Why you might not want to do rentals: No tip today, just a story
Saturday, Apr 26, 2008
After the first month of owning rental units, the next few years would prove to be routine. Our work had its share of drama and heartburn, but nothing out of the usual. Tenants fought one another, we had several more evictions, a stack of judgments we were never able to collect upon, a squatter in the basement that used the oven as heat, and the usual monthly $1,000 gas bill in the winter for one of the houses. That house is heated by a boiler. It is quite the sight as its smoke and steam belches out rhythmic puffs in honor to the gods. When our property manager saw it for the first time, he thought he was supposed to bow down and worship it. We think the thing is heretical too.
Prices began to rise in the area, and we decided it was time to move on. We were breaking even on paper, but only if we considered our time as free. We put the two houses on the market. We entered into a lease purchase agreement with a buyer, but right when we thought our troubles were over, that’s when things really went downhill.
The buyer took possession of all the units but decided not to pay. Greg and I were at odds during the legal process. He wanted to turn the other cheek while I wanted to fight for revenge and justice. It was painful for us to submit to the legal process and to get along when we had different ideas on how to approach the situation. It’s not like someone was taking a few months of free rent, as we were already used to; it was so much bigger than that. In the end, we walked away from a five figure judgment (seven, if you are counting the change too) in exchange for our keys, which of course, belonged to us already. I was pushing the issue on principle. The feelings on my part went far beyond the money, though truthfully, I like money far more than I should.
There were a lot of words and anger on my part. It was often projected onto Greg unjustly. When it was over, Greg asked the defendant why he was doing this to us. He smirked and replied, “It’s just business.” But it was incredibly personal to me.
From Contentment: A Godly Woman’s Adornment (HT: Challies) comes these thoughts on being right, contentment, and getting your own way. Read it slowly:
We will never know contentment in Christ if we seek him as a divine referee, however unfairly we may have been treated. His work in our lives is not about making sure we get the maximum benefits in the here and now, even when we are entitled to those benefits. In fact, real contentment often comes when we willingly embrace the loss of them.
The second thing Jesus does is reveal the spirit of covetousness that underlies most of our prayers about obtaining our share. […] We will never find contentment—freedom from that angry feeling of unfairness—by getting the things that are rightfully ours. We will find it by letting go of our entitlement to them.
When I was thinking about telling this story, I planned to tell you in detail about how right I was, but in the end, I chose to tell you how wrong I am. It’s not something I’ve overcome; it seems I find myself fighting daily the need for justice in everything from headline crime to a stolen parking spot. Sometimes it’s not about winning, but about letting go.
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Ouch! OK, this part of the story is painful. If it’s this painful for me to read I can only imagine how painful it is for y’all to live.
I’m so with you on the revenge and justice and all that jazz. Reading your quote on contentment caused my toes to ache as they were being firmly stood upon. Ouch, again.
Comment by Lady Why (April 26, 2008 @ 10:11 pm )
Oh, and is it wrong for me to hope that guy gets what he deserves?
Comment by Lady Why (April 26, 2008 @ 10:12 pm )
Lady Why,
Would the better question be, “Do I want to get what I deserve?”
You know, I’m the good sinner, and the bad people are the bad sinners. I can’t stop thinking this…
Related: I’m Not That Kind of Sinner, Am I?
Comment by Amy Scott (April 26, 2008 @ 10:30 pm )
I really like your quote from , Contentment: A Godly Woman’s Adornment, may I borrow it?
I have read some on contentment, but this really puts it into perspective, you know? Isn’t that what Job did when he lost everything?
God’s ways are so hard to understand, but you are already learning lessons that He has for you through this situation. Hope you are blessed beyond your expectations after this trial, just as Job was.
Blessings,
Theresa
Comment by Theresa (April 26, 2008 @ 11:04 pm )
Ouch, again! My toes are taking a beating on your blog tonight! But, that’s why I love you and your blog.
Great article! Even if it certainly doesn’t apply to me.
Comment by Lady Why (April 26, 2008 @ 11:32 pm )
Excellent reminder.
Thank you.
My mom just gave me a quote the other day (can’t remember who said it),
“Oh the JOY of a trial accepted!”
Been thinking of it ever since.
Whew.
Kind of like willingly embracing loss, isn’t it?
Comment by Mrs. Troop (April 27, 2008 @ 12:00 am )
Wow, that’s big!
