The day I schmoozed
Saturday, Nov 22, 2008
Rating: PG-13.
In college, I took a World Literature class. It was taught by a barefoot middle-aged woman, who by eccentric people’s standards, was still pretty eccentric. Over the semester, I pieced together her tragic story of betrayal and violence, playing out the nitty-gritty dramatic details in my imagination. Every love story — real and imagined — seemed to end in tragedy, even my very big deal love story at the time. Don’t I wish I could tell you that one.
The class went like this. We’d read a poem about sailboats, but wasn’t about a sailboat, if you know what I mean. It was about the wind, who was really a female, who crushed the sails, who was really the man who deserved it, yada and etc. Girl power. I felt pretty bad for all the guys in the class. The class was 90% discussion, and so the fighting over this or that was amusing.
After the discussion died down, I’d raise my hand, “Maybe it’s just about a real sailboat. The author is a fourteen-year-old island boy.”
Boo. Hiss.
I had trouble connecting with the professor with my writing, though truthfully, I see now that it was probably just because I was a terrible writer. The best evaluation I could hope for was, “Interesting….” Oh wait. It was really, interesting with a question mark like this: “Interesting….??????”
So one night, the day before a major paper was due, I went over to another student’s apartment to get some help. He was of the male gender, but somehow he’d figured out how to do well in the class.
“Just tell her what she wants to hear.”
So together, he typed while I paced the room thinking up the most colorful, ridiculous analysis I could muster. Lustrous, boisterous, voluminous adjectives, all were used to describe normal, everyday objects. And sex, lots of steamy sex – the kind this professor needed to unwind herself a bit. When the description was only stupid and not outright ridiculous, he’d grab the thesaurus to get something to put us over the top.
We had many high-fives that night. We even concluded the essay with, “Ergo…” Nobody uses the word ergo anymore, but we were thrilled with the effect.
We read the final copy aloud with theatrics, and at the conclusion he said, “I think you should turn it in.” Easy for him to say, it was my grade on the line. But hey, it was what it was.
I got an A+. Nobody had ever gotten an A+ from this professor. It might be the only one in history (or it might not).
The key to success was to find out what she wanted and then give it to her. This is not a way we ought to live life, of course, especially if you’re a parent or a spouse or a tax accountant. It is a precarious thing to be an agreeable person to live with and to be an honest person at the same time. I am trying to do that — be agreeable and honest — with the financial series, but it’s a wobbly plank to walk.
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This reminds me of how I wanted to be an English major. But, in British Lit, freshman year, we were forced to read a little too much into things. Well, other people found the references obvious, but not I with my sheltered mind. I didn’t really want to fill my mind with all of that, so I took my B- and chose a different major. Now my love of writing is channeled into…blogging?
Sometimes it works to give them “what they want,” like if you’re in another culture and don’t really like their customs but go along with it anyway. And sometimes, it’s better to just run away.
Comment by Elizabeth H. (November 22, 2008 @ 2:29 pm )
Hahahaha, Amy I did this too. I had trouble with a few professors over the years for the same reasons. I think that I even used this tactic on my essay to get into University of Oklahoma the first time I attended as a theatre major.
Comment by Candace Prosser (November 22, 2008 @ 3:13 pm )
Hey, we had the same professor! How many barefoot eccentric World Lit. professors can there be? Wait. I don’t think I want to know.
About the financial series, toss agreeable out like yesterday’s news! Be honest. Brutally honest! Go ahead and let us have it. We can take it!
Comment by Lady Why (November 22, 2008 @ 3:20 pm )
That is so great. Loving the financial series, by the way. Very agreeable. And honest.
Comment by Bethany (November 22, 2008 @ 3:23 pm )
I am enjoying your financial series. Agreeable and honest are apt descriptions of what you’ve shared. I’m trying to be agrreable and honest with my series, too, but I’m not sure…no wait, I am DEFINITELY sure, that I’m not doing nearly as well as you are here. Is sarcasm a genetic trait of native Orlandoans(is that a word)?
Comment by terry, ornament of His grace (November 22, 2008 @ 3:39 pm )
I struggle with this dichotomy constantly. A lot more people liked me when I told them what they wanted to hear, but I spent all my time wondering why?
