only do they learn to use the potty, they also learn their colors!

Comment by Leslie (April 2, 2008 @ 11:34 pm )
What about the very common-to-me feeling that since I love the Lord, and have lived in his grace for so long, that suffering will not come? That somehow I don’t deserve THIS? A bit of the prosperity gospel, the me-generation world-view slipping in, until God in his mercy allows suffering to bring us back to his Word, and then we see it everywhere—there is a cost to obedience, and if Christ suffered, how can we expect to not follow in his steps?
Comment by Mrs. MK (April 3, 2008 @ 12:14 am )
Thanks, Amy! There are so many if-then statements in the Bible. If you obey then…. So when we don’t immediately see the results of obedience is when it’s important to trust God’s heart. God is incapable of not keeping his promises. It will happen. Maybe not when we think it should. But it will. As I get older, I’m more and more convinced of God’s faithfulness.
Comment by Maria (April 3, 2008 @ 12:40 am )
“:) Treats don’t always mean sweets, but I always always potty train with candy–skittles or M & M’s.”
AMEN!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”
Ruth, thank you! My heart has been aching, aching, aching about many things lately and as I’ve been trying to turn my burdens over to the Lord, He keeps sweetly showing me this verse. I keep seeing it or being told it by others every time I turn around. He has shown it to me TWICE today alone!: Once during Bible Time with my younguns and again just now in Ruth’s comment.
Only minutes ago I was lying in bed praying (and aching some more). I’d finally fallen asleep when I was reawakened by a crying child. Instead of returning immediately to bed after getting him tucked back in, I checked my email to see if a friend replied to an earlier message. Yes, my friend replied, but far more important, my CREATOR replied to the messages of my pillow prayers (by way of Ruth’s comment)!
I’m thankful for the way God used my crying child, a God-fearing blogger and an honest commenter to fortify my heart this late evening.
Love,
Ruthanne
Comment by Ruthanne (April 3, 2008 @ 1:09 am )
(P.S. God bless you, Kaleb, Amy and Ruth.)
Comment by Ruthanne (April 3, 2008 @ 1:24 am )
As always, truthful and most opportune. You really bless my heart Amy.. (and “discipline” it as well.
Comment by Vicki (April 3, 2008 @ 10:45 am )
Loved this post. Thanks!
Comment by Pam (April 3, 2008 @ 2:35 pm )
John’s business is struggling, our school year is challenging and our church is limping. I am trying to remain faithful, realizing the truth that not all promises are immediate. I prayed last night for encouragement and where do I find it? God sent it through Amy, again…
Thanks, sister.
BTW, we are in FL again but this time on the gulf coast.
Comment by Diane Gorjanc (April 3, 2008 @ 5:30 pm )
This is something I’m reminded that I need to work on…I tend to think if I’m not “happy” I’m not doing the right thing. But often the right thing isn’t euphoria-inducing (although the alternative would be depression-inducing, I know).
Maybe this doesn’t make sense. I guess I’m thinking through this right now and how from the outside, when I’m talking to a friend, it’s so easy to think, “Do the right thing!” Yet how often, in my own life, do I do the opposite…
Comment by Jessica (April 4, 2008 @ 1:36 am )
Amy,
Thanks for your encouraging insights. As Christians we have bought off on the idea that we must prosper (especially if we do it right).
There are rewards for obedience and somehow we have gotten it all wrong. Rewards like peace, trust, faith, growth, love, patience, and so much more are not tangible enough for us today. We have to touch, taste, and experience our rewards, or they are none.
I am reminded of all those great saints in Hebrews 11 who never saw their rewards in their lifetime (Hebrews 11:39-40) but are still waiting to be rewarded with us when we finally get there.
What a day that will be! What an example to follow!
Thanks again,
Heidi in WI
Comment by Heidi (April 4, 2008 @ 7:38 am )
i lughed out loud, i just couldn’t help it.. the thing about the m&m’s!
you have a good way of putting the serious with the funny. maybe it makes it easier to take?
well done.
ruth
Comment by ruth maccarthaigh (April 4, 2008 @ 8:32 am )
Interestingly enough, my son at almost 9, is more difficult to handle than when he was an infant or toddler. Yesterday I caught myself saying, “Why won’t you just obey?” and “If you did what you are supposed to do when you are supposed to do it, life would be so much easier!”
That’s when God thumped me on the head and I had my “A-ha!” moment. God asks me those very questions every day as I dawdle, play, ignore, procrastinate, do things my way and downright disobey! What a wonderful gift He has given us in our children, that we might better understand our relationship with Him!