When we sold our last house (private party, neighbor’s son, all lined up smooth) the man we were selling to tried to weasel an additional $3000 out of us in closing costs at signing. We were ready to walk out because we just weren’t desperate, we had already given him a good deal. He called to make it “all right”. In the end when looking at the numbers he had squeezed an extra $1000 out of us. Yes, I know so small in comparison to your experience, but I stewed on that for quite sometime (while my husband was more forgiving, and hoped our character would be a witness to this man and his Mom). Like you said, it felt so incredibly personal. WHY would he do this to me?” But it just seemed to be his way of business. Sad really.
My husband and I were just talking about this verse today.
1 Peter 3:17 “For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.”
Comment by Roberta (April 27, 2008 @ 5:35 am )
Isn’t it true that our strengths are the very things that become our weaknesses? Your desire for justice is a God-given quality and probably one of the strengths of your personality, yet it is the very thing that you are asked by God to die to,daily. Hard to do! Your honesty is, as always, encouraging.
Comment by Catherine McLennan (April 27, 2008 @ 7:10 am )
Amy,
Thank you so much for sharing this series. I have read it with great interest. I think that the thing I have learned is that I am not cut out for being a landlord. I think my sense of justice is up there with yours but I don’t think I could let it go. It would be the downfall of me.
I love the contentment quote too. I know I need to take more focus away from what I have or deserve and put my focus on Christ. This is very hard to do sometimes but none the less, I must. He must increase, I must decrease.
Thanks again for the series. I truly appreciate you sharing your lives like this.
Comment by Mrs. Damian Garcia (April 27, 2008 @ 9:59 am )
Oh, how I feel for you. And what great perspective you have gathered on contentment. I too, though struggle with the urge to see justice in everything, sometimes more for other’s sake than for mine. I have to bite my tongue sometimes to not shout at someone and say “Miss, you just cut in front of that man in line” And other times it’s so hard to listen to the stories of Christians being persecuted for their beliefs. i.e. children failing a college class for taking a stance for their faith, etc.
Comment by Marie (April 27, 2008 @ 3:28 pm )
Amy,
My husband is the same way. I’m passionate and want “justice”–for others, you understand. When I stop to think, though, I’m so happy that God doesn’t mete out justice to me.
Sometimes, Gene and I have sparred over how something should be handled. I tend to be impulsive and impetuous, but, ultimately, I submit and we go with his plan. I always want to take action while he’s more laid back about it. So.many.times.he has saved my tail by his more measured approach.
It used to be that I was passionate about everything (Gene often warned me to pick my battles), but as I’ve gotten older, my mantra has turned from, “That is so not right. I need to take action!” to “That is so not right, but I’m tired and I’m going to bed.” Being a crusader is a tiring gig.
Cathy
Comment by Cathy (April 27, 2008 @ 4:29 pm )
The most difficult spiritual lessons I’ve learned involved personal justice. I’ve begun to recognize the thought, “I have a right to…” as a big red flag.
Comment by CR (April 27, 2008 @ 4:53 pm )
Amy.
I can truthfully relate to you in this, as well.
This year - one of our hardest EVER, we lost five digits worth of money on a house, that we IN GOOD FAITH were trying to help a couple buy (from us.) We had floated them a loan which they were supposed to roll over and pay…okay…this is too long to explain here.
Just suffice it to say…I feel your pain. Really.
And our husbands are very, very much alike. (Greg probably believes that God works it all out in the end, that it is for our edification, etc….?) I believe that, too…I just feel the need to kick against the goads along the way. I’m so thankful for that guy of mine - He tempers my…temper.
Comment by Holly (April 27, 2008 @ 9:53 pm )
Can’t you at least say “justice and revenge” instead of “revenge and justice”?
One of our friends has a saying, “Life has been so much easier since I gave up.” Sometimes that comes to me at an opportune moment.
Comment by ruth (April 27, 2008 @ 10:28 pm )
Oh, Amy, I had no idea it was so much! Loss and letting go is so hard. And it can take so many forms. I am so glad my husband usually has the more measured approach and keeps us out of too much trouble, too.
The Lord is still near.
Comment by Another Heather (April 27, 2008 @ 10:57 pm )
I learned this lesson years ago. Although it is something that I have to relearn over and over again. I had a friend betray me in the worst possible way. For over a year I had struggled over and over with forgiving her. A few friends and I were talking about betrayal and forgiveness and less than a week later this ex-friend emailed me with what could only be described as her idea of an apology. It wasn’t in the true sense of the word but it did seem as if from God coming on the heels of my recent discussions.
I sat down to write an apology. The first one I wrote took a long time and was filled with all the pent-up words I had inside me of how I felt about her and what I thought of her actions. When I was done I felt horrible - my muscles were tight, my heart stressed, stomach in knots and my blood pressure through the roof. I was emotionally drained. But worse I was physically killing myself.