Tell us like it is, we need to hear it.
Amie
Comment by Amie (November 22, 2008 @ 3:56 pm )
Ergo….used daily here. The best baby carrier ever made. Go ahead google it.
Comment by Christi L (November 22, 2008 @ 4:48 pm )
We must all have stories like this! In my college American Literature class, our professor obviously had not read our assignment in a long time. After we read and discussed A Streetcar Named Desire, she showed us the movie (w/ Marlon Brando as Stanley and Vivien Leigh as Blanche). Then in later discussions, she kept referring to the ending in the movie and not the correct ending of the play. I helped a guy friend study and I told him, “Just tell her what she wants to hear.” We aced the exam.
Now, can anyone help me with this? After 16 years I cannot recall if Stella went back to Stanley in the play or the in the movie!
Comment by mary bailey (November 22, 2008 @ 4:50 pm )
Oh. I totally did not get, until a second read-thru that “give ‘em what they want to hear” was in reference to your financial series. Just tell it like it is, hon. There will always be some who don’t want to hear it. I’m one of those who do and I’m eagerly awaiting your next installment!
How’s the snow up there? Did it stick?
Comment by mary bailey (November 22, 2008 @ 4:54 pm )
You can’t always please everyone now can ya?
I hope people will look at their situations as different and start applying good and wise principles that work inside of their own families. Not two of Amy’s readers (out of a million, of course) are alike. So don’t despair, start making changes where you can.
Comment by Janet (November 22, 2008 @ 6:18 pm )
Oh my gosh. Are people actually upset about the series? Don’t we, as Godly women, have plenty to do other than get ruffled by another woman’s blog? Especially one that is offering up a personal testimony of doing hard work for a great result?
Apparently not.
Comment by bean (November 22, 2008 @ 7:23 pm )
I think you are a very good writer.
Interesting!!!!!
Keep up the encouraging work.
Comment by Okie Sister (November 22, 2008 @ 7:34 pm )
..to unwind herself a bit… very funny. made me smile thanks–would have been a laugh but well….you know how I’m feeling. ;0)
Comment by Lyn (November 22, 2008 @ 8:15 pm )
Amy,
You are the oldest 32 year old I know (well, I pretend to know you…but still). You are wise beyond your years. =) Even thought you sometimes blog about ‘controversial issues,’ you seem to possess the ability to deliver your message with humor and grace. And still be somewhat straightforward about your topic! Your homeschooling mama should be proud.
And anyone who might be getting upset is probably feeling a little convicted that they haven’t been as prudent as you and Greg have been about your money and possessions.
Comment by Phyllis@Aimless Conversation (November 22, 2008 @ 8:15 pm )
A disclaimer: Amy gave me permission to write once again.
While in college, my husband took “Women, War and Revolution,” a class taught by a raging feminist. Being married to me, he knew a little about war, but not revolution, so he dropped the class. My daughter is currently taking “Women and Violence” and she’s a nursing major!
Playing the game (hopefully without compromising one’s worldview) in school is essential to writing papers. Truth is completly subjective in the classroom.
Cathy
PS I think that I may be missing the point of the post after having read the comments. Are you getting a bunch of negative feedback about your series?
Comment by Cathy (November 22, 2008 @ 9:02 pm )
I’ll echo–don’t worry about “agreeable.” It will be agreeable to those who want to read and learn and I’m eager for all I can learn. And it’s true–humor and grace always shine through anyway.
P.S. I’m at the computer with a warm rice bag around my neck–actually made a good wrist rest too.
And have a blessed day tomorrow away from the ‘puter.
Comment by Lois (November 22, 2008 @ 9:18 pm )
So what you are really saying here is that none of us really wants to know how you achieved financial success we “really” want to know about sex??? HA!
Comment by Michele Helms (November 22, 2008 @ 10:11 pm )
Why bother with trying to be “agreeable?”
I have read your blog off and on for a couple of years, and I find it refreshing. I like hearing about how you did the debt free thing. Even if it brings up a bunch of things we DIDN’T do, but should have. (Like, didn’t rent when we first got married, when renting was CLEARLY the better choice, in retrospect.)