Comment by Caroline (April 4, 2008 @ 9:11 am )
One of the harder things for me to learn has been that often the “right” thing is the hardest thing to do. Sounds simple, but I guess I was with you on thinking that if I obeyed I’d be blessed. It’s that heavenly reward that we are waiting for. I want my kids to obey out of love, but I also want them experience the rewards of obedience. I’m working on praising them for their character, rather than using tangible “treats”.
LOVE the EE book - Asking God Why. I also like “Discipline the Glad Surrender”. Need to get that out and read it again! Everything she’s written is wonderful.
Thanks for the post!
Comment by Mrs. Troop (April 4, 2008 @ 10:55 am )
Absolutely! Great post, Amy. While the Lord richly rewards those who love and obey him in heaven, I find myself looking for M&Ms here all the time.
But since you brought it up…
I agree with the method (what could be more motivating than M&Ms?!?), but *when* do you potty-train? I’m still a whippersnapper around here, and only on #1, who is 19-months old right now. #2 is coming right around when #1 turns 2, so I was hoping to potty-training early this summer (around 21 months). I’ve gotten mixed reviews about this plan…am I crazy?
Comment by Lisa (April 4, 2008 @ 3:01 pm )
I love Elizabeth Esther’s last comment! Maybe that’s why my kids are extremely skinny……
Comment by Valerie (April 4, 2008 @ 6:09 pm )
Great Post. I must be doing something wrong because I get the most whining out of my 5 1/2 year old then from my 2 year old. But I definitely do hear my voice in his. The “WHYYYYYYYY”, to simple requests from God. Years ago after a friend betrayed me in the worst way possible, I walked past her house and saw a new car, a new boat, and HUGE big screen tv - it just seemed so unfair after all she had done to see her prosper. Fortunately, I am older and wiser in some areas now.
Comment by Colleen (April 4, 2008 @ 8:37 pm )
That is a great post! I definitely agree! I’m a pastor’s wife, so I see adults acting like “2 year olds” quite a lot…and sometimes, I do it too! But yes, we are grown-ups and we should not need a treat every time we do something right.
(By the way, my friend Krista told me about your blog so I thought I’d check it out…and it is great, just like she said!)
Comment by Andrea (April 4, 2008 @ 9:14 pm )
thanks, Valerie!
i guess it’s one of those things with me—so long is it’s in my power to do so, i will not allow my kids to be fatties.
Comment by Elizabeth Esther (April 5, 2008 @ 10:23 pm )
“we must work for a reward that is not immediately apparent. ”
“We have a future hope far better than any immediately gratifying thing.”
Beautifully stated!
Comment by darnelle (April 6, 2008 @ 10:26 am )
[...] and Ends 4/7 Posted on April 7, 2008 by lisaschef A great article on the Cost of Obedience from a wife and mother who [...]
Pingback by Odds and Ends 4/7 « Shiny Pretzels (April 7, 2008 @ 1:57 pm )
Absolutely!! I agree with this post :::clapping::: I also want to add, that we, as adults, may not get *Rewards* so to speak for doing what we are suppossed too–I have to say having piece of mind when I go to sleep is a reward in its self
For me anyway.
This was a great post!
Julieann
http://juliean-mylife.blogspot.com/
Comment by Julieann (April 7, 2008 @ 5:02 pm )
Goodness, I could have written this post myself. Seems like I always throw some kind of fit of self-pity if things aren’t going “perfectly.” “God must hate me” seems to be a recurring thought during the trying times. Ouch. Yeah. Time to grow up, Kelly.
Comment by Kelly (April 8, 2008 @ 3:12 pm )
Well said. Often we follow God only because it’s easy. But when it’s not easy, should we give up and say, “where is God?” That’s not really faith, then, is it?
Comment by Michael (April 8, 2008 @ 11:08 pm )
[...] Yesterday, I had read an excellent insight from Elizabeth Elliott from Amy Scott’s blog about “the cost of obedience“: [...]
Pingback by Musings of the Dings » Why So Downcast, O My Soul? (April 9, 2008 @ 12:13 am )
You should potty train when both you and baby are ready for it. Starting too early causes more grief than gladness, but if you and baby are ready for it (google “potty training readiness” or something similar), go for it.
I do not consider potty training the hill to die on. Keep that in mind if it becomes a power struggle or some other heartburn inducing thing. It is not a moral issue (heh, unless they’re in kindergarten or something…), just like when you switch them from bottle to cup or whatever thing moms like to fight about nowadays.
Comment by Amy Scott (April 9, 2008 @ 12:08 pm )
Great perspective! God often reminds me that I act like my 2 year old.
Comment by Sarah (April 9, 2008 @ 3:13 pm )