Then I wrote a second letter. It was short and to the point. I thanked her for writing, told her it was from God, and said I forgave her. I felt such release from that letter. It was easy and it felt good to my body. I didn’t hurt from it. I signed that letter and sent it. No one ever saw the first one and I deleted it immediately.
Holding on is the hard, painful part. Forgiving and giving up my “right to” (as someone else said) is actually the easier thing to do.
Comment by Colleen (April 28, 2008 @ 1:52 am )
Hi Amy! Fellow landlord w/ scaringly similar experiences here
Too bad . . . I spent many nights thinking “why” is this happening when we are actually trying to be nice and help them (5 sets of tenants at different periods and houses) and “when” will this end so we can to return to our prior-unappreciated-seemingly-stress-free life we once lived
We have since completely turned over all of our failure destined long-term rentals to fairly successful short-term rentals (weekly, daily) after repairing all of the damage, paying to haul abandoned belongings, swallowing all of the lost rent and utilities (tens of thousands) and repainting the brightest dark purple walls you have ever seen, a neutral color (like we had done just before they moved in), oh and replacing all the windows, among many other things
With each case we were told “by authorities” that we would never get anywhere w/these tenants that literally had no money. So we took it as a harsh lesson or two (that could have been worse, right?) that we needed to learn. I had to change the way I viewed these “tenants” before I could move on (though I’m beginning to feel nauseous right now :-). Realizing that they had been living this sort of deceptive/destructive lifestyle for most if not all of their lives (later found out) and that I needed to be more appreciative of the work God has done in my soul–which has altered the course of my life and eternity. Did I mention one of the tenants was a prior missionary? 
Love,
Cindy
Comment by Cindy S (April 28, 2008 @ 9:45 am )
[...] On April 28, 2008 some time around 6:35 pm-ish Sometimes it’s not about winning, but about letting go. [...]
Pingback by I should do more of this, how ’bout you?: (April 28, 2008 @ 8:35 pm )
Amy, Have read your blog on and off for a while, but never commented. Just wanted to let you know that your writing here really spoke to me. You encouraged me to make a situation right that I hadn’t even realized was wrong until now. Thank you for your honesty and humble sharing. Looking forward to reading more!
-Faith
Comment by Anonymous (April 29, 2008 @ 12:39 am )
Amy, Have read your blog on and off for a while, but never commented. Just wanted to let you know that your writing here really spoke to me. You encouraged me to make a situation right that I hadn’t even realized was wrong until now. Thank you for your honesty and humble sharing. Looking forward to reading more!
-Faith
(sorry if this goes through twice - forgot to fill in the name etc!)
Comment by Faith Alterton (April 29, 2008 @ 12:41 am )
Thanks so much.
I really enjoy your writing.
Bless you for reminding me to accept and learn and shut-up about justice being served to me!
Really, God used your wisdom in a profound way today, thank you for that!
Comment by Sumer (April 29, 2008 @ 11:39 am )
I am so sorry this whole thing happened! and yet I *needed* this lesson today and am thankful you shared it. God bless y’all! (((((HUGS))))) sandi
Comment by (((((HUGS))))) sandi (April 30, 2008 @ 2:44 am )
I take, O cross, thy shadow for my abiding place;
I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face;
Content to let the world go by to know no gain or loss,
My sinful self my only shame, my glory all the cross.
Comment by Amy Scott (April 30, 2008 @ 1:08 pm )
So many times, I see myself in you and in your situations and I’m thankful that you share your challenges because it is comfort for me in some hard lessons of life.
Comment by Lela (April 30, 2008 @ 2:32 pm )
This is the type of situations where my husband and I come to odds. A lot. Honestly I believe the main problem is that the men are too lazy to deal with it. He will say to me “it’s just easier to let it go”. Yes, it is easier I guess if you are too stinking lazy to pursue it, but we have enough financial trouble and you are adding to it by being lazy. The thing, in the work arena, my husband is NOT lazy. He’s a hard worker. But he hates confrontation so it’s not worth the effort, and we always lose out and I’m always the one to suffer the most as in we now don’t have the finance for something we actually needed, not wanted.
It might sound like I’m an angry woman…I’m not usually, and I am trying to learn to be submissive in all areas…I just don’t like how women have been trained to blame themselves and tell themselves they are in the wrong for wanting to do right in a situation where a man just couldn’t be bothered. It’s his fault, his problem. If both parties admit that then I believe that’s better.
Comment by MrsW (May 10, 2008 @ 9:45 am )