FWIW, I always told my dh that I was sick of people doing something successfully, whatever the subject, then writing a book about the subject. The book inevitably is about what they think they should have done, instead of what they really did. I personally like hearing it more from a biographical perspective, then I can sit here in my own chair and think about how the situation could have been even better with tweaking.
Comment by Jennifer H (November 23, 2008 @ 12:34 am )
ha, that was a great story! I figured out in high school that I just needed to turn in what the teacher wanted. For my AP English class, I figured out that most of the poems and plays dealt with “society”, and I regularly wrote essays without really reading the work. I had the second highest grade in the class.
It’s a sad truth about “school”. One of the reasons I homeschool my kids is to teach them to learn, not just skate by.
Comment by Jenny in Ca (November 23, 2008 @ 12:40 am )
It’s so true and it is a wonder that this is the process we identify as education. Is it? Your blog has nothing to do with the phony baloney of writing to tickle ears, write the truth about what you have to say.
Comment by Karen Deborah (November 23, 2008 @ 12:56 am )
Just for the record, I appreciate people who try to be both agreeable and honest (and stand in awe of all who can). I’ve tried it often enough myself to know just how excruciatingly difficult it can be, but I do think it’s the way to go. The tricky thing is not slipping on the truth end of the deal while working on the agreeable part. . .something that it seems some take as a given–”Don’t be nice, we can take the truth!” Well, yes, we all need the truth. . .But there is something to be said about the manner in which we discuss the truth and share the truth. For example, 2 Tim. 2:23-26:
23 But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. 24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.
Able to teach. . .but in gentleness and patience and humility. I think this was what Amy was trying to describe. Nobody ever said it was easy, though, and I appreciate her struggle. Saying anything in gentleness and patience and humility is hard enough when it isn’t a tender subject, and even more of a wobbly plank when you know you’re dealing with open wounds.
Comment by T.T. (November 23, 2008 @ 11:36 am )
My English lit professor was a little, granny looking female (I’m afraid I can’t call her a lady) with that same repressed, “everything is about sex outlook”, too. What a a trip! I regularly struggled for B’s in her class until she had us write an essay about love. Well, I used ICor. 13 as the text and I had just completed a year at a Christian college where they really did expect us to write. She was so flabbergasted she sarcastically suggested I submit it to be published in a Sunday School paper. That’s definitly stretching my abilities as a writer, but it did reveal her bias against a simple, wholesome character. We homeschool, too and I hope our children never have to step foot in a secular university classroom to get the certificates and degrees they may need for later.
BTW, I am enjoying this series as well. I know you don’t take criticisms too personally, so please continue!
Comment by Another Heather (November 23, 2008 @ 12:50 pm )
Tell it like it is, Amy! We need to hear it. And by “we” I mean “they” because I TOTALLY already know all of this stuff. ;0)
Comment by Smockity Frocks (November 23, 2008 @ 1:46 pm )
When my older kids were in highschool, I told them they had to learn to ‘play the game’ which is just what you were talking about…not very pretty but unfortunately that’s life…..but you also have to stick with your standards and morals in the process!
Comment by Marie Wettlaufer (November 23, 2008 @ 3:33 pm )
I had a lesbian professor in college teach Jane Eyre from a radically feminist perspective. I got an A.
For the same reasons you did.
Survival of the fittest, baby!
I then went on to marry The Enemy (aka a male) and birth 5 Career-Killers (aka babies).
My professor would be so disappointed.
Comment by Elizabeth Esther (November 23, 2008 @ 4:49 pm )
Especially because I’m actually…happy.
Comment by Elizabeth Esther (November 23, 2008 @ 4:49 pm )
Oooh Ooooh Ooooh! Can I join the weird English professor club? Mine was in Junior year and I remember the first day he came in I thought he was a student and thought “what is this yutz doing up in the front?”
He wanted us to call him “Mojo”.
Seriously.
I quickly changed to a Criminology major and was made a victim in a class called “Victimology”, but that’s a whole ‘nother story . . .
Comment by Jen K. (November 23, 2008 @ 7:58 pm )
Do any of you know who Dr. Paul Cates is? He and my dad knew each other years ago. Anyway, I remember him saying in a lecture that he failed a class when he was in college because he refused to give the answers the teacher wanted. He knew plain and simple what was needed and he put down what he believed was right. You want to hear what the question was? That is the crazy part. The question was how many primary colors are there. He insists that there are 7. I am not going to argue with him. He is way smarter than I am!! I don’t think I would have the guts to put down an answer I knew the teacher would mark wrong. I would just go for the passing grade probably.
Comment by Rhonda (November 23, 2008 @ 10:24 pm )
I had a college professor like this too. Once I learned that she had a graduate degree in theology and specialized in women’s studies, I threw in a Christ figure and the obvious degradation of women in every paper I wrote and got A’s every time. I took as many classes from her as I could once I learned the secret
Comment by Jenny in Korea (November 24, 2008 @ 6:43 am )
In my middle class Christian American experience, there are more families who have money and spend it and don’t know where it goes than those who cannot make ends meet due to the sole reason that they cannot earn enough. It is usually because of consumer debt or the huge mortgage that they are struggling. When we were house hunting 2 years ago, our agent was shocked that we were looking at houses that were $150K LESS than we qualified for. I explained that I liked staying home with my children and that even though the bank thought we could afford more, our budget did not allow for it—no, our house is not “free and clear” but we do have a reasonable mortgage.
I imagine it is easier to find fault–”You don’t understand my dreadful situation,” or “You had it easy,” (no huge medical bills, no college debt, nice nest egg to start with…..blah blah blah)…maybe we need to do what we teach our children and that is ask, “What can I learn from this?”
The things you are sharing are IMPORTANT and I want to encourage you to continue–we are the body of Christ–none of our experiences will be identical, but sound financial principles can be applied in many situations. Just because we have a mortgage doesn’t mean your strategies are not good ones!
I know that there are many women out there who cannot live significantly below their take home pay because that would make them homeless—but the principle is a good one and should be shared. And if those of us who had enough to live on lived on significantly less than we brought in, then the Body of Christ could truly care for those who could not bring in enough money to live…….
Keep it up, Amy!
lisa in KY
Comment by lisa in KY (November 24, 2008 @ 9:53 am )
I got thru Junior High and High School this way. I was a great schmoozer. Lots of A+s. I recently told my kids about the Art of the English Teacher Schmooze. They feel really sad for me. In Biology class, however, I chose to buck the system. Creative symbolism is one thing; lying is something else. By the way, I am enjoying your financial series, even directed readers to it. Please keep it going.
Comment by Mrs. Happy Housewife (November 24, 2008 @ 10:26 am )
Elizabeth, NOT JANE EYRE!!??? I think I would have died sitting through that class. But I was told I was an ape in Anthropology 101 so that’s pretty bad. too…..
Comment by Janet (November 24, 2008 @ 10:28 am )
Amy,
If you don’t tell us about Work Ethic 101, Delayed Gratification 202, Sacrifice 303, and Priorities 404, who will? Those are not very popular classes recently and I thank you for taking them on even while getting undeserved flak from those who signed up for completely different courses.
Comment by hope t. (November 24, 2008 @ 12:08 pm )
Amy, I’m the first to admit I’m too far gone to be saved on the financial front (eh, when I die everyone gets paid–I’m worth bubkas alive, but LOTS dead), but having been a university instructor, I found that this story just left me laughing ’till my eyes were streaming. Hey, never say you learned NOTHING in college, my dear!
Comment by Mrs. P. (November 24, 2008 @ 2:09 pm )
Another vote for honest.
Not because I am all about what is the moral high ground (well, not just because), but because I can’t learn to walk where you have if you don’t just spill it.
Whatever they are sayin’ (if our theories are correct - that your statements above are regarding flack you’ve received), reject that mess, do not receive it, and keep on helping those of us who want to be helped no matter the cost to ourselves.
Overly dramatic voice here:

We neeeed you, Amy. Don’t give up yet!
Comment by Julie @ Seeking The Old Paths (November 24, 2008 @ 3:10 pm )
You made me laugh with this one. I definitely hit this kind of thing too.
Comment by Jennifer @ Joy of Frugal Living (November 24, 2008 @ 3:35 pm )
Thank you for writing an interesting, entertaining and well written series. That’s just what it is, entertainment, not a step by step plan to riches. God works His perfect plan in each person’s life differently. Each time God used someone in the Bible He did it in a different way. People who read this and think they can follow your plan step by step to riches are missing the point, to live God’s will for their life- not Amy’s life. You have an interesting story, keep sharing.
Comment by Lisa (November 24, 2008 @ 6:48 pm )
Hilarious, Amy! I had the same prof, but got a D. I just couldn’t meld my ecentricity with hers and I truly was a bad writer and speler. You have a delightful way of making a point.
Christina
Comment by KSMilkmaid (November 25, 2008 @ 12:35 pm )
Hey! And isn’t that exactly what the BAILOUT is??? Giving people what they want.
I did that once, but it wasn’t for a sex-crazed lit prof. It was for a schmultzy social sciences teacher. I just gushed and gushed over ridiculous things that I was “learning” from newpaper articles. He adored me. I felt guilty, because I was SO over the top and totally sarcastic about it all, but he took it verbatim, and gave me A+ after A+.
(Incidentally, our class trained him to stand directly under the American flag. We would sit silently, with all eyes focused intently on him as long as he stood beneath the flag. But the farther he wandered from the flag, the more unruly we became. It was amazing how it worked!)
It’s scary, isn’t it? How people like their ears tickled.
Comment by ruth (November 25, 2008 @ 7:37 pm )
The ONLY reason I got excellent grades in high school and college were because I specifically target *what* it was my teachers wanted, and gave it to them. Relatively easy to do….too easy, in fact….almost like not having to think or to learn.
Don’t worry about tickling ears, Amy. Just speak honestly and from your heart. Otherwise, you’ll be doing a disservice to those who read your writings. You’ll be making us feel good - but not helping us to learn.
(()) You’re one of the best….and that husband of yours along with you…too. You’re a true gift to the blogworld.
Comment by Holly (November 26, 2008 @ 12:26 pm )
I wish I could erase that above comment. My son is packing to go to Grandma’s house and was talking to me the entire time. “Can I shoot crows?” he asked and I was trying to answer him intelligently and write intelligently. (Now here’s another boy, asking another question. I must hurry and get off of here.)
Again, first paragraph:
“The ONLY reason I got excellent grades in high school and college WAS because I specifically targeted *what* it was my teachers wanted, and gave it to them.”
(Judging from my grammar I shouldn’t have received good grades at any level, for anything.
)
Comment by Holly (November 26, 2008 @ 12:30 pm )
Oh my heavens! I had this exact same experience with a Lit proffessor! Exact Same. I was struggling in the class (as was everyone) and I finally figured out that she wanted to see symbolism in everything (that I honestly did not think was there) so for my final paper I did just what you did….. made up a whole bunch of symbolism and gave her what she wanted. And I made an A+ and one of the only few A’s in the class. Ridiculous!
Comment by Daisy Girl (November 26, 2008 @ 5:17 pm )
[...] The Day I Schmoozed - Amy Scott: “Just tell her what she wants to hear.” [...]
Pingback by Thanksgiving/Weekend Walkabout, Nov. 27, 2008 | The Daily Scroll (November 27, 2008 @ 6:06 am )
Yes, I was an English major too! I never thought of that technique. Hilarious.
Comment by Organizing Mommy (November 27, 2008 @ 12:40 pm )
That is too funny Amy! I did the EXACT SAME THING and was actually summoned into the professor’s office for her to tell me that I should submit the piece to the literary magazine. I thought it was the most ridiculous piece of garbage I had ever written, but she just ate it up because I was parroting back to her what she wanted to hear. As a chemistry major I learned quickly the way to get an “A” in my required English classes was to just say back what the professor said - I don’t think I ever finished reading a single book (except for “Crime and Punishment” - that was pretty good).
Comment by Alice (November 30, 2008 @ 3:20 am )
Very similar experience with an English teacher- only mine was Jr. High School, and not sex, but really depressing, gritty, violent stuff.
I delivered what she wanted, took my grades, and lost much respect for her and those like her.
I vote for honesty for this series, btw. I am loving it so far.
Comment by deputyheadmistress (December 1, 2008 @ 5:53 pm )